Haven't we all known doctors, nurses, perhaps dentists or pharmacists who smoke? We health professionals see the worst case scenarios, the ones that suffer terribly and then 'die!' So why doesn't everyone quit? That's a very complicated question! And we are taught that smoking cigarettes is the most addictive habit there is, even more addictive than hard illegal drugs.
But those of us who are relatively well all have things we could do to improve our health. I will admit to a poor rate of success with my patients - and I have no idea of other health professionals' successes, but I expect it's equally poor - when I tried to gently tell them that what they're doing is really, really hurting them.
One depressed patient I had years ago was recovering from a stroke and was told by the dietician she would have to eliminate salt in her diet. The woman could not handle that drastic of a change. I advised her that she should gradually change her diet and that would help her very much. (We hardly ever know the outcome unless the patient comes back in worse condition.)
My personal biggest problem is lack of commitment to regular exercise. I get gung-ho for a few weeks, do well, then the business of 'life' gets in the way and I slack off. This past month, on my "Winter Escape!" vacation (Please see my travel blog, www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com to see where I went.), I've been able to walk nearly every day. I love it! I feel stronger physically and clearer mentally. I plan to make this a priority once I get home.
We all know what we should do to have optimal health - exercise regularly, get regular check-ups by a doctor, have a balanced diet, don't drink to excess, don't smoke at all, etc. We just have to do what the doctor says! But why don't we?
It is heart-wrenching to see a grieving spouse or children or friend of someone who could have lived longer if they had made healthy changes in his or her life! At times, I have been resentful; if the patient had seen how much they were loved and missed, would it have made a difference?
I don't want my family to suffer because they have not had the benefit of my love for many more years! This past Tuesday at dinner, we were talking about the oldest people in the world. My 8-year-old granddaughter, Mallory, asked me how long I would live. I told her that if my friend's grandmother could live to be 106, so could I! She suggested, "Grandma, why don't you live to be 150!" I have to do a lot more walking!!
Lord God, we know that it's all about love. You showed us how to love. Today we ask you to help us do the hard things we know to be healthier - for all those who love us!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Reasons to Marry, #4: Money!
A recent episode of PBS's "Downton Abbey" showed the wealthy American dowager visiting the Abbey family and being pursued by an elderly titled but poor English gentleman. Being a woman of the world, she saw through his scheme and, in the end, told him she had no intention of marrying again but was 'amused' by his attention.
Situation: Grace and Eddy were married five years and had a four-year-old daughter. Grace had dearly loved Eddy when they were married but he killed every shred of that love by continuing to do drugs and hang around with his friends nearly every night. When they married, Grace assumed that Eddy would settle down to his job as a manager and family life. In slightly over a year, Eddy was fired and settled down to a life of drugs with his friends.
Where did Eddy get the money to quit work and pay for all the drugs: his parents. They were wealthy and gave him everything he asked for, no questions asked. Eddy never appeared 'stoned' in front of his mom and dad. They felt sorry for him, that 'because of the economy,' Eddy couldn't get a job.
Grace tried every way to help Eddy, suggested they go to counseling together, thought of going to the police and reporting his friends but didn't. Finally, Grace decided to stay in the marriage because sooner or later, Eddy's parents would die and Eddy would inherit a good-sized fortune. After two more years, Grace was so upset by the useless Eddy, how in addition to his hardly ever being home, when he was home, he was nasty to her and their daughter. Grace divorced Eddy. There was a lengthy court battle because Eddy's parents wanted Eddy to have custody of his daughter. It was concluded when Grace told Eddy's parents about the drug use and that she would go to the police if they didn't stop and let her have full custody of her daughter.
Lessons learned: First, if you want to assume anything about a person you're dating, assume that he or she will continue all behaviors after marriage. Could you tolerate that? Next, if a person you're dating has any degree of a drug problem or alcoholism, run, run, run the other way fast! Those people are poison to you! They can be extremely manipulative! Don't fall for a lie, "All I need is a good woman to settle me down" or "All I need is someone to love me."
What about money? Is it worth it to wait 10 - 20 - 40 years for the possibility of inheriting someone's money? Many wealthy folks lost their fortunes due to poor management or reckless spending over the years? What if you waited and never got anything? Are you willing to gamble on that? The old folks used to say, "Marry for money and you'll earn it."
You decide: Is marrying or staying married for money a good way to live?
Dear Lord in heaven, when we have life-changing decisions in our relationships, help us see the reality of all our options. We thank you for your never-failing help!
Situation: Grace and Eddy were married five years and had a four-year-old daughter. Grace had dearly loved Eddy when they were married but he killed every shred of that love by continuing to do drugs and hang around with his friends nearly every night. When they married, Grace assumed that Eddy would settle down to his job as a manager and family life. In slightly over a year, Eddy was fired and settled down to a life of drugs with his friends.
Where did Eddy get the money to quit work and pay for all the drugs: his parents. They were wealthy and gave him everything he asked for, no questions asked. Eddy never appeared 'stoned' in front of his mom and dad. They felt sorry for him, that 'because of the economy,' Eddy couldn't get a job.
Grace tried every way to help Eddy, suggested they go to counseling together, thought of going to the police and reporting his friends but didn't. Finally, Grace decided to stay in the marriage because sooner or later, Eddy's parents would die and Eddy would inherit a good-sized fortune. After two more years, Grace was so upset by the useless Eddy, how in addition to his hardly ever being home, when he was home, he was nasty to her and their daughter. Grace divorced Eddy. There was a lengthy court battle because Eddy's parents wanted Eddy to have custody of his daughter. It was concluded when Grace told Eddy's parents about the drug use and that she would go to the police if they didn't stop and let her have full custody of her daughter.
Lessons learned: First, if you want to assume anything about a person you're dating, assume that he or she will continue all behaviors after marriage. Could you tolerate that? Next, if a person you're dating has any degree of a drug problem or alcoholism, run, run, run the other way fast! Those people are poison to you! They can be extremely manipulative! Don't fall for a lie, "All I need is a good woman to settle me down" or "All I need is someone to love me."
What about money? Is it worth it to wait 10 - 20 - 40 years for the possibility of inheriting someone's money? Many wealthy folks lost their fortunes due to poor management or reckless spending over the years? What if you waited and never got anything? Are you willing to gamble on that? The old folks used to say, "Marry for money and you'll earn it."
You decide: Is marrying or staying married for money a good way to live?
Dear Lord in heaven, when we have life-changing decisions in our relationships, help us see the reality of all our options. We thank you for your never-failing help!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Knowing Our Places
For uncounted milennia, until the 1960s, life was relatively simple. You were born, you grew up, you knew what you would do for the rest of your short life. There were very few options. Young women and men would marry at a young age; having children was a natural, expected, welcome life. Men would usually work in the general category of the jobs that employed their fathers: agricultural, blue-collar, or professional. In America, more than any other country in the history of the world, a man could 'jump' categories, beginning as a poor man, and working himself into a fabulously wealthy man. A woman would usually marry into the same social group of her birth unless she was unusually beautiful or talented, or one of those who never married that were dubbed "Old Maids."
This whole social fabric worked efficiently and well: families were stable, the country of the United States of America was stable, no one thought it would or should change. Growing up, girls were taught what they needed to know to take care of their prospective husbands and children: cooking, cleaning, budgeting, laundry, sewing, and child care. Boys were taught how to earn a living, maybe how to fix a car or lawnmower. It worked well at the time. Before a young woman married, she might work as a secretary or teacher, as a waitress, as a department store clerk, or in a factory. Those were the choices. She never expected to earn as much as a man because she knew her husband would support her and their children. Every woman took great pride in stretching her husband's income to meet the family's needs.
Organized religion was popular, patriotism was high. The media - movies, TV, magazines and books - were 'clean.' Children were allowed to be children; there was a general conspiracy of adults to keep 'evil' from children. Respect of elders was unquestioned, as was respect of most of our leaders. It was a good time, an innocent time. Everyone knew their place in life.
What happened to change this wonderful era? How did our society transform from one of peace and happiness to one of near-total chaos? For one thing, there were areas that 'needed changing:'
segregation by race was truly evil. I regret that it took so many so long to change this in America. Another area that needed changing was the squashed position of women! Women's talents were not being fully used. Women didn't even know they might have talents or wishes beyond the home. (Please see this blog, February 20, 2014, "Double Standard Twisted Back," for an discussion of the sexual revolution of the 60s.)
Personal credit cards were introduced in 1958 and have been the ruination of many families and banks. It is too easy to charge everything the bank will allow! Now our entire nation is so heavily indebted to a foreign country, China, it will require generations for America to get solvent. Credit cards definitely were a deteriorating influence on most of us.
Other very bad influences were the growth of the drug culture and no-fault divorce laws. The way wars were fought changed into Vietnam guerilla tactics. 9/11 swept away all notions that America was safe from foreign attack.
What, in my opinion, was the worst influence in America? It was the unprecidented attack on public morality by the laws of the United States Supreme Court. These few elderly lawyers decided that pornography was acceptable as the new Freedom of Speech. They decided that baby-killing was OK as the Right to Privacy which is not found in our Constitution. They decided that their notion of "equality" was to be the law of the land. Soon the extremists, the liberals, among us, quickly found out that they could force their own "morality" on the rest of us, not by laws, not by public opinion, not by votes, but by challenging existing laws in the courts, and having the money to pursue their causes up to the Supreme Court. We who were traditional and religious, were so shocked by these earthquake opinions of the highest Court, we seem to have been mostly paralyzed for the last 50 years!
There are two Realities the very vocal minority activists would like to ignore: the Worship of the Supreme Being and Human Biology. To be human is to innately know that there is a God who created the universe. Our biology, created by God, has new humans conceived by men and women and nurtured inside their mothers for nine months until born. To deny these realities is, to be blunt, stupid, foolish, ignorant, dangerous!
Those who are trying to put all religion on a shelf for private-only worship of God are substituting another worship: Humanism, which is "self-worship." We cannot allow this! Self-worship, saying that each person should decide his or her own morality, is doomed to ultimately degenerate into anarchy. No sane person wants this.
Those who are trying to force the abandonment of all moral values and encourage sex between any person with any other person (or persons or animals) of any other age are crucifying the traditional family of father, mother, and children. We cannot say, "Well, I wouldn't want to do that but, if you want to, I'll tolerate it as long as it doesn't hurt me personally." We MUST protect our children!!
The question is not, "Will we allow morality to influence our laws?" The question is, "WHICH MORALITY WILL WE ALLOW to influence our laws?" Morality HAS to influence our laws. In the past, this morality has been that of the majority, Judeo-Christian. Will we ALLOW the Humanist morality and religion to influence our laws?
Lord God, creator and lover of us all, we need you now, more than ever, to help us to realize where our blessed America is heading. We need you to give us the strength and will to change the prevalent liberal morality to be good and holy, to worship you and to insist on respect for and legal protection of all our brothers and sisters.
This whole social fabric worked efficiently and well: families were stable, the country of the United States of America was stable, no one thought it would or should change. Growing up, girls were taught what they needed to know to take care of their prospective husbands and children: cooking, cleaning, budgeting, laundry, sewing, and child care. Boys were taught how to earn a living, maybe how to fix a car or lawnmower. It worked well at the time. Before a young woman married, she might work as a secretary or teacher, as a waitress, as a department store clerk, or in a factory. Those were the choices. She never expected to earn as much as a man because she knew her husband would support her and their children. Every woman took great pride in stretching her husband's income to meet the family's needs.
Organized religion was popular, patriotism was high. The media - movies, TV, magazines and books - were 'clean.' Children were allowed to be children; there was a general conspiracy of adults to keep 'evil' from children. Respect of elders was unquestioned, as was respect of most of our leaders. It was a good time, an innocent time. Everyone knew their place in life.
What happened to change this wonderful era? How did our society transform from one of peace and happiness to one of near-total chaos? For one thing, there were areas that 'needed changing:'
segregation by race was truly evil. I regret that it took so many so long to change this in America. Another area that needed changing was the squashed position of women! Women's talents were not being fully used. Women didn't even know they might have talents or wishes beyond the home. (Please see this blog, February 20, 2014, "Double Standard Twisted Back," for an discussion of the sexual revolution of the 60s.)
Personal credit cards were introduced in 1958 and have been the ruination of many families and banks. It is too easy to charge everything the bank will allow! Now our entire nation is so heavily indebted to a foreign country, China, it will require generations for America to get solvent. Credit cards definitely were a deteriorating influence on most of us.
Other very bad influences were the growth of the drug culture and no-fault divorce laws. The way wars were fought changed into Vietnam guerilla tactics. 9/11 swept away all notions that America was safe from foreign attack.
What, in my opinion, was the worst influence in America? It was the unprecidented attack on public morality by the laws of the United States Supreme Court. These few elderly lawyers decided that pornography was acceptable as the new Freedom of Speech. They decided that baby-killing was OK as the Right to Privacy which is not found in our Constitution. They decided that their notion of "equality" was to be the law of the land. Soon the extremists, the liberals, among us, quickly found out that they could force their own "morality" on the rest of us, not by laws, not by public opinion, not by votes, but by challenging existing laws in the courts, and having the money to pursue their causes up to the Supreme Court. We who were traditional and religious, were so shocked by these earthquake opinions of the highest Court, we seem to have been mostly paralyzed for the last 50 years!
There are two Realities the very vocal minority activists would like to ignore: the Worship of the Supreme Being and Human Biology. To be human is to innately know that there is a God who created the universe. Our biology, created by God, has new humans conceived by men and women and nurtured inside their mothers for nine months until born. To deny these realities is, to be blunt, stupid, foolish, ignorant, dangerous!
