The Surprise Visitor

My sewing room window overlooks my back yard.  From it I can see the full glory of my prolifically  blooming Mimosa Tree with it pink puffs' flowers.  After opening the window blinds, I took just a little bit longer to enjoy its beauty, thinking that within a few weeks, the blooms will drop off, and I won't see them till next year in late June.

Two years ago, when recovering from a broken arm, I would take my prayer book and sit in the back yard in the warm summer weather.  Several times, my Mimosa Tree would be visited by perky little hummingbirds. I so enjoyed them carefully flitting from bloom to bloom. As I looked out the window, I pondered and prayed, "Well, I haven't seen one hummingbird at all this season.  I've put out a few more red flowers and the hummingbird feeder filled with red liquid, trying to attact them, but I haven't seen ever one.  God, I wish I would see just one!"

At that moment, a little hummingbird ascended from behind the fence, stood on a top branch for several seconds, then flew away.  Thank you, God, wow, I've seen one this summer!

I felt I was called to take my prayer book and sit on the patio, the way I did two years ago.  I felt called to take my camera, so I did.

I leisurely prayed a while,  scanned the Tree a while, and continued in that manner till I was finished.  It was so pleasant sitting and just watching the many different birds overhead.  It's a veritable highway across my yard!  Earlier this week, when I was trimming my hedges, I heard the very loud squawks of ducks and looked overhead.  There were about a dozen large ones, earnestly flying in "V" formation.  I listened to the various birds take turns 'tweeting.'  It was a lively symphony!

Something told me to get my camera ready, so I turned it on, and zoomed in.

Then, the hummingbird came back!  It flew to the same branch, stopped, and I managed to take a quick snapshot.  It flew to another branch, then out of sight.

What a stunning photographic capture of the flitting Hummingbird!

What a joy!  What a blessing!  Praise You, Lord, for Your tiny birds and all Your creation!

Heroes?

WHO in the world, living or deceased, would YOU most like to BE?  Does your taste go directly to the rich and famous?  To the politically important?  To one of the great religious figures?  Or would you prefer a talented sportsman or sportswoman?  Maybe you would most like to BE one of your parents or other relatives, or there might be an important friend who is your hero?  Would it be the late Lady Diana?  Micky Mantle?  Mother Teresa?  J.F.K.?  Who??

What about our young people?  Who do they want to be?  Judging by the amount of money that goes to rock music stars, sports heroes, and movie stars, probably most young people would choose them as their personal heroes, someone they most want to emulate.  What is it about them?  It is beauty?  Power?  Wealth?  Fame?

Yet we adults know how very, very quickly beauty, power, wealth, and fame can be lost: in an instant. Who is there that would be worthy of our admiration?  Probably no one in the list above except Mother Teresa, a genuine saint.

Today on the news was Diana Nyad, the 60+ year-old swimmer who swum from Cuba to Florida by herself.  She explained what was her inspiration: those in supporting boats who kept her going by saying, "Find a way."  While her achievement is certainly unequaled, a tremendous achievement, I find her current project of encouraging others to achieve more important that her big swim.

Then there is "Brangelina, Brad and Angelina, the super-movie stars who got married two days ago, after nine years and six children together.  Is this a wholesome example for our young people?  I wish them well and wonder: what took them so long to make a commitment?  They do, however, give a good example of public service in their various endeavors.

Personally, I think it is the ordinary people, those who work quietly at their jobs, doing the best that they can, staying with their families, that are the real heroes.  I bet we all know some of them.

Dear God, help us point the way for our young people, and for each other, to be the quiet, unnoticed, unawarded heroes, living a good, moral life, the way we know to do.

For Men Only

A few minutes ago on my easy-listening channel, I heard three songs in a row: "What the World Needs Now is Love," "Crying," and "I Can See Clearly Now."  This prompted thoughts of a recent conversation with the 'girls.'

We always ask each other, after, "How're you doing?," "How's your husband?" (if they have one) and "How's the kids?" (if they have any, or grandkids).

Betsy's husband, in his 60's, had been the picture of health.  He always got plenty of exercise including frequent running.  Now she reports that, "He can hardly run at all.  He just doesn't have the energy.  And he's constantly scratching on his arms, till they bleed."  Betsy is really worried about him but "he won't see a doctor.  I tell him something is wrong but he won't listen."

This is a re-run of dozens of conversations over the years.  Only the names and symptoms have been changed, to protect the GUILTY!!!  The "GUILTY" are all those men who won't consult a doctor for serious problems."  Any nurse, like me, or doctor, or any other health professional hears the same thing.
What the world really needs now is men with guts enough and courage enough to suck it up and see the doctor when something is seriously different in their bodies, if not for their own sake, for the ones who love them!  Why am I addressing Men Only?  Because we women are familiar with doctors for our pregnancies and children.  It doesn't bother us.  Most of us know, If you don't take care of a health problem, it will probably GET WORSE!!!  Also, if you catch a problem early, you more likely will be cured.

All health professionals have taken care of hordes of people, usually men, who WAIT TOO LONG to see a doctor.  By that time, whatever they have may have morphed into something life-threatening.  And far too many, DIE!  Sorry I'm so blunt, but that's the way it is: wait too long and you might end up being taken to the hospital by 911, and you may be beyond all the things we can do to try to save you:  YOU DIE!  Bud, this means YOU!

After Betsy related her concerns about her husband, several of us who are widows mentioned, "I've been without my husband for 17 years" and "I've been without for exactly 20 years."  They missed you very much!

Years ago, a friend had one of those know-it-all, pompous, 'ain't nothin' wrong with me' husbands who looked pale, very pale, pale enough that he looked painted white. Many folks, including his wife, mentioned to him, "Are you OK?  You look a bit sickly."  He told them all: "I feel OK."  And he wouldn't see a doctor.  Months later, he collapsed at work, was taken to the hospital.  His red blood cell count was 8.  It's a wonder he could breathe at all!  All the transfusions and IV iron couldn't save him; he died of anemia.  Something so simple!  What a horrible tragedy!  The whole family was "Crying."

Hey, Bud, this isn't the Wild West with Tough Cowboys who ignore all their health problems and dig out their own bullets!  We've got lots of good healthcare you should take advantage of!  Can you say, "I can see clearly now"?

FYI:  #1: You should have a regular doctor so when you need to see him, they'll 'work you in' to their schedule.  #2: If you do have a regular doctor and are told, "We don't have anything (appointments) for a month" or similarly long time, either see another doctor OR go to one of those grocery store "Little Clinics" staffed by Nurse Practitioners.  #3: Nurse Practitioners are very thorough, can give prescriptions and order blood tests, are a lot cheaper than doctors, and can get you a referral quickly. #4:  Go to your local emergency room and they must see you (this option is not recommended unless you have really bad symptoms because it costs you more in dollars and time).

Dear God, You know and I know there's no excuse for people to suffer and die for lack of medical care in America.  Please help the GUILTY GUYS pretend they have courage and get health problems evaluated.  We LOVE THEM like You do!

Right? Or Happy?

It seems I have so many friends who, sooner or later, mention that they are children of alcoholics.  Sometimes a friend will mention that her husband or former husband was an alcoholic.  Some of the husbands have recovered, others are still drinking.

At a funeral one time, I found out that my friend blamed her mother for her father's death.  "Every night, when he came home from work, mother would have a cocktail ready and hand it to him."  Sometimes both parents are alcoholics and both don't admit it.  We all know that alcoholism wreaks havoc and intense pain in a family.

I don't know all the family dynamics because, other than the alcoholic great uncle, Lawrence, whom I never met, there were no alcohol problems in my family. (To read about Lawrence, please see this blog, November 23, 2013, "The Invisible Uncle.")  But I do know that children of alcoholics can be unrelenting perfectionists, both with themselves and others.  There are never satisfied with themselves or anyone else.  No one is ever good enough for them.  They insist they are always, "right."  They are never happy!  They are so critical, they will suck the life and very soul out of you - if you let them!

The word, "enabler," is very important in a family with an alcoholic member or child of an alcoholic.  Family members need to carefully examine themselves to see if they, unwittingly, "enable" the alcoholic or child of an alcoholic to continue dysfunctional behavior, not only the perfectionism, but all dysfunctional behaviors.

