Is this Christmas Day every year just an excuse for the gifts we give and receive, decorating the tree of our choice, a fictional Santa in the sky with reindeer flying, elves at shopping malls, eating far more goodies than our appetites can take, lighted outdoor snowpeople, angels, and now inflated toy soldiers and trains? Do we slow down enough to drink in the real meaning of the original Christmas Day?
Christmas means "Christ Mass," celebrating when Jesus Christ, Son of God, was born in a lowly stable with a virgin for his mother. We call this "The Incarnation," God becomes 'flesh' or human. We cannot imagine how much our Great God of the Universe loves us, to accomplish this!
The Birth of Jesus changed the course of history. We plan our yearly calendars from the year of Jesus' birth 2014 years ago. Our year, 2014, A.D. means "anno domini," year of the Lord. "B.C." means before Christ. During the last several years, atheists have started to use "B.C.E.," before common era, to try to counteract the unmistakable influence of Jesus. Pitiful!
This Jesus' birth was the greatest event in human history! ALL other religions' founders claim that they were touched by God or an angel but no one else even claims to be the Son Of God - God himself! And he was the only religious founder whose birth was predicted! The Jewish nation waited thousands of years for the redeemer of the human race, for Jesus. Some followed him. Some did not. We have the same choice. What will we choose?
Go to church today or tomorrow and hear the Bible account of Jesus' birth, and/or read it for yourself in one of the Gospels. Know that Jesus came to die for our sins so we can be happy with him forever in heaven after our earthly death Awesome! Certainly we want to be grateful for this saving!
Lord Jesus, today I thank you for coming into this world for all of us! I pray that all people will know about You and love You! Most of all, I thank you for the profound blessing of the wonderful man in my life! Help us both be touched again by hearing the account of your coming, and its meaning for the two of us together as we try to serve You!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Merry Christmas With Family?
Oh, yes, this is the most wonderful time of the year! Celebrating Christmas is - or, can be, very joyful! This is the time of the year so many families get together, coming from near and far, exchange gifts, have a grand meal together, and go to church services.
There are always a few people we only see once a year at Christmas. If there have been family conflicts in the past, old bad memories will be stirred and perhaps threaten to come to the surface. Some people get positively sick at just the thought of once again seeing the sister who insulted them, the uncle who flirted with them, the parent who gave them unasked for advice about how to improve their lives. Isn't this sad!
It's amazing how many families have to play "musical chairs" with the different celebrations, making sure there's not a scene between their divorced relatives, ex-spouses, new spouses, adult children who are resentful, and those who have strong opinions about everything. Somehow, most families arrange things very well. For the sake of the grandchildren and other little ones, everyone knows they had BETTER BEHAVE! Don't you just love it!
On this Christmas Eve-Eve, may you look forward to giving and receiving love from all your family and friends! My this be the best, most special, most exciting, and holiest Christmas of your life! Now let's all go out and get the last minute gifts or bake just another batch of cookies! (mine today will be cherry-coconut!)
There are always a few people we only see once a year at Christmas. If there have been family conflicts in the past, old bad memories will be stirred and perhaps threaten to come to the surface. Some people get positively sick at just the thought of once again seeing the sister who insulted them, the uncle who flirted with them, the parent who gave them unasked for advice about how to improve their lives. Isn't this sad!
It's amazing how many families have to play "musical chairs" with the different celebrations, making sure there's not a scene between their divorced relatives, ex-spouses, new spouses, adult children who are resentful, and those who have strong opinions about everything. Somehow, most families arrange things very well. For the sake of the grandchildren and other little ones, everyone knows they had BETTER BEHAVE! Don't you just love it!
On this Christmas Eve-Eve, may you look forward to giving and receiving love from all your family and friends! My this be the best, most special, most exciting, and holiest Christmas of your life! Now let's all go out and get the last minute gifts or bake just another batch of cookies! (mine today will be cherry-coconut!)
Sunday, December 21, 2014
The Secret of Strength and Hope
Having encountered several very sad, lonely, and depressed people during the past week, I wanted to blog about hope. Have you ever been exhausted by working very hard for a long time and seeing little results? Have you ever totally failed and vowed to just give up all efforts? Have you ever felt like your entire life was worthless?
There is a secret to rising up, trying again, getting your strength and hope back in the process: you must dedicate your life to doing what God plans for you to do.
You don't need grand and glorious plans and goals. You just have to do your very best in whatever life situation you find yourself. God is not going to come down from heaven and hand you a book, a personalized, detailed "Plan of Your Life." What he does do is to tell us, in the small voice of our consciences and hearts, what is the best thing to do in every situation in which we have a choice. Choose what is good, what is right, and you'll never take a wrong turn. We absolutely can trust that God loves us and wants the best for us.
God's word, The Bible, is helpful - the superhighway to heaven. God's Church is also helpful.
How will we know what to do? Follow our superiors' direction. Even a CEO of a large corporation follows the stockholders' direction, even the leader of a country follows what his or her voters want.
Do what others in legitimate authority tell you to do. Do it for love of God, with cheer and GUSTO!
There is a secret to rising up, trying again, getting your strength and hope back in the process: you must dedicate your life to doing what God plans for you to do.
You don't need grand and glorious plans and goals. You just have to do your very best in whatever life situation you find yourself. God is not going to come down from heaven and hand you a book, a personalized, detailed "Plan of Your Life." What he does do is to tell us, in the small voice of our consciences and hearts, what is the best thing to do in every situation in which we have a choice. Choose what is good, what is right, and you'll never take a wrong turn. We absolutely can trust that God loves us and wants the best for us.
God's word, The Bible, is helpful - the superhighway to heaven. God's Church is also helpful.
How will we know what to do? Follow our superiors' direction. Even a CEO of a large corporation follows the stockholders' direction, even the leader of a country follows what his or her voters want.
Do what others in legitimate authority tell you to do. Do it for love of God, with cheer and GUSTO!
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Love Waits!
It hasn't been all that long - November 25, 2014, that this blog concerned some of the dangers of having sex before marriage. Today there's a new twist on "My Love Won't Wait!"
It seems that my pal, Jackie, and her fiance, Matt, are willing to "save themselves" (not have sex!) for their marriage, just a few months from now. Yet Matt wants just the two of them to take a winter vacation in Florida. He proposed, "Two beds. Yours and mine. You stay in yours and I'll stay in mine."
Yet Jackie is wise. She didn't have to think very long and told Matt, "You know how much we both want each other now and how hard it is to stay apart. I doubt if we could resist if we had a few hours' opportunity, let alone a few days. No!" And, that was that!
There is another reason that a couple should NOT go off together, unmarried, in the same room. Even if they stayed true to the "Two beds" scenario, everyone would assume they were "shacking up." This is called "scandal." It is wrong to give scandal to others! Think of the young people it would influence! It would, in effect, tell them, "Do what you want - what is 'right' doesn't matter!"
Both Jackie and Matt believe it is morally wrong, according to God's and their church's laws, to enjoy the benefits of marriage without the commitment. They will not regret staying true to their beliefs!
Lord in Heaven, we know you make rules for us, Your Ten Commandments, and Your church to guide us, because You love us. Our current culture has gone haywire and encourages all manner of irresponsibility. Please help us always do the right thing, even though, at times, it is very difficult!
It seems that my pal, Jackie, and her fiance, Matt, are willing to "save themselves" (not have sex!) for their marriage, just a few months from now. Yet Matt wants just the two of them to take a winter vacation in Florida. He proposed, "Two beds. Yours and mine. You stay in yours and I'll stay in mine."
Yet Jackie is wise. She didn't have to think very long and told Matt, "You know how much we both want each other now and how hard it is to stay apart. I doubt if we could resist if we had a few hours' opportunity, let alone a few days. No!" And, that was that!
There is another reason that a couple should NOT go off together, unmarried, in the same room. Even if they stayed true to the "Two beds" scenario, everyone would assume they were "shacking up." This is called "scandal." It is wrong to give scandal to others! Think of the young people it would influence! It would, in effect, tell them, "Do what you want - what is 'right' doesn't matter!"
Both Jackie and Matt believe it is morally wrong, according to God's and their church's laws, to enjoy the benefits of marriage without the commitment. They will not regret staying true to their beliefs!
Lord in Heaven, we know you make rules for us, Your Ten Commandments, and Your church to guide us, because You love us. Our current culture has gone haywire and encourages all manner of irresponsibility. Please help us always do the right thing, even though, at times, it is very difficult!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Negotiating Compatibility, #13: Dining
"What to eat, when to eat, where to eat" is an important topic of compatibility in a relationship. For young couples it is a lot easier to agree than for older folks. Young people may have not been out of college for long, may be used to picking up anything on the run, and can even tolerate long bouts of fast food.
Those who have been out in the world for a few years undoubtedly develop individual eating habits. More and more, these days, it may involve "eating out." Take a person who has loved to go to the best restaurants every day and add a person who loves to cook healthy meals at home and you may have a problem brewing! The home cook who fixes simple meals would like a break at times, but not feel comfortable with a drastic change of eating restaurant cooking daily. Would the person who always has selected meals from a large selection on menus really appreciate someone to cook simple meals every day?
What about budget issues? It is far more costly to eat a meal in a restaurant or even drive through fast food places, for most foods. Probably few couples or families could afford to do this daily.
And there's the matter of not knowing exactly what's in foods cooked at restaurants. Several times my friends have reported severe, immediate allergic reactions to such food. I personally have a problems gaining weight if I eat "out" too often. You hardly ever know how many calories are in a particular food item.
Several families and friends have dinner mealtimes I consider late - 8 or 9 p.m. When I visit with them, I know to eat a small snack in late afternoon but I would prefer to eat between 5 and 6 p.m.
Some families never eat at a table. They always eat sitting on the couch in front of the TV. They lose precious opportunities to give the young ones conversational skills and table manners.
Mealtimes must be hardest on families whose members have widely different schedules. There are moms who just put dinner in the refrigerator for children and even husbands to help themselves and microwave when they get home.
Is it a thing of the past to have a really nice meal served at a table at home with people enjoying both the food and each other?
God in heaven, we in America are so blessed to have an almost infinite number of food choices all year around! Thank you for this. Help us enjoy both our food and our compadres, we ask You today! And help us remember our Meal Blessings, please!
Those who have been out in the world for a few years undoubtedly develop individual eating habits. More and more, these days, it may involve "eating out." Take a person who has loved to go to the best restaurants every day and add a person who loves to cook healthy meals at home and you may have a problem brewing! The home cook who fixes simple meals would like a break at times, but not feel comfortable with a drastic change of eating restaurant cooking daily. Would the person who always has selected meals from a large selection on menus really appreciate someone to cook simple meals every day?
What about budget issues? It is far more costly to eat a meal in a restaurant or even drive through fast food places, for most foods. Probably few couples or families could afford to do this daily.
And there's the matter of not knowing exactly what's in foods cooked at restaurants. Several times my friends have reported severe, immediate allergic reactions to such food. I personally have a problems gaining weight if I eat "out" too often. You hardly ever know how many calories are in a particular food item.