Those who are trying to put all religion on a shelf for private-only worship of God are substituting another worship: Humanism, which is "self-worship." We cannot allow this! Self-worship, saying that each person should decide his or her own morality, is doomed to ultimately degenerate into anarchy. No sane person wants this.
Those who are trying to force the abandonment of all moral values and encourage sex between any person with any other person (or persons or animals) of any other age are crucifying the traditional family of father, mother, and children. We cannot say, "Well, I wouldn't want to do that but, if you want to, I'll tolerate it as long as it doesn't hurt me personally." We MUST protect our children!!
The question is not, "Will we allow morality to influence our laws?" The question is, "WHICH MORALITY WILL WE ALLOW to influence our laws?" Morality HAS to influence our laws. In the past, this morality has been that of the majority, Judeo-Christian. Will we ALLOW the Humanist morality and religion to influence our laws?
Lord God, creator and lover of us all, we need you now, more than ever, to help us to realize where our blessed America is heading. We need you to give us the strength and will to change the prevalent liberal morality to be good and holy, to worship you and to insist on respect for and legal protection of all our brothers and sisters.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Double Standard Twisted Back
Grown men and women have known for millions of years that they are different from one another. Something changed back in the 1960s: some idiots professed their doctrine that men and women are different only in appearance, that they are equally intelligent, should have equal rights in all areas, and that laws should MAKE everyone treat everyone else the same. Well, they said, men can have sex with whoever they please and not worry about getting pregnant. Women, they said, should have the same RIGHT. With all sorts of pills and devices, women can pretty much avoid pregnancy, if they wish.
Now in this third milennium, research has had to prove to us that men and women are different in just about everything, not only in appearance. Duh? Don't we have any common sense? Men think differently: they are largely logical, practical. Women take care of how problems will affect everyone concerned. Is this bad? NO! This is just different.
Men and women approach the whole topic of sex differently also. For men, sex does not have to be connected with love. For women, sex must be connected with love. Women have tried to dissociate love from sex but it isn't working. Women can fly from one sexual partner to another but increasingly feel empty and eventually depressed. Women cannot get away from our nurturing and loving instinct and why would we want to get away? Is this bad for either men or women? NO! It is just different.
It would appear, then, that the double standard expressed a reality that cannot and will not go away. How should we deal with this reality? A mature society would protect its young people and not provide the broad incentives in nearly all media, politics, and education that promote sex between unmarried, uncommitted adults and children. A mature society would encourage modesty in dress and language. We think we are so sophisticated when we curse, tolerate provocative clothing in even preteens.
Is there anything one person can do to turn this tsunami of filth and indecency? I think that I'm going to watch a few sit-coms on TV, something I rarely do. If they are as bad as their brief TV ads and the opinion of a few I've chatted with, I plan to write down the sponsors of ads that finance them. I will tell them, plainly, that they are promoting values I don't agree with, values that are hurtful to young people and families, and that I, in good conscience, will not buy their products.
Does this approach work? Yes, oh, yes! Remember the "Duck Dynasty" controversy earlier this year? The leader of the family involved expressed his values in a magazine interview. These values were in opposition to the liberal sponsors of the TV show who immediately threatened to either cancel his TV show or remove him from it. Guess what? We in America love the patriarch and his values! We protested! We threatened to not patronize the sponsors. They immediately restored the family leader and the TV show! This was indeed incredible! It shows the power of the pocketbook!
What will you do to encourage your values? Give us some feedback and comments here, please.
Oh, Lord, sometimes the task of creating or restoring wholesome values in our country and our world is overwhelming! But we know you only expect each of us to do our small part. All those small parts will add up to do the job! We can enjoy happier years ahead! We know, without a doubt, you will give us the ideas and strength to celebrate our differences and choose wisely.
Now in this third milennium, research has had to prove to us that men and women are different in just about everything, not only in appearance. Duh? Don't we have any common sense? Men think differently: they are largely logical, practical. Women take care of how problems will affect everyone concerned. Is this bad? NO! This is just different.
Men and women approach the whole topic of sex differently also. For men, sex does not have to be connected with love. For women, sex must be connected with love. Women have tried to dissociate love from sex but it isn't working. Women can fly from one sexual partner to another but increasingly feel empty and eventually depressed. Women cannot get away from our nurturing and loving instinct and why would we want to get away? Is this bad for either men or women? NO! It is just different.
It would appear, then, that the double standard expressed a reality that cannot and will not go away. How should we deal with this reality? A mature society would protect its young people and not provide the broad incentives in nearly all media, politics, and education that promote sex between unmarried, uncommitted adults and children. A mature society would encourage modesty in dress and language. We think we are so sophisticated when we curse, tolerate provocative clothing in even preteens.
Is there anything one person can do to turn this tsunami of filth and indecency? I think that I'm going to watch a few sit-coms on TV, something I rarely do. If they are as bad as their brief TV ads and the opinion of a few I've chatted with, I plan to write down the sponsors of ads that finance them. I will tell them, plainly, that they are promoting values I don't agree with, values that are hurtful to young people and families, and that I, in good conscience, will not buy their products.
Does this approach work? Yes, oh, yes! Remember the "Duck Dynasty" controversy earlier this year? The leader of the family involved expressed his values in a magazine interview. These values were in opposition to the liberal sponsors of the TV show who immediately threatened to either cancel his TV show or remove him from it. Guess what? We in America love the patriarch and his values! We protested! We threatened to not patronize the sponsors. They immediately restored the family leader and the TV show! This was indeed incredible! It shows the power of the pocketbook!
What will you do to encourage your values? Give us some feedback and comments here, please.
Oh, Lord, sometimes the task of creating or restoring wholesome values in our country and our world is overwhelming! But we know you only expect each of us to do our small part. All those small parts will add up to do the job! We can enjoy happier years ahead! We know, without a doubt, you will give us the ideas and strength to celebrate our differences and choose wisely.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Vacation Time
One of the tasks a couple plans is a vacation. This should be a very happy task. There are so very many choices these days - far/near, beach/mountains, sports or not, fly/drive, city/rural, etc. How much money is available? Do we charge everything or have we saved? If we have children, will they go? What about pets?
Although some vacations could be spontaneous, most need to be well-planned. Who will make the decisions? It's truly a vacation for both parties if both are involved in making choices. One of the 'perks' of a vacation is in the planning: it's almost like going twice if you can look forward to your trip for a few months.
As soon as I know I'm going to a particular place, I like to sign up (on-line) for their tourist brochures to be mailed to me. These help you know what attractions are available so you may choose. Some places will include maps and coupons. I'd be surprised if there was one single country in this world who did not have its own tourism website.
For years, I worked hard at vacations, spending nearly every waking minute going to new places. I enjoyed it, but it was exhausting. Now I try to have some quiet time, 'down' time.
A relationship will flower if a couple agrees on a place and enjoys the trip together. I wonder about couples in which the man always goes fishing or hunting with his buddies and the woman takes the kids to visit relatives. I've known several families like that; one gentleman, in his later years, expressed regret that he missed so much of his children's growing-up years. You can never go back to those years after they're gone! Now, much to his credit, he won't miss anything that goes on in his grandchildren's lives. The wise couple would talk about vacations before they get married. We can never assume the other person will Love what we love; he or she might hate it!
Some people I know take no photographs during their vacations. They say, "I'll just get a guidebook or bunch of postcards to help me remember." I prefer to take lots of photos, the ones that aren't perfect but may show local flavor.
I recently bought a new travel 'toy' I wish I had available years ago: a digital voice recorder. It's small and I can whip it out anywhere for things I want to remember and put into my travel blog. If you need a few more 'tried and true' travel helps, check out my travel blog at www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, the "P" helps. "P" stands for "Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance," a mantra drummed into me and my classmates years ago in nursing school. I've included a few things I found useful while traveling. If you would like to add to it, please free to comment on anything.
Then there's the vacation I've never yet taken but would like to try: the "stay-cation," or stay-at-home vacation. Perhaps all the summers I stayed at home with the children would quality as "stay-cations." We looked forward to the summers home without all the school hassles. The children would make a new "Summer Fun Chart" every April or May. Included would be every category we could think of for them to do fun things, with their siblings, their friends, their parents, or just themselves. Most things didn't cost a thing. We taped this poster to the refrigerator. They would consult it if they ran out of things to do.
Dear God, we thank you for the times we get to try new things, go new places, or just rest and relax. Thank you for your beautiful world; help us to get to know every corner of it!
Although some vacations could be spontaneous, most need to be well-planned. Who will make the decisions? It's truly a vacation for both parties if both are involved in making choices. One of the 'perks' of a vacation is in the planning: it's almost like going twice if you can look forward to your trip for a few months.
As soon as I know I'm going to a particular place, I like to sign up (on-line) for their tourist brochures to be mailed to me. These help you know what attractions are available so you may choose. Some places will include maps and coupons. I'd be surprised if there was one single country in this world who did not have its own tourism website.
For years, I worked hard at vacations, spending nearly every waking minute going to new places. I enjoyed it, but it was exhausting. Now I try to have some quiet time, 'down' time.
A relationship will flower if a couple agrees on a place and enjoys the trip together. I wonder about couples in which the man always goes fishing or hunting with his buddies and the woman takes the kids to visit relatives. I've known several families like that; one gentleman, in his later years, expressed regret that he missed so much of his children's growing-up years. You can never go back to those years after they're gone! Now, much to his credit, he won't miss anything that goes on in his grandchildren's lives. The wise couple would talk about vacations before they get married. We can never assume the other person will Love what we love; he or she might hate it!
Some people I know take no photographs during their vacations. They say, "I'll just get a guidebook or bunch of postcards to help me remember." I prefer to take lots of photos, the ones that aren't perfect but may show local flavor.
I recently bought a new travel 'toy' I wish I had available years ago: a digital voice recorder. It's small and I can whip it out anywhere for things I want to remember and put into my travel blog. If you need a few more 'tried and true' travel helps, check out my travel blog at www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, the "P" helps. "P" stands for "Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance," a mantra drummed into me and my classmates years ago in nursing school. I've included a few things I found useful while traveling. If you would like to add to it, please free to comment on anything.
Then there's the vacation I've never yet taken but would like to try: the "stay-cation," or stay-at-home vacation. Perhaps all the summers I stayed at home with the children would quality as "stay-cations." We looked forward to the summers home without all the school hassles. The children would make a new "Summer Fun Chart" every April or May. Included would be every category we could think of for them to do fun things, with their siblings, their friends, their parents, or just themselves. Most things didn't cost a thing. We taped this poster to the refrigerator. They would consult it if they ran out of things to do.
Dear God, we thank you for the times we get to try new things, go new places, or just rest and relax. Thank you for your beautiful world; help us to get to know every corner of it!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Bonus Days!
The next three days of my life are totally unstructured, totally free, totally mine! How many times in your life have you had this gift of time? Here in Jacksonville, Florida, USA, I'm spending the week with daughter #6, Patty, her husband, Raj, and children, Mallory, 8, and Johnny, 5. We've had a wonderful time together since Friday afternoon. Now today, Tuesday, it's back to jobs for Patty and Raj, and back to school for Mallory and Johnny.
Not one to sleep my life away, I got up with the family. After a slice of the creamy quiche Patty made last night, I made some coffee and leisurely started planning my Three Bonus Days. First, I like to start with my morning prayers, suspended when I'm on the road. Now I can resume, perhaps even finish, the blue wood 'ruana' I've been knitting since late last September. I'd like to visit and attend Mass in the oldest Catholic church in Jacksonville, Immaculate Conception church downtown. I thought that the Cathedral, or Bishop's church would be here in town but an internet search revealed that Jacksonville is part of the nearby Diocese of St. Augustine which my friend, Peggy, and I visited last June (please see my travel blog, Tuesday, June 11, 2013, "All the Way UP!). How could I forget the historic, beautiful, and holy Cathedral of St. Augustine, started in 1565? I'd like to do some shopping, perhaps add a Sea Bird to my collection. Wherever I go, I find a new cross to add to my "Jesus Wall" at home. I'll also have time to visit Facebook and Pinterest - usually I'm too busy - and write some more on my two blogs. This will be fun!
For lunch, I'm making egg salad. Mallory thought she'd like to try some. I'll have a nice sandwich.
In June of 2012, I had another period of mostly unstructured time - 5 months of it! I had a terrible fall at work at the hospital on Saturday, the 9th, slipping on some liquid, and broke my left upper arm clear through. For the first two weeks I was taking a lot of analgesic medicine, was 'out of it,' and very much depressed. I could not help thinking that my entire summer, to which I always very much look forward, was gone, wasted. Then I decided that I was tired of being slightly dizzy, needing help just to walk, and quit taking the pain medicine (I can do that - I'm a nurse & know which meds can be discontinued without consulting the physician).
Then I started mulling over the thought, "Is there anything I can do with only my right arm?" Yes, I could use the computer! For the next several months, I spent lots of time (I was really slow at first) creating photo album pages from the backlog of photos I had downloaded onto my computer. This was extremely therapeutic. I ended up with more than 70 pages of photos! Perhaps during the next three days, I'll be able to add more photo album pages.
Now what would you do if you had several 'bonus' hours or days available to do as you pleased?
Dear Lord, we thank you for our busy days and we thank you for our leisure days!
