Starting with birth, eating solid food, graduating to a higher grade in school, and our first date, we pass through many, many transitions in our lives. If we've been adequately prepared and have reasonably good nerves, we navigate these changes with little effort, almost imperceptively.
Today I considered a personal change, one which would impact my love relationship in a small way. But my whole attitude toward changes which would affect us both ultimately could impact our relationship in major ways.
When couples first date, both are zealous to please the other person. This is good! It would be great if those feelings and decisions can last through marriage. Yet I've seen too many couples who, in effect, are married singles. Each does what he or she wants to do without regard for the other. What a pity! I certainly don't want to end up as a "married single!" What's the point of getting married at all then?
The wise husband and wife who want to keep their love alive and well will always consider, even ask what the other person prefers. And then he or she will do it! There will be very few times when a decision is of such magnitude or immediacy that there would not be time to consult. I truly think that marriage requires sacrifices, giving 100% of yourself, to the other person. Both parties have to do this for a successful marriage. Then it is as close to "heaven on earth" as a person can reach!
It was simple: I thought about getting my hair cut and permed. I thought I should just go ahead and make an appointment with my stylist and get it done. Then I thought, "He likes my hair this way, he likes it long." My next thought was, "I want SO to please him. I will not change my hair style."
We are dating, considering marriage this year. We both want our relationship to continue to be as good as it gets! We are very comfortable talking about anything and everything. What a great start we have!
Praise you, Lord God, for this wonderful, GIVING, man in my life. Please help us both continue this in our lives ahead. Help all people in love relationships GIVE to the other. The reward is IMMENSE!
Friday, February 20, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
The Case for Interdependence
Yesterday, one of the TV news shows was touting the statistics of declining numbers of American marriages and the benefits of marriage for women and men in our times. To be sure, it makes good economic sense to combine two households. But what stood out in my mind was that unmarried men LIVE 10 YEARS LESS that married men!! What an incredible difference!
As a TOTALLY independent woman for the last twenty years, and now in a wonderful, loving, exciting relationship with the man who is the love of my life, I am here to testify to you about INTERDEPENDENCE. This is a forging of bonds of love, a situation in which each one considers the needs of the other person FIRST, in all decisions.
Just recently have I become aware of our dependence on each other in day-to-day life. This has happened without our planning it. There has to be great love to reach this point in a relationship. There has to be implicit and total trust in the other one for love to develop. And for trust, there has to be honesty.
We are, my love and I, both very strong persons with extremely strong opinions. For most topics, we think alike. In some areas, we are 100% in opposition. Yet, we are willing to 'bend' our wishes and negotiate in all decisions.
When talking about Interdependence, we have to be careful to not include issues of domination. In some relationships, which could be abusive, one person must domineer the other one. In a few of these couples, the other person loves to be domineered. This is NOT interdependence.
In spite of the fact that my love and I have not been dating for months and months, we are so pleased to be together and need to be together, as much as possible. One reason for our success, in my opinion, is that we can talk about anything and everything. We have enjoyed Sunday afternoon rides in the Central Kentucky countryside, week after week. This gives us the chance to not be distracted by anything.
I highly encourage you to not be afraid of love! Don't fear losing your independence! Whatever you may lose in terms of making decisions on your own is gained a thousand-fold in the warm cocoon of knowing you are loved totally, FOR YOURSELF!
Interdependence is a pearl of great value, well worth going out of your way to seek it!
My Lord God, how can I thank You enough for the great gift of my Love, my Life, my All!
As a TOTALLY independent woman for the last twenty years, and now in a wonderful, loving, exciting relationship with the man who is the love of my life, I am here to testify to you about INTERDEPENDENCE. This is a forging of bonds of love, a situation in which each one considers the needs of the other person FIRST, in all decisions.
Just recently have I become aware of our dependence on each other in day-to-day life. This has happened without our planning it. There has to be great love to reach this point in a relationship. There has to be implicit and total trust in the other one for love to develop. And for trust, there has to be honesty.