Several families and friends have dinner mealtimes I consider late - 8 or 9 p.m. When I visit with them, I know to eat a small snack in late afternoon but I would prefer to eat between 5 and 6 p.m.
Some families never eat at a table. They always eat sitting on the couch in front of the TV. They lose precious opportunities to give the young ones conversational skills and table manners.
Mealtimes must be hardest on families whose members have widely different schedules. There are moms who just put dinner in the refrigerator for children and even husbands to help themselves and microwave when they get home.
Is it a thing of the past to have a really nice meal served at a table at home with people enjoying both the food and each other?
God in heaven, we in America are so blessed to have an almost infinite number of food choices all year around! Thank you for this. Help us enjoy both our food and our compadres, we ask You today! And help us remember our Meal Blessings, please!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Love Is . . .
By the very title of this blog, Stop Twisted Love, it is apparent we're exploring issues of PREVENTION, how to avoid getting stuck in a horrible relationship. Perhaps, after a year and a half of this topic, we need at least one on what our goal is: finding true love, and recognizing it when you have it.
So many young people ask, "How do I know if I'm in love?" The answer is not easy but know you will be on a different plane of existence! Love makes you see the world through different eyes! All the colors are more vibrant, more intense. The sight of a perfect red rosebud may move you to tears. Was the sky ever so blue?
Love is energizing! suddenly you feel revved up, eased into another gear, you can accomplish everything you need to do quickly and efficiently without effort.
Love does not desire or demand much from the beloved, just to be as near as possible, for as long as possible. The joy of merely hearing the beloved's voice alone is immensely satisfying. Suggestion: ask your loved one to leave a voice mail on your phone so you can play it back whenever you would like.
Love looks forward to a future with the beloved, a future of love without end. True love will go through anything for the good of the beloved; no sacrifice is too great if it helps!
Lovers nurture each other, see the good in each other. Lovers realize their loved one is a human being with faults and weaknesses just as they have.
Lovers want their love to spill over to the whole world, they cannot help it, they cannot contain it! Love flows out of their smiles for each other!
Love is so wonderful and so beautiful that lovers are not afraid of what it may bring. Lovers promise they will take each other, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer," and they mean it. The worst circumstances can be endured, if they are together.
Lovers know the feelings between them are sacred, and they thank God!
Lovers feel so happy they want to cry! If you feel this way, maybe you're IN LOVE!!
Dear God, we know without a doubt that ALL LOVE COMES FROM GOD. We can love because God loved us first! He loved us so much He sent His only Son down from heaven to save us from our sins! Thank you for coming to us, Lord Jesus, Son of God!
So many young people ask, "How do I know if I'm in love?" The answer is not easy but know you will be on a different plane of existence! Love makes you see the world through different eyes! All the colors are more vibrant, more intense. The sight of a perfect red rosebud may move you to tears. Was the sky ever so blue?
Love is energizing! suddenly you feel revved up, eased into another gear, you can accomplish everything you need to do quickly and efficiently without effort.
Love does not desire or demand much from the beloved, just to be as near as possible, for as long as possible. The joy of merely hearing the beloved's voice alone is immensely satisfying. Suggestion: ask your loved one to leave a voice mail on your phone so you can play it back whenever you would like.
Love looks forward to a future with the beloved, a future of love without end. True love will go through anything for the good of the beloved; no sacrifice is too great if it helps!
Lovers nurture each other, see the good in each other. Lovers realize their loved one is a human being with faults and weaknesses just as they have.
Lovers want their love to spill over to the whole world, they cannot help it, they cannot contain it! Love flows out of their smiles for each other!
Love is so wonderful and so beautiful that lovers are not afraid of what it may bring. Lovers promise they will take each other, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer," and they mean it. The worst circumstances can be endured, if they are together.
Lovers know the feelings between them are sacred, and they thank God!
Lovers feel so happy they want to cry! If you feel this way, maybe you're IN LOVE!!
Dear God, we know without a doubt that ALL LOVE COMES FROM GOD. We can love because God loved us first! He loved us so much He sent His only Son down from heaven to save us from our sins! Thank you for coming to us, Lord Jesus, Son of God!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Non-Negotiables
Love and Marriage is not for the faint of heart! It promises a lifetime of togetherness, companionship, support, and understanding, but there are many obstacles to this state of bliss, pitfalls, as it were, along the way. To maximize our chance for great success, we have to know ourselves and know what qualities we want in our mates, and also, those qualities which we will not tolerate, THE DEAL-BREAKERS. (Then, of course, we must steel ourselves, no matter how attractive our potential mate may be, to break off the relationship if certain "deal breakers" are present.
In very close relationships, there are many topics that need to be negotiated, in order to be compatible. We've blogged on "Negotiating Compatibility, #1: Sleep" on June 6, 2014, #2: Shopping, July 7, 2014, #3: Housework & Yardwork, August 7, 2014, #4: Money Matters, August 8, 2014, #5: Number of Children, August 14, 2014, #6: Vacations, August 15, 2014, #7: Church, September 24, 2014, #8: Hobbies, October 13, 2014, #9: Blenders (2nd marriages), 10-18-14, #10: Pets, October 23, 2014, #11: Family Relationships, October 30, 2014, and #12: Hot or Cold, November 1, 2014.
So what should be "deal breakers?" Primary non-negotiables are excessive alcohol drinking and/or use of any illegal drugs. Also on the list are any illegal activities, excessive debt, and hardness of heart, This is not a long list, so far, but I would add "block headedness." A person who must insist on their own way at all times would wear out even a saint in a short time.
One quality I've seen in certain friends and family members: the husband refuses to let the wife - or anyone - share in the driving. Seemingly insignificant, in comparison to the other deal breakers, this particular one might save your life! Can you add any more to this?
Lord, if we truly love some one, we tend to overlook everything that is even a slight fault. Help us see the glaring very bad qualities that we should not ignore, bad enough to eliminate that person from our consideration of marriage material!
In very close relationships, there are many topics that need to be negotiated, in order to be compatible. We've blogged on "Negotiating Compatibility, #1: Sleep" on June 6, 2014, #2: Shopping, July 7, 2014, #3: Housework & Yardwork, August 7, 2014, #4: Money Matters, August 8, 2014, #5: Number of Children, August 14, 2014, #6: Vacations, August 15, 2014, #7: Church, September 24, 2014, #8: Hobbies, October 13, 2014, #9: Blenders (2nd marriages), 10-18-14, #10: Pets, October 23, 2014, #11: Family Relationships, October 30, 2014, and #12: Hot or Cold, November 1, 2014.
So what should be "deal breakers?" Primary non-negotiables are excessive alcohol drinking and/or use of any illegal drugs. Also on the list are any illegal activities, excessive debt, and hardness of heart, This is not a long list, so far, but I would add "block headedness." A person who must insist on their own way at all times would wear out even a saint in a short time.
One quality I've seen in certain friends and family members: the husband refuses to let the wife - or anyone - share in the driving. Seemingly insignificant, in comparison to the other deal breakers, this particular one might save your life! Can you add any more to this?
Lord, if we truly love some one, we tend to overlook everything that is even a slight fault. Help us see the glaring very bad qualities that we should not ignore, bad enough to eliminate that person from our consideration of marriage material!
Monday, December 15, 2014
Steamers
Last summer I repainted a bathroom. It had ugly dark rust-cranberry (?) walls with an equally non-descript border at the top. I thought I needed to remove the border. Doggone, it was hard work! I bought some spray solution that promised "wallpaper will just peel off" after application. Wrong! I had to use a tool that put holes in the wallpaper border. It soaked off one layer at a time!
Finally, every shred was removed. I was quite pleased with the results and ended up also painting the ceiling, doors, and woodwork. The strawberry-pink walls look so much fresher and brighter than the original color!
Currently, daughter #2, Carole, is removing wallpaper from a whole room using the same technique. Years ago, in 1951, mother bought a house with wallpaper everywhere. Apparently, wallpaper was quite the decorating item in the '30's and '40's. But mother wanted painted walls. My uncle helped with with a "steamer" gadjet that forced steam between the layers. It was a lot more efficient. There were about 5 or 6 layers of wallpaper. Mother was also very happy with the finished product (soft, green walls).
I read an article in National Geographic Magazine in the June, 1933, issue, "Hamburg (Germany) Speaks With Steam Sirens." Steam ships ("steamers") and locomotives were the primary means of transportation. This 'modern invention' was popular world-wide, for decades. Now steam-powered vehicles are only in museums.
There is a new "steamer" in the stores: plastic bags of frozen vegetables one can pop in the microwave and cook the contents with use of water. Another wonderful development! Fast and tasty!
Sometimes, if I'm boiling potatoes, my kitchen windows get "steamed up" on the inside. Hot water vapor - steam - is certainly useful.
I love words and the many different meanings of the same word. I love the differences in the English language in different English-speaking countries. As it turns out, we may use the same words to compliment someone in one language and insult them in another!
English has borrowed words from many other languages yet in many ways it is deficient when translations are attempted. Yet words are an important way we communicate with each other.
Lord, since the Tower of Babel, when You scrambled up our languages, we Your children have had great difficulty talking with each other. Please lead us to be patient with each other in our efforts!
Finally, every shred was removed. I was quite pleased with the results and ended up also painting the ceiling, doors, and woodwork. The strawberry-pink walls look so much fresher and brighter than the original color!
Currently, daughter #2, Carole, is removing wallpaper from a whole room using the same technique. Years ago, in 1951, mother bought a house with wallpaper everywhere. Apparently, wallpaper was quite the decorating item in the '30's and '40's. But mother wanted painted walls. My uncle helped with with a "steamer" gadjet that forced steam between the layers. It was a lot more efficient. There were about 5 or 6 layers of wallpaper. Mother was also very happy with the finished product (soft, green walls).
I read an article in National Geographic Magazine in the June, 1933, issue, "Hamburg (Germany) Speaks With Steam Sirens." Steam ships ("steamers") and locomotives were the primary means of transportation. This 'modern invention' was popular world-wide, for decades. Now steam-powered vehicles are only in museums.
There is a new "steamer" in the stores: plastic bags of frozen vegetables one can pop in the microwave and cook the contents with use of water. Another wonderful development! Fast and tasty!
Sometimes, if I'm boiling potatoes, my kitchen windows get "steamed up" on the inside. Hot water vapor - steam - is certainly useful.
I love words and the many different meanings of the same word. I love the differences in the English language in different English-speaking countries. As it turns out, we may use the same words to compliment someone in one language and insult them in another!
English has borrowed words from many other languages yet in many ways it is deficient when translations are attempted. Yet words are an important way we communicate with each other.
Lord, since the Tower of Babel, when You scrambled up our languages, we Your children have had great difficulty talking with each other. Please lead us to be patient with each other in our efforts!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
The Small Window
This is a thought I started to blog about some time ago and wanted to continue tonight. It concerns a short time of total insanity during which you first realize you are in love and will do absolutely everything for your loved one, no matter what are the consequences. The thought that there may be adverse consequences does not enter your consciousness.