Not one to sleep my life away, I got up with the family. After a slice of the creamy quiche Patty made last night, I made some coffee and leisurely started planning my Three Bonus Days. First, I like to start with my morning prayers, suspended when I'm on the road. Now I can resume, perhaps even finish, the blue wood 'ruana' I've been knitting since late last September. I'd like to visit and attend Mass in the oldest Catholic church in Jacksonville, Immaculate Conception church downtown. I thought that the Cathedral, or Bishop's church would be here in town but an internet search revealed that Jacksonville is part of the nearby Diocese of St. Augustine which my friend, Peggy, and I visited last June (please see my travel blog, Tuesday, June 11, 2013, "All the Way UP!). How could I forget the historic, beautiful, and holy Cathedral of St. Augustine, started in 1565? I'd like to do some shopping, perhaps add a Sea Bird to my collection. Wherever I go, I find a new cross to add to my "Jesus Wall" at home. I'll also have time to visit Facebook and Pinterest - usually I'm too busy - and write some more on my two blogs. This will be fun!
For lunch, I'm making egg salad. Mallory thought she'd like to try some. I'll have a nice sandwich.
In June of 2012, I had another period of mostly unstructured time - 5 months of it! I had a terrible fall at work at the hospital on Saturday, the 9th, slipping on some liquid, and broke my left upper arm clear through. For the first two weeks I was taking a lot of analgesic medicine, was 'out of it,' and very much depressed. I could not help thinking that my entire summer, to which I always very much look forward, was gone, wasted. Then I decided that I was tired of being slightly dizzy, needing help just to walk, and quit taking the pain medicine (I can do that - I'm a nurse & know which meds can be discontinued without consulting the physician).
Then I started mulling over the thought, "Is there anything I can do with only my right arm?" Yes, I could use the computer! For the next several months, I spent lots of time (I was really slow at first) creating photo album pages from the backlog of photos I had downloaded onto my computer. This was extremely therapeutic. I ended up with more than 70 pages of photos! Perhaps during the next three days, I'll be able to add more photo album pages.
Harold and I had two petting sessions while I was watching a recording of the Winter Olympics' Opening Ceremonies.
Mallards on the lake, at one end.
Egrets were at the other end of the lake. I enjoyed a nice long walk around the neighborhood this afternoon.
Today was very relaxing. The Olympics' Opening Ceremonies were nothing short of spectacular!
Dear Lord, we thank you for our busy days and we thank you for our leisure days!
Monday, February 17, 2014
An Uncluttered Life
Situation: My neighbor, Emily, is a wonderful housekeeper! It is a pleasure to visit her well-organized house. Since nearly all her and her family's possessions have their own places of storage, after something is used, it is returned to its place. The whole house is spic and span, no dust, no trash. How does Emily accomplish this marvelous feat, with a husband, several children and a big, hairy, always shedding dog?
For one thing, Emily feels that a clean, clutter-free house will be healthy, physically and mentally, for herself and her family. Another reason she tries so hard is that she feels that the self-discipline it requires for both herself and her husband will lead to good habits and eventual self-discipline in their children. Plus, they are nearly always ready for guests.
Emily knows that the secret of a clean house is to stay on top of things and to do a little bit each and every day. The biggest problem is the pet hair, but a quick vacuum every day takes care of that. Another problem is the accumulation of dishes in the sink. She prefers to load the dishwasher herself so it will carry the maximum load. But the family cooperates in bringing their dishes to the sink.
Another secret of Emily's is good time management. Long ago, she realized that shopping took up an enormous amount of her time, not to mention gasoline, which seemed to get more expensive every year. She plans her shopping for one evening every week; there are few extra trips for necessities. She will buy essentials in large quantities, when they are on sale, both to save money and to have a stock at home. This helps everyone think ahead to decide on what will be needed for the following week. Emily says "no" to frivolous and most last-minute requests.
Emily in no way considers herself the "maid" of the family. She and Greg, her husband, talked about this before their marriage. Each person is responsible for picking up after himself or herself. Emily made a game of this when the children were pre-schoolers, now no one even thinks of it. The whole family helps with meal preparation and clean-up. Since there are after-school activities most days of the week, meals are simple but nutritionally balanced.
Cleanliness is next to 'godliness,' so the old saying goes. This is only one example of trying to behave in an upright, virtuous manner, pleasing God. Could there be a 'down side' to cleanliness? Yes! If you drive everyone in your life batty picking up after them, this is not good!
In my family, two of the girls (except for the oldest) and the two boys shared rooms. It always happened that of each of the two, one was a 'clean monger' and the other was a slob. You can guess where this led: near constant fights! "Mom, she won't pick up her dirty clothes!" "Mom, he threw his dirty clothes and trash under his bed!" It was kind of interesting what happened when they grew up: the ones who complained the most had the most problems keeping a neat house.
It takes some thought and planning to achieve a mostly neat and uncluttered home. Part of it involves being choosy about what items you will buy and bring home. I try to think: "Do I need this? Will I have to dust it?" My house definitely needs improvement in this area!
Lord God, you know all our shortcomings. Help us to be patient with ourselves and always try to improve, just a little bit, every day!
For one thing, Emily feels that a clean, clutter-free house will be healthy, physically and mentally, for herself and her family. Another reason she tries so hard is that she feels that the self-discipline it requires for both herself and her husband will lead to good habits and eventual self-discipline in their children. Plus, they are nearly always ready for guests.
Emily knows that the secret of a clean house is to stay on top of things and to do a little bit each and every day. The biggest problem is the pet hair, but a quick vacuum every day takes care of that. Another problem is the accumulation of dishes in the sink. She prefers to load the dishwasher herself so it will carry the maximum load. But the family cooperates in bringing their dishes to the sink.
Another secret of Emily's is good time management. Long ago, she realized that shopping took up an enormous amount of her time, not to mention gasoline, which seemed to get more expensive every year. She plans her shopping for one evening every week; there are few extra trips for necessities. She will buy essentials in large quantities, when they are on sale, both to save money and to have a stock at home. This helps everyone think ahead to decide on what will be needed for the following week. Emily says "no" to frivolous and most last-minute requests.
Emily in no way considers herself the "maid" of the family. She and Greg, her husband, talked about this before their marriage. Each person is responsible for picking up after himself or herself. Emily made a game of this when the children were pre-schoolers, now no one even thinks of it. The whole family helps with meal preparation and clean-up. Since there are after-school activities most days of the week, meals are simple but nutritionally balanced.
Cleanliness is next to 'godliness,' so the old saying goes. This is only one example of trying to behave in an upright, virtuous manner, pleasing God. Could there be a 'down side' to cleanliness? Yes! If you drive everyone in your life batty picking up after them, this is not good!
In my family, two of the girls (except for the oldest) and the two boys shared rooms. It always happened that of each of the two, one was a 'clean monger' and the other was a slob. You can guess where this led: near constant fights! "Mom, she won't pick up her dirty clothes!" "Mom, he threw his dirty clothes and trash under his bed!" It was kind of interesting what happened when they grew up: the ones who complained the most had the most problems keeping a neat house.
It takes some thought and planning to achieve a mostly neat and uncluttered home. Part of it involves being choosy about what items you will buy and bring home. I try to think: "Do I need this? Will I have to dust it?" My house definitely needs improvement in this area!
Lord God, you know all our shortcomings. Help us to be patient with ourselves and always try to improve, just a little bit, every day!
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Sunday Thoughts: Scary Stuff
Let's examine our beliefs about ghosts, goblins, witches, devils, magic, and wizards. My inspiration for going into this was a visit yesterday to Universal Studios Orlando and the Hogwarts Castle of Harry Potter. The world of this fictional character is very entertaining and exciting, but before 'the going gets tough' in our lives, we need to carefully sort out our beliefs and know how they fit into our lives.
I have no pretense to know much about "The Occult." Wikipedia defines it as "the study of occult practices, including magic, alchemy, extra-sensory perception, astrology, spiritualism, and divination. Interpretation of occultism and its concepts can be found in the belief structures of philosophies and religions such as Gnosticism, Hermeticism, Theosophy, Wicca, Thelema, Satanism and neo-paganism." I have only heard of three of these so-called religions.
What it boils down to, in my opinion, is WHO or WHAT do you worship? I find great comfort in Catholic Christianity, God, Jesus, the saints, prayers, practices, and worship of the Supreme Being, the Perfect Good, the all-powerful, all-knowing One who not only loves us all and me personally, but IS LOVE ITSELF. Just as Jesus came to save us from our sins by dying on the cross (his choice) and by rising from the dead (his power as Son of God), at the end of our lives he will judge whether or not we are worthy to live with him forever in heaven, and at the end of this universe which God has created, he will close Hell to contain Satan, the evil angel who defied God, and his followers, to eternal damnation in Hell. This is truly heady, important stuff, the ultimate end to our human lives after death, and how it affects our behavior as we live.
What about ghosts or spirits of people who have died? For me, this is very simple: When a person dies, he or she will be judged by God as worthy or heaven or hell for all eternity, forever. If one is not worthy of heaven, one will undergo a period of purification, or purgatory, and then proceed to heaven. No one knows what this entails but surely, the true understanding of our deliberate offenses against God will be torture enough to purify us for heaven. Therefore, in reality, there are no ghosts, but it makes interesting fiction, just as aliens do.
In the same category as ghosts are vampires. No human can live forever and perpetuate the 'line' of vampires by biting another. Pure fiction! I find it rather disgusting that these creatures are romanticized in our age.
What about Satan? It, (or they) is a fallen angel, a spirit God created, who had free choice and rejected God. Does Satan have power? Yes, Satan has the power to tempt us to do evil but not the power to make us do evil. That is our choice. There are folks who worship Satan. Why would anyone worship a being who is less powerful than Almighty God, hateful, and will ultimately lose the battle of good against evil?
Then there are those who do not believe there is a God in heaven, creator of our perfectly functioning and immensely huge universe, our creator. They believe that human beings are the ultimate 'end,' that when we die, we will just cease to exist, that there is no heaven or hell. In essence, this is SELFISM, or, SELF-WORSHIP! Today this religion is called "Humanism." It is the religion of most of our mass media, our politics, and our educational system. Humanism is directly opposed to ALL RELIGION except itself.
When proponents of Humanism state that every human being should decide for himself or herself what is right and what is wrong, believe that this is what they are working toward. Also, know what the consequences of each person making their own 'laws' would be: anarchy! Are we personally prepared for this?
Lord in Heaven, this is a time of great decisions in our society and the world. Our actions will decide the future of our families and our country. Help us choose wisely, help us choose what YOU want us to do. Therein could lie a future of LOVE for us all!
I have no pretense to know much about "The Occult." Wikipedia defines it as "the study of occult practices, including magic, alchemy, extra-sensory perception, astrology, spiritualism, and divination. Interpretation of occultism and its concepts can be found in the belief structures of philosophies and religions such as Gnosticism, Hermeticism, Theosophy, Wicca, Thelema, Satanism and neo-paganism." I have only heard of three of these so-called religions.
What it boils down to, in my opinion, is WHO or WHAT do you worship? I find great comfort in Catholic Christianity, God, Jesus, the saints, prayers, practices, and worship of the Supreme Being, the Perfect Good, the all-powerful, all-knowing One who not only loves us all and me personally, but IS LOVE ITSELF. Just as Jesus came to save us from our sins by dying on the cross (his choice) and by rising from the dead (his power as Son of God), at the end of our lives he will judge whether or not we are worthy to live with him forever in heaven, and at the end of this universe which God has created, he will close Hell to contain Satan, the evil angel who defied God, and his followers, to eternal damnation in Hell. This is truly heady, important stuff, the ultimate end to our human lives after death, and how it affects our behavior as we live.
What about ghosts or spirits of people who have died? For me, this is very simple: When a person dies, he or she will be judged by God as worthy or heaven or hell for all eternity, forever. If one is not worthy of heaven, one will undergo a period of purification, or purgatory, and then proceed to heaven. No one knows what this entails but surely, the true understanding of our deliberate offenses against God will be torture enough to purify us for heaven. Therefore, in reality, there are no ghosts, but it makes interesting fiction, just as aliens do.
In the same category as ghosts are vampires. No human can live forever and perpetuate the 'line' of vampires by biting another. Pure fiction! I find it rather disgusting that these creatures are romanticized in our age.
What about Satan? It, (or they) is a fallen angel, a spirit God created, who had free choice and rejected God. Does Satan have power? Yes, Satan has the power to tempt us to do evil but not the power to make us do evil. That is our choice. There are folks who worship Satan. Why would anyone worship a being who is less powerful than Almighty God, hateful, and will ultimately lose the battle of good against evil?
Then there are those who do not believe there is a God in heaven, creator of our perfectly functioning and immensely huge universe, our creator. They believe that human beings are the ultimate 'end,' that when we die, we will just cease to exist, that there is no heaven or hell. In essence, this is SELFISM, or, SELF-WORSHIP! Today this religion is called "Humanism." It is the religion of most of our mass media, our politics, and our educational system. Humanism is directly opposed to ALL RELIGION except itself.
When proponents of Humanism state that every human being should decide for himself or herself what is right and what is wrong, believe that this is what they are working toward. Also, know what the consequences of each person making their own 'laws' would be: anarchy! Are we personally prepared for this?
Lord in Heaven, this is a time of great decisions in our society and the world. Our actions will decide the future of our families and our country. Help us choose wisely, help us choose what YOU want us to do. Therein could lie a future of LOVE for us all!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Funny?
Heard the one about the blonde who appeared to be throwing away half her M&Ms? She thought they were Ws! Since all but one of my children were blondes while growing up, and most still are blondes, we love blonde jokes. If one of them makes a minor mistake or can't recall something, she'll usually say, "Oh! Blonde moment!" But if I make a mistake or forget something, the one with me will say, "Senior moment!" Funny how that works. Oh, well, old is as old does (with apologies to Forrest Gump!).