We are, my love and I, both very strong persons with extremely strong opinions. For most topics, we think alike. In some areas, we are 100% in opposition. Yet, we are willing to 'bend' our wishes and negotiate in all decisions.
When talking about Interdependence, we have to be careful to not include issues of domination. In some relationships, which could be abusive, one person must domineer the other one. In a few of these couples, the other person loves to be domineered. This is NOT interdependence.
In spite of the fact that my love and I have not been dating for months and months, we are so pleased to be together and need to be together, as much as possible. One reason for our success, in my opinion, is that we can talk about anything and everything. We have enjoyed Sunday afternoon rides in the Central Kentucky countryside, week after week. This gives us the chance to not be distracted by anything.
I highly encourage you to not be afraid of love! Don't fear losing your independence! Whatever you may lose in terms of making decisions on your own is gained a thousand-fold in the warm cocoon of knowing you are loved totally, FOR YOURSELF!
Interdependence is a pearl of great value, well worth going out of your way to seek it!
My Lord God, how can I thank You enough for the great gift of my Love, my Life, my All!
Friday, February 6, 2015
The Whole Package
Having known that the wonderful man I hope to marry is a former military man, having visited his home several times, and, having a dad who was a career Army man, I feel I know pretty well the personality of the "Military Man." They have many fine qualities: these guys are neat and clean in their person and in their possessions. They are responsible and trustworthy. Military men are patriotic with a capital "P."
For a Military Man, being on time means being early - always. Dad told me: "If you have to be somewhere, think of all the obstacles you may encounter that might delay you. Railroad tracks? Allow extra time. Crowded downtown? Go another way." Fortunately, I've been trained by dad to be on time!
Military Men make friends easily and love to travel. Most love to dance and are very good dancers. They love to travel and travel frequently. This has 'perks:' lots of frequent flyer miles along the way!
There's no doubt who 'wears the pants' in a military man's family. The men are not wimpy, usually don't have trouble making decisions. The ones I know are not overbearing but somewhat patient with the rest of the world.
Then where's the down side of this wonderful creature? Sometimes their penchant for neatness and efficiency can get aggravating!! Imagine this, but don't picture it: still living at home, I was in the bathroom, trying to pull off a section of toilet tissue. It wouldn't budge from the roll and made loud sounds in our quiet house, flop, flop, flop. I had to keep trying! Flop, flop, flop!! Finally, dad couldn't stand it. He hollered up the stairs: "Whatcha gonna do, unroll the whole thing!!"
My point is not to merely extol the virtues of my new man. I want to remind myself and everyone else that every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. Along with our strengths go corresponding weaknesses. We certainly love the strengths but we must accept the weaknesses also. If we're blessed, our loved ones and ourselves will balance each other!
Dear Lord in Heaven, You've given each one of us good qualities and we seem to cling to some of our weaknesses. We ask You to help us deal with our own deficiencies as we are patient with those of others. I know that all of Heaven is enjoying watching Mom and Dad dance and dance!
For a Military Man, being on time means being early - always. Dad told me: "If you have to be somewhere, think of all the obstacles you may encounter that might delay you. Railroad tracks? Allow extra time. Crowded downtown? Go another way." Fortunately, I've been trained by dad to be on time!
Military Men make friends easily and love to travel. Most love to dance and are very good dancers. They love to travel and travel frequently. This has 'perks:' lots of frequent flyer miles along the way!
There's no doubt who 'wears the pants' in a military man's family. The men are not wimpy, usually don't have trouble making decisions. The ones I know are not overbearing but somewhat patient with the rest of the world.
Then where's the down side of this wonderful creature? Sometimes their penchant for neatness and efficiency can get aggravating!! Imagine this, but don't picture it: still living at home, I was in the bathroom, trying to pull off a section of toilet tissue. It wouldn't budge from the roll and made loud sounds in our quiet house, flop, flop, flop. I had to keep trying! Flop, flop, flop!! Finally, dad couldn't stand it. He hollered up the stairs: "Whatcha gonna do, unroll the whole thing!!"
