New Babies; Old Years

The Sixth Day of Christmas:  New Babies! God in his wisdom chose to come to us humans as one of us in every way except sin, as a baby.  We believe Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.  He was totally dependent on his parents for his very life.  At one time, we all were the very same, a newborn baby, 100% dependent.

Do we believe, with all our hearts, that it was God who created us, God who gave us life?   Our human mothers and fathers cooperated with God to bring us to life. Despite what some moderns would have us think, we are not only animals!  We each have an Immortal Soul, destined for our places in eternity!  All peoples in all times, have this realization, that there is "a higher power" than themselves; all natives have created some system of worship.  It was remarkable to me to learn, from my travel journeys through the pages of National Geographic Magazine, that the ancient peoples, millennia before the time of Jesus, both from India and the remote reaches of the Chinese mountains, believed in a "Triune God," a God of three persons in One.

Do we value babies?  In our culture, worldwide, so many babies are treated like trash, like the 'property' of the mother, an inconvenience to kill, a burden.  None of us asked to be born and we did not choose our parents.  But God knew exactly when and where and who our parents would become, precisely for our good.  And he may give us children to guide, cherish, and love.

After seeing the Nativity Scene up close after Mass this past weekend, my granddaughter, Heather, commented about the Baby Jesus, "I like the way they have his little foot sticking out of the blanket.  It looks so real."  And, indeed, it does - precious!

Today, December 31st, we can't help looking back on our Year, 2013.  Let's give ourselves 'closure' and consider and evaluate what happened to us and what we accomplished, or did not, in 2013.  It is useful to write down various categories and save this from year to year.

Whatever, happened this past year, we need never make ourselves miserable if 'life' didn't go the way we would prefer.  We can't go back, we can only 'work' on ourselves, now and in the future.  Let it go!

My first category is Spirituality.  I remember being six years old and having to memorize my "Catechism" lessons.  The first question and answer was: "Who made you?  God made me."  The second was: "Why did God make you?  To know him, love him, serve him, and to be happy with him in this life and in heaven."  This simple faith has lasted and grown and is a great source of comfort to me.  If you'd like suggestions from my own goals, see "Map to Success," this blog, Monday, December 16, 2013.  If you'd like to offer us other goals, please comment and share.

Thank you, my Lord Jesus, for revealing yourself to us and becoming one of us.  Thank you for the gift of 2013.  Help us all strive to live the coming year, 2014, to please you.

Fine Gifts

The Fifth Day of Christmas:  And the three astrologers from the East brought the new king, Jesus, gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Did you ever wonder what 'frankincense and myrrh' were?  They are resins from trees that had medicinal uses in Jesus' time.  The gifts must have been extremely valuable if, along with the gold, the three kings brought them a long distance.  I wonder if Mary and Joseph sold these fine gifts to finance their trip to Egypt. . .

What was your favorite Christmas gift you received this year?  Was it expensive or a small gift from the heart?  We are so blessed, it is hard to pick just one.  Many years ago, my parents were living in Sacramento, California, U.S.A.  They sent me an airplane ticket to visit them.  They said, "We can't afford to bring everyone (they visited us, though), just you."  In the summer, I flew to Dallas, then to Sacramento.  It was my first trip west.  We have a country of immense size!  It was wonderful  to see the mountains and the desert go on and on.  Looking back, I severely needed that trip.  I didn't realize it, and I really hate to admit it, but I think I was 'burnt out' on motherhood.  This two-week break rested me and energized me so that I was very glad to get home again and resume my busy life.

Now let's think of the favorite Christmas gift we gave.  My first semester in nursing school in 1990 was very, very hard, in every way.  I studied nearly every waking moment and actually earned passing grades.  With my involvement in the music at church, I had very little time to shop.  I bought one gift. It was a large brass bell on a cloth cord, a necklace.  The family gifts were already taken care of; I didn't have to worry about them.  So who would I give this one gift to?  I thought about this for a long time and decided I would give it to the shuttle bus driver who drove me from the parking lot to the University of Kentucky College of Nursing.  She was so cheery, I always started out the day happy.  And besides, she probably didn't have a great salary.  She was very thrilled to receive my gift and that made it even more memorable.

The psychology of gift-giving is interesting.  Do we actually 'study' those whom we want to gift, and determine what they really like, or are our gifts given (unconsciously) to benefit us?  Here's an example of this: for many years, I loved to do many different kinds of embroidery.  Nearly everything I crafted, I gave as gifts. One Christmas, I spent a lot of time making placemats for my mother.  Later, I discovered them, unused.  Maybe I wasn't really thinking of what she would like, just what I would like to do.

How many men would love yet another tie or another tool set?  How many women yearn for another practical gift?  It's hard to discover what another really likes!

And what about gift-receiving?  I was raised to express gratitude for each and every gift, even if I didn't like it, because the giver spent time choosing and wrapping it.  Not so my mother-in-law, Sally, may she rest in peace!  One Christmas I sewed for her a red jumper and a plaid, long-sleeved shirt (in style at the time).  She opened the box and said, "I like the jumper but I hate plaid.  I won't wear it."  I was crushed!

There is one gift, the best gift of all time, the gift God gave us at Christmas, his son, Jesus.  We can never deserve this Gift of Divine Love!  

Families under Duress

The Fourth Day of Christmas:  The Model Family: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  Today, the Sunday between Christmas and New Year's Day, is celebrated the feast of the Holy Family.  Mary and Joseph were under tremendous stress in the cave at Bethlehem.  Having to travel - I think it was around 100 miles - right before Mary's 'due date,' was in itself a big problem.  Not having a suitable place to deliver the child was another pressure, not to mention Mary having no female relatives to help, 'midwives.'  They were poor; poverty in itself is difficult to bear.  Yet, by their trust in God and each other, Mary and Joseph managed to bring Jesus, the Son of God, safely into the world.  We can't forget that Mary and Joseph were 'betrothed', engaged to be married, before the Angel appeared to Mary.  They already loved each other.  This was another factor in their success.

All of a sudden, they had to travel to Egypt to escape Herod's murdering soldiers, looking for their baby.  A foreign country!  Where would they live?  Would Joseph find work?  Could they risk joining a caravan or should they take their chances alone with thieves along the way?  Stress upon stress piled upon the new parents.

What about our own families?  What are our stresses and problems?  How do we tackle them?  Together?  In a loving way?  Do we pray together and ask God to help us?  Do we trust each other?

In his sermon in church this morning, Father Alan said there were no perfect families, that many of us in reality, neglected our loved ones in pursuit of keeping up with our neighbors.  Others may ignore their families, the ones who love them the most, due to various addictions.  Is this what we truly want for them?

If we keep our eyes on Jesus, his Mother, and his Father in our decisions everyday, we can't go wrong!  Lord God, we thank you for the gift of your parents as an example. Help us, we pray, in our dealings with our own families, imitate your Holy Family.

Of Caves and Houses

The Third Day of Christmas: Dwellings.  Ever since the first gilded white ceramic Nativity Set was made by and given to me by my mother, Adeline, when I was first married (50 years ago!), I wanted a stable in which to put the figures.  The completed ones were all beyond my means. I thought I might gather twigs and make a barn but never got around to it.  Several years ago I saw a design for one that looked like terra cotta walls.  This looked easy enough to construct, yet I never found the time, and I'm glad.  Jesus was born in a CAVE made of stone in Bethlehem.  I do wish to be as authentic as possible!  Now I will have to look for fake stone to build my cave.  And if what I find is not light tan stone, I'll have to change the color by spray-painting.

This is inside a cave in the hill under the Church of the Shepherds in Israel, October, 2013.   Jesus was born in one of the many, many caves in the hillsides of the country.

We can be sure that Mary and Joseph took only the bare necessities with them to Bethlehem.  After their sojourn in Egypt to escape King Herod's killing of all babies and children age two and under, the Holy Family made their home in Nazareth.  I don't know of a place or church honoring Jesus' boyhood home.