Although I've never joined an Al-Anon group, I'm told it is extremely helpful.  Please don't let either an alcoholic or child of an alcoholic ruin your life and the lives of your children!

Dear Lord, You changed the water into wine.  You told us to offer bread and wine, Your very body and blood, in Your memory.  You taught us moderation.  Help us to model this in every aspect of our lives.  And please, give us the strength to deal with any substance-abuse problems in our families!

Yet Another Gift

With the surprise blooming of my crepe myrtle bush yesterday, I was quite content, and not prepared for another surprise!  Now my Oak Leaf Hydrangea is blooming in my backyard!  It was another example of sparse blooms, and few of them, for all the 4 or 5 years I've had it.  But look at it now!

The Oak Leaf Hydrangea in the morning sun today.  There are also some blooming hostas to the left.  In between the plants is the statue of St. Francis. Do you suppose the real saint in heaven had anything to do with these lovely, blooming plants?

It really does our hearts and souls good to notice beautiful objects or beautiful people!  In this world of mostly overwhelmingly bad news, we need something to counter sad feelings.  Drink it in, when you find beauty!  Dwell on it!  You've heard: "take time to smell the roses."  Yes, there is much about our world that is beautiful if we but look for it! Pass it on . . .

Dear Lord in Heaven, thank You for all the magnificent flowers, and the flitting birds.  Thank You for the green of all nature.  Thank You most for the wonderful friends and family members in our lives.  You have blessed us abundantly!

Blooming Now!

There's this crepe myrtle bush in the corner of my yard, planted 5 or 6 years ago.  It's been a huge disappointment with perhaps six paltry blooms per season, maximum.  Every year, throughout the summer, I've been noticing these beautiful crepe myrtle bushes in many places with dozens of beautiful blooms, quite lovely!  Except my bush. It hardly ever caught my attention - but yesterday it did.  For the first time, it's so full of big raspberry-colored blooms!  At last, it has bloomed!

Look at all those gorgeous blooms on the crepe myrtle bush!

Sometimes people are late bloomers, the kind who just do the minimum in school to get by, never get a degree, get stuck in a series of entry-level jobs.  You probably know a few.  There are a few in my family, including myself.  I didn't finish college until I was fifty years old - a very late bloomer!

But I'd bet I enjoyed school a lot more than those who got their degree right out of high school.  There were other differences:  my memory was not as good as previously, so I had to actually understand all the material.  This proved to be a distinct advantage when it came to the more difficult courses which depended on your initial foundation learning.

While I had family and part-time job responsibilities, I had to organize my time very, very carefully.  Plus, I didn't have the young emotional load of dating and not yet settling down with a spouse.  This gave me extra energy and a whole lot of motivation to succeed.

Was it easy?  Of course not!  I called upon every single brain cell and muscle cell to work overtime!  One time, when I took my three youngest daughters to Lexington (we lived in Danville, Kentucky) to visit family there, I told them, "If I fall asleep at a stoplight, please poke me."  No kidding!  This was my most fatigued moment.  I would not advise commuting to college.

Am I glad I did it?  Of course!  I'm a hundred thousand times glad I did it!  My years in nursing were very fulfilling (also extremely challenging!).

Over the years, I've encouraged many 'older' students to follow their dreams and get that education they hope for.  Many of them say, "When I finish school, I'll be 35 (or 40-something, or 50-something or older)."  I've told them all, "Well, even if you don't go to school, you'll still be 35 (or whatever)."

Several others have pondered, "What if I don't make it?  What then?"  I tell them, "Wouldn't you at least  want to know you tried?  If you don't try, you'll never know!"  I wish I knew the outcome of all those I informally advised.

Then there's the money cost: many say they can't afford it, that they don't want to be in debt.  I couldn't afford it either.  At the time, we had four of our kids also in college.  We all financed our schooling by part-time work, loans, and a couple of scholarships.  Yes, we had debt when we were finished but we were able to pay them off with increased earning power after getting those degrees!

So: encourage those you know (including yourself!) who may be considering returning to higher education.  Don't limit yourself - ever!  Go for it!  You deserve the rewards, the most of which will be learning lots of new things useful to yourself and the whole world!

Dear God, thank You a hundred thousand times for prodding me and enabling me to, at last, finish my college education!  Please help all those who may be thinking about more education!

Mothers-in-Law, for Better or Worse

Family relationships are very delicate, can be very fulfilling, yet are usually demanding.  The mother-in-law role seems to be widely characterized as totally a witch on wheels, inciting hatred in all she encounters.  My own mother-in-law, the dearly departed Sally, and I got along fine, right from the beginning of my relationship and marriage to her son.  It could be that I actually was accepted even before that because I babysat for her youngest son, not to mention that she and my mother were fine friends.

Sally was a great seamstress when I was a poor young mother.  I wanted to be a bridesmaid in my two best friends' weddings but couldn't afford even one, let along two, expensive 'bought' bridesmaid gowns.  So she helped me sew the first one for my pal, Nancy's wedding.  We couldn't find a pattern to match the others' dresses (which were bought) so she designed a dress without a pattern!!  It fit perfectly!  And it cost a fraction of what a bought dress would cost.

In the evenings when we were working on the dress, Sally picked mint from her yard, made tea, and we pretended we were drunk!  It was great fun.  Meanwhile, my grandmother watched my baby.

For my other friend, Pam's wedding, Pam's dad bought the dress for me.  Pam explained, "Your dad bought my plane ticket to your wedding, so my dad will buy the dress."  I appreciated that! Both weddings were spectacular!  Pam and Nancy were both marrying naval officers.  The flashing of the swords forming an arch over the new bride and groom at the weddings added a quite elegant touch.

I feel sorry for the families of those mothers-in-law who are truly witches.  One sad son who had talked to his mother quietly said, "Every time I talk to her, God kills a puppy in heaven."  I think that means that even God is unhappy at such a wicked woman.  I suspect that most mothers-in-law behave somewhere in the middle of these extremes of behavior.

Many mothers-in-law, and also, the fathers-in-law, positively know that there does not breathe a man or woman good enough for their daughter or son.  And they find ways of causing mayhem.  One young woman I know lamented, "She never once had anything nice to say about me or to me.  I will never set eyes on her again.  I will not subject myself to that kind of abuse."

Lord in Heaven, help me to be a very, very good mother-in-law to all my adult children by marriage; you know how dearly I love them, each and every one!

Foggy Memories

Most people who attend church regularly end up sitting in the same area, if not the exact same place, week after week.  I'm no different.  "My spot" is on the right side, up near but not right on, the front.  It just seems like a comfortable view.  If I'm with others, I generally sit where they prefer - it makes no difference to me.

Have you ever worshiped at a very, very old church?  Sometimes you see the families' names on brass plates on the corner of the pews.  You also might notice a rectangular area where something obviously had been affixed previously. This was seriously "my pew!"

This morning, I was in my same familiar place, behind the same family.  Every week, we sit close, although not on purpose, I'm sure.  Either they're behind me, or I'm behind them.  The family is wife, husband, teenage boy, teenage girl, and girl about 8 years old or so.  And what a lovely family they are!

The children in this family never fight or elbow each other or aggravate each other in any way.  I've sat around plenty of families where this happens and (usually the mother) the parent(s) seem totally unaware.  As a result, the children never get corrected, never are taught to behave and are a distraction to those around them trying to pay attention to the service and, actually, pray.

My thoughts turned to my own children while they were at home growing up, many years ago.  They were taught to behave perfectly, in church.  We always tried to sit in the first row, so they would have no excuse to not pay attention.

One week, our family was sitting sort of in the middle of the church.  Four of them, approximately ages 6 to 10, started quietly elbowing each other; their faces were full of devilment.  I tolerated it for a couple of minutes, then whispered to them, "Quit it!"  They totally ignored me!  I told them to quit once more.  Again, they totally ignored me.

This was terrible!  Finally, I glared at them at whispered, "You quit NOW or you will GET THE SHOE when we get home!!"  They quit for several minutes; then they resumed their silent devilment.  I said not a word but inside I was fuming.