Once I met a man to whom I was totally attracted. If, in those first few fabulous weeks, he would have asked me to drop everything and sail around the world, I would have immediately done so. I would have lived in an igloo, gone to blazing hot Africa or a remote Pacific island to be a missionary, if he had asked.
I only wanted to be with him, so kind, so friendly, so hard-working, so fully engaged in life. When you know you're thinking and feeling this way, you need to grab yourself by the shoulders, tell yourself to slow down!! These feelings in love are normal, and they are good! Yet, they are not all there is, and they are not the best of what there is.
NEVER tell your beloved you're feeling this way! I think this would be far too much for us average humans who are not gods to take in and believe. Also, it might be greatly intimidating and chase the person away. Keep this feeling to yourself - and relish it!
Know that the erupting volcano of emotion will be properly and appropriately channeled if you keep your cool! Also, be wise and keep this blossoming love only between you and your beloved: no confiding to girlfriends, boyfriends, or relatives. This will only add pressure and confusion. Your new relationship doesn't need this; it is delicate!
You don't have to contemplate deeply to evaluate whether or not continued affection between you and your beloved is possible. Are you both unattached? VERY IMPORTANT! If one or both of you are committed to another, this love between you is inappropriate, dangerous, potentially dreadfully hurtful, and should be allowed to die a natural death. I'll spell it out, so there is no mistake: if the person you think you love is, say, married and tells you, "My marriage is so bad, I'm going to file for divorce soon," that person is still committed to another and is not worthy of your love. Drop it. The feelings will go away. Do not proceed further. If YOU are married, you have no business thinking you're in love with another; don't even try to go forth with a new love.
HOWEVER, if both you and your beloved are not committed to another, you are in a rare, pure, wonderful "zone of beautiful possibilities!" It IS possible that the two of you may be compatible. This doesn't mean you will like all the same things but it does mean you both like a lot of the same things and are mature enough to negotiate the rest.
At this point, your task is to see if you can be friends (could be, you're already friends!). You need much "face time" together. Texting and e-mailing and letters (if anyone actually does this anymore!) don't count much in this. Phone conversations count a little, but you need to be together quite a bit. You can hold hands, you can hug, but you'd better NOT have sex. This makes it more a relationship of mutually exploitation which has nothing to do with real love. You need to promise yourself to save yourself for marriage, the lifetime commitment: YOU'RE WORTH IT!!
If your friendship evolves into true love, you will want to be with no one else for the rest of your life, get committed, get married. Anything less is not true love. Don't settle for less!
Dear Lord, we know that You are True, Lasting Love! Please help us strive for this when the time is right, guard it, and nurture it as best we are able!
Once I met a man to whom I was totally attracted. If, in those first few fabulous weeks, he would have asked me to drop everything and sail around the world, I would have immediately done so. I would have lived in an igloo, gone to blazing hot Africa or a remote Pacific island to be a missionary, if he had asked.
I only wanted to be with him, so kind, so friendly, so hard-working, so fully engaged in life. When you know you're thinking and feeling this way, you need to grab yourself by the shoulders, tell yourself to slow down!! These feelings in love are normal, and they are good! Yet, they are not all there is, and they are not the best of what there is.
NEVER tell your beloved you're feeling this way! I think this would be far too much for us average humans who are not gods to take in and believe. Also, it might be greatly intimidating and chase the person away. Keep this feeling to yourself - and relish it!
Know that the erupting volcano of emotion will be properly and appropriately channeled if you keep your cool! Also, be wise and keep this blossoming love only between you and your beloved: no confiding to girlfriends, boyfriends, or relatives. This will only add pressure and confusion. Your new relationship doesn't need this; it is delicate!
You don't have to contemplate deeply to evaluate whether or not continued affection between you and your beloved is possible. Are you both unattached? VERY IMPORTANT! If one or both of you are committed to another, this love between you is inappropriate, dangerous, potentially dreadfully hurtful, and should be allowed to die a natural death. I'll spell it out, so there is no mistake: if the person you think you love is, say, married and tells you, "My marriage is so bad, I'm going to file for divorce soon," that person is still committed to another and is not worthy of your love. Drop it. The feelings will go away. Do not proceed further. If YOU are married, you have no business thinking you're in love with another; don't even try to go forth with a new love.
HOWEVER, if both you and your beloved are not committed to another, you are in a rare, pure, wonderful "zone of beautiful possibilities!" It IS possible that the two of you may be compatible. This doesn't mean you will like all the same things but it does mean you both like a lot of the same things and are mature enough to negotiate the rest.
At this point, your task is to see if you can be friends (could be, you're already friends!). You need much "face time" together. Texting and e-mailing and letters (if anyone actually does this anymore!) don't count much in this. Phone conversations count a little, but you need to be together quite a bit. You can hold hands, you can hug, but you'd better NOT have sex. This makes it more a relationship of mutually exploitation which has nothing to do with real love. You need to promise yourself to save yourself for marriage, the lifetime commitment: YOU'RE WORTH IT!!
If your friendship evolves into true love, you will want to be with no one else for the rest of your life, get committed, get married. Anything less is not true love. Don't settle for less!
Dear Lord, we know that You are True, Lasting Love! Please help us strive for this when the time is right, guard it, and nurture it as best we are able!
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Who Gets Thanked?
It's wonderful, especially during the Christmas season, that we take time to thank those who help us. Policemen, firemen, all those serving in the Armed Forces now and in the past deserve our thanks for their service. It's good to see those in uniform, say, in airports, or shopping centers, get stopped by someone who simply says, "Thanks for your service!"
Yet there are those we never see, the hospital emergency room workers and the ambulance drivers. We expect them to be awake and ready for us, should we need them, at every hour of the day and night. We count on them to be knowledgeable, experienced, their closets well stocked, and available in all weather. We hope they'll take our insurance (if we have any) and hope we won't have to wait long.
Of emergency rooms, I'm way too familiar!! When my children were growing up, we made periodic trips to the Danville (Kentucky) hospital to get them stitched up due to accidents, and for emergency breathing treatments for my daughter who had asthma. All y'all youngsters (under 50?) don't remember that years ago, there were no inhalers for those who had breathing problems. A person with severe breathing problems had to get treated at the emergency room every time. I went to the E.R. for myself for the first time when I started into labor with my youngest child, daughter #8, Jeannie. I had passed out, bashed my forehead and had to get treated.
As a matter of fact, when I had to be prepared to support my children, the first thing I thought of when going back to college was 'nursing.' I had made so many trips to the emergency room I thought nursing looked easy. I thought, "I can do that!"
Of course, nursing school was a rude awakening. It was very, very hard to learn all we had to learn. When I talked to the nursing school admissions coordinator, I noticed there was no space for a subject to 'Minor' in. All Majors had minors, except nursing. The counselor laughed and informed me, "There are no minors in nursing." Later, I found out why: you barely have time to study all you have to in nursing. There is absolutely no time for a minor. I knew not a single student who attempted it.
While working as a nurse, I also had several accidents that sent me to the E.R.: one car accident, one broken arm, and one eye laceration. I was very, very grateful for the gentle service I was given.
I also periodically worked in the hospital E.R. (Lexington, Kentucky) where I was last employed before retirement. It was extremely busy and always full. I'm here to tell you that E.R. staffers CARE! We have to be business-like and efficient, but, underneath it all, we deeply want our patients to get better, in some cases, TO LIVE! I can't tell you the number of patients who had overdosed and whose heart was racing in the '200' beat per minute range that I prayed for! What goes on in E.R.s and I.C.U.s: we bring people back from the brink of death!! That is no small accomplishment!
E.R.s and hospitals have to be ready for ANY EMERGENCY! That covers all sorts of weather events, terrorism, wrecks, and now, ebola and other infectious diseases' epidemics. You can't imagine all the continual training that takes place! You must love to study to work as a medical professional these days!
We should never take this level of preparedness for granted. It does not take place in the rest of the world. Example: several weeks ago, a friend of mine had a relative vacationing on a Caribbean island. The young lady was involved in a horrible car wreck. Her husband flagged down a passing car to take her to the nearest hospital. He said that he "saw bugs crawling around on the walls of the operating room." The American Embassy called them (he has no idea how they knew about either them being there or about the wreck) and advised, "Do not accept a blood transfusion. They don't screen the blood here." The young woman had to be airlifted to Florida. This was a really big deal. So far, she is alive! (Note to self: don't travel to a country in which you wouldn't want to be treated in their E.R.s!)
Once, while visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Ireland, I ended up in the Emergency Room of the Royal Medical College Hospital. It was twice as large as the hospital in which I worked in the U.S. Yet I got extremely good care. I hope it's that good in the rest of Europe!
In addition to the physicians, nurses, and nurse aides, there are EMTs, nurse practitioners, physicians' assistants, radiology and respiratory techs, and also the therapists. We can't forget the clerks, custodians, social workers and supervisors.
So, hmmmmm, how can I personally thank them this Christmas? I think I'll make tons of cookies and ask my daughter #2, Carole, when she's working during Christmas week (in Pediatric I.C.U.). I'll give her enough for her unit plus some for the E.R.
Lord, sometimes I think how romantic and simpler it would be to have lived several hundred years ago. Then you bring me back to reality with the thought, "I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for all the wonderful medical care I've enjoyed my whole life! Thank You, God, for having me live in 2014!
Yet there are those we never see, the hospital emergency room workers and the ambulance drivers. We expect them to be awake and ready for us, should we need them, at every hour of the day and night. We count on them to be knowledgeable, experienced, their closets well stocked, and available in all weather. We hope they'll take our insurance (if we have any) and hope we won't have to wait long.
Of emergency rooms, I'm way too familiar!! When my children were growing up, we made periodic trips to the Danville (Kentucky) hospital to get them stitched up due to accidents, and for emergency breathing treatments for my daughter who had asthma. All y'all youngsters (under 50?) don't remember that years ago, there were no inhalers for those who had breathing problems. A person with severe breathing problems had to get treated at the emergency room every time. I went to the E.R. for myself for the first time when I started into labor with my youngest child, daughter #8, Jeannie. I had passed out, bashed my forehead and had to get treated.
As a matter of fact, when I had to be prepared to support my children, the first thing I thought of when going back to college was 'nursing.' I had made so many trips to the emergency room I thought nursing looked easy. I thought, "I can do that!"
Of course, nursing school was a rude awakening. It was very, very hard to learn all we had to learn. When I talked to the nursing school admissions coordinator, I noticed there was no space for a subject to 'Minor' in. All Majors had minors, except nursing. The counselor laughed and informed me, "There are no minors in nursing." Later, I found out why: you barely have time to study all you have to in nursing. There is absolutely no time for a minor. I knew not a single student who attempted it.
While working as a nurse, I also had several accidents that sent me to the E.R.: one car accident, one broken arm, and one eye laceration. I was very, very grateful for the gentle service I was given.