Situation: There was a middle-aged man slowly making his way down the sidewalk. He limped to one side and one arm was curled up. Following him were three teenagers laughing and imitating him. Was this funny?
Singer Dolly Parton grew up in a poor family. As a young girl, Dolly was very proud of a new coat her mother had sewn for her, using pieces of different colored fabrics. When Dolly went to school the kids laughed at her about her "Coat of Many Colors." Was this funny?
Daughter #7, Marie, had white blond hair as a child. One summer, when she was about ten years old, our local pool had problems with their chlorination system. Marie's hair turned a pale mint green. Strangers came up to her and laughed about her hair. In addition, when she went back to school in the fall, her classmates poked fun at her. Was this funny?
If a person looks or acts or talks differently than others, they are frequently made fun of or teased. Even King George VI of England was mimicked and taunted by his father, King George V, for stuttering as a boy and young man. Was this funny?
Wise words from my friend, Peggy: "You can tell a person's character by what they laugh at."
Then there are those who perceive of themselves as oh-so-funny when they make jokes at other's expense. More of Peggy's wisdom, "If someone plays jokes at other's expense, pay attention!" This can be very hurtful to the jokester's victim. (If you are dating a person like this, just leave him or her alone. This is a sign of cruelty - you will, in time, be one of their victims.)
Lord God, we ask you today to give us the strength to defend those who are attacked by words. We want to spread love and acceptance of all your people!
Situation: There was a middle-aged man slowly making his way down the sidewalk. He limped to one side and one arm was curled up. Following him were three teenagers laughing and imitating him. Was this funny?
Singer Dolly Parton grew up in a poor family. As a young girl, Dolly was very proud of a new coat her mother had sewn for her, using pieces of different colored fabrics. When Dolly went to school the kids laughed at her about her "Coat of Many Colors." Was this funny?
Daughter #7, Marie, had white blond hair as a child. One summer, when she was about ten years old, our local pool had problems with their chlorination system. Marie's hair turned a pale mint green. Strangers came up to her and laughed about her hair. In addition, when she went back to school in the fall, her classmates poked fun at her. Was this funny?
If a person looks or acts or talks differently than others, they are frequently made fun of or teased. Even King George VI of England was mimicked and taunted by his father, King George V, for stuttering as a boy and young man. Was this funny?
Wise words from my friend, Peggy: "You can tell a person's character by what they laugh at."
Then there are those who perceive of themselves as oh-so-funny when they make jokes at other's expense. More of Peggy's wisdom, "If someone plays jokes at other's expense, pay attention!" This can be very hurtful to the jokester's victim. (If you are dating a person like this, just leave him or her alone. This is a sign of cruelty - you will, in time, be one of their victims.)
Lord God, we ask you today to give us the strength to defend those who are attacked by words. We want to spread love and acceptance of all your people!
Friday, February 14, 2014
Engraved Hearts
Happy St. Valentine's Day! St. Valentine was an actual person, a priest in 3rd century Rome, Italy, who helped those who were persecuted for their faith in Jesus Christ, son of God, and martyred, killed by the Roman emperor. He also was asked to renounce his faith, refused, was beaten and beheaded on February 14th. His relics (bones or something that has touched his remains) are in the church of St. Praxedes. Many Christian churches have celebrated the Feast of St. Valentine.
Our United States traditions include sending beautiful paper declarations of love, 'Valentines,' giving candy and presents. Let me tell you about my first teenage boyfriend and our first Valentine's Day. Buddy and I were both sophomores in high school. We had been dating for about a month once or twice on the weekends. I don't remember where we went on Valentine's Day in 1959 but as soon as I got into his car, he gave me the biggest and most beautiful tin box with layers of different chocolate candies. I was really impressed! I still have that tin box somewhere. I even remember what I was wearing, a red-and-white gingham checked shirt-waist dress that I had never worn before.
Buddy was a football player at De Sales boys high school in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. During football season, he'd go to the games in the bus with the football team and I'd go with his parents and younger sister. We had a great time. Buddy and I went to movies, other sports events, teen-age clubs at churches, school dances, shopping, and family events. I loved him with all my young heart. I remember ironing and wishing I was ironing for him. We planned to be married after we graduated from high school.
Buddy and I dated about a year and a half. One blistering hot August day in 1960 (remember: NO air conditioning in cars or houses!), my mother and I were out shopping. We decided to stop at an A & W Drive-in to cool off with a frosty mug of root beer. Who was there but Buddy with another girl next to him in his car! I was absolutely crushed! I think I was so sad I spent the next week in bed. Then I decided to put it in the past.
About a month later, Buddy called me. I was really surprised. My mother was sitting nearby and I mouthed the words, "It's Buddy. He wants to go out. I don't know what to do." She whispered, "Tell him you don't want to see him." And I did! I never heard from him again.
Fast forward to April, 1961. Buddy and his girlfriend at the time were walking to a movie on 4th Street in Louisville, close to Broadway. From the shadows of a store doorway, a young punk yelled out an insult about Buddy's girlfriend. Buddy ran over to the guy to slug him and the punk knifed him in the chest! Buddy was rushed to the hospital and had heart surgery. The knife had sliced the lower part of his heart and he only lived for several hours, surrounded by the priests and brothers of DeSales High School praying for him.
I needed to visit Buddy and his family at the funeral home. It was good to see his family. I stood by Buddy in the casket and prayed. An old lady came up to me and asked, "Are you the girlfriend?" I told her, "No." I had to touch Buddy's arm to see if he really was dead. It was hard, like a rock. May you rest in peace, Buddy!
Buddy and I had the same values and never argued. I think a person's first young love is very sweet because you have never been hurt. I only remember the good times we had, not the betrayal. That love has been Engraved on my Heart all these years!
Every person we have ever loved and every person who has ever loved us leaves this beautiful imprint on our hearts. We remember this affirming, warming love and it makes us capable of even more love. Think about your first love. . . think about all the loves of your life. . .
Think about your loves of now. We need to nurture all our loves, our family, our friends, our acquaintances. We can never take love for granted. It is a tragedy of universal proportions when love dies whether it happens slowly or in a flash. How can we show those and tell those we love that we really care?
Lord God, you ARE LOVE! Teach us the many ways to love all those we know. We are so full of your precious, gentle, strong love that we are overflowing and want to splash out that love on every person we encounter!
Our United States traditions include sending beautiful paper declarations of love, 'Valentines,' giving candy and presents. Let me tell you about my first teenage boyfriend and our first Valentine's Day. Buddy and I were both sophomores in high school. We had been dating for about a month once or twice on the weekends. I don't remember where we went on Valentine's Day in 1959 but as soon as I got into his car, he gave me the biggest and most beautiful tin box with layers of different chocolate candies. I was really impressed! I still have that tin box somewhere. I even remember what I was wearing, a red-and-white gingham checked shirt-waist dress that I had never worn before.
Buddy was a football player at De Sales boys high school in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. During football season, he'd go to the games in the bus with the football team and I'd go with his parents and younger sister. We had a great time. Buddy and I went to movies, other sports events, teen-age clubs at churches, school dances, shopping, and family events. I loved him with all my young heart. I remember ironing and wishing I was ironing for him. We planned to be married after we graduated from high school.
Buddy and I dated about a year and a half. One blistering hot August day in 1960 (remember: NO air conditioning in cars or houses!), my mother and I were out shopping. We decided to stop at an A & W Drive-in to cool off with a frosty mug of root beer. Who was there but Buddy with another girl next to him in his car! I was absolutely crushed! I think I was so sad I spent the next week in bed. Then I decided to put it in the past.
About a month later, Buddy called me. I was really surprised. My mother was sitting nearby and I mouthed the words, "It's Buddy. He wants to go out. I don't know what to do." She whispered, "Tell him you don't want to see him." And I did! I never heard from him again.
Fast forward to April, 1961. Buddy and his girlfriend at the time were walking to a movie on 4th Street in Louisville, close to Broadway. From the shadows of a store doorway, a young punk yelled out an insult about Buddy's girlfriend. Buddy ran over to the guy to slug him and the punk knifed him in the chest! Buddy was rushed to the hospital and had heart surgery. The knife had sliced the lower part of his heart and he only lived for several hours, surrounded by the priests and brothers of DeSales High School praying for him.
I needed to visit Buddy and his family at the funeral home. It was good to see his family. I stood by Buddy in the casket and prayed. An old lady came up to me and asked, "Are you the girlfriend?" I told her, "No." I had to touch Buddy's arm to see if he really was dead. It was hard, like a rock. May you rest in peace, Buddy!
Buddy and I had the same values and never argued. I think a person's first young love is very sweet because you have never been hurt. I only remember the good times we had, not the betrayal. That love has been Engraved on my Heart all these years!
Every person we have ever loved and every person who has ever loved us leaves this beautiful imprint on our hearts. We remember this affirming, warming love and it makes us capable of even more love. Think about your first love. . . think about all the loves of your life. . .
Think about your loves of now. We need to nurture all our loves, our family, our friends, our acquaintances. We can never take love for granted. It is a tragedy of universal proportions when love dies whether it happens slowly or in a flash. How can we show those and tell those we love that we really care?
Lord God, you ARE LOVE! Teach us the many ways to love all those we know. We are so full of your precious, gentle, strong love that we are overflowing and want to splash out that love on every person we encounter!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The "S" Word
It happens all too frequently in our world, and each event is of cosmic, far-reaching consequences: suicide. Memories came to mind, sparked by an article in "UKnow," University of Kentucky e-mail news, February 11, "Teens Give Encouraging Words, Facts About Youth Suicide During Awareness Event" part of the "Spread the Love-a-Thon event sponsored by the U.K. Division of Adolescent Medicine."
As part of a hospital Behavioral Medicine team, I cared for many, many depressed adults and teens, some of whom had attempted suicide. Most of the women had taken overdoses of all kinds of drugs, all legal, some prescription. Most of the men had tried more violent means. All survived. We tried our best to help them all; I believe we succeeded with many of them, convincing them that, truly, Life is Worth Living!
What did we do? We gave them rest, medications, counseling. They were hospitalized, they had to face whatever problem was causing them such trauma. We could never tell them how to run their lives. The best we could do was make known to them that they had OPTIONS, perhaps those they had never heard of or considered.
One young depressed man who had not attempted to hurt himself told me, "I thought many times of killing myself. But in my mind was 'Thou shall not kill.' I knew even killing myself was a terrible sin and I didn't want to go to hell." Religion helps so much, especially in the darkest of times!
They say that a suicide of a family member affects the entire extended family for generations. Everyone questions, "Why didn't I see it coming? What could I have done to prevent it? Surely, he (or she) knew I loved him?"
Myth: If someone is talking about suicide, they won't try it. Fact: it may be a final cry for help. What should we do if we hear this? Take it seriously and ask, "How are you planning on doing this?" IF there is a definite plan, the person must be hospitalized immediately, for their own safety.
Our thinking our loved ones know we love them may or may not be correct. We would do well to tell them we love them, not once, but frequently. This is the most important thing we can do in our families! No one wants to feel totally alone, totally unloved. We don't want this to happen.
Another important thing we could do is spend time with those we love - there is NO substitute for this. If we're always busy doing our own thing, what could they think? That they're not important to us!
I cannot tell you the many hours our hospital Dialysis Team spent dialyzing out (filtering from their blood) antifreeze from patients of all ages who had attempted to poison themselves to death. It took treatments of 5 to 8 hours each. Now, I understand that additives are in antifreeze to make it taste so terrible it is no longer like drinking koolaid. We prayed that our patients' kidneys would not be permanently damaged.
The teen conference event above was very useful if it made folks aware of a problem from which some people never returned, if it helped people of all ages look at their relationships, slow down and care for others.
Another item we need to be aware of is the fast-growing Culture of Death in the United States. Either we believe that God is in charge of Life and God is in charge of Death or, we are our own gods. We, none of us, want to end up as victims.
Dear God in heaven, help us make our world a more loving place for each and every one of us, your children, your loved ones. We know you love us and will tell us how to do this loving!
As part of a hospital Behavioral Medicine team, I cared for many, many depressed adults and teens, some of whom had attempted suicide. Most of the women had taken overdoses of all kinds of drugs, all legal, some prescription. Most of the men had tried more violent means. All survived. We tried our best to help them all; I believe we succeeded with many of them, convincing them that, truly, Life is Worth Living!
What did we do? We gave them rest, medications, counseling. They were hospitalized, they had to face whatever problem was causing them such trauma. We could never tell them how to run their lives. The best we could do was make known to them that they had OPTIONS, perhaps those they had never heard of or considered.
One young depressed man who had not attempted to hurt himself told me, "I thought many times of killing myself. But in my mind was 'Thou shall not kill.' I knew even killing myself was a terrible sin and I didn't want to go to hell." Religion helps so much, especially in the darkest of times!
They say that a suicide of a family member affects the entire extended family for generations. Everyone questions, "Why didn't I see it coming? What could I have done to prevent it? Surely, he (or she) knew I loved him?"
Myth: If someone is talking about suicide, they won't try it. Fact: it may be a final cry for help. What should we do if we hear this? Take it seriously and ask, "How are you planning on doing this?" IF there is a definite plan, the person must be hospitalized immediately, for their own safety.
Our thinking our loved ones know we love them may or may not be correct. We would do well to tell them we love them, not once, but frequently. This is the most important thing we can do in our families! No one wants to feel totally alone, totally unloved. We don't want this to happen.
Another important thing we could do is spend time with those we love - there is NO substitute for this. If we're always busy doing our own thing, what could they think? That they're not important to us!