Ruins of houses outside the Old City walls of Jerusalem, Israel, October, 2013.  It is likely that the Holy Family lived in a small white stone house in Nazareth similar to these.

Have you seen movies showing how the Jewish people lived in Jesus' time? The women wove the cloth for the one-piece garments their families wore.  They probably slept on rugs. Since Joseph was a carpenter, perhaps the family had a room for his work.  We can only envision how their home looked.  I imagine it was furnished simply.

What about our homes?  Are they neat and clean?  Would we be embarrassed by the clutter or grandeur if Jesus knocked on our doors?  Do we keep everything we have ever owned, things we haven't used in many years that others could use?  (Guilty here!)  How could we simplify?  In other words, are we concerned with 'utility' or 'fashion' at home?

While our neighbors' houses in Danville, where my children grew up, were as cluttered as mine, there was One house that always looked as perfect as a magazine's layout.  We had to take off our shoes in the perfect house.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but no one else required it.  In the perfect house, the children had to put away their toys immediately after they finished playing with them.  As a result, they never played with their toys.  I tried carping on the children to put away every toy immediately when they were finished.  Then they didn't want to play with them!  As a result, I gave up on that, and just (usually) had everyone pitch in at the end of the day to put them in the toybox.  They were happy and I was happy. 

I enjoy my present home more than any others I've lived in.  And why not!  I get to decorate it however I want, slowly. I call it my 'playhouse.'  I enjoy doing all the painting and gardening.  It's very easy to keep clean now that I only occasionally have 'swirls' of grandchildren around.  But I don't want to be obsessed with having all the latest products.  I want to be a good steward of my resources.

To read my report of two very grand, very old local homes, please go to my travel blog, www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, December 26, 2013, "Decorated Clay Houses."

We can be comfortable yet not ostentacious, can't we?  Lord God, help us to live as you lived.  Help us to be grateful to you for all we have and share with others as best we can. 

In the Fields. . .

The Second Day of Christmas: "There were shepherds in their fields by night, keeping watch."  Suddenly, an angel announced that a King was born in "the city of David," Bethlehem. And the shepherds went to see the new baby, Jesus.  How familiar are we with this scene!

I never personally knew any shepherds although I've passed many farms here in the U.S.A. and Ireland with flocks grazing.  These shepherds, or farmers, bear little resemblance to the shepherds in Jesus' time.  I have a new perspective since visiting Israel this past October.

Our tour group saw many small flocks of sheep with their shepherds on the dry, rocky hills as we went from city to city.  The land was so dry and so bare, we wondered how the sheep could survive.  We asked our guide, Rami, about this.  He said, "They live on the dried plants on the hills.

With exception of the land areas on the coast, Sea of Galilee, Judean hills, or rivers, Israel land has very little vegetation unless irrigated.  October, 2013.

Rami told us that in Jesus' time, shepherds lived in the fields with their sheep, and were considered 'unclean' by the Jews.  In other words, not only were they poor, they were outcasts.  Yet, they were specifically invited to visit Jesus, the Son of God, lying in a manger, a feeding trough for animals.  They would not have been out-of-place!

 

The Franciscan Friars have been taking care of the church where the shepherds received the News about Jesus from the Angel for centuries.  It is a large hill.

Painting of the shepherds watching their flock in the Church of the Shepherds.

The angel is announcing the News to the shepherds.

The Shepherds find Jesus with his Mother, Mary, and Father, Joseph, in a cave.  They worship Jesus.

The Church of the Shepherds is on the top of the hill, built in a round shape.  The paintings on the walls are painted on the concave surface.  All the churches in the Holy Land are extremely well-maintained.  This was near Bethlehem, which is actually in the area of Palestine, administered by the Israelis.

View of the small Church of the Shepherds.

What about the 'shepherds,' or the poor in our lives?  Do we actually, personally know any 'poor' people?  Or do we prefer to salve our consciences by giving donations to organizations caring for the poor?  Do we give to groups working in America?  Or do we give to international groups?  Or both?

I'll admit to knowing people that have to watch what they spend and having a hard time financially, but I wouldn't consider them 'poor.'  When I was in nursing school (1990-1993), I worked with the homeless here in Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A., for six months.  What an eye opener that was!  Only one of the dozens of men I met claimed that he chose to be homeless.  The rest lost their jobs and never recovered.  Research says that after two weeks on the streets, depression sets in and it is very difficult to overcome.

And then there were the mentally ill homeless, approximately half of the homeless.  These folks may be difficult to help.  I read a newspaper article recently saying that Lexington does less for our homeless population that comparable towns.  I find that disturbing.

One thing for sure: it's hard to get personally involved, helping people, if you're raising a family!  Now that I'm newly retired, I hope to get more involved.  My church has so many different 'helping' ministries, I'll have to pray about where I'm needed. . .

Let's think about the 'sheep.'  Our Lord Jesus wants us to follow him blindly, to do as sheep following their shepherd.  "I know mine and mine know me," says Jesus.  I think that means that we are to trust Jesus totally.  This sometimes is not easy!  I usually try my best at whatever I'm doing but sometimes I'm tired and just want to be a sheep with Jesus carrying me.

My picture of Jesus, the Good Shepherd.

May the God of our lives, whose birth we are celebrating, guide us to the shepherds and sheep in our lives!

The Heavenly Messengers

The First Day of Christmas: It should be no wonder to us that Angels - probably ALL of them - appeared to the shepherds to announce the birth of Our (both theirs and ours!) Creator's Son, Jesus!  Yes, they are spirits, but they took on some sort of bodily form so humans could recognize them. They probably led the shepherds to Jesus and sang heavenly songs in the skies for hours!  Imagine the glory!

Angels are mentioned in the Bible's Old Testament over 200 times and also appear in the New Testament.  They are individual and have names, like we do.  It was Gabriel who asked the Virgin Mary if she would be the Mother of God's Son.

Do you believe Angels are still active in our times?  I feel they are here, if only we recognize them.  Years ago, in the '70s, my big station wagon full of children and I visited my grandmother in Louisville.  On the way home to Danville (in Kentucky, U.S.A.), the car had a flat tire.  I had never in my life changed a flat tire.  As soon as I pulled over to the side of the road, and was wondering what on earth I could do, a man in a pick-up truck stopped behind us.  He came over and asked, "Ma'am, looks like you have a flat.  Can I help?"  I told him I would really, really appreciate it but I didn't know if the car had the tools.  (Talk about naive!!)  I directed the children to sit on the side of a hill nearby.  He said that he thought it probably did and readily got the spare tire out, along with the jack.

The kind gentleman quickly changed the tire and put back the tools.  I asked what I could pay him.  He said, "Oh, I don't need anything.  Bye!," and left.  He must have been an angel!  There have been other times in my life where help just seemed to appear from nowhere - angels?  What about you?  Have you experienced anything like that?

Angels on my mantel this Christmas season.

Angels around the Nativity Scene on my piano this Christmas season.  Many were made of ceramics by my mother and grandmother, most of the others were gifts.

My religion teaches that we each are assigned by God a Guardian Angel for life, to help us in our journey to heaven.  I personally hardly ever remember this. With all these good angels, sometimes we forget there are also the 'bad' angels, or devils.  But let's save that topic for another day.

Perhaps today we could thank God for giving us his wonderful angels, ask Him to help us remember them, and also pray that we could act like selfless Angels with our fellow human beings now and always!  God loves us all, humans and angels!