The instant their bodies got inside our house, I very firmly announced, "Line up."  The four of them did so.  Then I commanded, "Turn around."  They dared not do otherwise.  Next, "Bend over."  They all did, in unison. Then I proceeded to take off my shoe, and give each one a hard (but physically harmless) wallop on the rear end.  They were motionless.  I commanded, "Go!" and they did, without a word.

They never again misbehaved in church.

That was my memory.

Last week I was chatting about it with one of my daughters.  She said, "Mom, I think you're only remembering the good times.  We were bad all the time."  I guess we have different perspectives!  The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

Times did change, however.  When one of their yet unborn siblings was a bit older, and was incredibly 'mouthy' toward me, I threatened to slap her across the face.  She blatantly told me, "I'm going to scream, 'child abuse, child abuse!' "  My, how the times changed!  I still believe that a reasonable 'wallop' on the back end settles lots of issues of childcare when rarely used.  (p.s.: I countered said child's insult with, "Then I'll make it worth my while if I have to go to jail."  At that, we both laughed and the situation was defused.)

Re: 'regular' church attendance.  Once a friend and I were discussing his church attendance when he was growing up.  He reported, "Mom said we went to church regularly.  We did - once a year on Christmas, most years."  No, No, No, I don't think so!  'Regular' church attendance is going every week unless you're sick.

Dear God, Bless all mothers, Bless all fathers.  Bless my mother and my father.  Help all parents realize the critical importance of taking their precious little children to worship You and pray to You, together with their community, regularly, in their church.

Spiders! #1, #2, & #3

Every time there is a really hard rain around here or when it gets cold in the fall, it seems that several spiders get into my house.  It's always a surprise to find one in a corner near a door.

Yesterday it rained hard for a long time.  I didn't even think about the crawly creatures but was confronted by two of them this morning, one in the kitchen - a BIG one, and the other, a small one, in the entry way.  Now, I'm not just going to walk away and not know where they've gone!  I'm not of a mind to capture them and release them outdoors (no one has ever accused me of being St. Francis' sister!).  I'll either step on them (if I'm wearing boots up to my knees) or spray bug spray on them.  I rationalize: I don't bother them outside, they shouldn't bother me inside!

Anyway I sprayed them, took paper towels and disposed of them.  End of story.

But it got me to wondering if there might be surprise "dark" thoughts crawling around in my consciousness, ready to sting me into a dark mood, or having less than positive thoughts.  What exactly are these deficiencies in myself that I should try to overcome, lest they sap me of energy?

'Spider' #1:  For one thing, I seem to let piles of unfinished work talk me into feeling that I'll never be able to finish them.  I love needlework projects, sewing clothes or decorating items, and different crafts.  I have a small room dedicated to this.  I probably have more than I can accomplish in one lifetime.  I have to steel myself into never (well, hardly ever) buying another project. I must be working on finishing what I have before I get anything new.  But sometime just thinking about them is overwhelming.  Remedy? Realize that everything I do always takes more time to finish than I imagine it will take.  I need to just enjoy doing what I can and not think of what is undone.  (Spider #1, squashed!)

'Spider' #2: My downstairs usually looks fairly decent.  I wouldn't be embarrassed if someone popped in unexpectedly.  But I seem to think that the whole house, inside and outside could be perfect, like my mom and grandma were able to do.  Remedy to combat this negative thinking?  That level of cleaning and weeding is impossible for one person, I should realize. After all, they had dad and grandpa to help and I don't.  I do some church and community volunteer work that they never did, also.  That should give me comfort if things get a little dusty!  (Spider #2, squashed and disposed of!)

'Spider' #3:  Books.  There are so many of them I'd love to read and then there are those I think I should read.  Over the years, I've accumulated so many, it might take a whole another lifetime to read them all!  I wish I could sit for a long time and read for hours like some of my friends can do.  What to think?  Here again, if I read for a short time nearly every day, I'll read a few books in a year.  What's so bad about that?  Am I a scholar or a reviewer?  No!  Plus: don't buy any new books!  (Spider #3, sprayed, squashed and disposed of!)

I wouldn't have to try hard to think of other 'spiders' crawling around in my life: I think I should be giving more cash and volunteer time to more charities. . . A friend of mine I haven't seen for a long time told me, "My weight hasn't varied 5 or 6 pounds since you last saw me (very large spider!). . . you get the picture!

I feel better already, I feel like it is healthier to not even try to be a perfectionist.  Work hard, try for excellence, but not perfection!  What about you?

Lord, you gave us some beautiful creatures and some that are less beautiful, some we don't appreciate at all.  I know you understand why some of the creepy ones bother us.  Sorry!

New Term: "Bug Chasers"

Have you heard about the latest insanity?: "Bug Chasers" are men and women who hop from sexual partner to sexual partner hoping to catch AIDS!  Unbelievable! Yet a nurse from a large hospital tells me this is the latest 'fad.'  To be sure, those who engage in this have never seen those dying from AIDS.

Clarification:  "AIDS" is the disease; what they 'catch' is the HIV virus.  "AIDS" stands for acquired immune deficiency disease.  "HIV" stands for human immunodeficiency virus.  Once a person is infected through blood or bodily fluids, it takes about 6 weeks to come down with symptoms that may feel like the flu.  Then the virus hides in your body, increases in numbers, and, in the process, greatly decreases your body cells that fight infection.  Sound horrible?  People with age suffer from terrible infections which will ultimately kill them.  There is NO PREVENTIVE VACCINE for AIDS.  THERE IS NO CURE FOR AIDS.

The reason I'm bringing this to my blog is that when I heard this term, I checked for up-to-the-minute statistics: 35,000,000+ are infected with HIV/AIDS worldwide.  What I find very disturbing is: 1 in 4 new HIV infections occur between the ages of 13 to 24.  13!!  Please, talk with your young children and/or grandchildren!  Tell them that the ONLY way to NOT risk getting HIV/AIDS is to NOT HAVE SEX until they get married (and be careful who you marry!)

Whenever I hear or read that "protected sex" will prevent HIV/AIDS, I cringe.  It will NOT prevent it!  Also tell the young ones that just because a person looks wholesome and clean, doesn't mean that they are not infected with HIV/AIDS.  A person can be infected with it and not have the symptoms and not have enough of the virus (newly infected) to even show up on an AIDS test!

It used to be - and undoubtedly still is - that some of the people infected with HIV/AIDS didn't tell those they had sex with that they were infected because then they might not have sex with them.  And, also, there were those who purposely infected others.  EVIL!!!

One dying AIDS patient of mine, when I was still a nursing student in the early 1990's, told me, "I wish I had never done the things I did when I was young."  He was only 38 years old.

Too late is too late!  We can't ignore these realities!  But we CAN arm our young people (and those who are not-so-young) with the facts.

Our Lord, we would like our world and our lives and our families to be lovely and perfect.  Help us be strong and never sweep unpleasant or deadly realities under the rug of our cowardice!  We know You will give us the words to say if we but ask.

"I've never been MODEST. . ."

A bunch of us family recently saw a photo of a distant cousin's child who had turned our memories of a sweet preschooler child now transformed into an incredibly beautiful 16-year-old woman.  Her face was lovelier than any model you've ever seen, yet still young and innocent.  But she had a bikini on that left absolute nothing to the imagination.  The top, particularly, was so scanty it was doubtful she could swim in it without losing it!

Our first thoughts were, "Where was her mother?  How could she possibly let her daughter appear in public looking like that?"  (I know that fathers care about their daughters but it is awkward for them to teach young women how to dress.)

Then, one of our group stated, "Well, I've never been modest.  Why should I start now?"  I could have retorted, "I know your mother.  You were not raised that way.  What changed you?  It's never too late to be modest."  But I decided not to challenge her at the moment.

What young women don't know - and even women of all ages may not know this - is that, after puberty, boys and men have thought of sex many times a minute!  We should NOT strengthen these thoughts and focus these thoughts either on our daughters or on ourselves!  Women of any age should never, ever, purposely TEMPT men!!!

