In the progression from dating to, hopefully, marriage, there are different, distinct periods of new life and adjustment. There is the first meeting when both of you recognize that there is a definite attraction between you. One-sided won't do! This is a mutual recognition. Someone has to be bold here! Someone has to start the exchange of names and phone numbers.
Then someone has to make the first call. When my friend, Peggy, and I had brunch the morning after meeting my new love - who had already arranged to take me out to dinner soon, Peggy advised me, "Well, if he doesn't call you, then you need to call him." I told her, point-blank, "If he's not man enough to call me, I won't call him!" That first phone call was exciting, to be sure!
The first few weeks - months? - of dating are thrilling. Everything is new. Given the mutual attraction, both people are really at their best, trying to "sell" themselves to the other. This is fun!
What follows is a very comfortable time between the sparkling realization that there is real love present, and the mutual decision for further commitment. This is a time to get to know each other, a time for reality, a time to allow true friendship to blossom. It is wonderful, easy, purely delightful!
It is in this time that many young modern couples make a giant mistake: moving in together! I've heard it said by so many, "I want to know what I'm getting." "I want to know if he throws dirty underwear everywhere and leaves toothpaste tubes uncapped." "It's just like getting married but I can leave with no regrets if I need to," This is a sure way to kill love, if there is any love. It is pure selfishness by both of the couple. Call it what it is: USING EACH OTHER FOR SEX. It is juvenile. Cohabitation is not marriage but likely will prevent marriage.
Yes, it requires a bit of logistics to manage a relationship from two homes, but it's worth it. If you decide not to have sex until marriage, what is left?: talk, talk, talk! You have lots and lots of time to discuss everything you are, everything you know, and all your hopes. This is building a life. There is no substitute for this. It promotes "togetherness" beyond anything you can imagine. Why would anyone want to settle for less?
Perhaps this friendship and love will progress to wanting to marry and live a common life "till death do us part." The time of engagement is another, more exciting time. Couples also make mistakes by rushing into marriage. You have to take the time to get used to being engaged and plan for your new life. The younger you are, the longer your engagement should last. Bottom line: you want to make sure you are IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON OF YOUR BELOVED, NOT just in love with love. And, you want to put more of your energies into planning a MARRIAGE, not just into planning the wedding.
They say that THOSE WHO LOVE, TOUCH THE FACE OF GOD! Praise You and thank You for this, Oh God!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Seniors Dating
The New Year continues, 2015, and so does life. The last thing this blogger had time to write was a Christmas Eve prayer on December 24, 2014: "Lord Jesus, today I thank you for coming into this world for all of us! I pray that all people will know about You and love You! Most of all, I thank you for the profound blessing of the wonderful man in my life! Help us both be touched again by hearing the account of Your coming, and its meaning for the two of us together as we try to serve You!"
Oh, yes, I've had little time for anything else except to be with this man, in all the ordinary activities of life - going to church, shopping, eating meals together either cooking or eating out, visiting with family and friends, etc. I'm finding it's a challenge to live in two houses, drive two cars, get our two schedules together, but it's also been so much fun!
Recently, I overheard one of my grandchildren say to another, "Get Granny to do it. She doesn't have anything to do," This lovely child will find out, as I found out, long after my mother told me: when you're retired, you are far busier than when you worked!
And now, I'm dating - at the age of 71! What's your definition of a "Senior Citizen?" A.A.R.P. (American Association of Retired Persons) starts bugging us to join when we reach age 50. The earliest you can retire from a job and receive Social Security (I think) is age 62. Some groups divide us "elderly" into the "young-old, ages 65 to 75," the "middle-old, ages 75 to 85," and the "old-old, ages 85 and beyond." As with most things, if you try to pigeon-hole people into nice and neat categories, you're bound to fail!! 1) "Old" doesn't mean almost dead! 2) You are truly as old as your outlook on life! Have enthusiasm and hope, and you will feel young!
Since I'm abundantly overflowing with love and hope, I'll share some of these feelings with you, from day to day. After my divorce 20 years ago, I haven't dated AT ALL. Just didn't have time, finishing up raising the children and working hard in my nursing career.
Dating now, compared to dating in my teens, is absolutely exquisite, absolutely mind-boggling, and very exciting! If I had - before I met him - known to write out a list of all the qualities I desired in a man, he fulfills every one of them, plus more! And he tells me, from time to time, "Well, you passed the test." 1) I'm allowed to drive his prize Caddy and don't drive like a maniac. 2) His children love me and I love them. Etc.
Lord, oh my Lord, how can I thank you and praise you enough for touching our hearts to recognize what we had in common, and create love for each other! I am moved to tears at the mere thought of this! - two people who love each other at the same time!! (And are free to do so!!) Gentle love is worth any price you have to pay! - never forget that!
Oh, yes, I've had little time for anything else except to be with this man, in all the ordinary activities of life - going to church, shopping, eating meals together either cooking or eating out, visiting with family and friends, etc. I'm finding it's a challenge to live in two houses, drive two cars, get our two schedules together, but it's also been so much fun!
Recently, I overheard one of my grandchildren say to another, "Get Granny to do it. She doesn't have anything to do," This lovely child will find out, as I found out, long after my mother told me: when you're retired, you are far busier than when you worked!
And now, I'm dating - at the age of 71! What's your definition of a "Senior Citizen?" A.A.R.P. (American Association of Retired Persons) starts bugging us to join when we reach age 50. The earliest you can retire from a job and receive Social Security (I think) is age 62. Some groups divide us "elderly" into the "young-old, ages 65 to 75," the "middle-old, ages 75 to 85," and the "old-old, ages 85 and beyond." As with most things, if you try to pigeon-hole people into nice and neat categories, you're bound to fail!! 1) "Old" doesn't mean almost dead! 2) You are truly as old as your outlook on life! Have enthusiasm and hope, and you will feel young!
Since I'm abundantly overflowing with love and hope, I'll share some of these feelings with you, from day to day. After my divorce 20 years ago, I haven't dated AT ALL. Just didn't have time, finishing up raising the children and working hard in my nursing career.
Dating now, compared to dating in my teens, is absolutely exquisite, absolutely mind-boggling, and very exciting! If I had - before I met him - known to write out a list of all the qualities I desired in a man, he fulfills every one of them, plus more! And he tells me, from time to time, "Well, you passed the test." 1) I'm allowed to drive his prize Caddy and don't drive like a maniac. 2) His children love me and I love them. Etc.
Lord, oh my Lord, how can I thank you and praise you enough for touching our hearts to recognize what we had in common, and create love for each other! I am moved to tears at the mere thought of this! - two people who love each other at the same time!! (And are free to do so!!) Gentle love is worth any price you have to pay! - never forget that!
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