The Twelve Days of Christmas

The familiar Christmas carol, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," is a medieval English song concerning gifts a lover gives to his beloved.  During the twelve days following the Feast of Christmas, many Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus with other special feasts:

   December 26th: St. Stephen, the First Martyr
   December 27th: St. John, Apostle and Evangelist
   December 28th: The Holy Innocents, the babies killed by King Herod's soldiers looking for Jesus
   December 29th: The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
   January 1st: Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God
   January 2nd: Sts. Basil the Great & Gregory Nazianzen, Bishops & Doctors of the Church
   January 3rd: The Most Holy Name of Jesus
   January 4th: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton (a newer American saint)
   January 5th: St. John Neumann, Bishop
   January 6th: The Epiphany of the Lord (when the 3 Wise Men visited the holy family)

When my children were growing up, I got the idea to give them each a small present every day after Christmas, for 12 days until January 6, Three Kings Day (Epiphany).  I planned that during the next year, I would buy 10 each of simple items, such as combs, candy, special pencils, a small packet of facial tissue, etc.  I never was able to implement that plan.

My intent this year, for the next 12 days, is to take important themes from the ancient Nativity Chronicle, and try to connect them with our present lives and relationships.  Yesterday I reminisced about my Christmas past.  Today is Christmas present.  I went to Midnight Mass with daughter #4, Theresa, and her daughter, Heather. We thoroughly enjoyed the grand and special service presided over by our beloved Bishop Ronald Gainer.  Con-celebrating were our 3 parish priests, 2 of the deacons, 7 altar servers, 20 or so singers in the choir plus their director, our organist, instrumentalists including a trumpeter and a kettle drum player.  In addition, at communion time were 12 Eucharistic Ministers.  The altar area was quite full and busy!

The beautiful Nativity Set, displayed near the altar, depicted Jesus as a newborn baby in the manger-crib, his mother, Mary, father, Joseph, an Angel, a Shepherd with his sheep, and the newest additions this year: a large donkey and an ox.  The abundant red pointsettias, wreaths, incense, and lit candles further enhanced the celebration.

The Nativity Scene, Cathedral of Christ the King, Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A., December 25, 2013.

After I came home, I turned on my gas fireplace, and lit the candles on my old German brass carousel, a gift from my mother when I was newly married many years ago.  I like to watch the spinning shadow on the ceiling above this.  I snacked on a couple of peanut butter criss-cross cookies and dropped into bed at 2:15 a.m.

German carousel: the heat from the four candles spin the wheel at the top; this makes the three angels also spin.  Their rods strike the bells at the right and left to make a delicate chiming.  This set is very small; I hope to get a much larger one for next Christmas.  This is one only one I've seen that is not made of wood.  Many are quite elaborate.

This afternoon I spent time in our beautiful new Adoration chapel, praying from one of my prayerbooks.  It is perfectly silent and peaceful there.  This evening, daughter #2, Carole, hosted the family Christmas dinner; among other dishes, she cooked a really tasty ham with a pineapple-cherry glaze.

Driving through my neighborhood and the downtown area several times today, I noticed there was such a sense of peace.  There was virtually no traffic.  Our neighborhood was full of many visitors' cars.  The outdoor lights and Christmas trees visible through front windows were beautiful; some may be taken down tomorrow but tonight they are festive. 

Even if I encountered strangers yesterday and today, everyone smiled and greeted a cheery, "Merry Christmas!"  How could we maintain this spirit of Joy all through the New Year?  I can only do this for myself.  I need something to remind me of Christmas, one object to remind me of the Christmas Spirit.  I will not put away with the rest of the decorations a small, one-piece Nativity of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  I wish this Christmas Spirit of Joy, Peace, Laughter, Acceptance, Quiet, and Rest for you, too!  Merry Christmas!!

Christmases with Children

It indeed was a privilege to be a child in the 1940's and 1950's in the United States of America.  Children were protected and treasured, considered a blessing, not a burden.  Nearly the entire adult population made sure children would not know of evil and violence. Off-color words or photos were not permitted in public or on TV, when it was invented.  Women were respected.  It was a fairytale time and we believed in fairytales.  Think of your own Christmas experiences as I tell you mine.  And think of the relationships you have with children now.

My Childhood Christmases

My Mother, Father, younger three brothers and I exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve.  I never remember being asked what I wanted for Christmas.  Yet I was always pleased by the two or three gifts I received. I was also happy to give gifts.  Mother would give us each one dollar and take us to Woolworth's.  I remember the wooden floors and the bins of merchandise of all kinds, nothing covered in plastic.  With that dollar, we could get each other and also our grandparents small gifts.  One year I bought Grandpa a pink plastic back scratcher.  I inherited it when he died in 1974.  I still have - and wore several times already this season - the plastic 'holly' earrings my brother, Don, gave me when he was a lad.  I always make them tight on my ears so I don't accidentally lose them (I may be the only living woman you know who does NOT have pierced ears!).

A Toni doll was my very favorite Christmas gift of all time.  My Granny made me dozens of dresses for Toni.  My friend, Pam, and I played with our dolls till the summer after our eighth grade.  We talked about it and concluded, "Well, since we're going to high school next year, we probably ought to put our dolls away." And we played with them in my basement just one last time.  I always remembered Toni as though she looked new.  Years later, my own girls enjoyed dressing their dolls with Toni's dresses.  Most of the dresses were worn out but I still have several of them.

A few years after I got married and moved away from Dayton, Ohio, my mother wrote me (back then long-distance calls were expensive and made only in case of emergencies) and said, "Dad's job will move to Sacramento, California.  He says he's too old to get another job.  So we're moving.  I've made four piles of your stuff and your brothers' in the attic.  If you want it, come and get it."  So I made the trip from Danville,  Kentucky to Dayton.  Among my college papers and other things I saved, there was a paper bag with all my old dolls.  I was so disappointed that Toni looked shabby!  She was not the beautiful, clean doll of my memory.  But I still keep Toni somewhere in my attic.

On Christmas morning, Mom, Dad, my brothers and I went to Mass.  It was special to see the Baby Jesus in his crib with Mother Mary, Joseph, the Shepherds and sheep, along with the cow and donkey set up. The whole congregation sang the familiar Christmas songs with all our hearts.

In the evening the family visited Grandma and Grandpa in their home.  On Christmas, we went in the FRONT DOOR.  They lived in Germantown, Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.A., in what they call a 'shotgun house:' you could look in the front door and look clear to the back door.  We always entered their house through the side door, except on Christmas.

Their front room was dark, except for the Christmas tree.  It was a small, artificial tree on a table (such trees in that era were a new thing, the branches were thin, actually quite ugly). The big old lights cast a beautiful glow on the tree, old glass ornaments, the room, but especially on the Nativity Set surrounding the tree.  It was the most beautiful and largest 'home' collection of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, etc., I had ever seen.  I would not have been surprised to see a real angel somewhere in that room!  We had cookies and egg nog, then opened presents from Granny and Grandpa, and gave them ours.

The next day, our family traveled out to Jeffersontown (Kentucky) to the 'farm' of my Aunt, Uncle, and three cousins. Here we would stuff on a wonderful dinner and exchange presents again.  My cousins, Martha, Mary Jeanne and I would then go upstairs to their playroom and play with dolls till some adult came up and told us it was time to go home.  My brothers, Bob, Steve, and Don, played with our cousin, Jim, but I have no clue as to where or what.  Although we loved to run around outside, see the animals, and go to the barn, we never did this in the winter.

Even back then I remember writing, on actual paper, thank-you notes for each and every gift received (except from mom and dad).  The notes were mailed.  We were taught that "the person who gave it to you spent time buying or making it and wrapping it, the least you can do is write a little note of thanks."

Christmases with My Children

Anna, our oldest child, #1 daughter, was nine months old on her first Christmas.  She could not quite sit up by herself, so we propped her up and took her photo in front of the big, real Christmas tree before she fell over sideways.  Of course, she didn't know what was going on but loved the lights of the tree.