We should want to attract men with our goodness, our character, what we have in common and, of course, by our wholesome, attractive appearance.  FRIENDSHIP should happen BEFORE SEX or it is extremely unlikely to EVER happen!  Even decent young and older men want their wives to be pure, not to have sex with many other men.

So many women bitterly complain that their husbands or boyfriends only want to be near them for sex.  What women want (and also mature men!) is INTIMACY.  You may feel physically intimate during sex but what you really want is friendship, true love, caring, a true connection with your beloved.

Modesty is not just about the percentage of women's bodies that are revealed, modesty is about appropriateness of clothing worn.  We can wear bathing suits at the beach or at a swimming pool, but not to go shopping.  Mini-skirts and low-cut sundresses are not appropriate for business or church.  Jeans, cut-offs, sloppiness are also not appropriate for business or church.

Modesty is also not only about clothes and skin; it's about facial expressions and attitude.  Just because a woman looks totally innocent in a revealing outfit doesn't mean she's totally innocent!  And because a woman has a "I'm available for whatever-you-want look means she's totally guilty!"

I would certainly welcome everyone to comment on this!  Am I an old fuddy-duddy?  Do men really not have frequent thoughts about sex which are increased by scantily-clad women?  Is it OK to wear anything, anyhow, anywhere?

Dear God in Heaven, help us protect our young ones, help us teach them to be wholesome first, help us to teach them to look and act appropriately at all times!  And encourage us to be good examples to each other at all times!

New Technology: Do you use everything?

It is sad that so many senior citizens, including friends of mine, have never used the internet and do not know the whole new world at their fingertips! Thought I would check recent (January 2014) statistics from Pew research to find out how many of us older adults - and every other adult age group - used the internet in the United States.

All adult ages: 75% use the internet
Ages 18-29: approximately 90% use
Ages 30- 49: approximately 85% use
Ages 50-64: approximately 65 % use
Ages 65+: 50% use the internet.

Anyone reading this blog would not, obviously, fit into the percentages that do NOT surf the net.  Do you know an older person who is 'afraid' of the internet?  Perhaps if you gently encourage them, they would give it a try.  Libraries everywhere offer classes in learning how to use the internet and some (most?) provide free use.  Senior citizen groups also offer classes.

What about I-phone use?  I'll admit to never wanting one and not having one because (1) it's more than I can afford, (2) I'd have to stretch my poor brain even more to learn lots of new stuff, (3) I tried one of my daughter's phones and was very, very slow, (4) I don't want to do what everyone I know does and seem to be playing with it every other minute, and (5) it bugs me that everyone I call who has an I-phone/smart-phone hardly ever answers it!  99% of the time I never get to talk to a real person!!  Is that rude or what?!

Not having an I-phone means that I don't text and don't tweet.  Today, my son-in-law, Dave, has given me a new perspective on this.  He feels that it is rude to actually CALL a person and expect them to interrupt their lives to take time and talk to you; you could usually send them a quick text which they could answer very quickly and immediately.  That makes perfect sense to me!  I'm going to probably check out my options to get an I-phone fairly soon.  Of course, I'll have to have at least one of my daughters and/or grandchildren to teach me how to use it!

Oh, my Lord, help bring me into the real world of today!

Two E-Mails, Two Families, One Divorce

Two families who lived far apart from each other recently had identical challenges.  This involved family e-mail accounts, innocent e-mails from members of the opposite sex which were grossly misinterpreted.  What it came down to were the two wives receiving e-mails from men who were friends of the families.  The husbands 'jumped the gun' and nastily accused the wives of having affairs that they were not having.

Family #1:  Bruce, who was himself a man of incredible bad temper, so bad he pounded holes in many walls at home, once breaking his own arm, accused Cherry of having an affair after he saw an e-mail she received.  Cherry told him it was ridiculous, that the man was half her age, and that Bruce was crazy.

Family #2:  Jim, at heart a kind and gentle man, saw one of Marta's e-mails from another man in which he 'may have been' propositioning her.  Jim was furious and told Marta, "you've probably been having affairs behind my back the whole time we've been married."  This was extremely hurtful to Marta, who loved him dearly, had never had an affair, and was equally disturbed by the e-mail.

Outcome, Family #1: Bruce further compounded the terrible situation by spreading lies on Facebook about Cherry. This pushed Cherry over the edge; she didn't want their children hurt and teased.  She immediately filed for divorce.  Bruce very nicely countered that "I really didn't mean it, can you come snuggle with me?" Cherry was anxious to end her marriage of violence and went through with the divorce.  Bruce fought her horribly in court, trying to use the children against her.  Bruce was re-married within the month.

Outcome, Family #2:  Jim and Marta talked out the giant misunderstanding.  Marta, who had already been in counseling for their problems, suggested Jim also go to the counselor of his choice, to find out why he may be so ready to accuse her of affairs she never had, perhaps revealing a basic insecurity.  Jim readily agreed.  Jim and Marta are closer than ever.  Their children did not know of the threat and difficulty.

Lessons to be learned:  There must be basic TRUST between spouses, indeed, between friends. Without TRUST, you have NO relationship - don't ever kid yourself! See the reality.  Never, ever, think that trust must be earned.  Either a person is able to trust you, or not.  Either you are a trusting person, or not.  Spouses must give each other the FIRST OPPORTUNITY to clear up misunderstandings.

Lord God, we trust you love us deeply and have the very best in mind for us.  Help us trust each other implicitly.

Never Give Up!

In Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Brockton, Massachusetts, this morning, the priest encouraged us to "Never give up!"  Father told us that there were so many challenges in our world, and that even yesterday, there was the funeral of a 28-year-old Brockton man who had died from violence.  In so many countries, Christians are being openly persecuted, commanded to "convert to Islam, leave, or die!" He said that most Muslims are peaceful but that the radical members are wrong in thinking that killing others in His name pleases Him.  It is evil, the work of the devil, the evil one.

This church honors Mary, the Mother of Jesus.  Mary appeared to peasant children at Lourdes, France, in 1858.

Main altar at Our Lady of Lourdes Church.

Stained glass window in the back of Our Lady of Lourdes church showing Mary appearing to one of the children, Bernadette, and people with crutches showing that many, many healing miracles have occurred at this site.

So what can we and should we do: PRAY!  We can pray for an end to violence and even for conversion of Muslims.  Please don't ever think that prayer is not the POWER OF THE UNIVERSE!  Years ago, when I was growing up, after Mass, we all prayed for the conversion of Russia, an increasing violent menace in the world.  You know what happened: the Soviet Union government collapsed and the Berlin Wall came crashing down!

Lord God, thank you for allowing me to worship in church today, far from home, yet with the identical service of the universal church.  Thank you for the friendly people and the competent, inspirational priest. Thank you for all the family and friends on my prayer list today and every day.  Thank you for my blog readers and especially for their guidance and responses.  Thank you for life; thank you for love!

Two Men, Two Sorrows

Knowing all the hurting individuals and families we Americans know, it's a wonder we put up for one moment with all the Hollywood and TV insistence that sex is fine for anyone, anywhere, anyhow, any age, just do what feels right to you, and if someone is hurt - it's their problem.  Despite the 'mud' of this 'loose morals' culture, everyone does not cheat.  Everyone does not have sex outside of marriage.

As always, the real losers are the children. So many of them have never had an example (role model) of a good marriage for any length of time.  What do they learn from the culture?  1) It's OK for men, especially, and, increasingly, women, to spend hours and hours with pornography.  2) If you think you're ready for sex, go for it! - just make sure you know how to 'protect' yourself.  3) You can get free birth control or, if it fails, kill your baby, at any Planned Parenthood.  Don't tell mommy and daddy.  They'll get mad.  Etc. Etc.

Jeremy is a middle-aged man, in wonderful health, married for 24 years to the same woman.  When he was a teenager, he had sex indiscriminately because "everyone was expected to have sex."  His girlfriend got pregnant and he "did the manly thing" and married her at age 18 to help take care of the baby.  They had two more children.  Jeremy was faithful to her although the wife had many affairs.  He never divorced her because "she was so hateful, I knew I would never see the children. Besides, she never knew how to take care of the children.  I always made sure they were fed and did their homework."  Now that the children are grown and in college, Jeremy is considering divorce. He is a wonderful father, breadwinner, and human being.  But he has been in considerable pain for many years.