I cannot tell you the many hours our hospital Dialysis Team spent dialyzing out (filtering from their blood) antifreeze from patients of all ages who had attempted to poison themselves to death. It took treatments of 5 to 8 hours each. Now, I understand that additives are in antifreeze to make it taste so terrible it is no longer like drinking koolaid. We prayed that our patients' kidneys would not be permanently damaged.
The teen conference event above was very useful if it made folks aware of a problem from which some people never returned, if it helped people of all ages look at their relationships, slow down and care for others.
Another item we need to be aware of is the fast-growing Culture of Death in the United States. Either we believe that God is in charge of Life and God is in charge of Death or, we are our own gods. We, none of us, want to end up as victims.
Dear God in heaven, help us make our world a more loving place for each and every one of us, your children, your loved ones. We know you love us and will tell us how to do this loving!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Invited!
Sooner or later, we all get invitations to a wedding, baby shower, birthday party, baptism, party selling Tupperware or other items, or another celebration. What shall we do? Attend? Stay home? Is a gift required? What should we wear? Can we bring a guest?
The Wedding is one of the more formal occasions in life. We certainly want to celebrate the creation of a new family, the union of two people in love! Of course, if either bride or groom is a relative, we must go! To do otherwise, unless we are incapacitated, would be an insult to our family. It would be kind to send a gift before the wedding instead of putting it on the pile of gifts to be opened later, perhaps after the honeymoon.
The location of the wedding will be the clue as to what to wear. Certainly, for a genuine church wedding, we want to dress up! The old rule was that we don't wear white, so we don't conflict with the bride's white gown. I like that rule.
What if the bride or groom is not in our family? How close are we to either the bride, the groom, or their parents or grandparents? A way to decide if we should go is the question: have we socially gone somewhere with any of them in the last year or, do we work with any of them? If the answer is "yes," we probably should attend the wedding and bring a nice gift.
It's hard to decide how much to spend on a wedding gift but we should not ever go into debt! We have to be reasonable. After all, "It's the thought that counts!" Most young couples these days have gift registries, a list of their desired gift items, at one or more stores in their town. This makes our shopping easier. The wise couple will have gifts listed in all price ranges. Naturally, money is always an acceptable gift.
Responding to wedding invitations: we must!!! Someone - parents, bridal couple, or all of them - has put a lot of thought and money into the wedding preparations and reception. They need to know how many to prepare for! The very least we can do is accept or decline the invitation soon after we receive it. Why is this social practice largely abandoned today?
You're heard of "Bridezilla?" She's the controlling perfectionist of a bride that must have everything her way. Well, I'm sorry to admit I was almost the bride's "Mother-zilla!" We've had a number of church weddings in our family and daughter #8, Jeannie's, was in September of 2007. I gave Jeannie and her husband-to-be, Fielding, a certain amount of money for their wedding. I told them, "I don't care whether you spend it all on a wedding dress or whatever, this is the limit." They were very reasonable, used some of their own money plus Fielding's family's contribution to the reception. That part of the wedding worked well.
We were going to rent tablecloths for the reception at our homeowner's association clubhouse but I found eleven long white tablecloths left to me by my dear mother and we used them. I thought it might look nice to have an arch before the table with the large wedding cake. Jeannie didn't like that idea but I insisted.
As it turned out, I fell backwards down the steps in my own house five days before the wedding and broke my right foot! By the time of the wedding, I was still taking a lot of pain killers (medicine). I forgot where I put the arch! And, to be honest, I didn't care at all that it was used. Thus, Jeannie had a quite lovely wedding - without the arch! (p.s.: The arch was in my car's trunk.)
Another social custom that has largely fallen out of practice is the sending of thank-you notes for presents. I was raised being told that even if you don't like the gift, the person giving it to you has put thought and time and money into it and the least you can do is write a short note thanking them. This doesn't take a lot of your time! It is very much appreciated. All you have to do is mention the gift, say something nice, and say, "thank you."
There are several friends and relatives who have decided to not give gifts to anyone who has not thanked them for previous gifts, often given for every birthday and holiday.
If we're invited to a party, it is very poor form to bring a guest with us and not ask the host/hostess ahead of time. It complicates their plans!
What about going to other celebrations? How do you decide whether or not to go? It feels jaded to say that some invitations are sent just to get more gifts. If I feel I hardly know the person, I won't go. But if there's doubt about whether or not to go: GO. We really honor a person if we accept an invitation to a special celebration!
Our Dear Lord, help us know the important celebrations of our family and friends and what we should do. Help us also know Your Celebrations to attend: weekly services, at the minimum, at your Houses of Worship. We praise you and we love you, as you first loved us.
The Wedding is one of the more formal occasions in life. We certainly want to celebrate the creation of a new family, the union of two people in love! Of course, if either bride or groom is a relative, we must go! To do otherwise, unless we are incapacitated, would be an insult to our family. It would be kind to send a gift before the wedding instead of putting it on the pile of gifts to be opened later, perhaps after the honeymoon.
The location of the wedding will be the clue as to what to wear. Certainly, for a genuine church wedding, we want to dress up! The old rule was that we don't wear white, so we don't conflict with the bride's white gown. I like that rule.
What if the bride or groom is not in our family? How close are we to either the bride, the groom, or their parents or grandparents? A way to decide if we should go is the question: have we socially gone somewhere with any of them in the last year or, do we work with any of them? If the answer is "yes," we probably should attend the wedding and bring a nice gift.
It's hard to decide how much to spend on a wedding gift but we should not ever go into debt! We have to be reasonable. After all, "It's the thought that counts!" Most young couples these days have gift registries, a list of their desired gift items, at one or more stores in their town. This makes our shopping easier. The wise couple will have gifts listed in all price ranges. Naturally, money is always an acceptable gift.
Responding to wedding invitations: we must!!! Someone - parents, bridal couple, or all of them - has put a lot of thought and money into the wedding preparations and reception. They need to know how many to prepare for! The very least we can do is accept or decline the invitation soon after we receive it. Why is this social practice largely abandoned today?
You're heard of "Bridezilla?" She's the controlling perfectionist of a bride that must have everything her way. Well, I'm sorry to admit I was almost the bride's "Mother-zilla!" We've had a number of church weddings in our family and daughter #8, Jeannie's, was in September of 2007. I gave Jeannie and her husband-to-be, Fielding, a certain amount of money for their wedding. I told them, "I don't care whether you spend it all on a wedding dress or whatever, this is the limit." They were very reasonable, used some of their own money plus Fielding's family's contribution to the reception. That part of the wedding worked well.
We were going to rent tablecloths for the reception at our homeowner's association clubhouse but I found eleven long white tablecloths left to me by my dear mother and we used them. I thought it might look nice to have an arch before the table with the large wedding cake. Jeannie didn't like that idea but I insisted.
As it turned out, I fell backwards down the steps in my own house five days before the wedding and broke my right foot! By the time of the wedding, I was still taking a lot of pain killers (medicine). I forgot where I put the arch! And, to be honest, I didn't care at all that it was used. Thus, Jeannie had a quite lovely wedding - without the arch! (p.s.: The arch was in my car's trunk.)
Another social custom that has largely fallen out of practice is the sending of thank-you notes for presents. I was raised being told that even if you don't like the gift, the person giving it to you has put thought and time and money into it and the least you can do is write a short note thanking them. This doesn't take a lot of your time! It is very much appreciated. All you have to do is mention the gift, say something nice, and say, "thank you."
There are several friends and relatives who have decided to not give gifts to anyone who has not thanked them for previous gifts, often given for every birthday and holiday.
If we're invited to a party, it is very poor form to bring a guest with us and not ask the host/hostess ahead of time. It complicates their plans!
What about going to other celebrations? How do you decide whether or not to go? It feels jaded to say that some invitations are sent just to get more gifts. If I feel I hardly know the person, I won't go. But if there's doubt about whether or not to go: GO. We really honor a person if we accept an invitation to a special celebration!
Our Dear Lord, help us know the important celebrations of our family and friends and what we should do. Help us also know Your Celebrations to attend: weekly services, at the minimum, at your Houses of Worship. We praise you and we love you, as you first loved us.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Reasons to Marry, #3: Baby on the Way!
It was 1961 when I graduated from high school. The birth control pill was new but not widely available. There were several girls we graduated with who got married right after graduation. They say that babies take nine months to grow in the womb but first babies may take less time. That was the situation with these girls.
Pregnancy used to be a valid reason to get married. Have you heard of "shotgun weddings?" The girl's father would threaten the baby's father with death, that he had better marry the girl he got pregnant. And that frequently happened. It was done "to give the baby a name," and also to spare the young woman the embarrassment of not being married with her first child. Of course, we know it takes two to conceive a child.
Research since then has shown that if a young woman is pregnant at the time of marriage, the marriage has a 95% chance of failure. Not good odds!
Life in America in 2014 is upside down. Used to be "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage." It seems that is hardly ever the case any more. Now it is "first comes sex, then comes co-habitation, then either the couple will split up or marry." True, unselfish, sacred love hardly ever enters this scenario.
I will admit to being under pressure from my mother and grandmother. Before I knew where babies came from, on the rare occasions we would see a pregnant woman in public, they would caution me, "Janice, don't get that-away. It'll follow you to the grave." What they meant was, "Don't get pregnant before marriage, people will talk about you your whole life."
I can imagine that mother and grandmother were holding their breaths when I got married in June of 1963. My daughter was born 10 days early, nine and a half months after we were married! Poor ladies! Years later, I found out the reason they were so worried: my grandmother was born the day after her parents were married in 1898! This must have been scandalous in those Victorian times! Poor grandma was taunted when she was growing up.
People accept that some women will get pregnant before marriage but the situation is out-of-hand when 75% of black women in New York City abort their babies before birth. Many women today use abortion as birth control, as was predicted after the Supreme Court struck down laws forbidding abortions in 1973. Abortion, killing the baby before birth, is truly "birth control." 57% of American women have had at least one abortion, sad to say.
Our culture tells young people that they can have sex when and where and with whom they please, just as adults do. The culture says that young people as well as older people cannot restrain themselves and WILL be sexually promiscuous! I don't buy that at all! We are certainly able to discipline ourselves for all kinds of sports contests, all kinds of job requirements, etc. We are perfectly able to say "NO" when we need to say "no."
Perhaps if we ALL would live responsibly, it will be a good example to young people. I'm not naive, but don't sell our young people short! What do you think: is pregnancy a good reason for your daughter or son to marry?
Pregnancy used to be a valid reason to get married. Have you heard of "shotgun weddings?" The girl's father would threaten the baby's father with death, that he had better marry the girl he got pregnant. And that frequently happened. It was done "to give the baby a name," and also to spare the young woman the embarrassment of not being married with her first child. Of course, we know it takes two to conceive a child.
Research since then has shown that if a young woman is pregnant at the time of marriage, the marriage has a 95% chance of failure. Not good odds!
Life in America in 2014 is upside down. Used to be "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage." It seems that is hardly ever the case any more. Now it is "first comes sex, then comes co-habitation, then either the couple will split up or marry." True, unselfish, sacred love hardly ever enters this scenario.
I will admit to being under pressure from my mother and grandmother. Before I knew where babies came from, on the rare occasions we would see a pregnant woman in public, they would caution me, "Janice, don't get that-away. It'll follow you to the grave." What they meant was, "Don't get pregnant before marriage, people will talk about you your whole life."
I can imagine that mother and grandmother were holding their breaths when I got married in June of 1963. My daughter was born 10 days early, nine and a half months after we were married! Poor ladies! Years later, I found out the reason they were so worried: my grandmother was born the day after her parents were married in 1898! This must have been scandalous in those Victorian times! Poor grandma was taunted when she was growing up.
People accept that some women will get pregnant before marriage but the situation is out-of-hand when 75% of black women in New York City abort their babies before birth. Many women today use abortion as birth control, as was predicted after the Supreme Court struck down laws forbidding abortions in 1973. Abortion, killing the baby before birth, is truly "birth control." 57% of American women have had at least one abortion, sad to say.
Our culture tells young people that they can have sex when and where and with whom they please, just as adults do. The culture says that young people as well as older people cannot restrain themselves and WILL be sexually promiscuous! I don't buy that at all! We are certainly able to discipline ourselves for all kinds of sports contests, all kinds of job requirements, etc. We are perfectly able to say "NO" when we need to say "no."
Perhaps if we ALL would live responsibly, it will be a good example to young people. I'm not naive, but don't sell our young people short! What do you think: is pregnancy a good reason for your daughter or son to marry?
Monday, February 10, 2014
Games #1: Job Seeking
There's a new Game we're seeing an increasing number of Americans playing: "Finding a Job." Here's how it works: a new graduate of any educational program, be it high school, college, or any vocational school, applies for a job and is not immediately responded to, OR, a person loses his or her job due to any reason and decides to 'vacation' till the unemployment benefits nearly run out.
Let's take the case of the new graduate first. Schools of all kinds never tell the students which fields are already saturated with job applicants. They just keep educating as long as the students apply. They tell the students which jobs are already filled in their fields and it sounds SO good, "Oh, there's all kinds of jobs out there for ----." Students need to face reality: some degrees are worthless unless you plan on getting your Master's Degree and teaching! To be sure, any person with any degree might get a job - any job - if they have the persistence and outstanding personality plus connections but - reality says that you want to be educated in a field that is growing.
Now let's consider the person who has lost a job and sitting around. The longer a person is unemployed, the less likely he or she is to be re-employed. Getting a job is serious business. I see people who have lost jobs with education and skills totally out-of-date! They might consider: go back to school in a different field or get further education in your field.