I also periodically worked in the hospital E.R. (Lexington, Kentucky) where I was last employed before retirement. It was extremely busy and always full. I'm here to tell you that E.R. staffers CARE! We have to be business-like and efficient, but, underneath it all, we deeply want our patients to get better, in some cases, TO LIVE! I can't tell you the number of patients who had overdosed and whose heart was racing in the '200' beat per minute range that I prayed for! What goes on in E.R.s and I.C.U.s: we bring people back from the brink of death!! That is no small accomplishment!
E.R.s and hospitals have to be ready for ANY EMERGENCY! That covers all sorts of weather events, terrorism, wrecks, and now, ebola and other infectious diseases' epidemics. You can't imagine all the continual training that takes place! You must love to study to work as a medical professional these days!
We should never take this level of preparedness for granted. It does not take place in the rest of the world. Example: several weeks ago, a friend of mine had a relative vacationing on a Caribbean island. The young lady was involved in a horrible car wreck. Her husband flagged down a passing car to take her to the nearest hospital. He said that he "saw bugs crawling around on the walls of the operating room." The American Embassy called them (he has no idea how they knew about either them being there or about the wreck) and advised, "Do not accept a blood transfusion. They don't screen the blood here." The young woman had to be airlifted to Florida. This was a really big deal. So far, she is alive! (Note to self: don't travel to a country in which you wouldn't want to be treated in their E.R.s!)
Once, while visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Ireland, I ended up in the Emergency Room of the Royal Medical College Hospital. It was twice as large as the hospital in which I worked in the U.S. Yet I got extremely good care. I hope it's that good in the rest of Europe!
In addition to the physicians, nurses, and nurse aides, there are EMTs, nurse practitioners, physicians' assistants, radiology and respiratory techs, and also the therapists. We can't forget the clerks, custodians, social workers and supervisors.
So, hmmmmm, how can I personally thank them this Christmas? I think I'll make tons of cookies and ask my daughter #2, Carole, when she's working during Christmas week (in Pediatric I.C.U.). I'll give her enough for her unit plus some for the E.R.
Lord, sometimes I think how romantic and simpler it would be to have lived several hundred years ago. Then you bring me back to reality with the thought, "I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for all the wonderful medical care I've enjoyed my whole life! Thank You, God, for having me live in 2014!
Friday, December 12, 2014
This Old Thing!
How many times have we been sincerely complimented on something we're wearing and responded, "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for years." While we wanted to accept the compliment humbly, we actually end up completely negating the compliment. Speaking for myself, it's hard to break the habit!
What should we say, if complimented? A simple "Thank you so much!" would be easy to say, and very affirming to the gift-giver.
This is the season of buying gifts and soon we will be receiving plenty of gifts for Christmas. Perhaps we need to just practice saying, "Thank you. I've enjoyed it for a long time," or something similar.
My mother and grandmother ingrained in me the necessity of receiving gifts graciously, even if it was what we didn't ask for or want, and, even if we didn't like it. They reasoned, "Someone has gone to the trouble of buying something for you, wrapping it, and bringing it to you: think of something nice to say."
Many years ago, my very cultured, late mother-in-law (may she rest in peace!) received an outfit personally sewn by me. Jumpers were the style and I knew she loved red and really looked good in red. I had her measurements so I custom-made a red jumper and coordinating red plaid long-sleeved shirt. I was quite pleased with myself. Imagine how I felt when she opened the gift, took a long look at it, and tersely declared, "I like the jumper. I'll wear it. I hate plaid. I won't wear it." I felt horrible! Needless to say, it wasn't very long until I stopped sewing for her altogether. I thought I was stupid to try to please her.
Must we always be HONEST? Is 'honesty' the highest value? NO!! Charity is the highest value! That means that we can not tell the truth if it is hurtful to someone. Note: I'm note saying don't tell the truth in all circumstances, say, in court, or in very important matters. I'm saying that we should not give our true feelings if it hurts someone, in the event of gift receiving. We must tell the TRUTH IN LOVE!
My mother-in-law could have just as easily complimented me, "Oh, what a good job you did sewing this. I will wear it often." Then she could have worn it as a pajama top if nothing else! As it was, I felt slapped on both cheeks with her response.
So, let's be creative this Christmas and give lots of compliments to those who give us gifts!
Lord, in Heaven, YOU are our Supreme Gift! May all peoples everywhere come to realize this!
What should we say, if complimented? A simple "Thank you so much!" would be easy to say, and very affirming to the gift-giver.
This is the season of buying gifts and soon we will be receiving plenty of gifts for Christmas. Perhaps we need to just practice saying, "Thank you. I've enjoyed it for a long time," or something similar.
My mother and grandmother ingrained in me the necessity of receiving gifts graciously, even if it was what we didn't ask for or want, and, even if we didn't like it. They reasoned, "Someone has gone to the trouble of buying something for you, wrapping it, and bringing it to you: think of something nice to say."
Many years ago, my very cultured, late mother-in-law (may she rest in peace!) received an outfit personally sewn by me. Jumpers were the style and I knew she loved red and really looked good in red. I had her measurements so I custom-made a red jumper and coordinating red plaid long-sleeved shirt. I was quite pleased with myself. Imagine how I felt when she opened the gift, took a long look at it, and tersely declared, "I like the jumper. I'll wear it. I hate plaid. I won't wear it." I felt horrible! Needless to say, it wasn't very long until I stopped sewing for her altogether. I thought I was stupid to try to please her.
Must we always be HONEST? Is 'honesty' the highest value? NO!! Charity is the highest value! That means that we can not tell the truth if it is hurtful to someone. Note: I'm note saying don't tell the truth in all circumstances, say, in court, or in very important matters. I'm saying that we should not give our true feelings if it hurts someone, in the event of gift receiving. We must tell the TRUTH IN LOVE!
My mother-in-law could have just as easily complimented me, "Oh, what a good job you did sewing this. I will wear it often." Then she could have worn it as a pajama top if nothing else! As it was, I felt slapped on both cheeks with her response.
So, let's be creative this Christmas and give lots of compliments to those who give us gifts!
Lord, in Heaven, YOU are our Supreme Gift! May all peoples everywhere come to realize this!
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Sweet Robbers
Have you heard of "helicopter moms?" They're the mothers who constantly hover over their child or children, doing everything for them - homework, making decisions, choosing not only their clothes but all their extra-curricular activities, even to the extent of applying to colleges and applying for jobs for them. They think they're doing this all in the best interests of the child, but this bully behavior is really crippling their children! This constant over-seeing makes the child eventually incapable of making any decisions.
Pity the poor child of the helicopter mom! (Dads may be guilty of this, too; I'm not certain as I don't personally know one.) Since mom actually does all their homework (they just write down the answers!), they not only do not have much knowledge of their subjects, they don't care about school in the slightest. These moms take away all incentive to succeed in school - and, in life!
The mother drives the child relentlessly to work and succeed but since she does the child's work for him or her, the child has no desire to do well. What drives a woman to drive herself into a frenzy to do all the child's work? She feels her child must get into the best college and get a degree in whatever the mother thinks is important, to get a good job.
Another common quality of the helicopter mom is making sure her child has the BEST of everything while growing up. Somehow, the child has, in his or her own room, a computer, TV, lots of electronic games, very expensive toys and clothes, not to mention the latest iPhone. This also takes all drive to work away from the child. Why bother? Of course, mom makes sure, at the first opportunity, when the child is old enough, there's a great car! Common sense tells us, why should they work when they already have what they want?
There's another category of women who ROB: those who take away every incentive their husbands have to help them, while at the same time loudly complaining to all who hear, about what a deadbeat he is. When gently questioned, "Did he ever try to help you with the housework?" these women report, "Oh, sure. He made the bed so horribly I had to completely remake it." Or, "Yes, one time he washed the dishes for me but there were a few that were not quite clean so I had to wash them all again." Don't they see that their perfectionism is what killed the real desire of their husbands to help with the day-to-day house duties? If someone re-did every task you completed, wouldn't you stop doing the job?
And what happens to the adult child after college: he or she moves back home. There is a ridiculous number of new graduates living at home that could be independent. Sure, our economy is terrible. Most of these adults - and many others, sadly - can't find a job in their line of work. They may or may not keep looking. Meanwhile, they don't work!!! There are plenty of entry-level jobs available that many Americans think are 'beneath' them. I don't think so!! Work at fast food! Work as a clerk! Get two jobs if you need to! That's what us 'old-fashioned' grannies and grandpas used to do. It fed us and our families and paid the bills.
Am I being too hard on the little pampered pets? You Tell Me.
Lord, I thank you that my children are all adults! I thank you for the years they did ALL their homework. Was I wrong not to hover? Was I a bad parent to tell my teens, "If you want brand name clothes, Get a Job? Please help all parents and growing-up children do the right thing!
Pity the poor child of the helicopter mom! (Dads may be guilty of this, too; I'm not certain as I don't personally know one.) Since mom actually does all their homework (they just write down the answers!), they not only do not have much knowledge of their subjects, they don't care about school in the slightest. These moms take away all incentive to succeed in school - and, in life!
The mother drives the child relentlessly to work and succeed but since she does the child's work for him or her, the child has no desire to do well. What drives a woman to drive herself into a frenzy to do all the child's work? She feels her child must get into the best college and get a degree in whatever the mother thinks is important, to get a good job.
Another common quality of the helicopter mom is making sure her child has the BEST of everything while growing up. Somehow, the child has, in his or her own room, a computer, TV, lots of electronic games, very expensive toys and clothes, not to mention the latest iPhone. This also takes all drive to work away from the child. Why bother? Of course, mom makes sure, at the first opportunity, when the child is old enough, there's a great car! Common sense tells us, why should they work when they already have what they want?
There's another category of women who ROB: those who take away every incentive their husbands have to help them, while at the same time loudly complaining to all who hear, about what a deadbeat he is. When gently questioned, "Did he ever try to help you with the housework?" these women report, "Oh, sure. He made the bed so horribly I had to completely remake it." Or, "Yes, one time he washed the dishes for me but there were a few that were not quite clean so I had to wash them all again." Don't they see that their perfectionism is what killed the real desire of their husbands to help with the day-to-day house duties? If someone re-did every task you completed, wouldn't you stop doing the job?
And what happens to the adult child after college: he or she moves back home. There is a ridiculous number of new graduates living at home that could be independent. Sure, our economy is terrible. Most of these adults - and many others, sadly - can't find a job in their line of work. They may or may not keep looking. Meanwhile, they don't work!!! There are plenty of entry-level jobs available that many Americans think are 'beneath' them. I don't think so!! Work at fast food! Work as a clerk! Get two jobs if you need to! That's what us 'old-fashioned' grannies and grandpas used to do. It fed us and our families and paid the bills.
Am I being too hard on the little pampered pets? You Tell Me.