Phil is a man in his late seventies.  He was in the army, near retirement, and met a nice woman, also in the army (first marriage for both). They quickly married in their late thirties but they were just plain mean to each other, even though they had two children, now on their own.  He's an extremely successful businessman and his wife knows it.  She told him, "I will take it all.  I don't care if you have a single penny to your know.  If you were in the gutter, I would kick you."  Finally, several years ago, Phil filed for divorce.  His wife has fought him all the way, lying, taking her time, hoping for a better settlement.  Phil says, "I just want some peace in my old age."  It is heartbreaking to talk to Phil.  Phil has a heart and wants his wife to be comfortable but not taking him for every cent.

I've never set eyes on these men's wives.  It just makes sense to me to encourage others to follow what I was taught as a teenager, concerning dating: dating is not a game, it is serious.  Don't date someone you discover does not have the characteristics of a person you would want to parent your children!!  And, it goes without saying: don't ever have sex with someone you wouldn't want to have a child with!

How can we get young people to be more serious?  We could start with parents trying very hard to love each other, hold their marriage together, and be loving examples.  Then these parents could talk to their pre-teens and teenagers about real love that cares for the other and does never 'exploit' the other for selfishness.

Dear Lord, we pray for parents, we pray for their children, we pray that we all will be examples of wholesome love for each other.  We know in our hearts the right things to do!

Negotiating Compatibility, #6: Vacations

In the super-busy world of dating, engagements, and work, vacations often get forgotten by young people.  They are absorbed with getting ahead in their jobs, having fun after work, dating their boyfriends or girlfriends, and just don't have time. It is said that Americans have fewer and shorter breaks from work than any other group in the world.

However, we need vacations, from time to time.  It is very important, before you are committed to one person "till death do us part," to discover how he or she likes to spend their free time (or even if they take any free time).  If you are a person who feels the need to relax about from your common setting, you would be supremely frustrated by marriage to a person who thinks that vacations are a waste of time and good cash.  It is not impossible to live with such a person, to be sure, if you understand that you may be taking your vacations with family or friends, and not with your spouse.

Another item you need to know before marriage is how and where your intended one likes to spend vacations.  Are you a person who likes to get the most out of every new place, likes to get up early and tour the historical places and fun places, loves to shop?  Would you be happy if you were married to a person who would just like to sit on a porch, drink and/or smoke, and look out at the sea the whole time?  Would you want to be ACTIVE or PASSIVE?  Neither way is right or wrong, it's just what you would prefer.

Must you go to the sea or to the mountains or to a gambling place or large city?  Or, are you flexible and like to explore new places? Do you feel you must always visit family on vacations?  Or do you feel visiting family is the waste of a good location?  Decide what you, yourself like, then ask you intended mate what he or she prefers.

Marriage is always filled with a few surprises. The less you have to negotiate, the more gentle will be your relationship!  Pray to the Lord for a wise choice in life commitments!

Negotiating Compatibility, #5: The Number of Children

Deciding the number of children desired by any couple is a very highly personal matter.  First of all, children are ideally the highest blessing, the result of love between and husband and wife.  They are never 'mistakes,' although there are plenty of 'oops' pregnancies.  There is no 'right' to a baby.  Some couples who we know would be wonderful parents never conceive; it is so thoughtless to comment negatively when we don't know the pain they may be experiencing.

Much depends on the health of the parents, particularly the mother.  Some women have children without any difficulty.  Others are more fragile.

Perhaps this would be a good time to also mention the other end of the spectrum: those who have many children.  I, personally, grew up in an era when large families were common.  My best friends came from families of 13, 13, and 7 children.  Back then, children were certainly a blessing.  I, also, desired a large family.  I was blessed with relatively easy pregnancies, a husband with a steady job, and, by the grace of God, ended up with exactly what I wanted: ten children.  He also wanted exactly ten children.  We agreed on this while we were still engaged.

You would not believe the comments from folks who should know better I heard over the years: "Do they each have their own beds?"  (of course)  "You mean you have a dishwasher?"  (yes, we saved and bought one!)  "From your own body?"  (what else?)  "Did they have the same father?"  (to be sure). "Well, we know what you do all the time!" (quite wrong!).  "Aren't you worried about wearing a bikini?" (obviously not)  Then they all proceeded to tell me about certain of their relatives who had large families.

The point of this is that couples contemplating marriage and family need to discuss this before marriage.  There is no option here.  For the sake of your future family, both people need to agree on the number of children desired.  They might end up with more children, or fewer - or none at all, but they need to know what are the hopes and expectations of their future spouse.

My friend, Louise, had an extremely difficult first marriage.  She and Will never discussed having children before marriage.  She assumed that Will wanted children.  Turned out Will wanted NO children at all, ever.  For several years, things were fine between them until their birth control failed and Louise became pregnant.  Will was nasty, accused Louise of all sorts of lies.  When the baby was born, Will would not help care or in any way be involved with the baby.  They divorced before the baby reached three years old.  A wise person NEVER ASSUMES ANYTHING!

Lord, you know what a selfish, baby-discarding culture we live in.  Please help us value and love all children, the ones we are blessed with, and those of others who need our help.

Twisted Tongues

If you're an ordinary woman who has a child or two or more, you've had the experience of someone commenting, "Oh, when is your baby due?" - and you're not pregnant! Oh, yes, I know I've got a big gut; yes, I know I have to lose more weight. Hopefully, the person delivering the thoughtless comment notices the hurt or aggravation in your face and thinks twice about commenting to the next 'puffy' woman. I've heard the comment, more than once, when I'm nine months pregnant and feeling it, "Expecting twins?"  Yes, I know I look huge; what can I do about it at this very minute?

The worst comments of all involve handicapped or otherwise 'different' children.  One of my babies had white blond hair that grew straight up from her scalp.  I tried to make the hair flatter with baby oil, brushing, even a little bit of hand lotion but nothing worked!  Strangers would come up to us in stores and say something like, "Why do you fix your baby's hair like that?"  

Sometimes we would call her "Fuzzy," because that is the way she looked.  EVERYONE told us, "Don't call her "Fuzzy.  That'll stick to her for life."  Guess what?  Her hair was long enough when she was seven months old and fell over and looked normal.  And, "Fuzzy" didn't stay with her for long.

When the same daughter was around ten years old, the local pool was having problems one summer and her hair turned green. Again, strangers would ask us, "Why do you dye her hair green?"

As my Granny would say, "Some people have no shame."  Some people also say what's on their minds, you know, there is no distance between their brains and their mouths! In other words, they don't think!

Granny and mother also told me that if someone insulted me, to "consider the source."  In other words, if someone makes a stupid comment, just ignore it!  I took that to heart and was not insulted when a few of the other kids made fun of me, calling me, "fattie."  (Actually, I was, for a long time.)

It pays to not be sensitive to stupid, thoughtless comments.  Why should we be hurt?  My thinking is, if someone is really trying to hurt me, I may be hurt, but I'll never give them the satisfaction and show them I'm hurt.

Dear Lord, we can't stop certain folks from making inappropriate comments.  Help us "consider the source" and not be hurt.  Also, please help us not respond in a mean way.  And help us forgive ourselves if we say something stupid and thoughtless!

The "Stepmother"

She is the live-in girlfriend of Thomas, the husband of a friend.  Her name is Kari and she calls herself "the stepmother."  Kari and Thomas were cheating on his wife for a number of years and had a child together.  Who knows when he was planning on either leaving Kari or telling his wife, my friend, Winnie?  Why did he wait so long until the point of no return?

Anyway, Winnie found out about the cheating and new baby and immediately filed for divorce.  As the divorce is not yet final, Kari and Thomas are now living together with her child by a former 'liason,' their baby, and sometimes, Winnie and Thomas' three children. Perhaps Kari assumes that Thomas will marry her as soon as the ink is dry on his divorce papers.  So she calls herself "the stepmother."