My Mother, Grandmother, and I had always baked cookies for Christmas when I was growing up.  I continued this tradition.  As the years progressed, I baked more and more kinds of cookies.  When the children were old enough, I rolled out the dough and they cut out Sugar Cookies into various shapes.  After they cooled, they decorated them with different colors of Icing.  This generally took a whole day - they were on vacation from school.  It resulted in a kitchen full of flour everywhere, especially on the floor, but I didn't care.

Fish

For several weeks before Christmas, I stored the cookies in big gallon glass jars or large round tin boxes.  They would be 'snitched' now and then.  One year, I put cookies in a box, wrapped it with freezer paper marked, "Fish," and put them in the freezer.  None of the clever little urchins bothered them that year!

With More and Older Children

Fast forward, oh, about fifteen years or so.  My family lived in the very small town of Danville, Kentucky, U.S.A., from 1969 till 2000.  With six, seven, finally ten children of, as they say, 'stair step ages,' Christmas was a somewhat wild party.  Everybody in the family bought (if they had a job) or made (if they didn't) everybody a Christmas gift.  There was nothing fancy.  Sometimes the younger children would draw a picture for their present or give a 'Book of Promises.'  Each page would be a 'coupon' for a particular favor: "I'll do dishes for you one time. . .I'll clean the bathroom once when it's your turn. . .I'll do. . ."  We used a lot of wrapping paper and tape!  We opened gifts in two sessions on Christmas Eve.

Around 4 o'clock we gathered in the family room and each child put their pile of presents on the pool table top.  Then, one at a time, they gave them out and they were opened.  This was lovely!  And also very loving - they took great care making their presents.

After dinner, we gathered in the living room and took seats, with several on the floor.  Dad would give out presents, and one by one, the treasures would be opened.  This took quite a while.  Each child generally received three presents from their mom and dad plus some from their Grannies and Grandpas in distant cities. 

Before bed, we went back in the living room.  All the lights were off except for those on the big Christmas tree.  Dad would read, from the Bible, the story of Jesus' birth.  The children sat and listened; sometimes I had to give dirty looks to a squirmy kid or two so they would behave.  Then we had cookies and egg nog and went to bed.

A 'baby gate' was placed at the end of the hall before the living room when we went to bed so whoever got up early would not go into the living room.  We waited till they ALL were up, in their pajamas, before we went into the living room to see what Santa brought in their stockings.  The gate was removed and the children RAN to their stockings, laid out on the couch and big chair.  This, too, was fun!

Now we could have a leisurely day of getting ready for church and going together.

Christmas With Grandchildren

Life gets complicated when you still have children at home, several of the older ones are married, and you have Grandchildren!  If the married adults children live in distant cities, sometimes they are not able to come home for Christmas - they have their own homes!  That's why we have mail service and Skype!  

Now I'm living by myself.  This year several of my adult children told me, "I'm sorry I can't come for Christmas this year."  I told them how very, very much I appreciated them coming to my Retirement Party this past June: That was My Christmas present!! However, out of my 17 grandchildren, I'll see the local six, several times over!  I'll bake cookies this Christmas Eve afternoon, to share.

Christmas Eve Morning, 2013

There's a dusting of snow in my front yard!  This qualities as a White Christmas, for sure!  My house, in Lexington, Kentucky, 12-24-13.

The morning sun highlights Baby Jesus in this Nativity Set on my piano top.  I made this ceramic set several years ago.  Circling in the front are the ceramic angels made by my Mother and Grandmother.  An addition this year are the three palm trees.  I got the idea to add them when I went to Israel in October.  All their Nativity Sets had palm trees.  But I couldn't find them sold individually.  I treasure this set!  It is about the size of my Grandmother's set.

May you enjoy a most blessed and peaceful Christmas this year!  Share your own memories with us, if you like, in the 'comments' section.

Love and Merry Christmas Hugs to All,

Jan

The Silent Treatment

Situation:  Suzanne and Win were a young, mid-twenties married couple doing fairly well financially, seemingly very much in love.  When they had disagreements, Suzanne usually gave in to Win - it was easier that way because he had a bad temper.  Over the years Suzanne tried to be reasonable with the things that were very important to her, family and church.  She did what she felt what she had to do, namely, communicate with her family and attend important church functions.  Then Win just totally ignored Suzanne.  For days, he wouldn't talk to her or even look at her.  It was not a happy home.

Sometimes Suzanne had no idea why Win ignored her.  At first, she begged him to tell her what was bothering him. He wouldn't respond.  After several years of this, Suzanne decided she would just do what she wanted and put up with him.  Yet there was a coldness between them that was slowly killing any affection they had for each other.

Lessons learned:  Communication in relationships must be open and honest.  This couple let both the bad temper/give in style and the silent treatment style go on for too long and get out-of-hand.  The time to find out what style of communication you spouse will use is before marriage.  Discuss those hard issues!  If you assume too much without truly finding out how your fiance feels or acts, you may be very unpleasantly surprised later.

If you're dealing with a spouse who won't talk to you, your marriage is in trouble!  Try to go to couples' classes or counseling.  It's like every other problem in life: if you sweep it under the rug, the pile of 'dirt' will grow.  Tackle it early, while there's still love.  If not, the love will diminish, perhaps to the point of vanishing. Then, you will have a giant problem.

Outcome:  Win refused all forms of counseling or education.  Suzanne got tired of the coldness and left Win.  It was a very nasty divorce.  They both spent a pile of money on lawyers because Win fought Suzanne on every minor point.

Our take-away:  It can't be said enough times: take your time in getting to know someone, especially a person you are dating. Talk, talk, talk!  If you jump in bed with someone before getting a commitment (getting married), you both are immature, you both are using the other person, and, I promise you, meaningful communication will virtually stop!  You deserve the best: someone who will love you for yourself, a mature person who will talk with you about anything, without fear that either of you will over-react or shut down silently.  Love takes GUTS!  Oh, God of Hope and Love, we pray that you will guide us to wholesome, satisfying relationships!

The Last Friend

Yesterday I joined my church's Resurrection Choir.  It's the choir that sings only for funerals.  When asked to join, I mentioned that "my voice is weak but I know music and can stay on key."  And I'll give it a try.  Even in spite of the sad occasion, I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of this.  In the choir were several friends I knew; I met lots of new people.  I felt very much welcomed and was asked to return.

The last funeral I attended was my father's, ten years ago. A former church musician for a good number of years more than twenty years ago, I've participated in many dozens of funerals over the years. The hardest were those of children, the younger, the sadder.  I learned quickly that I could not even glance at the family or I, too, would cry.

The funeral yesterday was extremely meaningful.  Our priest personally knew the deceased gentleman and told of how his final illness resulted in death but "he was at peace."  That is important!  The man's son gave a touching eulogy that brought tears to my eyes even though I never knew the man.

As a nurse, I was also involved in deaths.  When my first patient died, I was so distraught that the physician, my colleagues, and the family had to comfort me!  After that, I 'got a grip:'  very sick people die.  I noticed that all but one of the patients who died came to be in a state of acceptance, "peace."  Many welcomed death to be a release of their sufferings. Except one man.  He was terrified and said he saw 'demons' around his bed.  He did not die in peace.

Yesterday's funeral started me thinking about my own funeral.  Now we all know that God can 'call us home,' we can die, at any time of life.  We all hope to live a long, happy, healthy life, and die in our sleep of old age.  But only God knows when and how we will die.  We can not avoid death and the better prepared we are for death, the happier our deaths will be.

I want to share with you an experience of mine in 1984.  I had a bout of severe abdominal pain for which I went to the emergency room on a Wednesday afternoon at 5 p.m.  After he examined me, my doctor kindly told me, "I think you have gallstones.  You fit the picture: fair, fat, and forty.  I want you to stay in the hospital and we'll run tests to make sure."  The next day, the tests were negative.  He told me,  "Stay another day and we'll do more tests."  On Friday, the tests also were negative.  The doctor said, "I'm almost certain you have gallstones.  You could have another attack at any time.  I want you to stay in the hospital this weekend and we'll have Dr. _____ take out your gallbladder on Monday.  So I stayed.  I did not want a repeat of the pain so horrible I couldn't speak!