Why are these people sitting around? Because family or friends or unemployment checks are supporting them. What is the game they play? They apply for a job periodically, usually because someone suggests a particular job, and don't follow up. They may assure they won't be hired by being very restrictive ("I can only work day shift.") or looking unkempt or being late for an interview. They may go to vocational rehab counselors but don't like their suggestions or think the counselor 'is against them.' They know what their reality is: they have no intention of getting a job - EVER! - as long as some 'sucker' is still supporting them! .
This situation is tragic for all parties involved, both the 'supporter' and the 'pseudo-job-seeker.' The supporter has to knock himself or herself out to support the adult who has formerly supported self OR the adult graduate who should be contributing to the family economy. The jobless person thinks he or she has a good life because they can sit around all day, play computer games or watch TV all day, and perhaps not even bathe for weeks.
Another reality is that the pseudo-job-seeker helps out less and less around the home. They are experts at seeing just how little they can do and still play the game. Remember: it takes TWO to play this game, both the lazy, pseudo-job-seeker AND the enabler who accepts all the excuses for failure.
What could you do if you have a person in your household content to play this game? Here's what a friend of mine did when her newly graduated son showed zero signs of looking for a job after a pleasant month at home watching TV. Mom: "Well, Benny, when are you going to get a job? (this was in the month of July)." Benny: "How about December?" Mom: "Benny, I will give you three months to get a job. And then I will get you a job as a full-time volunteer in a nursing home or in a nice stable mucking stalls." Benny got an entry-level job in one week!
Lord, my God, how did our collective work ethic so deteriorate that WE PAY PEOPLE TO NOT WORK! Help us to be compassionate for all those out-of-work yet strong enough to insist they help out, they do their share and not take advantage. We trust in your guidance and love for us!
Let's take the case of the new graduate first. Schools of all kinds never tell the students which fields are already saturated with job applicants. They just keep educating as long as the students apply. They tell the students which jobs are already filled in their fields and it sounds SO good, "Oh, there's all kinds of jobs out there for ----." Students need to face reality: some degrees are worthless unless you plan on getting your Master's Degree and teaching! To be sure, any person with any degree might get a job - any job - if they have the persistence and outstanding personality plus connections but - reality says that you want to be educated in a field that is growing.
Now let's consider the person who has lost a job and sitting around. The longer a person is unemployed, the less likely he or she is to be re-employed. Getting a job is serious business. I see people who have lost jobs with education and skills totally out-of-date! They might consider: go back to school in a different field or get further education in your field.
Why are these people sitting around? Because family or friends or unemployment checks are supporting them. What is the game they play? They apply for a job periodically, usually because someone suggests a particular job, and don't follow up. They may assure they won't be hired by being very restrictive ("I can only work day shift.") or looking unkempt or being late for an interview. They may go to vocational rehab counselors but don't like their suggestions or think the counselor 'is against them.' They know what their reality is: they have no intention of getting a job - EVER! - as long as some 'sucker' is still supporting them! .
This situation is tragic for all parties involved, both the 'supporter' and the 'pseudo-job-seeker.' The supporter has to knock himself or herself out to support the adult who has formerly supported self OR the adult graduate who should be contributing to the family economy. The jobless person thinks he or she has a good life because they can sit around all day, play computer games or watch TV all day, and perhaps not even bathe for weeks.
Another reality is that the pseudo-job-seeker helps out less and less around the home. They are experts at seeing just how little they can do and still play the game. Remember: it takes TWO to play this game, both the lazy, pseudo-job-seeker AND the enabler who accepts all the excuses for failure.
What could you do if you have a person in your household content to play this game? Here's what a friend of mine did when her newly graduated son showed zero signs of looking for a job after a pleasant month at home watching TV. Mom: "Well, Benny, when are you going to get a job? (this was in the month of July)." Benny: "How about December?" Mom: "Benny, I will give you three months to get a job. And then I will get you a job as a full-time volunteer in a nursing home or in a nice stable mucking stalls." Benny got an entry-level job in one week!
Lord, my God, how did our collective work ethic so deteriorate that WE PAY PEOPLE TO NOT WORK! Help us to be compassionate for all those out-of-work yet strong enough to insist they help out, they do their share and not take advantage. We trust in your guidance and love for us!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
What a Waste!
Many times while growing up in my Catholic religion and culture, I heard the comment whispered behind a priest's back, "What a waste!" The female issuing this statement obviously thought that such a good-looking, young priest should have been married. Yet we in the pews are very much in need of his unique services. As I heard not too long ago, "No priest, no Jesus!"
All of us have a vocation. We are meant to become, as adults, either single persons, part of a marriage, or have our lives dedicated to God in a special way as priests, religious brothers or sisters. Not one of us has not struggled in living out our lives. I cannot imagine the temptations priests have to endure. I have not personally witnessed but have been told that some young females particularly like to seduce priests, much as some men like to seduce young women. A friend told me that she witnessed a young woman putting the key to her apartment into a young priest's hand.
Yes, we know that a few priests fall victim to temptation, just as plenty of non-priests do. We never hear about those faithful clergymen who fulfill their duties well, year after year, just as we never hear about married persons living out their commitment despite almost insurmountable difficulties.
Just as Jesus considered his church - we, all of us - to be his bride, so do our priests consider the people of the church to be his family. Could we give them a break and help them as we can? After all, they and other Christians are being persecuted in countries around the world.
Lord, we thank you for all persons serving us as ministers of Your Holy Word. We pray that all persecutions cease and peace is created everywhere!
All of us have a vocation. We are meant to become, as adults, either single persons, part of a marriage, or have our lives dedicated to God in a special way as priests, religious brothers or sisters. Not one of us has not struggled in living out our lives. I cannot imagine the temptations priests have to endure. I have not personally witnessed but have been told that some young females particularly like to seduce priests, much as some men like to seduce young women. A friend told me that she witnessed a young woman putting the key to her apartment into a young priest's hand.
Yes, we know that a few priests fall victim to temptation, just as plenty of non-priests do. We never hear about those faithful clergymen who fulfill their duties well, year after year, just as we never hear about married persons living out their commitment despite almost insurmountable difficulties.
Just as Jesus considered his church - we, all of us - to be his bride, so do our priests consider the people of the church to be his family. Could we give them a break and help them as we can? After all, they and other Christians are being persecuted in countries around the world.
Lord, we thank you for all persons serving us as ministers of Your Holy Word. We pray that all persecutions cease and peace is created everywhere!
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Reasons to Marry, #2: Military
During the early years of the Vietnam "Conflict," the only men drafted into the United States Army were the single men. I know this to be a fact: in the 1960's, some men married so they would not have to go into the military and to Vietnam. On the other hand, some women married these men because, if they were killed in action, the women would get a pension for life.
Recently, a good friend of mine suspected that her nephew married a woman who just wanted the security of a military pension. It seems that they had planned a wedding, the military man was transferred and they postponed the wedding. The man's relatives were relieved due to their universal extreme dislike of the young woman. Then, all of a sudden, my friend was informed, by the young man, that he and the woman had "run off to the Justice of the Peace" and were married. He soon left for Afghanistan.
After several years of only single men being drafted for the Army during 'Vietnam,' they began conscripting married men without children. By then, the couple I personally knew had several babies. 'Vietnam' seemed to drag on forever! Ultimately, all able-bodied men were drafted, whether they were married or had children or not.
Perhaps this phenomenon occurs with all wars. My dear mother, Adeline, was extremely proud that my father, Reuben, proposed to her on December 6, 1941. The next day, the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese occurred, and mom said, "Everybody got engaged then."
Speaking of the draft, I personally think that all young people, female as well as male, should be drafted into service for two years directly out of high school. If they objected to military service, they could go into the Peace Corps or missionary service connected with their religion. It would not only help them grow up, they could see how the countries of our world are interdependent. They would also realize, "Freedom isn't Free!" What do you think about this?
My dad was a great proponent of young women benefiting from military service. He encouraged my daughters to consider a military career. One daughter decided she would like to go to the United States Naval Academy. She sent off applications and I took her to Louisville for two separate interviews during her junior year in high school. Everything was fine. She was very excited and planned to study Engineering. After the physical exam, they informed her, "We're sorry but your vision is so bad it is beyond the cut-off criteria for an exception." She didn't seem dreadfully disappointed and went on with her life.
I'll admit to being prejudiced about the value of the military. My dad was a a 20-year Army veteran. Every time I visited them, we would have reason to go to the nearest military base, either for shopping, eating dinner, etc. One time I commented, "Dad, I wish the whole world could be run like a military base. There is everything you need here. Everything is so well-organized. There is respect for rank and achievement. And there is no trash or graffiti anywhere!"
So, what's your opinion: is the Military a valid reason to marry?
My Lord, help us respect and promote marriage as a mirror of your Divine Family: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Help all women and men considering marriage to discern whether their intended mate is a person worthy of their life-time commitment.
Recently, a good friend of mine suspected that her nephew married a woman who just wanted the security of a military pension. It seems that they had planned a wedding, the military man was transferred and they postponed the wedding. The man's relatives were relieved due to their universal extreme dislike of the young woman. Then, all of a sudden, my friend was informed, by the young man, that he and the woman had "run off to the Justice of the Peace" and were married. He soon left for Afghanistan.
After several years of only single men being drafted for the Army during 'Vietnam,' they began conscripting married men without children. By then, the couple I personally knew had several babies. 'Vietnam' seemed to drag on forever! Ultimately, all able-bodied men were drafted, whether they were married or had children or not.
Perhaps this phenomenon occurs with all wars. My dear mother, Adeline, was extremely proud that my father, Reuben, proposed to her on December 6, 1941. The next day, the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese occurred, and mom said, "Everybody got engaged then."
Speaking of the draft, I personally think that all young people, female as well as male, should be drafted into service for two years directly out of high school. If they objected to military service, they could go into the Peace Corps or missionary service connected with their religion. It would not only help them grow up, they could see how the countries of our world are interdependent. They would also realize, "Freedom isn't Free!" What do you think about this?
My dad was a great proponent of young women benefiting from military service. He encouraged my daughters to consider a military career. One daughter decided she would like to go to the United States Naval Academy. She sent off applications and I took her to Louisville for two separate interviews during her junior year in high school. Everything was fine. She was very excited and planned to study Engineering. After the physical exam, they informed her, "We're sorry but your vision is so bad it is beyond the cut-off criteria for an exception." She didn't seem dreadfully disappointed and went on with her life.
I'll admit to being prejudiced about the value of the military. My dad was a a 20-year Army veteran. Every time I visited them, we would have reason to go to the nearest military base, either for shopping, eating dinner, etc. One time I commented, "Dad, I wish the whole world could be run like a military base. There is everything you need here. Everything is so well-organized. There is respect for rank and achievement. And there is no trash or graffiti anywhere!"
So, what's your opinion: is the Military a valid reason to marry?
My Lord, help us respect and promote marriage as a mirror of your Divine Family: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Help all women and men considering marriage to discern whether their intended mate is a person worthy of their life-time commitment.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Drifting? #1: Is this me?
Do you remember the popular Nicholas Sparks' novel, "Message in a Bottle"? In it, the main character, a man who lives on the North Carolina coast in America, has given up on love and desperately puts a message in a bottle and throws it into the ocean. Months later, the bottle is picked up from the ocean at Cape Cod, Massachusetts, by a woman. Many complications intervene but ultimately they find love.
Some folks are like that bottle their whole lives. They let life happen to them, never having plans, hopes, perhaps even, desires. Psychologists call that an "external locus of control." In other words, drifting people are certain that nothing they do could improve their lives. How could they possibly be happy?
You'll no doubt agree that just because a young adult reaches the ages of 18 or 21, he or she is not necessarily mature. True maturity means that you accept personal responsibility for your actions. You cannot "blame" anyone except yourself for what happens in your life.
We are affected by many influences: our family upbringing (or lack of it), including where we lived, the resources available to us, the amount and quality of our education, our general health, even the political climate of the day. No matter what has happened to us before we are adults, WE ARE personally and individually RESPONSIBLE for the outcome of the rest of our lives!
It has occurred so many times in America, this wonderful land of the free: women and men from the direst poverty, the near total lack of education, or with the poorest health have risen to become giants of industry, entertainment, and other fields. The bottom line is: we can't BLAME anyone but OURSELVES if we don't reach a reasonable amount of success in life! We need to take ourselves where we are right now and go from there.
This involves first evaluating our personal situation at the moment. What kind of family situation do we have? Are we working? Is this a job or career we enjoy? How is our health? Could we improve? Where do we live? Is this a good choice? This won't take a great deal of thought on our parts.
If you're not happy with many aspects of your life at present, try this: Take a piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write: "Good Things in My Life," and on the other side, write: "Bad Things in My Life." Think about this and write your every situation and concern, no matter how trivial, in one of the columns.
Now, the first important part of this process of self-discovery: Take another piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write, "Things I Can Change," and on the other side, write: "Things I Can't Change." You will find that, except for your height, most things in your life YOU can eventually change, for the better.
Some things in your life that you would like to change may take years. So what! If you're unhappy in a low-paying job, you can get enough education to rise to a better job, even if it takes years of WORK and SACRIFICE! Are you 20-ish? 50-ish? 75-ish? Don't let your age ever, ever limit you! Go back to school if you want to, just for the fun of it, if you want to, even if you can only take one course at a time. Will it be worth it? You better believe it!! Not only will you learn new things, you will meet new people and feel lots better about yourself.
A certain family member of mine had never finished college. At the age of 47, she wanted to do that, but thought she was too old. After all, she hadn't been in school for more than 27 years. Somebody told her: well, in 2 or 3 years, you'll be the same age regardless of whether or not you go back to school. But you'll never know what could happen unless you don't try! Yes, it was very hard but she did it!