Since Winnie and her children moved out to a small apartment, Kari and Thomas and the assorted children are living in Thomas' large, suburban home.  The neighbors are not happy about this.  She is loud and obnoxious.  Thomas' friends and co-workers are not happy about the way he cheated on Winnie.  Will he keep his job?  Winnie's friends, of course, want nothing whatsoever to do with 'the other woman.' Thomas' family wonder out loud, "Where did we go wrong with him?"  Thomas himself looks very unhappy and very confused.

Recently, I ran into the stepmother and she knew who I was and introduced herself.  Naturally, I tried hard to act like this was a perfectly normal situation (you know, " love the sinner, hate the sin") and not be judgmental.  Yet, with swirling children and dogs, it was difficult.  I was glad to be on the periphery of this complicated situation.

Do I wish Thomas and Kari well?  In my heart, I'm sorry to say, "No."  I know how stabbingly painful this has been to Winnie and her children, and also to us, her friends and family.  I feel like the two cheaters truly deserve each other.  Will I pray for everyone involved?  Yes, yes, yes!  I know that God brings good out of every situation of hurt.  It may not be apparent for many years, but it will happen.

Dear Lord, each and everyone directly and indirectly involved in this messed-up family is hurting badly.  We trust you will sort things out well.  Please help us 'watchers' just pray and be supportive!

Success: Baggage #4: Parent Love

My new friend, Karen, is a wonderful example of shedding her emotional "baggage," past hurt from lack of love from her mother.  Please see this blog, September 23, 2013, for background on this topic.

Karen has NEVER EXPERIENCED a shred of affection from her mother.  This is sad, tragic, and extremely hard from which to recover. Karen's mother, she reported, "always openly preferred my older brother, Benny.  He could do no wrong.  She put a lot of money into Benny going to college.  Benny ended up dropping out.  Mother wouldn't pay a penny for me or my younger sister for college.  What about dad?  He would never go against mother, even now.  He just isn't strong enough."

Almost unbelievably, Karen's mother pushed her out of her home when she was four months from high school graduation.  "I lived with a friend's family till graduation."  I don't understand how a mother could be this cruel!  Karen worked several years, barely supporting herself.  She married, then divorced.  She worked her way through college, then wanted to go to law school. Karen married again.  Her second husband was very encouraging and helped her through law school.

Karen is a kind, loving person.  Her children are teenagers.  She and her husband both work hard and create a loving home.  Karen said that "once in a while, I used to check on my mother to see how she and dad were getting along.  She was always mean and hostile, always putting me down.  I don't need that kind of hurt so I don't care if I ever see her again."  She occasionally sees her father.

What are some of the lessons we could learn from this situation?  1)  Lack of maternal love is extremely difficult to overcome.  Most people can't overcome it and suffer from chronic depression their entire lives.  2) The Biblical commandment,"Honor your mother and your father," doesn't mean you have to associate with them if they are abusive.  3) There must be balance in marital relationships!!  Spouses BOTH MUST BE STRONG, strong enough to challenge and counter it when the other person goes too far off in any direction, especially in parenting. 4) Help is available from psychological counselors or trained ministers.  Karen reports that the love she experienced from her Christian sisters after her conversion is what helped her the most.  5) We all need to be sensitive to each other - we don't know what burdens the other person is carrying!

Let us offer prayers today for all mothers and fathers: Lord, help each and every parent show their love and acceptance, unselfishly, to each and every one of their children.  Lord,  please help each and every one of us to be examples of your unbounded love for us!

A Country Baptism

Our Lady of the Lake Church, Halifax, Massachusetts, 8/10/14.

There is much in praise of very small country churches!  The congregations know each other intimately and know when one of their number needs help almost before it is needed.  Everyone works together to support one in need.  Celebrations are many and festive.  

I'm visiting my daughter, Mary, her husband, Dave, and their 7-year-old son, Michael, in Massachusetts.  This morning we traveled to Our Lady of the Lake Church in Halifax, Massachusetts. This was Dave's church as he grew up.  One of Dave's cousins, Kristen's baby, Carter, was baptized.  It was also his first birthday.

Little Carter is held by his dad, Brian, and mother, Kristen is watching as Father Griffith continues the Baptism ceremony.  The family filled up about half the church!

There has been disagreements concerning infant baptisms versus older children or adult baptisms since the early days of the church.  I have heard quite a few people say that they didn't get their child or children baptized because they feel a person has the right to choose his or her own religion.  Sorry to report, but most of these folks who never get baptized when young and never are brought to church by their parents never go to any church - ever!

We in the Catholic Church believe that Baptism is too important to be delayed.  Baptism gives an indelible 'imprint' on a person's soul, marking that person as a Christian, and is a source of God's 'grace,' or special help, his or her whole life.  However, a person can be baptized at any time of life.

Christian Baptism is a simple matter.  What is necessary?:  That a person pours a small amount of water over the candidate's head and pronounces the words, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, in the name of the Son, and in the name of the Holy Spirit."  The Catholic Church accepts as valid this Christian Baptism from all Christian Churches, not only the Catholic Church.  A person needs to get baptized only once in their lifetime.

Many years ago, I miscarried a baby at home.  I, personally, felt this small thing was a child, even though it was too small to detect.  I knew my doctor would want to test it to see if I was really pregnant (and also that afterwards, I wouldn't get it back).  I took the 'tissue' over to my bathroom sink.  I sprinkled a small amount of water over it and pronounced the words of Baptism.  It was very, very sad for me.  Weeks later (this was 1977), my doctor told me that I had been, indeed, pregnant.  So I feel that one baby is waiting for me and the rest of my family in heaven.

We call Baptism the "Sacrament of Initiation" because it is the first sacrament to be given and received.  To find out more about this most vital and interesting sacrament, google "Catechism of the Catholic Church" and scroll down the table of contents to the Sacraments.

The Lake in "Our Lady of the Lake" Church is Lake Monponsett, nearby.  Here are some more photos of the church's interior.

Facing the Altar at Our Lady of the Lake Church.

Closer view of window over the altar, Jesus with his Mother, Mary.

Window in the rear of the church showing the Pope's insignia over the organ pipes.

For more photos of the area and Carter's Baptismal/Birthday, please go to my travel blog today, www.rockingthroughworld.blogspot.com.

Dear Lord, thank you for allowing me to be present at little Carter's Baptism today!  

Negotiating Compatibility, #4: Money Matters

Yes, Money Issues really matter in the Kingdom of Couples!  Every person, whether 'poor' or 'wealthy,' or 'middle class,' like most of us, has LIMITS to spending!  It's hard enough, usually, to stay within your income, if you're a single person, but if you're married, it's even harder.  So, each person, has to have an understanding of financial goals and responsibilities.  BOTH PERSONS MUST BE COMMITTED to common goals!

Lack of working on common financial goals, namely overspending by one or both persons, is the cause of divorce in many, many marriages.  You would be wise to thoroughly discuss money matters while your commitment is still in the planning stage.

By 'commitment,' is meant: a legal marriage, registered with the government, that tells your family, friends, and the world, "I love you enough that I will stand by you through better or worse in our life together."  Any other 'arrangement,' tells the world, "I sort of care for you, but if anything is hard or someone better catches my eye, I'm outa here."

It is astounding how many husbands and wives don't let their spouses know how much money they earn!  Now, what are they afraid of?  It seems SO selfish to do this!  True love always wants what is BEST for the other person.  It IS selfish and even risky to withhold this most basic of information.

My young friend, GerriAnn, never, ever knew what her husband earned.  He paid all the bills, refused to give her an allowance, usually said, "NO!" to her any request for money, and knew where every single penny he ever earned went, from age 12.  He considered what he earned to be 100% his property.  GerriAnn happily stayed home with the children. She was very thrifty, cooked from scratch, raised a few vegetables, and learned to sew.

GerriAnn's husband, Donnie, decided they needed a new car.  He pronounced, "We will save every penny we can and PAY CASH for a new car in a couple of years."  GerriAnn agreed (not that it mattered if she agreed or not!) that this was a worthy goal.  She stepped up her thriftiness even more.  She sewed ALL of the children's and most of her clothes, including underwear, but not socks, by buying sale fabric from Wal-mart.  She found she could order from a catalog some of her clothes cheaper than she could sew them by ordering, "no choice style or color."  She got a few ugly things but wore them anyway.  GerriAnn also sewed shorts and shirts for Donnie.  He was quite pleased.