Lord, I thank you that my children are all adults! I thank you for the years they did ALL their homework. Was I wrong not to hover? Was I a bad parent to tell my teens, "If you want brand name clothes, Get a Job? Please help all parents and growing-up children do the right thing!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
The Other "D" Word
This blog has explored the big "D" word, "Divorce," in many relationship issues, trying to prevent it from happening. I wrote on divorce in more depth on November 10, 2014. There is another major "D" word, "Depression" and the related word, "Dysthymia."
"Depression" is a distinct mental illness involving a prolonged period of sadness and worthlessness. Clinical Depression is present if the depressed person CANNOT FUNCTION AT ALL in his or her normal duties. This person needs help, as soon as possible, from a mental health professional. Why is this critical? A severely depressed person is at risk for the unthinkable, SUICIDE. Never take this lightly!
My nursing colleague, Jennie, was married to a man who had been clinically depressed for several years. He refused to get help either from their family doctor or from a psychiatrist. Every morning, before she left for work, Jennie had her husband sign a contract that he wouldn't commit suicide that day. What a terrible way to live!
Several other friends have family members who can barely function. They can work, they keep themselves clean, but they are so sad they frequently cry. This condition is called "Dysthymia." It is also a terrible way to live! Why miss out on the pleasures and joys of life?
If you have such a depressed person in your life, or, if you are a depressed person, know that depression is easily curable!! Please, please, GET HELP!! FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, GET HELP TODAY!!
Since most depressed persons can be helped by medication, either permanent or temporary, don't be a blockhead! Take medicine! You don't like to take medicine? So what! Neither do I like to take medicine! But if it means your happiness and - the happiness of your family!! - take the medicine!!
Allow at least 4 to 6 weeks for the medicine to lift your mood. Sometimes, when one medicine doesn't work, try another one or two - whatever it takes!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY - AND SO DOES YOUR FAMILY!! You will probably be among the majority of depressed patients who notice an improved mood within TWO WEEKS!
There is a definite mind-body connection with all illnesses. In depression, certain chemicals in the brain are depleted; medication relieves this. There is also a mind-body-soul connection of which no one speaks. The ideal situation would be to find a therapist in your religion who can help you. You need a clear conscience to even live a reasonably happy life.
Lord in Heaven, we know that in this life we cannot have heaven on earth. Yet we can live happy lives if we follow your guidance. Please help us all have a most healthy body-mind-soul!
"Depression" is a distinct mental illness involving a prolonged period of sadness and worthlessness. Clinical Depression is present if the depressed person CANNOT FUNCTION AT ALL in his or her normal duties. This person needs help, as soon as possible, from a mental health professional. Why is this critical? A severely depressed person is at risk for the unthinkable, SUICIDE. Never take this lightly!
My nursing colleague, Jennie, was married to a man who had been clinically depressed for several years. He refused to get help either from their family doctor or from a psychiatrist. Every morning, before she left for work, Jennie had her husband sign a contract that he wouldn't commit suicide that day. What a terrible way to live!
Several other friends have family members who can barely function. They can work, they keep themselves clean, but they are so sad they frequently cry. This condition is called "Dysthymia." It is also a terrible way to live! Why miss out on the pleasures and joys of life?
If you have such a depressed person in your life, or, if you are a depressed person, know that depression is easily curable!! Please, please, GET HELP!! FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, GET HELP TODAY!!
Since most depressed persons can be helped by medication, either permanent or temporary, don't be a blockhead! Take medicine! You don't like to take medicine? So what! Neither do I like to take medicine! But if it means your happiness and - the happiness of your family!! - take the medicine!!
Allow at least 4 to 6 weeks for the medicine to lift your mood. Sometimes, when one medicine doesn't work, try another one or two - whatever it takes!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY - AND SO DOES YOUR FAMILY!! You will probably be among the majority of depressed patients who notice an improved mood within TWO WEEKS!
There is a definite mind-body connection with all illnesses. In depression, certain chemicals in the brain are depleted; medication relieves this. There is also a mind-body-soul connection of which no one speaks. The ideal situation would be to find a therapist in your religion who can help you. You need a clear conscience to even live a reasonably happy life.
Lord in Heaven, we know that in this life we cannot have heaven on earth. Yet we can live happy lives if we follow your guidance. Please help us all have a most healthy body-mind-soul!
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Feeling Beautiful
At first glance, the woman getting ready to speak to us at a mandatory nursing conference was, by far, one of the ugliest women I had ever seen. Her face was twisted and scarred, it didn't seem to fit the rest of her appearance. She was a lawyer, dressed in a fashionable suit, meticulously groomed. Scheduled to speak on nurses' reporting obligations in abuse situations, I remember thinking, "This woman must have been severely abused herself."
By the end of her program, I thought she was quite beautiful! What was the amazing transformation? Did her appearance dramatically change?: not in the slightest! But my perception of her changed.
Our speaker started in a well-modulated voice, very pleasant to hear. At this point, I don't remember what she said, but I remember that the caring in her shone through her topic. And her smile was very joyful. Very confident in herself, this lovely lady knew what was the substance of beauty: her character, her goodness.
Most of us American women spend a small fortune on cosmetics, hair styles and coloring, and, of course, on clothes. I am always amazed that the poorest women seem to be using the most expensive cosmetics. One thing I learned years ago in my Homemakers' Classes: research proves that most of the ingredients in all cosmetics are virtually the same. The only differences are in the various colors. In other words, good skin with minimal wrinkles comes from GOOD HEALTH, not from any product applied on the outside.
Another essential component of beauty is SELF-CONFIDENCE. We must know and believe that we are doing the very best we can do in whatever life circumstances in which we find ourselves. That will give us the unmistakable air of liking ourselves. How can we expect any others to like us or love us, if we don't like ourselves? Self-confidence will be displayed in how we walk, if we are using good posture in standing up straight, and how we talk. This cannot be overstated!
Supreme self-confidence comes from our beliefs, our knowledge that God is supporting us all, in charge of all, and, most importantly, that God loves us all, one by one, very personally. WE ARE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF A KING!! Please don't forget this! God, this King, will see to it that we have every single thing we NEED, all during our lives.
Looking at ourselves in the mirror is a "still" snapshot. We resemble that face in the mirror, but in 'real time,' we move, we speak, we have facial expressions and body language. Our image is much more than what we see in the mirror.
Bottom line: love God, love yourself, love ALL of humanity! You are God's most beautiful creature!!
By the end of her program, I thought she was quite beautiful! What was the amazing transformation? Did her appearance dramatically change?: not in the slightest! But my perception of her changed.
Our speaker started in a well-modulated voice, very pleasant to hear. At this point, I don't remember what she said, but I remember that the caring in her shone through her topic. And her smile was very joyful. Very confident in herself, this lovely lady knew what was the substance of beauty: her character, her goodness.
Most of us American women spend a small fortune on cosmetics, hair styles and coloring, and, of course, on clothes. I am always amazed that the poorest women seem to be using the most expensive cosmetics. One thing I learned years ago in my Homemakers' Classes: research proves that most of the ingredients in all cosmetics are virtually the same. The only differences are in the various colors. In other words, good skin with minimal wrinkles comes from GOOD HEALTH, not from any product applied on the outside.
Another essential component of beauty is SELF-CONFIDENCE. We must know and believe that we are doing the very best we can do in whatever life circumstances in which we find ourselves. That will give us the unmistakable air of liking ourselves. How can we expect any others to like us or love us, if we don't like ourselves? Self-confidence will be displayed in how we walk, if we are using good posture in standing up straight, and how we talk. This cannot be overstated!
Supreme self-confidence comes from our beliefs, our knowledge that God is supporting us all, in charge of all, and, most importantly, that God loves us all, one by one, very personally. WE ARE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF A KING!! Please don't forget this! God, this King, will see to it that we have every single thing we NEED, all during our lives.
Looking at ourselves in the mirror is a "still" snapshot. We resemble that face in the mirror, but in 'real time,' we move, we speak, we have facial expressions and body language. Our image is much more than what we see in the mirror.
Bottom line: love God, love yourself, love ALL of humanity! You are God's most beautiful creature!!
Monday, December 8, 2014
Detoured!
Yep, last Thursday, I was just merrily sailing along perfectly on the sea of Christmas plans when an unexpected fall totally derailed my life. I was on the top of the ladder, stringing around a red-beaded garland on the very top of the Tree when I fell backwards! Falling hard, my back at the waist level on the right side struck the edge of a heavy, unmoveable decorative wooden storage cube. After sliding to the floor, it took fully 15 minutes for me to "catch my breath!"
At last, my brain partially engaged and I asked myself several questions, after determining that I was, in fact, still alive (yes, the fall really was that hard!). Should I go to the emergency room? Should I go to the doctor? Should I call '911?'
With a painful effort to sit up, I decided that, although I had probably broken half my ribs, I could still breathe and didn't need to call an ambulance. I called my Angel Daughter, Carole, who promptly came over and took me to my doctor's office. Getting into and out of the car was an excruciatingly painful process. Yet, once upright, I could walk fairly well.
The doctor's office whisked me right into the exam room. I told him and his staff "I have to stand. I can't get on that (exam) table." No problem. After gently and quickly probing my sides, Mr. Dr. declared, "You might have broken ribs. You need an x-ray. Would you go?"
Knowing full well I would have to climb on the cold, rock-hard exam table, I whined, "Sure. I know I have to." Surprise!: there was an x-ray machine in front of which I could stand!! The technician helped and arranged me gently and got it over with quickly.
Long story, short: results: no broken ribs! So I just have a muscle sprain, tear, or strain, treatment for all of which is the same: rest, ice, compression, and elevation. After Angel Daughter drove through the pharmacy for me, getting a blessed painkiller prescription, she took me home.
Day by day, I'm improving, learning how to move to decrease pain, what few things I can do and those I have given up doing, temporarily. I can gather my own simple meals. I can work the TV remote. I can only sleep in my recliner at this point. I can take care of hygiene issues. My laptop is beside the recliner, as is my knitting.
At this point, I'm doing my part, being a good patient. All I need is time and I should fully recover. (One thing in my favor: I was in excellent health before this accident.)
Today, Angel Daughter, Marie, came over, brought lunch, cleaned up my dishes and dishwasher plus a few other things which required bending. Later, Angel Friend, Missy, also came over and brought dinner for several nights plus Holy Communion. I couldn't attend Mass yesterday, Sunday, or today, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of Mary, Jesus' Mother. This ALL was very, very much appreciated.
My apologies to my readers for missing several days of this blog. The medicine makes me very sleepy and the lack of schedule has me disoriented as to what day it is, sometimes. I'll try to get a bit organized from here on out.
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| Keep a tool like this handy 'grabber' for emergencies. It reaches where you can't and will pick up even tiny objects you need. |
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| Here, you can see how the 'grabber' part works. Amazing! |
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| This afternoon I was staring out the window, happened to notice this giant hawk-bird sitting on my back yard fence. And I happened to have to camera nearby! He sat there for quite some time, hopped down on the dried-up lawn, then flew off. Funny how much ordinary beauty you can find if you have to slow down!! |
Dear Lord, why should I ever even think of planning! You have my life planned. I'm just going to show up and live it, with gusto! Thank you for my life!