On Saturday I got homesick and got permission to go home for several hours.  On Sunday afternoon, everything in my part of the hospital was very quiet, even though my room was across from the elevator.  Looking out my third-story window, over the trees, the only thing I could see was the white cross on the top of my church's steeple.  I started praying, "God, I could die from this surgery.  People die during surgery.  I don't want to die."  I was very afraid.

That thought had hardly left my mind when I had the sensation of being gently lifted up in God's arms.  He was very, very tall, wearing a long white robe, and I couldn't see his face.  He was swinging me from side to side in his arms, as if I was a child.  This was extremely comforting.  Then the feeling disappeared.  But I was no longer afraid.

The next morning, Monday, I was taken in to the operating room and put to sleep.  Then I was awakened!  I could not open my eyes but I could hear.  I was told, "Janice, we're having to wake you up because we can't get the breathing tube down your throat.  This happens about twice a year.  Your throat is the size of a child's.  We'll find the right size."  I thought I was being choked to death.  BUT I WAS NOT AFRAID!  Then things went black.

The next thing I knew, I was aware of being back in my hospital room.  It was night.  I opened my eyes and realized I was alive and in my hospital room.  I was disappointed.  Recovery was uneventful.  Later the surgeon said my gallbladder was, in fact, diseased and gave me a jar of the stones which I still have somewhere.

Before this experience, I admit that I was very afraid of death and put all thoughts of death out of my mind.  Now, I'm at peace, I'm ready.  But I'm not in a hurry!

When I was a little girl, my brothers and I would ask our dad, "Daddy, how old are you gonna be when you die?"  He told us the same thing whenever we would ask, "I'm going to be 89."  And he ended up dying when he was 89 years old!

My youngest daughter #8, Jeannie, was the only one of my children to ask me, "How old are you going to be when you die?"  I told her, "I think I'd like to be a hundred."  She quipped, "Mother, why limit yourself!"  Not long after that I received a letter from a friend who mentioned that she never saw her mother any more because, "Mom's 73 and taking care of her 106-year-old mother."  That is my new aspiration!! - live to be 106!

What do we have to do to get ready for death, to be at peace?  We first need to get our worldly affairs in order.  Even if you don't have very much wealth, you have something: make a will so the government doesn't take half.  You don't want your relatives to fight over what you have left!  Plan for you what you want done with your body and pay for it.  Why burden your survivors with this decision and cost!

Personally, I'm not one to miss my deceased friends and relatives and have to visit their graves. I know they are not under the ground there, they are either in heaven or hell, and I pray daily that they are in heaven and I will meet them there in the future. I feel that after death, we certainly won't need our current bodies, that it's like cutting your fingernails - they were once a part of you but you no longer need them.  I have donated my body to the University medical school so some use may be made of it when I no longer need it.  Some people want to be buried, some want to be cremated.  Make sure you make plans.

Another kindness to our survivors is getting rid of stuff we no longer use or need.  We have to be careful here.  I want to clean out stuff that someone else would use, throw out junk, but not anything one of my family might want.  My dear mom and dad had several yard sales and sold many things I would like to have inherited.  One of these days, I know I'll have to downsize, and that will be the perfect opportunity to shed my extra goods.

After the funeral yesterday, while we were putting away our music books, I overheard two ladies talking about someone they know who is an atheist.  They shared, "It would be so sad to not believe there's nothing for you after death."  Certainly! How do we prepare our hearts and souls for meeting God at death: live well!  Find out how God wants us to live.  Be the best, holiest, we can be!  All we have to do is ask and God will help us.  I don't want to find out the hard way with God asking me, "Who are you?"  I'd like God to say to me, "Welcome home, Jan!"

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you on this Sunday, the Lord's Day.

Who Are You?

My wise Granny must have told me a hundred times, "Tell me who your friends are, I'll tell you who you are."  Maybe this is a good time to think of our friends and decide if they reflect our values.

Way back in the middle of high school at Holy Rosary Academy in Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.A., I noticed that all of the girls seemed to be in circles of those who were in their own neighborhoods.  That was fine but I wanted everyone for a friend, and to be a friend in many different groups.  It was certainly more fun!

To this day, I enjoy a diverse and interesting chain of relationships:  people of all ages, different or no occupations, Catholics and other Christians, several atheists, one feminist, one Hindu, several living in other countries, some of other races and several of different sexual orientation.  I don't know if Granny would approve.  We all are trying to do our best, given our circumstances in life.  I love and respect them all.

Years ago, my staunch feminist friend asked me, "Well, now that you know what I believe, do you still want to be my friend?"  I quickly replied, "If two friends like you and me can't get along together, there's no hope for world peace!"  That was approximately forty years ago.  She is still militantly feminist and we are still friends.  The same conversation went on more recently with a Catholic friend who had converted to Buddhism.

There were plenty of my former patients, when I was a working nurse, that I would have cared to befriend, if it had not been unethical and against hospital policy.  Indeed, when I was a manager, I had to fire two young men for making contact with two young women who had been our former patients.  It was so hard for me to do this!  I told my boss, "It's harder for me to do this than it is for them."  He said, "No, it's not.  They're losing their jobs."

Research has proven time and again, that those with close friends will live longer and happier lives.  We are created by God to live in relationships.  Let's nurture all those friends we have this happy Christmas Season!

Fishers, #2: Throwing out Hooks & Spears

Although there is a certain amount of good in us all, most people basically either create happiness or destroy happiness in everyone they meet.  I have come to believe that, as adults, we choose whether we will be a "sour" person or a "pleasant person."  I also believe that we can change our outlook on life, even though it is not done easily, if we choose to.

This blog entry concerns recognizing negative people and protecting yourself from getting hurt by them.  In addition, let's explore why you need to distance yourself from these human sharks, these "foul-weather friends."

One of the hardest and trickiest part of establishing relationships is recognizing those who will unabashedly seek to hurt us.  First, we need to understand, there is NO EXCUSE for DELIBERATELY hurting another person!  It doesn't matter if your mother never loved you.  It doesn't matter if you grew up in poverty.  It doesn't matter if your head hurts or your stomach hurts today.  It doesn't matter if you are too ugly or too pretty. You have no right to purposely hurt anyone else!

While some folks are so thoroughly nasty and negative that nearly everyone avoids them, most negative people put on a good front of 'niceness' in the beginning of relationships.  I think they may be able to turn on and off their charm whenever they choose.  It is only when you know them for a few weeks or months that the insults will start coming.  First, they will proclaim their judgments against all the 'horrible' people in their lives: relatives, co-workers, bosses, political figures.  They have quite a long list of those they hate.  Then, if they are not opposed or challenged, the hooks and barbs and 'put-downs' may come your way.  Believe that you NEVER deserve to be insulted!  Do not permit it!

We can choose what we say to others but we can not stop them from what they say.  However, we choose what will hurt us!  This may be hard to understand, but consider: if you felt 'hurt' by everything negative in your life, you wouldn't even get out of bed, ever.  You must know yourself so well, believe deeply that you are doing the best you can do, and you are a very good person.

As a child, I was fortunate to be able to talk to my mom and grandmother on most of the occasions when another child said something nasty to me.  Every single time, mom or grandma would simply say, "Consider the source."  In other words, anyone who tries to hurt me is not worth my feeling sad at all.  This was like a vaccination against insults!  You, too, can make yourself virtually un-insultable!

Even if you are a very sensitive person, you can strengthen yourself to be insult-proof.  The first step is TO PRETEND YOU ARE NOT HURT AT ALL if someone tries to put you down.  Give yourself messages that you do not deserve to be insulted, that the person is just plain mean.  Before you know it, you will not feel hurt!