After three years, Donnie announced, "I've researched what is the best car to buy and decided we won't pay cash."  After all GerriAnn's sacrifices, she was totally disappointed and lost trust in Donnie.  Their marriage was also eroding in every other area.  GerriAnn also noticed that Donnie never gave up any of his expensive hobbies while they were saving for the new car.  GerriAnn didn't go whole hog and bought excessively, but she never again sewed underwear!  (FYI: the new car turned out to be a gas-guzzling lemon!)

Also talk about SAVING GOALS.  While it may be difficult in this uncertain economy of 2014, PAY YOURSELF FIRST!  Even if you can only save $5.00 per week, put it in a savings account where you can't get to it easily.  You'll be very glad to have some cash set aside when the inevitable emergency comes.  Yes, you can put most everything on credit, but why should you?  Credit is very, very costly!  Save, save, save!

Some couples put all their money into a joint checking account.  This is great if both husband and wife communicate about every check written, debit card purchase, and withdrawals of any nature.  If one of them conveniently 'forgets,' the account could be overdrawn and a penalty may come from the bank.

Other couples keep their finances separate.  They may contribute a certain percentage to a joint account where one of them will pay for house, car(s), utilities, or other family necessities.  This also works for some.  It is definitely a 'couple' choice!

You need to know if your intended spouse is either an extremely, stingy penny-pincher, or an extreme extravagant spender.  Either end of the spectrum indicates an immature, perhaps selfish person.  You will SUFFER later, if you marry such a person!

The mature couple lives within their means and will eventually reach all their goals.  They may decide to save for a house down payment, vacation, braces for a child - whatever is particularly important to them.  It is a happy life!

Lord, we thank You for the means to live and raise our families. We thank You even for paying taxes in this free country of ours.  Help us to remember to contribute to our church where we worship You!  Maybe we should do this first!

Negotiating Compatibility, #3: Housework and Yardwork

Life is always exciting when a young couple marries and decides exactly WHO will do the housework, laundry, shopping, cut the grass if they're lucky enough to own property, take care of car maintenance!  When I was growing up in the 50's, life was simple: Mom and I had total responsibility for the house.  The boys and dad never, I mean NEVER lifted a finger inside.  But Mom stayed and home and things ran perfectly.  The house was always in good shape.

Dad and the boys took care of the yard.  In the fall, however, Mom and I helped with the daily raking of leaves.  Dad was the only one who did any work on the car.  At that time,  you would drive into the gas station and a gentleman would immediately come out, pump your gas, and wash the car windows.  How many remember those years?

These days, life is not so simple and clear-cut.  Especially if mom also has a paying job outside her home, she needs help with housework!  Yet many magazine surveys report that, on average, a woman married, with children, even if she has a job, does approximately 15 hours more housework per week than the man of the house.  This is really too bad!  I know many women exhausting themselves trying to do all and be all!

In one of the happiest and most successful marriages I've known, both wife and husband share in housework, shopping, earning money, and in childcare.  One time, I came over to their house in the evening.  The dad had washed the hair of one of their young daughters and was combing it out with a big grin on his face.  It might require more negotiating - and, more love - to help each other in all things, but it is SO worth it!

The wise couple will discuss housework options before marriage.

Dear Lord, we thank you for all the happily married couples we know.  Help them be shining examples to the young folks struggling to negotiate their compatibility!

Demanding Respectability!

It's no secret that many couples of all ages live openly together - even some of them having children together - with no benefit of legal and moral commitment.  In the 80's, when this new practice started, the situation was much different than today.  There is so much fuss about everyone's civil rights now, no one hardly dares directly criticize another, for anything.

In the 80's, cohabiting couples only wanted to be able to rent an apartment or house together.  That was not easy.  Many landlords simply would not rent to them.  They also wanted to be able to have joint bank accounts, buy a house together.  It was not permitted; it was too risky for the banks.

Families back in the 80's frequently would 'cut off' a cohabiting couple from family interaction: it was such a 'bad example' for the younger ones!  Families today follow their church and their heart and 'accept' their situation as, hopefully, temporary.

Yet there is one area where there is little or no compromise: child playmates.  One of my young married friends, Julia, related that a friend of hers who had a guy living with her wanted Julia's daughter to spend the night with her daughter.  Julia would not allow it.  She explains, "I don't know this guy.  He might be a child molester for all I know.  He might be a drug addict.  If this woman is so immature as to let a guy live with her and her child, who knows what he could be."  I agree with Julia.  It certainly would have been too risky to trust her child to stay overnight.  The biggest danger to young girls these days is from their mothers' live-in boyfriends.

Co-habiters might think "everyone does it, it must be OK," but, really, everyone doesn't live together openly, uncommitted.  Sex and marriage are special, should be protected by law.  You might have Civil Rights, Legal Rights, but you can never DEMAND RESPECTABILITY, you have to deserve it and earn it by your moral living.

My friend, Joel, is very sad because his wife "is messing around and talking about divorce."  He loves her and his three young children and also wonders if his "employer found out about it, would he fire me?"  Yes, marriage is important and respectable.

Dear Lord, help us all have the strength to NOT SETTLE for an arrangement we know is morally wrong!

Of Dolls

Many cultures, including our own American culture since colonial times, have made dolls for their little girls' play toys.  They were called "baby dolls."  The dolls were given to girls so they could pretend to take care of their babies.  This was often in imitation of their own mothers.  Yes, there were "child-like dolls," but there were few adult dolls.  Playing with the baby dolls served a useful purpose, in addition to the fun: girls were getting ready for their own future roles as mothers.

Growing up, I loved my baby dolls and had many accessories besides clothes.  There were the twin wooden  bunk beds crafted lovingly by my Uncle Robert.  He also made a child-size kitchen cabinet out of wooden crates; I've saved it for my grandchildren when they visit; I figure it is 65 years old now.  I don't recall ever playing with my brothers' cars and trucks.  Bob, Steve, and Don played endlessly with their toy soldiers and farm sets, and also with all their cowboy gear, including guns in holsters and complete costumes.  Sometimes one of the brothers would take a walk with me and my baby and push the carriage. Of course, I also had a doll high chair so I could 'feed' my baby.

My favorite doll was a "Toni" doll. She had 'dog-ear' pony tails.  Grandma Marie sewed me tons of doll clothes both for Toni and for the baby dolls.  I still have some of them.  My vision was to do the same for my granddaughters but alas - it was not to be!  I had to work as a nurse and had no time for sewing hardly anything.  I did manage to sew my own daughters many doll outfits.

Back in the 1950's, children were allowed to be children until they were teenagers.  My best friend, Pam, and I actually played together with our dolls until we were 14 years old.  I remember talking with Pam, and we decided, "Since we're going to high school after the summer, let's play with our dolls just one more time and then we'll put them away."  And we did!

When my first daughters were small, I knew of 'Barbie' dolls.  They had been introduced in 1959 and looked like tall, skinny, grotesquely-large-busted women.  I would not buy a Barbie doll for my girls; they had plenty of 'baby dolls.'  Eventually, my own dear mother bought the girls Barbie dolls!  She didn't ask what I thought, she just brought them.  What could I say?

As it turned out, the Barbies were fine for the girls.  There was the boy-Barbie, "Ken," with the molded plastic hair, then with the more life-like hair.  And then there were baby Barbies and child Barbies.  The girls had their Barbie apartments, cars, furniture, and, of course, tons of clothes.  The girls had weddings for their Barbie families.  I made a priest outfit for one of the boy Barbies; they named him, Father Grass.  Father presided at the weddings.  All the neighbor girls also had Barbie dolls.  It was fun for them to combine their Barbie families or to visit one another.  Sometimes they all went swimming in our small backyard wading pool.  I still keep a bag of dolls and a bag of clothes for the visiting grandchildren.  It keeps them entertained for hours!