My point is not to merely extol the virtues of my new man. I want to remind myself and everyone else that every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. Along with our strengths go corresponding weaknesses. We certainly love the strengths but we must accept the weaknesses also. If we're blessed, our loved ones and ourselves will balance each other!
Dear Lord in Heaven, You've given each one of us good qualities and we seem to cling to some of our weaknesses. We ask You to help us deal with our own deficiencies as we are patient with those of others. I know that all of Heaven is enjoying watching Mom and Dad dance and dance!
Monday, February 2, 2015
Open to Love
Gradually, to all my friends and family, I've spread the joyful news of the new Love in my life! Everyone, without exception, has told me, "I'm so happy for you!" Most of them are happily married; some have tried to be matchmakers for me over the years. Then there are those who are unhappily divorced and the few that have never married.
It disturbs me that a few are unequivocally CLOSED TO LOVE. Yes, they have been very badly hurt by their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends in past years, not just by one but by several. They say they tend to attract and choose the same type of person, usually needy, probably alcoholics. They fear getting involved again.
They may have been hurt or disappointed by sex in their lives. Perhaps they have been a victim of cheating. Perhaps no one has ever really "made love" to them and only "had sex."
As a result, THEY HAVE GIVEN UP on ever finding love. What a tragic situation! I fully understand being severely hurt. I know how hard it is to climb up out of being crushed, bit by bit, to regain self-esteem and a happy life. It IS do-able! It takes time. It also takes forgiveness of the person(s) who has hurt you. THAT may take years, but with prayer, it is possible and good for you. (All your hatred of the person(s) who has hurt you won't hurt them but it will kill your own pleasure in life!)
To be fully OPEN TO LOVE in your life you must be open to ALL LOVE in your life - friendships first, then possible romantic interests. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! You must think you are good, valuable, hard-working, all the qualities you value. Then you must see the good in others - there is good in everyone you meet. Try this and see what happens. What do you have to lose?
Lord, I've never giggled, laughed, or smiled as much as I have in the past few weeks! Thank you for my new Love. Help me to be worthy of this wonderful JOY!
It disturbs me that a few are unequivocally CLOSED TO LOVE. Yes, they have been very badly hurt by their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends in past years, not just by one but by several. They say they tend to attract and choose the same type of person, usually needy, probably alcoholics. They fear getting involved again.
They may have been hurt or disappointed by sex in their lives. Perhaps they have been a victim of cheating. Perhaps no one has ever really "made love" to them and only "had sex."
As a result, THEY HAVE GIVEN UP on ever finding love. What a tragic situation! I fully understand being severely hurt. I know how hard it is to climb up out of being crushed, bit by bit, to regain self-esteem and a happy life. It IS do-able! It takes time. It also takes forgiveness of the person(s) who has hurt you. THAT may take years, but with prayer, it is possible and good for you. (All your hatred of the person(s) who has hurt you won't hurt them but it will kill your own pleasure in life!)
To be fully OPEN TO LOVE in your life you must be open to ALL LOVE in your life - friendships first, then possible romantic interests. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! You must think you are good, valuable, hard-working, all the qualities you value. Then you must see the good in others - there is good in everyone you meet. Try this and see what happens. What do you have to lose?
Lord, I've never giggled, laughed, or smiled as much as I have in the past few weeks! Thank you for my new Love. Help me to be worthy of this wonderful JOY!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
The Comfort Zone
In the progression from dating to, hopefully, marriage, there are different, distinct periods of new life and adjustment. There is the first meeting when both of you recognize that there is a definite attraction between you. One-sided won't do! This is a mutual recognition. Someone has to be bold here! Someone has to start the exchange of names and phone numbers.