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Black & White Relations: At Last I Understand!
This concerns the current state of attitudes about each other by Black Americans and White Americans. It's taken me a lifetime to reflect on what the problems are, what the solutions may be.
First of all, I was raised by two extremely prejudiced parents and one extremely prejudiced grandparent, in the 1940's & '50's. Mom and Grandma made nasty comments about "the Jews" all the years I was growing up. One time - I think I must have been about 10 years old - Grandma and I were on the city bus, in Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.A., on Market Street, a business district. Standing in front of a store was a man dressed in a black suit. He had a very long, scraggly grey beard, a funny-looking black hat, and was just leaning back against the storefront. Grandma pointed to him and almost sneered, "That's one of them." I knew she meant "Jews." For years, the way Mom and Grandma talked about "the Jews," always putting them down, I thought that there were males, females, and Jews. After seeing the man against the storefront, I figured out that they must also be human.
In my late teen age years, I discovered why Grandma was so virulently prejudiced against all Jews. During the years following the Stock Market Crash of 1929, Grandpa's pay was cut in half and Grandma had to go to work. With only a 6th-grade education, Grandma ended up scrubbing floors for 'rich' Jewish women. That's why she hated Jews so much. Mother had no excuses but did exactly what Grandma wanted her to do, in all things. She must have extended this to thinking the same.
Now I fully realize: Grandma was poor, uneducated and ignorant in her persistent thinking about Jews. She was prejudiced.
Grandpa was present in the mix but he never said an unkind word about anyone. Grandpa played with us children and told us stories.
Our immediate family moved to Dayton, Ohio after I graduated from high school. The new neighborhood was 50% Jewish, more or less. I babysat for many neighbor families, all of whom were Jewish. I learned that the families were lovely, just the same as my own family; and I loved them all. My family belonged to the nearby Jewish Community Center as they had invited families in our subdivision to join.
Fast forward to the last 20 years. When I was new at a nursing job here in Lexington, the staff was 50% black women, more or less. It didn't take long for me to perceive that they were 'testing' me to see if I was prejudiced. I thought I might as well get it over with and started my conversation with, "I was raised to be very prejudiced." All eyebrows immediately raised and I told my experience as above. This seemed to diffuse the suspicion I felt they had about me. For the remainder of my time there, we got along fairly well.
What I withheld from my colleagues was my Dad's side of my 'raising.' I thought it would be extremely disrespectful to them and, in effect, "a slap in the face" to all. Dad was equally prejudiced as Mom and Granny, against blacks whom he called the "N" word. (For all you "youngsters," the term "African-Americans" was not used back then.) There were no black children in my elementary school but there were 5 black girls in my high school. They were younger than me so we had no common classes. As far as I could tell, they seemed to fit in well. And that is exactly where Mom and Dad made their mistake in raising me: they sent me to all Catholic schools. There I learned and believed Jesus' teachings, that we were all equal.
It must be mentioned that my Daddy was raised in a very small, rural town in Tennessee, near the Mississippi border, in the deep south. His family was very poor. Daddy's mother, who left him and his father when he was two years old (in 1916), I learned much later, had come from a family in the south who formerly 'owned' slaves. Daddy sincerely believed that blacks, as he put it, "were as intelligent as donkeys. If they have any sense, it's because they have white blood in them."
Beginning when I was in my mid-twenties, I tried to rationally debate with Daddy about the errors of his thinking. It would greatly upset Mother, who thought we were fighting. After a few years, I decided there was no way Daddy would come to an understanding that his thinking about blacks was nothing more than blatant prejudice. Although he was no longer poor and uneducated, Daddy still was ignorant.
I married at age 20. My husband, who was also as unprejudiced as I was, and I lived for a few months in Norfolk, Virginia. This was 1963. We became friends with a black couple and invited them to our apartment. I remember watching them come from their car to our front door. They looked around many times, making sure they, a black couple in a white neighborhood, would stay safe. I felt very badly for them.
In all the Civil Rights problems of the era, I longed to take an active part in the demonstrations, yet 1) was expecting my second baby in 1965, when the marches started, and 2) couldn't afford even a bus ticket to Selma. I was in total sympathy with Rev. Martin Luther King and what he was trying to accomplish.
Fast forward again to 2007. My youngest Daughter #8, Jeannie, married and moved to the Detroit, Michigan, area with her husband. Once, while visiting, she and I visited the Henry Ford Museum. I had no idea what was there besides cars. It was a giant treasure chest of cars, locomotives, farm equipment, dollhouses (my favorite), and the actual bus on which Rosa Parks courageously decided to sit in the front, and risk arrest. Once inside the bus, a tape was playing with Rosa Parks telling why she decided on her action, and what happened as a result. Remembering all the pain of that era, I started uncontrollably weeping. I just couldn't stop! My daughter held me and comforted me, "What's wrong, mom?" After I regained my composure, I explained, "I just don't see how people could do that to other people!"
In the 1960's and beyond, laws were passed to give blacks and other minorities equal rights in voting and housing. We all thought that prejudice would be over. Tragically, that didn't magically happen. The old attitudes of many of the poor, ignorant and uneducated persisted. Yet: guess what: now Daddy, Mother, Grandma, and many of the hard-core prejudiced are dead and gone, and with them, their attitudes.
Fast forward to last week. Here's a conversation between a young white divorced mother and her male friend, a young African-American. He: "Girl, you've got way too much stress on you. The only stress you don't have is if you were black." She: "Yeah, you're right. I don't have that." He: "Well, when you're black, you expect stress."
This, to me, summarizes the attitude of most African-Americans, beginning hundreds of years ago when their people in Africa captured them for the slave-traders to take over the ocean to the North and South American colonies. Their lives from that moment on, were pure horror. I don't think many of them have been able to think otherwise.
Many African-Americans today appear to "have a chip on their shoulders" because they still expect to be put down and mistreated. Because of laws today, I'm sure that the put-downs by the poor or ignorant or uneducated are greatly diminished because they are aware of laws. Yet, they still occur. And African-American women, especially, are vulnerable to expecting to be put-down. And, they are greatly offended when it happens.
I, myself, have felt the STING of PREJUDICE! And it is not pretty! With a large family of 10 children by choice, I have suffered, over the years, many, many "taunts" by ignorant idiots. With children in tow, many times I was followed by a store clerk, as if we were poor and would steal something. (We probably looked poor). Once, I brought a silver and glass dish, a wedding present, to a pot-luck dinner. I was asked, "Is that yours?" And also, "YOU have a dishwasher!!" I could go on. But I never allowed those stupid comments to reach the inner core of who I am. Mother and Granny actually insult-proofed me. I was taught to think, if someone insulted me (I was fat growing up), "Consider the source."
When Obama was elected President, I thought it would at last give the entire African-American community the final affirmation they needed, that they were extremely worthwhile persons, no different than people of any other race. I don't think it happened, for the most part. The old attitudes have persisted, from what I can see. Many African-Americans still EXPECT STRESS! They expect to be insulted! Worst of all, they feel HURT when they're insulted.
I sincerely feel that two things need to happen for us Americans to, at last, overcome white-black prejudice. It will take REAL CHANGE on both our parts. For African-Americans, they need to drop the attitude of "chip-on-shoulder expecting insults," and, if some useless piece of pseudo-humanity degrades himself or herself and making stupid comments, they SHOULD NOT FEEL HURT! African-Americans should realize their tremendous innate worth as Children of God, valuable humans, and Americans! They should work hard, persist, and know that they can - as many have done - accomplish most anything they strive for!!
On the part of white Americans, we need to watch what we say, not insult anyone, be they black, yellow, red, Jewish, Polish, Catholic, handicapped, or anything not us!!! Moreover, WE SHOULD NOT PERMIT ANYONE TO BE INSULTED!! No more laughing at stupid jokes, no more permitting anyone else to show their sarcasm. NO MORE PREJUDICE!!!
Can we do it? Sure! IT'S UP TO YOU AND ME!!!
First of all, I was raised by two extremely prejudiced parents and one extremely prejudiced grandparent, in the 1940's & '50's. Mom and Grandma made nasty comments about "the Jews" all the years I was growing up. One time - I think I must have been about 10 years old - Grandma and I were on the city bus, in Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.A., on Market Street, a business district. Standing in front of a store was a man dressed in a black suit. He had a very long, scraggly grey beard, a funny-looking black hat, and was just leaning back against the storefront. Grandma pointed to him and almost sneered, "That's one of them." I knew she meant "Jews." For years, the way Mom and Grandma talked about "the Jews," always putting them down, I thought that there were males, females, and Jews. After seeing the man against the storefront, I figured out that they must also be human.
In my late teen age years, I discovered why Grandma was so virulently prejudiced against all Jews. During the years following the Stock Market Crash of 1929, Grandpa's pay was cut in half and Grandma had to go to work. With only a 6th-grade education, Grandma ended up scrubbing floors for 'rich' Jewish women. That's why she hated Jews so much. Mother had no excuses but did exactly what Grandma wanted her to do, in all things. She must have extended this to thinking the same.
Now I fully realize: Grandma was poor, uneducated and ignorant in her persistent thinking about Jews. She was prejudiced.
Grandpa was present in the mix but he never said an unkind word about anyone. Grandpa played with us children and told us stories.
Our immediate family moved to Dayton, Ohio after I graduated from high school. The new neighborhood was 50% Jewish, more or less. I babysat for many neighbor families, all of whom were Jewish. I learned that the families were lovely, just the same as my own family; and I loved them all. My family belonged to the nearby Jewish Community Center as they had invited families in our subdivision to join.
Fast forward to the last 20 years. When I was new at a nursing job here in Lexington, the staff was 50% black women, more or less. It didn't take long for me to perceive that they were 'testing' me to see if I was prejudiced. I thought I might as well get it over with and started my conversation with, "I was raised to be very prejudiced." All eyebrows immediately raised and I told my experience as above. This seemed to diffuse the suspicion I felt they had about me. For the remainder of my time there, we got along fairly well.
What I withheld from my colleagues was my Dad's side of my 'raising.' I thought it would be extremely disrespectful to them and, in effect, "a slap in the face" to all. Dad was equally prejudiced as Mom and Granny, against blacks whom he called the "N" word. (For all you "youngsters," the term "African-Americans" was not used back then.) There were no black children in my elementary school but there were 5 black girls in my high school. They were younger than me so we had no common classes. As far as I could tell, they seemed to fit in well. And that is exactly where Mom and Dad made their mistake in raising me: they sent me to all Catholic schools. There I learned and believed Jesus' teachings, that we were all equal.
It must be mentioned that my Daddy was raised in a very small, rural town in Tennessee, near the Mississippi border, in the deep south. His family was very poor. Daddy's mother, who left him and his father when he was two years old (in 1916), I learned much later, had come from a family in the south who formerly 'owned' slaves. Daddy sincerely believed that blacks, as he put it, "were as intelligent as donkeys. If they have any sense, it's because they have white blood in them."