The daughters also had "Cabbage Patch" dolls. They were introduced in the '80's; they were genuine baby dolls.  My girls all wanted them one Christmas but they were very expensive, even if you could find one to buy.  I was sad.  I knew we couldn't afford even one, let alone four.  I happened to shop at a local fabric shop.  There were real Cabbage Patch doll heads in boxes on the floor.  In another section, there were Cabbage Patch bodies (fabric), to sew onto the heads.  I immediately bought four, plus stuffing for the bodies.  When I got home (after the girls were in bed), I stuffed the bodies and attached them to the heads.  Then I made clothes.  The girls never knew they were not the 'real' expensive Cabbage Patch dolls!  Years later, I was looking at those dolls.  One of them had the legs sewn on backwards!  No one ever had noticed.

A doll quite popular now is the "American Girl" dolls.  They are even more expensive than the Cabbage Patch dolls were but they are lovely with an incredible lot of accessories.  My granddaughters had some of them.  I thought about buying one for myself, for a Christmas decoration, because I loved the St. Lucy outfit.  I thought about it for years, then bought it!  I keep my doll, "Kirsten," in her Colonial outfit all year, then dress her as St. Lucy for the whole Christmas season.

Kirsten waits for playmates.

I thought my granddaughters would enjoy playing with Kirsten when they visited.  No way!  Not one of them even touched Kirsten once, to my surprise.  The dollhouse I made them was the real attraction!  Whenever any of them came, they would immediately go to the dollhouse, stay there, and whine when their mothers wanted to take them home.

The main attraction at my house!

This morning my local granddaughters reached a milestone. They came for brunch with their mother.  For the first time, no one went over to the dollhouse to play!  The youngest, Sarah, is eleven years old.  Oh, well, her tablet holds her attention now.  She's growing up!

But, in the end, all the dolls served their purpose: my daughters are absolutely wonderful mothers!

Lord, we need to make sure that all the children of our big world have toys, especially dolls.  Show us the way to do this!

One Hundred Years!

My dear father, Reuben, was born this day, August 4th, 1914, in a small town in extreme southern Tennessee, Cerro Gordo, which was wiped out by a tornado in years past.  Now my father is deceased (2003) and the only reminder of the place he lived is a small school in the country.  This piece today will not be an obituary, a recount of his many accomplishments, of which the entire family is extremely proud, I just want to offer Dad's friendliness as an example to which we all can aspire.

School at Cerro Gordo, March 2014.  The only other buildings in the area are several rural homes.

In my memory, Dad never met a living person who was not instantly a friend, a person who felt they had known each other their whole lives. This was in direct contrast to my mother, Adeline, who was shy, very shy.  Yet they were happily married for over 60 years.  Over the years, my Dad encouraged Mother, who became more outgoing in her later years.

Whenever we were at a restaurant, party, or any kind of gathering, Dad would strike up a conversation with the people near him.  I feel that everyone appreciated this.  Dad would 'draw them out,' get them talking about themselves.

Dad always stood tall and straight.  He was not noticeably handsome but he attracted women, I know for sure.  On the occasion of Mom and Dad's Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary, my three brothers and I planned a dinner-cruise on the Chesapeake Bay, on the Virginia coast.  Dad and Mom danced and danced.  Then mom got tired and they sat down at our table.  Shortly thereafter, another woman, a young woman, asked Dad to dance.  Soon, other women asked Dad to dance.  He was a fairly good dancer, you can imagine! Dad didn't have time to sit down with us.

It turned out, then, that the same woman asked Dad to dance over and over.  Mom was not happy.  Keep in mind: Mom was shy, strictly straight-laced, never cursed, was always mellow.  Mom leaned over and whispered in my ear, "If they got any closer, they'd be having sex!"  I don't think Mom had to worry.  (I didn't think they were too close).

In my lifetime, I've known two other men that were almost as friendly as Dad.   I hope to meet more!  I miss my Dad, and also my Mom.  But I know how much they loved me and my brothers, and that always warms my heart!  Happy, happy birthday in heaven, Reuben!

Dear Lord, now You have Dad and Mom with You.  Save a place for Me!

Swirling Thoughts

This morning I woke up when it was still dark.  "Aha, I thought, why don't I just get started writing, then I won't have to think about it for the rest of the day."  Several topics came to mind, pertinent to relationships, but then it occurred to me, "Today is Sunday.  Why don't I just see what happens at church and write then?"

To me, church is like going home to mom and dad - it is truly home.  Church is familiar, comforting, friendly, dynamic, and even fun.  I always sit close to the front so I can see and hear better.  But I don't sit on the end, by the aisle, I go a bit into the pew.  It's true that people like to sit in nearly the same place every week. I saw lots of familiar faces.  My friend, Lisa, came and sat beside me.

To be sure, going to church on Sundays, is primarily to worship God, to give thanks, and also to pray for those who have asked me to pray for them, and to hand over a few of my own petitions to the Almighty. But an equally important reason is to give witness to my faith, to share my faith with others, to pray together.

Some folks go to church out of a sense of obligation, what I've heard referred to as "fire insurance."  In other words, a person feels guilty to not go to church, after all, God gives us the whole week, we could give Him back at least an hour on Sundays, and then we'll avoid hell.  Sure, God loves to see us all in church, worshiping.

But then if a person only goes to church on Sundays, he or she is missing an enormous lot!  There are many 'committees,' many 'meetings,' many 'ministries,' many things a person could get involved in, in every church.  Everyone is busy, too busy for yet another function to attend.  Yet. . . we make time for what is important to us.  It is in the small groups that you can meet and get to know FRIENDS!  There is no substitute for jumping in, finding what you like, and getting involved (yes, there's that word again!) in something new, something you can help with, and maybe a group that you can learn from.  Along the way, you'll probably have lots of fun!

Once in a while there's a news article about a pastor who tried to accommodate all those with excuses to not go to church.  He'll bring pillows and blankets for those who want to sleep in, and all sorts of other gimmicks to fit other excuses.  Sounds like a fun way to bring in the parish members.  There's really no valid excuse to not go to church!

We all are looking for LOVE, acceptance, recognition - someone remembers us!  If you haven't tried regular church attendance, give it a try.  What do you have to lose?  (And, do it with GUSTO!)

Dear Lord, I love Your day, Sunday! - especially now that I can usually devote 100% of my Sundays going to church, relaxing, planning the week ahead, doing a little spiritual reading I like, and resting, like You did.  Thank You for Sundays!!

The Age to Give Up?

My young single friend, Erin, will soon reach her fortieth birthday.  She has decided to totally give up on ever getting married or having children.  It's not that she has spent her adult years in isolation; she's had plenty of dates and 'boyfriends' over the years.  She was engaged once.  But her life has not fit her expected timetable.

Erin says that "one by one, all my friends long ago got married and have kids.  A couple of them are even on their second marriages. Then we sort of drift apart.  All I have is a dog.  They're not very interested in Roscoe.  If Roscoe didn't need to go on walks, I'd just stay home after work."

I've suggested to Erin that she may be depressed and might want to try counseling but she doesn't agree.  She counters with, "What do you know?  You have children and grandchildren.  You don't know what lonely is.  I'm not sick."

One of the signs of a mental illness is personal neglect.  I notice that Erin never wears any make-up and has a new 'boy' haircut.  She will often wear the same clothes the entire weekend.  Erin also has gained weight - a lot of it.  She never was what you'd consider 'slim,' but this weight gain is new.

She is cheerless at work, they say, doing her job but not really chatting much, the way she used to.  And Erin never smiles.  Of course, it is her choice to not seek treatment.  As long as she can work, she probably will just drift through life in the very same way.  Too bad.  Erin is a very nice person.  At least she will talk to those of us who call her.

One of the keys to happiness in life is REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.  If you expect that your life will unfold in a certain way and it doesn't, you will have problems.  If, instead, you decide to do your best, no matter how your life turns out, you will be relatively happy.  Choosing and dealing with  EXPECTATIONS is also the key to good mental health and even physical health.

Dear Lord, today we pray for all those who wish for particular relationships but don't achieve them.  We know everything we have, everything we are, everyone we know, are gifts from you.  Help us to appreciate what we have and all those who love us without wishing for another thing!