Then someone has to make the first call. When my friend, Peggy, and I had brunch the morning after meeting my new love - who had already arranged to take me out to dinner soon, Peggy advised me, "Well, if he doesn't call you, then you need to call him." I told her, point-blank, "If he's not man enough to call me, I won't call him!" That first phone call was exciting, to be sure!
The first few weeks - months? - of dating are thrilling. Everything is new. Given the mutual attraction, both people are really at their best, trying to "sell" themselves to the other. This is fun!
What follows is a very comfortable time between the sparkling realization that there is real love present, and the mutual decision for further commitment. This is a time to get to know each other, a time for reality, a time to allow true friendship to blossom. It is wonderful, easy, purely delightful!
It is in this time that many young modern couples make a giant mistake: moving in together! I've heard it said by so many, "I want to know what I'm getting." "I want to know if he throws dirty underwear everywhere and leaves toothpaste tubes uncapped." "It's just like getting married but I can leave with no regrets if I need to," This is a sure way to kill love, if there is any love. It is pure selfishness by both of the couple. Call it what it is: USING EACH OTHER FOR SEX. It is juvenile. Cohabitation is not marriage but likely will prevent marriage.
Yes, it requires a bit of logistics to manage a relationship from two homes, but it's worth it. If you decide not to have sex until marriage, what is left?: talk, talk, talk! You have lots and lots of time to discuss everything you are, everything you know, and all your hopes. This is building a life. There is no substitute for this. It promotes "togetherness" beyond anything you can imagine. Why would anyone want to settle for less?
Perhaps this friendship and love will progress to wanting to marry and live a common life "till death do us part." The time of engagement is another, more exciting time. Couples also make mistakes by rushing into marriage. You have to take the time to get used to being engaged and plan for your new life. The younger you are, the longer your engagement should last. Bottom line: you want to make sure you are IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON OF YOUR BELOVED, NOT just in love with love. And, you want to put more of your energies into planning a MARRIAGE, not just into planning the wedding.
They say that THOSE WHO LOVE, TOUCH THE FACE OF GOD! Praise You and thank You for this, Oh God!
Then someone has to make the first call. When my friend, Peggy, and I had brunch the morning after meeting my new love - who had already arranged to take me out to dinner soon, Peggy advised me, "Well, if he doesn't call you, then you need to call him." I told her, point-blank, "If he's not man enough to call me, I won't call him!" That first phone call was exciting, to be sure!
The first few weeks - months? - of dating are thrilling. Everything is new. Given the mutual attraction, both people are really at their best, trying to "sell" themselves to the other. This is fun!
What follows is a very comfortable time between the sparkling realization that there is real love present, and the mutual decision for further commitment. This is a time to get to know each other, a time for reality, a time to allow true friendship to blossom. It is wonderful, easy, purely delightful!
It is in this time that many young modern couples make a giant mistake: moving in together! I've heard it said by so many, "I want to know what I'm getting." "I want to know if he throws dirty underwear everywhere and leaves toothpaste tubes uncapped." "It's just like getting married but I can leave with no regrets if I need to," This is a sure way to kill love, if there is any love. It is pure selfishness by both of the couple. Call it what it is: USING EACH OTHER FOR SEX. It is juvenile. Cohabitation is not marriage but likely will prevent marriage.
Yes, it requires a bit of logistics to manage a relationship from two homes, but it's worth it. If you decide not to have sex until marriage, what is left?: talk, talk, talk! You have lots and lots of time to discuss everything you are, everything you know, and all your hopes. This is building a life. There is no substitute for this. It promotes "togetherness" beyond anything you can imagine. Why would anyone want to settle for less?
Perhaps this friendship and love will progress to wanting to marry and live a common life "till death do us part." The time of engagement is another, more exciting time. Couples also make mistakes by rushing into marriage. You have to take the time to get used to being engaged and plan for your new life. The younger you are, the longer your engagement should last. Bottom line: you want to make sure you are IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON OF YOUR BELOVED, NOT just in love with love. And, you want to put more of your energies into planning a MARRIAGE, not just into planning the wedding.