Why do some people appear to insult the whole world?  They are such miserable creatures that they think they feel less miserable if that can crush someone else.  Now isn't that sad, tragic, and disgusting?!  Never give them the satisfaction in seeing you are hurt!  Never, ever shed tears!

Yes, I have shed tears, plenty of tears, stupid tears.  The only people who can 'get to me' and insult me are those who I deeply love and who I think love me.  Being insulted by one you love hurts horribly!  Once I read, "there is no human being worthy of your tears.  The only thing worth your tears are your SINS!"  Another thing I learned the hard way was that if a person you love deliberately hurts you, that diminishes your love a little bit.  If it continues, Love is snuffed out.  This is another tragedy. 

The reality of life is that sometimes we must tolerate negative people in our lives - but not forever!  If the negative person is a boss, and I've had my share of what my little children would call "witches with a 'b' ", do your best to change jobs as you really can't confront someone who controls your paychecks.  If the sour, evil person is a spouse, it's not easy to decide 'when' to leave, even if you decide you must leave.  Just be sure you talk to someone who understands and can help you.  Again, if you are so put down terribly and often, read my recommendation in this blog, Saturday, August 3, 2013, "Very, very important recommendation": Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, written by Lundy Bancroft.  You don't want to allow your children to learn how to abuse and how to be a victim.

Life is too short to waste with unhappiness!  God truly loves us and truly wants us to be happy!  I pray you have much JOY in your life!  Choose JOY!

If you have questions or something to add to this, please comment.  You can do so anonymously.

Fishers, #1: Casting a Wide Net

Situation: Years ago I knew Henry, a 40-ish, good-looking man who knew he was good-looking. It's funny how if people think a lot of their looks, it really diminishes them.  Anyway, Henry kissed all women, ON THE LIPS, instead of just saying, "Hi, how are you doing?", the way the rest of us would.  Henry was flirty, but he wasn't stupid; he never bothered with teenagers.  Henry did his kissing even in front of his wife, who pretended not to notice.  He never kissed her, now that I'm thinking about this.

We all knew Henry was just full of himself and didn't mean anything serious, but Marian was a bit naive and fell in love with Henry.  This greatly pleased Henry.  But this didn't slow down Henry's indiscriminate kissing one bit.  Marian didn't mind as long as Henry kissed her and he certainly did - at every opportunity.  Marian thought Henry was in love with her but since she was also married, she fought it.  Henry never asked her to cheat with him and Marian probably wouldn't have done so.  Working together closely was enough for both of them.

Several years passed and Henry's wife noticed that Henry might actually be in love with Marian.  Even though she had another man 'on the side,' she couldn't stand the thought that Henry might be cheating.  She must have confronted Henry because he figured out how NOT to work directly with Marian, and told her he could hardly see her anymore.

This devastated Marian!  She thought her world had ended.  It was very hard for her to recover, but it didn't take her long.  In time, in recalling Henry's behavior, she told me, "Looking back, I don't think he ever loved me at all.  Henry was just using me to get back at his wife!"

Lessons learned:  They used to call men who seemed to flirt with everyone, "skirt chasers."  And the women who did this were said to chase "anything that wore pants."  Now that the role identities of male and female are 'blurred,' this is harder to imagine, but you get the idea. Normal people keep their distance from these "self-worshippers!"

Outcome:  All parties involved recovered.  But think of the horrible example Henry's behavior was for any young person who may have noticed!  Henry ended up getting transferred and no one really missed him.

Our take-away:  God gives us hormones, so eventually we will co-create with him new people, babies.  We need to follow God's rules on showing our attraction to another.  Within marriage, the rule is: "only with each other."  Those unmarried would show sense and good morality to stay away from another who is married. And GOD says, the unmarried should not act like they're married and they should not act like alley-cats and (insert your own words here, I can't think of anything else but 'shack up').  You never heard God say this?  Read His Book.

Santa's Coming!

When I was a very young mother, I considered whether or not it was good for my young daughter #1, Anna, to perpetuate the "Santa Claus with reindeer, living at the North Pole" story.  Elves? Get real!  I would have taken a stand against the world, if it brought truth and love into her precious little heart!  I didn't want to have to lie about anything to her.

Then I recalled: there was a real Santa Claus.  He was Saint Nicholas, a Greek Bishop in the 4th century in what is now Turkey.  There were three young women whose family could not afford a dowry for their marriages.  Nicholas secretly threw gold coins in their window, thereby saving the young women.  His feastday is December 6th.  This is where the story of Santa Claus started.  I didn't have to lie,

Next, I considered gift-giving.  Since Christmas is Jesus' birthday, it made sense to give gifts to Jesus, NOT to each other  I really respected the Spanish custom of exchanging gifts on Three Kings Day, the Epiphany, celebrated January 6th, when they brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to Jesus when he was born in Bethlehem.

But should I, an American, go against the practice of our entire culture and make my daughter wait until Three Kings Day?  How would she feel in coming years returning from Christmas vacation in school when classmates and teachers asked, "What did you get for Christmas?"  "What was your favorite present?"  Was it worth it to make her feel odd, different, weird?

I decided, "no." We will follow the American custom and give each other gifts on Christmas. The first time Anna and I visited the Baby Jesus statue on Christmas, she was 3 or 4 years old. We actually had a wrapped gift which she placed next to Jesus' crib. She and I had shopped for a gift for baby Jesus previously.  She selected a baby doll.  I assume the priest or church secretary gave it to a needy child. After the first year, I forgot about it.  Having an additional child or two definitely adds to the excitement and busyness of the season.

As a family, we always celebrated St. Nicholas, the real Saint's Feastday, every December 6th.  How the children loved this over the years!  The night before the feastday, they would put out their slippers beside their beds.  In the morning they would wake up to slippers full of gold chocolate candy coins. Sometimes everyone would get new slippers if they needed them.  Three of my daughters still celebrate this with their children.  We even celebrated this when daughter #8, Jeannie, was the only one living at home and was in college!

What are your Christmas traditions?  Do you put up a Christmas tree?  Do you have special food?  Special songs?  Do you ride around and look at the Christmas lights at night?  We always tried to bake something German, our family ancestry.  We watched all the cartoons on TV together and, of course, went to church even if Christmas wasn't on a Sunday.  This was special!  Will you choose new traditions this year?

Didn't God love us so much to send us his only son as a baby!  He could have come in any way.  Yet, he is human, like us!  We thank you and we praise you, O Lord!

Three Cruisers

Situation:  Years ago, Phil, a middle-aged single man, a co-worker of mine at the time, inherited approximately $20,000 from his father's estate.  He already had a house and a car, so with this extra money, he decided to quit his job and travel in Europe (at that time, nurses were in such short supply, he knew he could get a job when he returned).  Phil had no timetable and stayed in a place as long as he wanted, then caught a train and moved on to the next place.  He went on this trip by himself.  Loving every minute, Phil stayed the longest time in Italy.  It took him six months to use up the money.

Johnetta, a lady I met briefly, also inherited money, more than Phil.  Johnetta was a single mother of four teenagers.  She owned a car but rented their home; Johnetta worked as a clerk.  Without consulting any of her family and friends, Johnetta used the money to take the children on a long cruise.  They had never been on a cruise and had a great time.

A young single man I know well, Floyd, was unemployed yet went on multiple cruises for years.  We wondered how he afford them but figured his parents financed them.  Floyd told us of his every move during these trips.

Lessons learned:  Surely vacations and trips are a luxury that can only be indulged in, if all the necessities are covered!  To my mind, Phil seemed responsible to use his inheritance in this way.  He said, "I think my dad would want me to enjoy this."

What about Johnetta?  With children 'still in the nest,' perhaps she could have better spent the money for a house down payment, or college for the children, or for 'a rainy day.'