Beginning when I was in my mid-twenties, I tried to rationally debate with Daddy about the errors of his thinking. It would greatly upset Mother, who thought we were fighting. After a few years, I decided there was no way Daddy would come to an understanding that his thinking about blacks was nothing more than blatant prejudice. Although he was no longer poor and uneducated, Daddy still was ignorant.
I married at age 20. My husband, who was also as unprejudiced as I was, and I lived for a few months in Norfolk, Virginia. This was 1963. We became friends with a black couple and invited them to our apartment. I remember watching them come from their car to our front door. They looked around many times, making sure they, a black couple in a white neighborhood, would stay safe. I felt very badly for them.
In all the Civil Rights problems of the era, I longed to take an active part in the demonstrations, yet 1) was expecting my second baby in 1965, when the marches started, and 2) couldn't afford even a bus ticket to Selma. I was in total sympathy with Rev. Martin Luther King and what he was trying to accomplish.
Fast forward again to 2007. My youngest Daughter #8, Jeannie, married and moved to the Detroit, Michigan, area with her husband. Once, while visiting, she and I visited the Henry Ford Museum. I had no idea what was there besides cars. It was a giant treasure chest of cars, locomotives, farm equipment, dollhouses (my favorite), and the actual bus on which Rosa Parks courageously decided to sit in the front, and risk arrest. Once inside the bus, a tape was playing with Rosa Parks telling why she decided on her action, and what happened as a result. Remembering all the pain of that era, I started uncontrollably weeping. I just couldn't stop! My daughter held me and comforted me, "What's wrong, mom?" After I regained my composure, I explained, "I just don't see how people could do that to other people!"
In the 1960's and beyond, laws were passed to give blacks and other minorities equal rights in voting and housing. We all thought that prejudice would be over. Tragically, that didn't magically happen. The old attitudes of many of the poor, ignorant and uneducated persisted. Yet: guess what: now Daddy, Mother, Grandma, and many of the hard-core prejudiced are dead and gone, and with them, their attitudes.
Fast forward to last week. Here's a conversation between a young white divorced mother and her male friend, a young African-American. He: "Girl, you've got way too much stress on you. The only stress you don't have is if you were black." She: "Yeah, you're right. I don't have that." He: "Well, when you're black, you expect stress."
This, to me, summarizes the attitude of most African-Americans, beginning hundreds of years ago when their people in Africa captured them for the slave-traders to take over the ocean to the North and South American colonies. Their lives from that moment on, were pure horror. I don't think many of them have been able to think otherwise.
Many African-Americans today appear to "have a chip on their shoulders" because they still expect to be put down and mistreated. Because of laws today, I'm sure that the put-downs by the poor or ignorant or uneducated are greatly diminished because they are aware of laws. Yet, they still occur. And African-American women, especially, are vulnerable to expecting to be put-down. And, they are greatly offended when it happens.
I, myself, have felt the STING of PREJUDICE! And it is not pretty! With a large family of 10 children by choice, I have suffered, over the years, many, many "taunts" by ignorant idiots. With children in tow, many times I was followed by a store clerk, as if we were poor and would steal something. (We probably looked poor). Once, I brought a silver and glass dish, a wedding present, to a pot-luck dinner. I was asked, "Is that yours?" And also, "YOU have a dishwasher!!" I could go on. But I never allowed those stupid comments to reach the inner core of who I am. Mother and Granny actually insult-proofed me. I was taught to think, if someone insulted me (I was fat growing up), "Consider the source."
When Obama was elected President, I thought it would at last give the entire African-American community the final affirmation they needed, that they were extremely worthwhile persons, no different than people of any other race. I don't think it happened, for the most part. The old attitudes have persisted, from what I can see. Many African-Americans still EXPECT STRESS! They expect to be insulted! Worst of all, they feel HURT when they're insulted.
I sincerely feel that two things need to happen for us Americans to, at last, overcome white-black prejudice. It will take REAL CHANGE on both our parts. For African-Americans, they need to drop the attitude of "chip-on-shoulder expecting insults," and, if some useless piece of pseudo-humanity degrades himself or herself and making stupid comments, they SHOULD NOT FEEL HURT! African-Americans should realize their tremendous innate worth as Children of God, valuable humans, and Americans! They should work hard, persist, and know that they can - as many have done - accomplish most anything they strive for!!
On the part of white Americans, we need to watch what we say, not insult anyone, be they black, yellow, red, Jewish, Polish, Catholic, handicapped, or anything not us!!! Moreover, WE SHOULD NOT PERMIT ANYONE TO BE INSULTED!! No more laughing at stupid jokes, no more permitting anyone else to show their sarcasm. NO MORE PREJUDICE!!!
Can we do it? Sure! IT'S UP TO YOU AND ME!!!
Thursday, December 4, 2014
The Christmas Grinch
My friend, April, told me once again, with a deep sigh, "This month is so stressful for us every year. My husband positively hates Christmas, he says, and makes it miserable for everyone. On Christmas Day, he ends up screaming at the children, ruining it for everyone. I don't know what I'm going to do this year. I've tried everything. I try to keep the children out of his way but they're so excited!"
It's so hard to believe there are people like April's husband, James, who really hate Christmas. I've never thought of it before, but I think I'm going to mention it to April: "Did you ever ask him why he hates Christmas so much? Did he have bad experiences growing up?"
Knowing that James is really an up-tight, perfectionist, nervous-type person, I suspect that he was simply an ordinary spoiled brat as a child, used to getting his own way. James is also a domineering man who must be IN CONTROL at every moment or he gets furious or sulks.
There may be another side to this situation: April's part. She works very hard - too hard - and is near total exhaustion by Christmas Day. Perhaps if she scaled back her plans somewhat, she would feel strong enough to 'cajole' James into a good mood. It's worth a try.
What else could this family try to have a peaceful day? If worse comes to worse, and James was in a horrible mood, they could leave James at home and "visit" either her parents or his family on Christmas. For the sake of the children, they need to do something different!
When you're out and about town, look at all the beautiful decorations, "catch" the mood of expectation. Something important is about to happen, even if few of us give it much thought: we're about to celebrate the birth of Jesus, King of the Universe, God becoming Man, one of us! It's worth preparing for, not just in giving presents to each other, but preparing for, in our hearts.
Why not throw in an extra church service or two this month? Why not go to church, watch the TV Christmas cartoons, drive around at night hunting pretty decorated homes, go to a concert or party - together? Add some hot chocolate, marshmallows, and cookies, and you have some great memories in the making!
And if the Christmas Grinch doesn't want to participate, well, it's his loss!
Dear Lord, day by day, excitement is mounting about Your Birthday Celebration!! Help us support each other in our plans, help us enjoy all the fun of Santa, the reindeers and elves, but help us focus on the Real Event: Christ-Mass!
It's so hard to believe there are people like April's husband, James, who really hate Christmas. I've never thought of it before, but I think I'm going to mention it to April: "Did you ever ask him why he hates Christmas so much? Did he have bad experiences growing up?"
Knowing that James is really an up-tight, perfectionist, nervous-type person, I suspect that he was simply an ordinary spoiled brat as a child, used to getting his own way. James is also a domineering man who must be IN CONTROL at every moment or he gets furious or sulks.
There may be another side to this situation: April's part. She works very hard - too hard - and is near total exhaustion by Christmas Day. Perhaps if she scaled back her plans somewhat, she would feel strong enough to 'cajole' James into a good mood. It's worth a try.
What else could this family try to have a peaceful day? If worse comes to worse, and James was in a horrible mood, they could leave James at home and "visit" either her parents or his family on Christmas. For the sake of the children, they need to do something different!
When you're out and about town, look at all the beautiful decorations, "catch" the mood of expectation. Something important is about to happen, even if few of us give it much thought: we're about to celebrate the birth of Jesus, King of the Universe, God becoming Man, one of us! It's worth preparing for, not just in giving presents to each other, but preparing for, in our hearts.
Why not throw in an extra church service or two this month? Why not go to church, watch the TV Christmas cartoons, drive around at night hunting pretty decorated homes, go to a concert or party - together? Add some hot chocolate, marshmallows, and cookies, and you have some great memories in the making!
And if the Christmas Grinch doesn't want to participate, well, it's his loss!
Dear Lord, day by day, excitement is mounting about Your Birthday Celebration!! Help us support each other in our plans, help us enjoy all the fun of Santa, the reindeers and elves, but help us focus on the Real Event: Christ-Mass!
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
When Worlds Collide. . .
There's an interesting new study about the divorce rates of marriages based on the closeness of ages between husbands and wives. It turns out that if you are within a year of two of your spouse's age, your marriage has a 95% survival rate. The greater the difference in ages, the more the divorce rate increases until there is a 5% survival rate in marriages where there is a 25 year difference.
Common sense and other statistics through the years says that the more similarities there are between spouses, the greater chance the couple will be married for a lifetime. In addition to age, other factors include religion, whether or not the spouses' parents remained married, education, where you were raised, interests such as hobbies, race, political outlook, etc.
A factor I've never heard discussed, perhaps because it is a very difficult situation, is when a couple from two different cultures marry. My brother recently commented on this, "Kathleen and I came from two different cultures (Don: America, Kathleen: Ireland) and we had a few issues." They've been married over 30 years!
But consider when Americans marry Asian, or African, or even European spouses. In the case of an American man marrying an Asian woman, stereotypes suggest that the Asian women are extremely subservient and the husband would love this. I've met many couples that fit this profile that were married for many years. I've seen websites advertising dating between Asian women and American men but I wonder if there are any countries that wish to date and marry American women - except to gain citizenship?
How about an American woman marrying a man from almost any other country? We American women have the reputation for our extreme independence. This would not go well with men who expect from their wives silence and total, unquestioned compliance.
Even within our state, there are large differences among "country" people, "city" people, and "mountain" people. There's a cultural divide which must be bridged by tolerance and understanding, if a marriage from different cultures is to survive.
Yet I've seen many exceptions to all these statistics, with couples 25 years apart in ages having wonderful marriages, and all the other difficult situations. One thing I've noticed, though: both spouses in these surviving marriages were at least 25 years old at the time they married.
Probably all differences could be successfully bridged if both husband and wife in a marriage would try to understand the other's culture and negotiate a compromise. It would never be boring, that's for sure!
Dear Lord, our world seems to be shrinking more and more. Help us try to understand those who are different than we are, especially if we're married to one from a different culture.
Common sense and other statistics through the years says that the more similarities there are between spouses, the greater chance the couple will be married for a lifetime. In addition to age, other factors include religion, whether or not the spouses' parents remained married, education, where you were raised, interests such as hobbies, race, political outlook, etc.
A factor I've never heard discussed, perhaps because it is a very difficult situation, is when a couple from two different cultures marry. My brother recently commented on this, "Kathleen and I came from two different cultures (Don: America, Kathleen: Ireland) and we had a few issues." They've been married over 30 years!