They say that THOSE WHO LOVE, TOUCH THE FACE OF GOD! Praise You and thank You for this, Oh God!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Seniors Dating
The New Year continues, 2015, and so does life. The last thing this blogger had time to write was a Christmas Eve prayer on December 24, 2014: "Lord Jesus, today I thank you for coming into this world for all of us! I pray that all people will know about You and love You! Most of all, I thank you for the profound blessing of the wonderful man in my life! Help us both be touched again by hearing the account of Your coming, and its meaning for the two of us together as we try to serve You!"
Oh, yes, I've had little time for anything else except to be with this man, in all the ordinary activities of life - going to church, shopping, eating meals together either cooking or eating out, visiting with family and friends, etc. I'm finding it's a challenge to live in two houses, drive two cars, get our two schedules together, but it's also been so much fun!
Recently, I overheard one of my grandchildren say to another, "Get Granny to do it. She doesn't have anything to do," This lovely child will find out, as I found out, long after my mother told me: when you're retired, you are far busier than when you worked!
And now, I'm dating - at the age of 71! What's your definition of a "Senior Citizen?" A.A.R.P. (American Association of Retired Persons) starts bugging us to join when we reach age 50. The earliest you can retire from a job and receive Social Security (I think) is age 62. Some groups divide us "elderly" into the "young-old, ages 65 to 75," the "middle-old, ages 75 to 85," and the "old-old, ages 85 and beyond." As with most things, if you try to pigeon-hole people into nice and neat categories, you're bound to fail!! 1) "Old" doesn't mean almost dead! 2) You are truly as old as your outlook on life! Have enthusiasm and hope, and you will feel young!
Since I'm abundantly overflowing with love and hope, I'll share some of these feelings with you, from day to day. After my divorce 20 years ago, I haven't dated AT ALL. Just didn't have time, finishing up raising the children and working hard in my nursing career.
Dating now, compared to dating in my teens, is absolutely exquisite, absolutely mind-boggling, and very exciting! If I had - before I met him - known to write out a list of all the qualities I desired in a man, he fulfills every one of them, plus more! And he tells me, from time to time, "Well, you passed the test." 1) I'm allowed to drive his prize Caddy and don't drive like a maniac. 2) His children love me and I love them. Etc.
Lord, oh my Lord, how can I thank you and praise you enough for touching our hearts to recognize what we had in common, and create love for each other! I am moved to tears at the mere thought of this! - two people who love each other at the same time!! (And are free to do so!!) Gentle love is worth any price you have to pay! - never forget that!
Oh, yes, I've had little time for anything else except to be with this man, in all the ordinary activities of life - going to church, shopping, eating meals together either cooking or eating out, visiting with family and friends, etc. I'm finding it's a challenge to live in two houses, drive two cars, get our two schedules together, but it's also been so much fun!
Recently, I overheard one of my grandchildren say to another, "Get Granny to do it. She doesn't have anything to do," This lovely child will find out, as I found out, long after my mother told me: when you're retired, you are far busier than when you worked!
And now, I'm dating - at the age of 71! What's your definition of a "Senior Citizen?" A.A.R.P. (American Association of Retired Persons) starts bugging us to join when we reach age 50. The earliest you can retire from a job and receive Social Security (I think) is age 62. Some groups divide us "elderly" into the "young-old, ages 65 to 75," the "middle-old, ages 75 to 85," and the "old-old, ages 85 and beyond." As with most things, if you try to pigeon-hole people into nice and neat categories, you're bound to fail!! 1) "Old" doesn't mean almost dead! 2) You are truly as old as your outlook on life! Have enthusiasm and hope, and you will feel young!
Since I'm abundantly overflowing with love and hope, I'll share some of these feelings with you, from day to day. After my divorce 20 years ago, I haven't dated AT ALL. Just didn't have time, finishing up raising the children and working hard in my nursing career.