And Floyd!  I don't fault him for using his parents' money, freely given, yet doesn't it seem his priority might have been working harder at getting a job?

Outcome: I lost track of Phil and Johnetta.  Floyd is still unemployed; his parents are in serious financial difficulty and may lose their house soon.

Our Take-away:  Wisdom, prudence, 'street smarts' are all a part of responsible living.  There is no substitute!  Ponder carefully about the person you're dating.  Do they overspend?  Do they indulge in frivolous things, luxuries they cannot afford but would like you to get for them?  Marriages must be built on love and trust but responsibility and wisdom play a big part in a happy life!

Map to Success

When I started making "to do" lists I don't remember; it's been a good many years.  For my annual "End of Year Review" and next year "Goals," I don't remember starting but it's probably been around 20 years.  This has helped me organize my life considerably!  If you don't know where you're going in Life, how will you know how to get there?  How will you know when you've reached your goal?

Let's start with the most important goal in Life: reaching Heaven!  Or, call it, being a Saint. (Saints are dead; it's what you want to be after death.)  Now, please don't 'turn me off' on this goal!  Unless you aspire to be immortal, in that case, those around you may consider you delusional, we will all die.  So, make plans to get where you would like to be, either eternal heaven or eternal hell.  Call this goal, Spirituality.  Review whether or not you feel closer to God this past year; then plan how you will improve on it this year; let's be specific.  Do we plan on going to our church or synagogue or temple every weekend?  If you don't have a place of worship, will you find one?  "Witness" is very, very important!  We want to bring those we love to heaven with us.  Will we read more spiritual books or our Bible?  What about prayer?  Prayer with those we love helps us all.  At least we could give thanks before and after meals.

The next most important goal to me is Family and Friends.  How many times have we connected with our flesh-and-blood relatives?  Our dear friends?  Is there anyone with whom we need reconciling?  What would we like to do in 2014?  "Face time" is critical!  Phone calls, frequent text or e-mail messages, gifts, cards and letters, even Skype sessions do not take the place of real hugs and kisses.

Our personal Health is also a critical goal.  I expect that most of us know what it takes to be healthy: regular check-ups by our doctor, maintain the vaccinations we need, even as an adult, reach that healthy weight, take our meds as ordered, etc.  It isn't easy and it isn't cheap, but we want the energy we need to live well.  I personally have dealt with weight issues, so, if this is your problem, I feel your pain!  Have we done well in this area during the past year?  What should and will we be doing in 2014?

Our Job also needs to be high on our "goal" list.  Are we happy with the 2013 job situation?  Should we change jobs, work harder to get a job if we're unemployed, or perhaps 'retool' and get education in another area?  Think well here.  Money isn't everything but we need it to live.  I have retired from 20 years of nursing this past June 3rd.  It has been challenging to exist on quite a bit less income but it has been SO worth it!  Now I'm my own boss.  I'm busier than ever with my writing since I have more time; it is so fulfilling!

Finances need to be addressed, for sure. "Debt-free" status is attainable!  To not spend anything on credit interest is a most worthy goal!  It is delightful!  We can actually have more if we do this.  Or, we can save more.  Or, we can stretch our income to meet our needs.  A review of 2013 and plans for 2014 finances will help us.  "Budgeting" is not a four-letter word!

The rest of our Goals are individual.  What do you like to do in your spare time?  My categories include: Travel, Sewing & Crafts, and House & Garden.  Be specific about this category.  Then you get to cross off things as you finish them: dig out dead bush; visit family in Boston and Virginia; walk farther in the summer; install motion-sensitive light on back door, and continue to clean out attic are items I hope to do in 2014.

Stretch your world a bit.  Always have a few more goals than you can actually accomplish in one year. What do you want your life to look like in FIVE YEARS?  You may surprise yourself and reach your every goal!
Save these goals and aspirations.  They are interesting to look back on.

If you're dating, this whole subject needs to be thoroughly discussed if you envision a commitment together; you MUST know what the other person wants out of Life!  Don't get married with stars in your eyes.  Don't 'think' the great gal or great guy shares your goals.  Not everyone does.  Be certain!!

Some years are better - we can perform optimally.  Other years may be harder and we have to deal with illness - ourselves or others' - and we just do the best we can.  God knows and God helps because God loves us!

Get Ready!

Today is the Third Sunday of Advent, Gaudete (gow-day-tay) Sunday.  Certain Christian Churches celebrate this day to interrupt the usual seasonal Advent colors, a penitential purple (I'm sorry for my sins, God!) feeling, with rose-pink, joyful colors in the third Advent candle and in the priest's vestments (robes).  It was a most joyful occasion!  Father Gino succeeded in getting the whole congregation excited!  We sung "Rejoice!" many times over this morning!  Yes, we only have TEN DAYS and we can celebrate Jesus' birth on Christmas!

It never ceases to amaze me the many new things I learn about my religion, God, Jesus, and all things holy every year!  Wouldn't you think that after 70 years of being a Catholic, things would seem the same, ho-hum?  Yet in the same Bible readings, year after year, I find some new insight.

Before this year, I never remembered hearing that the four candles of Advent, which represent the thousands of years the Jewish people waited for their redeemer, Jesus, had names.  The first candle is called The Prophet's Candle and symbolizes hope.  'Prophet' refers to Isaiah who foresaw the coming of the Messiah.

The second week's candle is called The Bethlehem Candle, and symbolizes faith or preparation, as people prepare for the coming of Jesus, born in Bethlehem.

Today's candle is called The Shepherd's Candle, and symbolizes the JOY which the angels proclaimed when Jesus was born, first to the shepherds in the fields.

The fourth candle in the Advent wreath is called The Angel's candle and symbolizes "peace or the love for which Jesus came to earth" (from The Little Blue Book, Advent and Christmas Seasons, 2013-2014), p. 4.

What have I done this past week to prepare my heart to celebrate Jesus' birthday?: my usual visiting my sick people, finished shopping for gifts, had lunch with friends twice, visited a local historic home decorated for Christmas, wrapped all gifts, mailed half of those that need to be mailed, said extra prayers, helped a daughter decorate, watched several sappy & romantic Christmas movies on Hallmark TV, put up a few more decorations, and brought my 'extra' Advent book to Adoration Time on Wednesday.  It is a wonderful book of daily meditations, "In Conversation with God: Daily Meditations Volume One: Advent and Christmastide" by Francis Fernandez, 1986.

Let's think about what we can do to prepare our hearts and homes for Christmas - next week!

Spoiled!

In Hawaii this past July, daughter #4, Theresa, and I were quietly roasting, even though we were in the shade under a canopy, waiting for the arrival of the two o'clock train to tour the Dole Pineapple Plantation.  There was a big crowd and we were queued in line.  Folks were just chatting with their neighbors when the train pulled in.  A little girl, about 3 or 4 years old, spotted the train but she and her family had joined the end of the line.  When the train left without her, she screamed, "I wanna get on the train!"  She continued this whining for the next half-hour till the train returned. Her family might as well have been invisible!  They said not a word nor made an effort to explain to her or at least comfort her. Theresa and I entrained and the little girl was again left behind.  (You can read about this day in my travel blog at www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, Monday, July 22, 2013, "Cruisin' Around").

Obviously the child was totally undisciplined and probably spoiled.  By "spoiled," I mean handicapped by possessing whatever objects are desired and having an attitude of entitlement; devoid of appreciation for gifts and giver.  Not only children can be ruined by being spoiled by the adults in their lives.  Adults can spoil themselves.

One of my deceased elderly relatives, Greta, grew up normally, from what I heard.  Then when she got married she started collecting jewelry and household knick-knacks, especially linens and pots and pans.  Her husband indulged her.  Why?  I'll never know; he passed away before she did. Apparently, they always spent up to the limit of their credit.