But consider when Americans marry Asian, or African, or even European spouses. In the case of an American man marrying an Asian woman, stereotypes suggest that the Asian women are extremely subservient and the husband would love this. I've met many couples that fit this profile that were married for many years. I've seen websites advertising dating between Asian women and American men but I wonder if there are any countries that wish to date and marry American women - except to gain citizenship?
How about an American woman marrying a man from almost any other country? We American women have the reputation for our extreme independence. This would not go well with men who expect from their wives silence and total, unquestioned compliance.
Even within our state, there are large differences among "country" people, "city" people, and "mountain" people. There's a cultural divide which must be bridged by tolerance and understanding, if a marriage from different cultures is to survive.
Yet I've seen many exceptions to all these statistics, with couples 25 years apart in ages having wonderful marriages, and all the other difficult situations. One thing I've noticed, though: both spouses in these surviving marriages were at least 25 years old at the time they married.
Probably all differences could be successfully bridged if both husband and wife in a marriage would try to understand the other's culture and negotiate a compromise. It would never be boring, that's for sure!
Dear Lord, our world seems to be shrinking more and more. Help us try to understand those who are different than we are, especially if we're married to one from a different culture.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
The Worrywart
If you have a "worrywart" in your life, you know full well what it feels like to be psychologically strangled! Worrywarts are the people who call you before you get home to make sure you're on your way. They grill you about what happened when you do get home. They want to know everything. No amount of patient answering of their questions will EVER satisfy them!
Worrywarts are truly "warts" in our lives, bothersome, toxic people who attempt to play out their heightened anxieties using a facade of caring. They may say, "Oh, I was so worried you'd get in a car accident today." In reality, they have NO TRUST either in you or in themselves. I think a bit of a "control freak" is also part of them. A worrywart is afraid, terrified, that you will leave them.
Sad thing is, worrywarts never know any peace in their lives. If they don't have anything to worry about, they create "what if?" scenarios.
Various ones of my adult children have moved back home with me temporarily, over the years. That was fine; I enjoyed having each and every one of them back for a while. One was a genuine worrywart. It drove me batty till I decided I had enough of the questions, especially since they were increasing. The time I stopped it was the time I got mad: I was called on my cellphone two blocks from home! And I even was returning earlier than I had said! I answered the phone and practically yelled, "Don't call me unless I'm at least two hours overdue! You are NOT going to put a leash on me!" End of problem - almost. After that, once in a while I would get a premature phone call and just ignore it.
If you have a worrywart in your life, you might try being firm like I was. If that doesn't work, perhaps you could get the person to counseling. I have no idea of statistics about divorce involving worrywarts, but I bet there's plenty of divorces due to one person being unable to trust the other.
What if YOU are the worrywart? I've met some folks who know they have this problem, and would like to conquer it and gain some peace in their lives. The fastest, best, cheapest road to freedom from worry is to trust in God and also, to trust yourself. Yes, accidents happen, but not very often. Yes, adult children sometimes make what we would consider bad choices, but: weren't we allowed to make mistakes and then learned from them?
Excessive worry harms us in every way: physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Once in a while I find myself worrying. I talk to myself: can I do anything about this situation? Yes? Then I'll do it. No? Then I put the person in the hands of God. Know that God loves our children far more than we do! End of worrying!
Dear Lord, please help us be understanding about those who don't behave as we do. Please lead us to take action to have some peace in our lives!
Worrywarts are truly "warts" in our lives, bothersome, toxic people who attempt to play out their heightened anxieties using a facade of caring. They may say, "Oh, I was so worried you'd get in a car accident today." In reality, they have NO TRUST either in you or in themselves. I think a bit of a "control freak" is also part of them. A worrywart is afraid, terrified, that you will leave them.
Sad thing is, worrywarts never know any peace in their lives. If they don't have anything to worry about, they create "what if?" scenarios.
Various ones of my adult children have moved back home with me temporarily, over the years. That was fine; I enjoyed having each and every one of them back for a while. One was a genuine worrywart. It drove me batty till I decided I had enough of the questions, especially since they were increasing. The time I stopped it was the time I got mad: I was called on my cellphone two blocks from home! And I even was returning earlier than I had said! I answered the phone and practically yelled, "Don't call me unless I'm at least two hours overdue! You are NOT going to put a leash on me!" End of problem - almost. After that, once in a while I would get a premature phone call and just ignore it.
If you have a worrywart in your life, you might try being firm like I was. If that doesn't work, perhaps you could get the person to counseling. I have no idea of statistics about divorce involving worrywarts, but I bet there's plenty of divorces due to one person being unable to trust the other.
What if YOU are the worrywart? I've met some folks who know they have this problem, and would like to conquer it and gain some peace in their lives. The fastest, best, cheapest road to freedom from worry is to trust in God and also, to trust yourself. Yes, accidents happen, but not very often. Yes, adult children sometimes make what we would consider bad choices, but: weren't we allowed to make mistakes and then learned from them?
Excessive worry harms us in every way: physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Once in a while I find myself worrying. I talk to myself: can I do anything about this situation? Yes? Then I'll do it. No? Then I put the person in the hands of God. Know that God loves our children far more than we do! End of worrying!
Dear Lord, please help us be understanding about those who don't behave as we do. Please lead us to take action to have some peace in our lives!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Ashamed!
There were two young women, very successful in business, who were reputed to have denied their family origins. When asked about her mother, the first one simply lied, "She died." The mother was alive, well, very poor, and living in the same very small town where the woman was born and raised.
The second one was shopping with her mother and saw someone she considered 'very important' in the distance. She ordered her mother, "Don't say you're my mother."
Then there was the rich young man, living in one of the largest cities in the world. He wanted to marry a beautiful younger woman who had asked, "Have you been married before? Do you have children? I don't want to be married to anyone who has 'baggage.' " He quickly answered, "Oh, no."
The man actually went so far as to completely fabricate his origins. He created a family background from another large city, far away, with a wealthy family too busy to come to their wedding. "Oh, they're in South America for a while," he told his bride.
Why were they so ashamed? They were undoubtedly all affected by 'taunting' from children at school. They were ridiculed for their clothes, ridiculed for the size of their families, insulted for the houses where they lived, all from those who enjoyed a slightly higher standard of living. This is human nature. Many people like to know that there are others less well-off than themselves. This makes them feel more important.
I can fully relate to this! Coming from the Commonwealth of Kentucky (that's what our state calls itself), beginning in my childhood, I've heard many insults, seemingly in an attempt at humor. Yes, compared to most other states, Kentucky doesn't have the money they have. We have the highest rate of cancer and the highest percentage of smokers in the United States. Kentucky spends one of the lowest per capita amounts in the country on our children's education. The federal government has poured millions of dollars into the Eastern Kentucky mountain region to attempt to cure 'poverty.'
As a result, nearly everyone coming from Kentucky is considered "backwoods" by people who don't know better. One time I met someone and they looked at me and commented, "You wear shoes?" No kidding! Another time I was asked, "Do all your children have their own beds?"
This 'reputation' is mostly undeserved and comes from pure ignorance of our state, but also by past media portrayals. No one calls us 'backwoods' at the Kentucky Derby! No one called us 'backwoods' when the Queen of England came to Lexington to buy horses! No one called us 'backwoods' when the 2010 World Equestrian Games was held in the Kentucky Horse park. Yes, we have horses, we have coal, but much more!
Personally, I consider Kentucky to be the Most Civilized State in America, in the world, in the universe. We have manners! I've traveled many places in the world and still believe our people are the friendliest, kindest, and most welcoming. Travel north to south, drive from Ashland in the east to Paducah in the west, and tell me how beautiful are our rolling hills, mountains, and our lakes! We have much to offer.
So: think about yourself: have you ever made fun of someone because of their poverty? their family origins? where they lived growing up? Or have you been a victim of this? Can we stop this cycle of hurting others? It begins with each and every one of us.
Final thought: those three people at the beginning of this blog were the product of their origins. Their families must have done something right!!
Lord, we remember how You were mocked, stripped, insulted, taunted, tortured, and killed. If we are insulted, help us to overcome it. If we are the aggressors, help us to know what hurt we cause and stop. Help us always want to spread Your Love!
The second one was shopping with her mother and saw someone she considered 'very important' in the distance. She ordered her mother, "Don't say you're my mother."
Then there was the rich young man, living in one of the largest cities in the world. He wanted to marry a beautiful younger woman who had asked, "Have you been married before? Do you have children? I don't want to be married to anyone who has 'baggage.' " He quickly answered, "Oh, no."
The man actually went so far as to completely fabricate his origins. He created a family background from another large city, far away, with a wealthy family too busy to come to their wedding. "Oh, they're in South America for a while," he told his bride.
Why were they so ashamed? They were undoubtedly all affected by 'taunting' from children at school. They were ridiculed for their clothes, ridiculed for the size of their families, insulted for the houses where they lived, all from those who enjoyed a slightly higher standard of living. This is human nature. Many people like to know that there are others less well-off than themselves. This makes them feel more important.
I can fully relate to this! Coming from the Commonwealth of Kentucky (that's what our state calls itself), beginning in my childhood, I've heard many insults, seemingly in an attempt at humor. Yes, compared to most other states, Kentucky doesn't have the money they have. We have the highest rate of cancer and the highest percentage of smokers in the United States. Kentucky spends one of the lowest per capita amounts in the country on our children's education. The federal government has poured millions of dollars into the Eastern Kentucky mountain region to attempt to cure 'poverty.'
As a result, nearly everyone coming from Kentucky is considered "backwoods" by people who don't know better. One time I met someone and they looked at me and commented, "You wear shoes?" No kidding! Another time I was asked, "Do all your children have their own beds?"
This 'reputation' is mostly undeserved and comes from pure ignorance of our state, but also by past media portrayals. No one calls us 'backwoods' at the Kentucky Derby! No one called us 'backwoods' when the Queen of England came to Lexington to buy horses! No one called us 'backwoods' when the 2010 World Equestrian Games was held in the Kentucky Horse park. Yes, we have horses, we have coal, but much more!
Personally, I consider Kentucky to be the Most Civilized State in America, in the world, in the universe. We have manners! I've traveled many places in the world and still believe our people are the friendliest, kindest, and most welcoming. Travel north to south, drive from Ashland in the east to Paducah in the west, and tell me how beautiful are our rolling hills, mountains, and our lakes! We have much to offer.
So: think about yourself: have you ever made fun of someone because of their poverty? their family origins? where they lived growing up? Or have you been a victim of this? Can we stop this cycle of hurting others? It begins with each and every one of us.
Final thought: those three people at the beginning of this blog were the product of their origins. Their families must have done something right!!
Lord, we remember how You were mocked, stripped, insulted, taunted, tortured, and killed. If we are insulted, help us to overcome it. If we are the aggressors, help us to know what hurt we cause and stop. Help us always want to spread Your Love!
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