Dating now, compared to dating in my teens, is absolutely exquisite, absolutely mind-boggling, and very exciting! If I had - before I met him - known to write out a list of all the qualities I desired in a man, he fulfills every one of them, plus more! And he tells me, from time to time, "Well, you passed the test." 1) I'm allowed to drive his prize Caddy and don't drive like a maniac. 2) His children love me and I love them. Etc.
Lord, oh my Lord, how can I thank you and praise you enough for touching our hearts to recognize what we had in common, and create love for each other! I am moved to tears at the mere thought of this! - two people who love each other at the same time!! (And are free to do so!!) Gentle love is worth any price you have to pay! - never forget that!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Christmas: Why Celebrate?
Is this Christmas Day every year just an excuse for the gifts we give and receive, decorating the tree of our choice, a fictional Santa in the sky with reindeer flying, elves at shopping malls, eating far more goodies than our appetites can take, lighted outdoor snowpeople, angels, and now inflated toy soldiers and trains? Do we slow down enough to drink in the real meaning of the original Christmas Day?
Christmas means "Christ Mass," celebrating when Jesus Christ, Son of God, was born in a lowly stable with a virgin for his mother. We call this "The Incarnation," God becomes 'flesh' or human. We cannot imagine how much our Great God of the Universe loves us, to accomplish this!
The Birth of Jesus changed the course of history. We plan our yearly calendars from the year of Jesus' birth 2014 years ago. Our year, 2014, A.D. means "anno domini," year of the Lord. "B.C." means before Christ. During the last several years, atheists have started to use "B.C.E.," before common era, to try to counteract the unmistakable influence of Jesus. Pitiful!
This Jesus' birth was the greatest event in human history! ALL other religions' founders claim that they were touched by God or an angel but no one else even claims to be the Son Of God - God himself! And he was the only religious founder whose birth was predicted! The Jewish nation waited thousands of years for the redeemer of the human race, for Jesus. Some followed him. Some did not. We have the same choice. What will we choose?
Go to church today or tomorrow and hear the Bible account of Jesus' birth, and/or read it for yourself in one of the Gospels. Know that Jesus came to die for our sins so we can be happy with him forever in heaven after our earthly death Awesome! Certainly we want to be grateful for this saving!
Lord Jesus, today I thank you for coming into this world for all of us! I pray that all people will know about You and love You! Most of all, I thank you for the profound blessing of the wonderful man in my life! Help us both be touched again by hearing the account of your coming, and its meaning for the two of us together as we try to serve You!
Christmas means "Christ Mass," celebrating when Jesus Christ, Son of God, was born in a lowly stable with a virgin for his mother. We call this "The Incarnation," God becomes 'flesh' or human. We cannot imagine how much our Great God of the Universe loves us, to accomplish this!
The Birth of Jesus changed the course of history. We plan our yearly calendars from the year of Jesus' birth 2014 years ago. Our year, 2014, A.D. means "anno domini," year of the Lord. "B.C." means before Christ. During the last several years, atheists have started to use "B.C.E.," before common era, to try to counteract the unmistakable influence of Jesus. Pitiful!
This Jesus' birth was the greatest event in human history! ALL other religions' founders claim that they were touched by God or an angel but no one else even claims to be the Son Of God - God himself! And he was the only religious founder whose birth was predicted! The Jewish nation waited thousands of years for the redeemer of the human race, for Jesus. Some followed him. Some did not. We have the same choice. What will we choose?
Go to church today or tomorrow and hear the Bible account of Jesus' birth, and/or read it for yourself in one of the Gospels. Know that Jesus came to die for our sins so we can be happy with him forever in heaven after our earthly death Awesome! Certainly we want to be grateful for this saving!
Lord Jesus, today I thank you for coming into this world for all of us! I pray that all people will know about You and love You! Most of all, I thank you for the profound blessing of the wonderful man in my life! Help us both be touched again by hearing the account of your coming, and its meaning for the two of us together as we try to serve You!
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