What if you're in an abusive marriage? Always remember that a true marriage relationship means that both people are trying their best. If you think you're doing all the work, you need to have a serious talk with your spouse. Don't let a bad situation brew. You may have decisions to make. Talk with people you trust. A bad situation doesn't need to remain the same!
Recently in the news was the capture by Somalian pirates of Captain Rich Phillips, an American cargo ship commander. A movie, "Captain Phillips," shows what happened. This is also a reality of life: bad things happen to us, periodically, things that are out of our control. We can get an abscessed tooth. We can lose a job, a family member to death, all sorts of losses. But we have to deal with these 'pirates' of our lives as best we can.
Some folks believe that God causes bad things to happen to us. I think that God loves us so much he gives us freedom of choice - but if things don't turn out right, we have to live with the consequences of our own bad choices and also the results of others' bad choices.
If you believe that you can affect the outcome of your life, psychologists would say you have "an internal locus of control." This is a very important topic that affects every aspects of our lives. We will explore more about this in future "If I Had Only Known" blogs. For now, decide whether or not you truly believe what you decide and what you do can affect, for the better, your life.
BTW (by the way), the book, "Message in a Bottle," was also made into a movie. I high recommend it and the movie, "Captain Phillips," as great entertainment.
Lord of us all, help us to truly take responsibility for our choices, help us choose the best - what you want us to do. Please help us also accept the consequences of our choices. Help us work WITH the others in our lives to choose well.
Some folks are like that bottle their whole lives. They let life happen to them, never having plans, hopes, perhaps even, desires. Psychologists call that an "external locus of control." In other words, drifting people are certain that nothing they do could improve their lives. How could they possibly be happy?
You'll no doubt agree that just because a young adult reaches the ages of 18 or 21, he or she is not necessarily mature. True maturity means that you accept personal responsibility for your actions. You cannot "blame" anyone except yourself for what happens in your life.
We are affected by many influences: our family upbringing (or lack of it), including where we lived, the resources available to us, the amount and quality of our education, our general health, even the political climate of the day. No matter what has happened to us before we are adults, WE ARE personally and individually RESPONSIBLE for the outcome of the rest of our lives!
It has occurred so many times in America, this wonderful land of the free: women and men from the direst poverty, the near total lack of education, or with the poorest health have risen to become giants of industry, entertainment, and other fields. The bottom line is: we can't BLAME anyone but OURSELVES if we don't reach a reasonable amount of success in life! We need to take ourselves where we are right now and go from there.
This involves first evaluating our personal situation at the moment. What kind of family situation do we have? Are we working? Is this a job or career we enjoy? How is our health? Could we improve? Where do we live? Is this a good choice? This won't take a great deal of thought on our parts.
If you're not happy with many aspects of your life at present, try this: Take a piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write: "Good Things in My Life," and on the other side, write: "Bad Things in My Life." Think about this and write your every situation and concern, no matter how trivial, in one of the columns.
Now, the first important part of this process of self-discovery: Take another piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write, "Things I Can Change," and on the other side, write: "Things I Can't Change." You will find that, except for your height, most things in your life YOU can eventually change, for the better.
Some things in your life that you would like to change may take years. So what! If you're unhappy in a low-paying job, you can get enough education to rise to a better job, even if it takes years of WORK and SACRIFICE! Are you 20-ish? 50-ish? 75-ish? Don't let your age ever, ever limit you! Go back to school if you want to, just for the fun of it, if you want to, even if you can only take one course at a time. Will it be worth it? You better believe it!! Not only will you learn new things, you will meet new people and feel lots better about yourself.
A certain family member of mine had never finished college. At the age of 47, she wanted to do that, but thought she was too old. After all, she hadn't been in school for more than 27 years. Somebody told her: well, in 2 or 3 years, you'll be the same age regardless of whether or not you go back to school. But you'll never know what could happen unless you don't try! Yes, it was very hard but she did it!
What if you're in an abusive marriage? Always remember that a true marriage relationship means that both people are trying their best. If you think you're doing all the work, you need to have a serious talk with your spouse. Don't let a bad situation brew. You may have decisions to make. Talk with people you trust. A bad situation doesn't need to remain the same!
Recently in the news was the capture by Somalian pirates of Captain Rich Phillips, an American cargo ship commander. A movie, "Captain Phillips," shows what happened. This is also a reality of life: bad things happen to us, periodically, things that are out of our control. We can get an abscessed tooth. We can lose a job, a family member to death, all sorts of losses. But we have to deal with these 'pirates' of our lives as best we can.
Some folks believe that God causes bad things to happen to us. I think that God loves us so much he gives us freedom of choice - but if things don't turn out right, we have to live with the consequences of our own bad choices and also the results of others' bad choices.
If you believe that you can affect the outcome of your life, psychologists would say you have "an internal locus of control." This is a very important topic that affects every aspects of our lives. We will explore more about this in future "If I Had Only Known" blogs. For now, decide whether or not you truly believe what you decide and what you do can affect, for the better, your life.
BTW (by the way), the book, "Message in a Bottle," was also made into a movie. I high recommend it and the movie, "Captain Phillips," as great entertainment.
Lord of us all, help us to truly take responsibility for our choices, help us choose the best - what you want us to do. Please help us also accept the consequences of our choices. Help us work WITH the others in our lives to choose well.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Baggage #6: Past Decisions
Background: Sometimes in the past we have made decisions which may come to haunt us for the rest of our lives. For an increasing number of women and men, both in the United States and world-wide, the decision to abort a baby will affect their happiness and relationships. Here is the experience of one young woman with whom I became acquainted recently.
Situation: Helena and her boyfriend were both seventeen years old. They thought they were in love, had sex which resulted in pregnancy. When Helena found out, she immediately told her boyfriend. He quickly told her, "Well, we're too young to deal with this. Let's just get an abortion." Helena didn't think much about it and went to a Planned Parenthood 'clinic.' She reports, "They said I would have counseling. That consisted of them taking my $400."
She wasn't very far along and the procedure was quick. Then afterwards she realized what she had done: killed her own baby. She is hardly able to tell others about this, but she says, "I hope to spare them the pain I have gone through." And also, "It took me a long time to ask God to forgive me for what I had done. . . Even now, fifteen years later, it is still hard to forgive myself."
Lessons learned: Our culture tells us, "Everyone has the right to have sex, whenever they want, with whomever they please." Our culture tries to hide the 'fallout' from that attitude: the diseased bodies and souls, the 56 million of our babies aborted for the convenience of their parents, the women who will never bear children (estimated 25% sterility post abortion), the grandparents deprived of grandchildren, the society deprived of potential geniuses, and on and on.
That is why we should work and pray to end abortion. Have you known a childless couple who have tried all known methods to get pregnant, unsuccessfully, and are crying to adopt a child? Let us take care of all the 'unwanted' babies! Better yet, let us create a climate without all this pressure to have sex! What do you think?
Outcome: Helena, in time, met a decent young man, married, and has a child. He understands how difficult it was for her to tell him her past history and deeply respects her need to speak out to help others avoid the tremendous pain she has experienced.
Oh, Lord, we pray for the wisdom and strength to help women like Helena, to give them the love and support they deserve. Help us promote, in every way we can, a Culture of Life, chastity, and love. We yearn to spread the love we know you have for us, today and every day!
Situation: Helena and her boyfriend were both seventeen years old. They thought they were in love, had sex which resulted in pregnancy. When Helena found out, she immediately told her boyfriend. He quickly told her, "Well, we're too young to deal with this. Let's just get an abortion." Helena didn't think much about it and went to a Planned Parenthood 'clinic.' She reports, "They said I would have counseling. That consisted of them taking my $400."
She wasn't very far along and the procedure was quick. Then afterwards she realized what she had done: killed her own baby. She is hardly able to tell others about this, but she says, "I hope to spare them the pain I have gone through." And also, "It took me a long time to ask God to forgive me for what I had done. . . Even now, fifteen years later, it is still hard to forgive myself."
Lessons learned: Our culture tells us, "Everyone has the right to have sex, whenever they want, with whomever they please." Our culture tries to hide the 'fallout' from that attitude: the diseased bodies and souls, the 56 million of our babies aborted for the convenience of their parents, the women who will never bear children (estimated 25% sterility post abortion), the grandparents deprived of grandchildren, the society deprived of potential geniuses, and on and on.
That is why we should work and pray to end abortion. Have you known a childless couple who have tried all known methods to get pregnant, unsuccessfully, and are crying to adopt a child? Let us take care of all the 'unwanted' babies! Better yet, let us create a climate without all this pressure to have sex! What do you think?
Outcome: Helena, in time, met a decent young man, married, and has a child. He understands how difficult it was for her to tell him her past history and deeply respects her need to speak out to help others avoid the tremendous pain she has experienced.
Oh, Lord, we pray for the wisdom and strength to help women like Helena, to give them the love and support they deserve. Help us promote, in every way we can, a Culture of Life, chastity, and love. We yearn to spread the love we know you have for us, today and every day!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Attractive Children
Were you ever walking along with your child in a mall or store aisles, when a total strange man or woman stops in front of the child and leans over, "Come on, now, give us a kiss!" Perhaps you have witnessed this.
Of course, the child is pretty and adorable! But no stranger has the right to cross these boundaries with a child. In these days of lawsuits, abuse accusations, and sexual harassment training at work, you'd think the average adult would have common sense to not get friendly with any child not his or her own!
So what should you do if it happens to your child (grandchild, etc)? Quickly and firmly take the child and back off. If you have to say something, say, "Don't touch the child!" Then leave!
This is one of those "prevention," "protection" items your child has to grow up knowing: never, ever, talk to a stranger. Never go with a stranger. Never let a stranger touch you. Don't go far away from mommy and daddy.
We don't want to create paranoid little urchins. They can understand, "Most people are really nice but a few might want to take you and hurt you. We don't want that!"
Don't let the little ones wander off while you shop. You would hate to have to ask a store to announce, "A child is missing" with your child's description. You would hate to make a "Missing Child" report to the police. It would be gut-wrenching to see your child's photo on TV with the newscaster asking for help in finding the child. We won't go any further with this line of thinking.
In Europe, you see a lot of toddlers wearing harnesses and leashes. You don't see very many in America. But children with harnesses get a bit of freedom to walk around and never get lost.
Lord God, you know how very, very much we love these beautiful children with whom you have blessed us! Help us learn to protect them in every way possible yet help them grow strong and healthy, and loving you!
Of course, the child is pretty and adorable! But no stranger has the right to cross these boundaries with a child. In these days of lawsuits, abuse accusations, and sexual harassment training at work, you'd think the average adult would have common sense to not get friendly with any child not his or her own!
So what should you do if it happens to your child (grandchild, etc)? Quickly and firmly take the child and back off. If you have to say something, say, "Don't touch the child!" Then leave!
This is one of those "prevention," "protection" items your child has to grow up knowing: never, ever, talk to a stranger. Never go with a stranger. Never let a stranger touch you. Don't go far away from mommy and daddy.
We don't want to create paranoid little urchins. They can understand, "Most people are really nice but a few might want to take you and hurt you. We don't want that!"
Don't let the little ones wander off while you shop. You would hate to have to ask a store to announce, "A child is missing" with your child's description. You would hate to make a "Missing Child" report to the police. It would be gut-wrenching to see your child's photo on TV with the newscaster asking for help in finding the child. We won't go any further with this line of thinking.
In Europe, you see a lot of toddlers wearing harnesses and leashes. You don't see very many in America. But children with harnesses get a bit of freedom to walk around and never get lost.
Lord God, you know how very, very much we love these beautiful children with whom you have blessed us! Help us learn to protect them in every way possible yet help them grow strong and healthy, and loving you!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
The Winner?
Situation: Frank loved to play games, all kinds of card games and board games. As the oldest of four boys, he grew up as the substitute for his parents' bridge club. Right after college Frank married his high school sweetheart, Ada. Early on, Frank and Ada bought a Scrabble game and he taught her how to play. The two of them had great fun - but Frank always won. Ada was no dummy and caught on quickly. It was the two-letter, obscure words she had to learn to fill in the little spaces that was the most challenging aspect.
Frank prided himself on keeping statistics. He loved numbers and kept track of everything. He knew exactly where every penny he ever earned was spent, since he was twelve years old and had his first job caddying at a local golf course. Naturally, Frank knew the dates and scores of every single Scrabble game he and Ada had ever played. He kept a dictionary on the table to check whether the words Ada made were actual words in the dictionary. "Looking back," Ada mentioned, "I never thought of checking to see whether all the words Frank made were real words. I just accepted them."
Ada enjoyed playing Scrabble with Frank and she always tried her best. After several years of Frank winning, Ada won a game! She was so pleased with herself! She not only won but she had the highest score ever in any game with Frank: over 500 points!! She had drawn a "Q" and made a triple-to-triple word, "quagmire."
She knew it was mostly the luck of drawing particular letters. Yet Frank was not happy for Ada. He was devastated! How could Ada beat him? He didn't understand it at all. After that, he refused to play Scrabble with Ada. She didn't understand why he was so picky.
Lessons learned: Anything in this life, anything, can be taken to extremes! Over the years of marriage, Ada would come to know Frank very well and realize that even in the world of Perfectionists, Frank was the worst! He was obsessed with everything, EVERYTHING, he did being 100% perfect. Frank thought HE was PERFECT!
The underwear in his chest of drawers had to be folded perfectly and stacked perfectly. Ada did the laundry and Frank had to re-fold everything before he put it in his drawers. Perfect statistics of all sports games - and he WAS obsessed with watching ALL sports games on TV - anything that used a ball - were kept on stacks and stacks of papers. Then Frank would make 'predictions' about which team would win. He was really mad when the team he carefully chose would lose!