I visited Greta's home once.  I was utterly fascinated about how every single bit of horizontal surface (tables, counters, etc., and all the walls were entirely occupied by unrelated objects.  In addition to their large house, Greta and her husband, Willy, had two large storage buildings to hold her collections.  Greta told me that, looking back, she regretted all her collections. There were boxes and boxes that were stored and forgotten.  Greta shared, "I know we paid more in storage fees, over the years, than all the collections were worth."  Greta had spoiled herself but her husband enabled her (Greta hadn't earned a dime in years.)

Long story short, Willy died, Greta had to auction most of what she owned, then lost their house to the bank, and she ended up in public housing on welfare.  Greta died soon thereafter.

It's so easy to charge whatever we want when we are working (or someone is working).  If we spend to our limits of credit, we're treading on thin ice if we get sick or worst-cast scenario, if we lose our jobs.  It's very, very hard to climb out from under credit card debt.  I'm not looking down my nose pointing my finger at anyone, I've had to climb out myself several times!  No more!

How do we avoid spoiling ourselves?  It's all in our attitude: stewardship.  God is the one who gives us our very lives and everything we have. We have to use it for a good purpose, not to just acquire objects, or acquire more expensive objects.  In addition to spending wisely, we need to give charitably and generously.  Of course, we need to save for that emergency.

It helps create an attitude of stewardship if we periodically deny ourselves legitimate pleasures for a higher purpose.  Some Christian religions have a time of fasting and alms-giving in Lent, the six weeks before Easter.  People may 'give up' the pleasure of their choosing.  Some would give up a particular food, such as chocolate.  Other may give up computer games.  One year, I gave up eating cake and cookies.  On Easter, the cake had never tasted so exquisite!  But it unmistakably helps avoid spoiling ourselves, and creates some needed self-discipline.

Do you know any spoiled brats?  They are severely handicapped when they grow up!  It is highly unlikely they'll find someone to indulge their every whim.  Beware, if you are dating a spoiled person, your life will be miserable!

The Woman with Three Ears

When I was in elementary school in the 1950's, one of our neighbor women, Betta, was 'divorced.'  To hear my mom and grandma talk about her and condemn her, I thought she must be physically deformed or something, with three ears or two noses or something equally weird.  Betta also committed the sin of 'working' (outside the home, for money). Apparently, when Betta was still married, she hired babysitters so she could spend time ironing beautiful dresses for her daughter, Jane.  Jane always looked like a real live princess.

I have fond memories of my mom rocking me and my brothers when we were small enough to fit on her lap.  I also remember the one time Betta was actually inside our house.  She asked mom, "Why do you rock the children?"

While we hardly ever saw Betta, once in a while, Betta's daughter and I would get together because we were near the same age.  Picture this: I went to Betta's house so Jane and I could 'play.'  Betta let me in her house and announced, "Jane will be out in several minutes," and left the room. I thought I should sit down on the couch and wait.  Betta came back and sternly startled me, "Get off that couch!" That was the only time I was brave enough to venture inside that house.  They were very clean. I actually saw Betta get down on her hands and knees once and scrub her concrete driveway.

Years later I was told by mom that my dad's mother had been married - five times!  This was a scandal!  I am certain my mother hated her because she had abandoned my father when he was two years old to marry another man.

The point of this is to let you know how our society's attitude toward divorce has evolved into what it is today: "Who cares?  It's your problem."  Prior to the 60's, as you can see from Betta's experience, divorce was rare, a total failure, and very difficult to get.  Divorced people were shunned and not even welcome in churches.  Marriage was considered sacred, holy, a life-time commitment between a man and a woman.

Young people in this 21st century are marrying later in life than ever before, if at all.  I think many are afraid of marrying.  They are also afraid of getting divorced.  Society, in general, seems afraid of all commitments.  Yes, marriage is a big 'commitment.'  It is worthy of both people giving 100% of themselves, 100% of the time.  I wonder how many couples - who want to achieve the rewards of a golden wedding anniversary - actually put in the effort involved?  Or do they give up when the going gets rough?

While I don't advocate returning to the 50's prejudice against divorced people, it would be good to get back to a general elevation of marriage from just a legal contract to a sacred commitment.  This requires further thought and prayer.  God, please help us bring permanence and happiness to our marriages today!

Prisons

Many years ago I volunteered at a local prison with my church group.  There was a small but nice chapel inside the compound.  We would have a Mass - I helped with the music - and then Bible study.  I was shocked on several counts.  First, the guys seemed very ordinary and friendly, not anything sinister or suspicious.

The second surprise was that the security was much more extensive that I ever could have imagined.  I had seen on TV and in movies the chain-link fences topped with coils of barbed wire.  But I had no idea of how many doors one would have to pass through!  And before you could enter one, the door you just passed through had to close - electronically.  You also had to show your driver's license at each point of entry; it was kept at the final destination, to be returned to you when you left.  You could take nothing with you except the I.D. and one key, to your car.

There was no hope for these prisoners getting out of this prison - unless they were released by authorities.  But this prison was one only of bars and fences and guard towers.  They were free to think as they pleased.

There are other prisons equally difficult to leave.  None of them have the customary bars/fences/guards, etc. Some of these prisons may be self-made, some may be a product of up-bringing or experiences.  It's my assessment that most of them are self-maintained by the adult.

There is the Prison of Prejudice: the inmate creates impenetrable walls between himself/herself and the particular category of people he thinks are less worthy. What a sad prison!  Even if your parents hated people of a different race or religion or political affiliation, surely you've met the exception who was a decent human being?  Stop, think for yourself!  Give everyone a chance to know you; escape the Prejudice Prison.

Another Prison is one of self-hatred.  It's rare to encounter such a person but they are to be pitied.  They hold all they know to such high standards (perfection) that no one is worthy.  The sad thing is that they also hold themselves to even higher standards, perfection, and they never, ever can achieve this.  Therefore, they dislike (hate?) themselves.  How could one escape the Perfection Prison?  By purposely 'messing up,' in small things. Start with how you fold or stack your laundry.  Purposely be a little bit messy.  Think of all the time you'll save!  Go from there.  God loves you; you are worthy of loving and forgiving yourself.  Then be easier on the rest of the world!  You CAN escape the Perfection Prison, if you want to!

The prison of self-indulgence has new depths in the more 'civilized' part of our world. So many of us aspire to 'have it all! - and NOW!  That's why so many Americans individually are deep in credit card troubles as is our government (that's ourselves!!).  Unless you were brought up in the Depression of the 1930's, you probably do not know deep deprivation.  There was life before credit cards.  We had to LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS.  We can do it again!  Guess what: if, instead of buying whatever appeals to us and putting ourselves into debt, if we were to plan our purchases, choose more wisely, we would actually enjoy what we have even more!  

It's extremely stressful to have to juggle a lot of debt.  Let's promise ourselves to escape, even if it takes years of self-denial, the Prison of Self-Indulgence.

I just finished reading and studying a classic book of psychology first published in 1964, "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, M.D.  It's not an easy read, but it expanded my study of behavior.  Dr. Berne defined a game as "an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome."  In other words, the person playing a game with you has his or her own agenda, and it is NOT for your benefit.

The main reason people play games with us is to AVOID INTIMACY.  This is, unfortunately, very common.  Many people just won't allow anyone to get close to them in any way. Essentially, they have built a thick wall around them. So they are permanently in their own Prison of Fear.  All the love and kindness and even self-sacrifice of another person won't help them come out of this Prison of Fear.  They must choose to take down the walls.

In future blogs, we will explore the topic of intimacy in greater depth.  What is intimacy?  Why do we crave intimacy?  How do we know if we have achieved intimacy?  For now, let's think about ourselves; do we have any attitudes which shut out another?  God loves us has created us to be in relationships.  Let's do our best to help ourselves in this quest.