One thing that was good and useful in Frank's obsession with being perfect: he kept perfect track of every penny spent. Since he was too nervous to have anything except an 'entry level' job, this really stretched their money and enabled the family to survive financially. Frank always did the income taxes every year. On the other hand, Ada and the children had to ask Frank for money if they needed it. His first answer was always, "No!" He was extremely stingy in every way.
Outcome: As Ada and I were looking back on her life, Ada expressed, "You know, I came to pity Frank. It was so hard for him to maintain the facade of the Perfect Man but he actually believed it. I also came to the knowledge that PITY is NO substitute for LOVE! I still could have stayed with him, stayed in a loveless marriage, for the children. But he couldn't tolerate that me and the children not only were not perfect, but that we didn't care about being perfect. He was very mean, abusive, if you get right down to it, and I knew I shouldn't and wouldn't tolerate this. I left Frank."
Our Take-away: Try to prevent being in a close relationship with someone who is clearly a perfectionist in all things. It practically can't be done; frustration will be the inevitable result, perhaps depression, in addition.
Some young people seem to be drawn to others having difficulties whether it be financial or in making friends or having a chronic illness. It needs to be said again, PITY is NO substitute for LOVE! You cannot base a marriage, a life, or perhaps even a friendship on pity. Yes, you can be sad for other's misfortune; you can help out. But a relationship must be a two-way affair! Both must care for and respect each other, and be mentally healthy persons.
Lord God, you are the only Perfect One. We will try our best in whatever we do in life and know that it's all right. Guide us to have wisdom in choosing our friends and spouses. Please guide us to know your great, perfect love for us, and help us spread love to all we encounter!
Frank prided himself on keeping statistics. He loved numbers and kept track of everything. He knew exactly where every penny he ever earned was spent, since he was twelve years old and had his first job caddying at a local golf course. Naturally, Frank knew the dates and scores of every single Scrabble game he and Ada had ever played. He kept a dictionary on the table to check whether the words Ada made were actual words in the dictionary. "Looking back," Ada mentioned, "I never thought of checking to see whether all the words Frank made were real words. I just accepted them."
Ada enjoyed playing Scrabble with Frank and she always tried her best. After several years of Frank winning, Ada won a game! She was so pleased with herself! She not only won but she had the highest score ever in any game with Frank: over 500 points!! She had drawn a "Q" and made a triple-to-triple word, "quagmire."
She knew it was mostly the luck of drawing particular letters. Yet Frank was not happy for Ada. He was devastated! How could Ada beat him? He didn't understand it at all. After that, he refused to play Scrabble with Ada. She didn't understand why he was so picky.
Lessons learned: Anything in this life, anything, can be taken to extremes! Over the years of marriage, Ada would come to know Frank very well and realize that even in the world of Perfectionists, Frank was the worst! He was obsessed with everything, EVERYTHING, he did being 100% perfect. Frank thought HE was PERFECT!
The underwear in his chest of drawers had to be folded perfectly and stacked perfectly. Ada did the laundry and Frank had to re-fold everything before he put it in his drawers. Perfect statistics of all sports games - and he WAS obsessed with watching ALL sports games on TV - anything that used a ball - were kept on stacks and stacks of papers. Then Frank would make 'predictions' about which team would win. He was really mad when the team he carefully chose would lose!
One thing that was good and useful in Frank's obsession with being perfect: he kept perfect track of every penny spent. Since he was too nervous to have anything except an 'entry level' job, this really stretched their money and enabled the family to survive financially. Frank always did the income taxes every year. On the other hand, Ada and the children had to ask Frank for money if they needed it. His first answer was always, "No!" He was extremely stingy in every way.
Outcome: As Ada and I were looking back on her life, Ada expressed, "You know, I came to pity Frank. It was so hard for him to maintain the facade of the Perfect Man but he actually believed it. I also came to the knowledge that PITY is NO substitute for LOVE! I still could have stayed with him, stayed in a loveless marriage, for the children. But he couldn't tolerate that me and the children not only were not perfect, but that we didn't care about being perfect. He was very mean, abusive, if you get right down to it, and I knew I shouldn't and wouldn't tolerate this. I left Frank."
Our Take-away: Try to prevent being in a close relationship with someone who is clearly a perfectionist in all things. It practically can't be done; frustration will be the inevitable result, perhaps depression, in addition.
Some young people seem to be drawn to others having difficulties whether it be financial or in making friends or having a chronic illness. It needs to be said again, PITY is NO substitute for LOVE! You cannot base a marriage, a life, or perhaps even a friendship on pity. Yes, you can be sad for other's misfortune; you can help out. But a relationship must be a two-way affair! Both must care for and respect each other, and be mentally healthy persons.
Lord God, you are the only Perfect One. We will try our best in whatever we do in life and know that it's all right. Guide us to have wisdom in choosing our friends and spouses. Please guide us to know your great, perfect love for us, and help us spread love to all we encounter!
Monday, February 3, 2014
The Paycheck
Situation: Ronald and Sara were very much in love when they married. They welcomed three children into their happy lives. Life was good! One by one, the children entered the merry-go-round of school. After all three were in school, there were so many activities they were involved in, it seemed that the family couldn't even get together for supper in the evening. It was quite a lot of work for Sara to get the children to their after-school activities and back home for homework. She had a part-time job several hours most days, so that left the evenings to get the housework done. There never was enough time for anybody.
Ronald and Sara never had fights, they just drifted apart. There seemed to be a growing coldness between them. Neither of them were interested in other people, they just no longer took pleasure in each other's company. Sara tried to involve Ronald in the children's activities but he wanted no part. He also was tired when he got home from work and wanted nothing more than peace and quiet with TV and the newspaper.
When the children had the usual squabbles, which seemed never-ending, Ronald screamed at them. This hurt everyone. Sara tried to keep them out of Ronald's way, but, well, they were children and didn't remember. Everyone was on edge most of the time. Sara was just plain tired.
Finally, one evening before bed, Ronald sarcastically announced to Sara, "I'm just your paycheck!" Sara was stunned. The man she married would have never thought that. Besides, she earned a little bit of money herself. She denied it, "What on earth are you thinking, Ron? You know that's not true!" But no, Ron believed it.
Lessons learned: No couple, no matter how passionately they felt when they first married, can sustain the same passion forever. Love can grow, the fire of passion still can burn, but not as wildly. Children (or, careers, for that matter) will need attention and they will aggravate each other nearly the whole time they're growing up, just like puppies. Couples need to work together on child discipline, perhaps limit their activities so every minute is not programmed - children need time to ponder and re-group, just like adults do.
Parents need (NEED!) time for 'dates.' There were two of them when they started out, there will be just two when all the children have left home. If they don't make an effort to communicate, to enjoy activities together, they WILL grow apart as the years go on.
In this particular situation, Ronald let his bad feelings of being left out go on too long. When something is wrong, address it immediately and gently. It won't get better if left alone.
When the "I'm just a paycheck" ultimatum surfaced, Sara suggested counseling. Ron refused, "Nothing's wrong with me!" Sara suggested they just take a long weekend together and go somewhere alone. Ron was all for that. It turned out to be a disaster. They really had separate interests and neither had fun.
Outcome: Sara got counseling for herself. She got the children involved in some of the housework and learned to make simple meals that took less prep time. But she found she couldn't take Ronald's horrible screaming at the children together with his refusal to lift a finger around the house. Eventually, Sara left Ronald. He was stunned!
Several years later, I asked Sara if she regretted leaving Ronald since they had a very hard time financially, at first. She firmly replied, "Absolutely not. He killed my love with his meanness. We're all better off now."
The Take-away for Us: Periodically, relationships need 'check-ups,' just to see if both parties are still on the same page. There is no substitute for honest communication. "Please, ____ and ____ needs to be done tonight. Would you please do one of those things so I won't be up half the night?" "Are we having a harder time with the finances? Should I get a full-time job?" "Or would you suggest that I quit so I can get all the housework stuff done in the daytime?" "I'm just exhausted from work tonight and I'm in a bad mood. Would you mind if I just shut the door and watched TV by myself for a couple of hours?" We must make our needs known. We must, both of us, make SACRIFICES at times! A happy family is worth risking the honesty of good communication!
We pray to the Lord: we know you want our families to be loving and happy. Let us slow down enough to figure out what activities are important. Please help us figure out what's important, what's not. Help us model Your Love!
Ronald and Sara never had fights, they just drifted apart. There seemed to be a growing coldness between them. Neither of them were interested in other people, they just no longer took pleasure in each other's company. Sara tried to involve Ronald in the children's activities but he wanted no part. He also was tired when he got home from work and wanted nothing more than peace and quiet with TV and the newspaper.
When the children had the usual squabbles, which seemed never-ending, Ronald screamed at them. This hurt everyone. Sara tried to keep them out of Ronald's way, but, well, they were children and didn't remember. Everyone was on edge most of the time. Sara was just plain tired.
Finally, one evening before bed, Ronald sarcastically announced to Sara, "I'm just your paycheck!" Sara was stunned. The man she married would have never thought that. Besides, she earned a little bit of money herself. She denied it, "What on earth are you thinking, Ron? You know that's not true!" But no, Ron believed it.
Lessons learned: No couple, no matter how passionately they felt when they first married, can sustain the same passion forever. Love can grow, the fire of passion still can burn, but not as wildly. Children (or, careers, for that matter) will need attention and they will aggravate each other nearly the whole time they're growing up, just like puppies. Couples need to work together on child discipline, perhaps limit their activities so every minute is not programmed - children need time to ponder and re-group, just like adults do.
Parents need (NEED!) time for 'dates.' There were two of them when they started out, there will be just two when all the children have left home. If they don't make an effort to communicate, to enjoy activities together, they WILL grow apart as the years go on.
In this particular situation, Ronald let his bad feelings of being left out go on too long. When something is wrong, address it immediately and gently. It won't get better if left alone.
When the "I'm just a paycheck" ultimatum surfaced, Sara suggested counseling. Ron refused, "Nothing's wrong with me!" Sara suggested they just take a long weekend together and go somewhere alone. Ron was all for that. It turned out to be a disaster. They really had separate interests and neither had fun.
Outcome: Sara got counseling for herself. She got the children involved in some of the housework and learned to make simple meals that took less prep time. But she found she couldn't take Ronald's horrible screaming at the children together with his refusal to lift a finger around the house. Eventually, Sara left Ronald. He was stunned!
Several years later, I asked Sara if she regretted leaving Ronald since they had a very hard time financially, at first. She firmly replied, "Absolutely not. He killed my love with his meanness. We're all better off now."
The Take-away for Us: Periodically, relationships need 'check-ups,' just to see if both parties are still on the same page. There is no substitute for honest communication. "Please, ____ and ____ needs to be done tonight. Would you please do one of those things so I won't be up half the night?" "Are we having a harder time with the finances? Should I get a full-time job?" "Or would you suggest that I quit so I can get all the housework stuff done in the daytime?" "I'm just exhausted from work tonight and I'm in a bad mood. Would you mind if I just shut the door and watched TV by myself for a couple of hours?" We must make our needs known. We must, both of us, make SACRIFICES at times! A happy family is worth risking the honesty of good communication!
We pray to the Lord: we know you want our families to be loving and happy. Let us slow down enough to figure out what activities are important. Please help us figure out what's important, what's not. Help us model Your Love!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Parceling Out Love
I suppose this will really bring out some of the secret strengths of large families! My brother, Bob, his wife and their four children were visiting. We had a great time. I don't even remember how large my family was, at the time - all the children were still at home - six? eight? ten? The number doesn't matter. By the way, in 2014, four children constitutes a 'large' family!
In our family, there was a tremendous amount of activity, as you can imagine! Everybody did their own thing with the older ones helping out the younger ones, as needed. Mom and Dad directed everything. It was sort of like a continuous party - fun, but busy!
There was a "Jobs Chart," according to age level, so no one would be overburdened. When the teenagers got paying jobs, they were off the Jobs Chart. No one complained - except my neighbors' children. With only two or three children, they would have to do their share twice as often as my children and they did not like it!
Of immense benefit to everyone was that the younger children would learn so much from the older ones seemingly just by osmosis - absorption! The oldest two took my personal attention to potty train, for example, but the rest learned it way before I thought they were ready! It went that way with everything, it seemed. (Except driving!) (Make no mistake, they also taught each other things that would have been better not taught!)
We ate dinner together every single night. Looking back, it was miraculous that no one ever missed an activity of their choice due to conflicting needs for transportation.
We were all blessed with wonderful health, praise God! We only suffered from the usual colds and flu, and, at that time, chicken pox, two or three kids at the same time.
After about two days of witnessing the whirlwind of activity in our house, my brother asked me, "Jan, how can you divide your love among all those children?" I told him I would have to think about this.
Years later, I discovered the answer: love cannot be divided equally. You just give all your love to the one who needs it at the time! And, the more love you give, the more your love is multiplied! Somehow, there never was a time when more than one needed my total attention at the same time. They just sort of took turns.
With all the usual catfights among the children, I thought they'd grow up hating each other. But my wise neighbor, Pat, who came from a family of eight children, told me, "Oh, no! Fighting is natural. They'll be much closer when they're grown up. You'll see."
And I do. With a total of eight grown girls, I now see the value of the Sisterhood. They support each other, constantly text message, visit, pass down clothes, recipes, ways to lose weight, sharing in hard times, tears and also the good times, etc. The relationship between my two sons is different because they were eight years apart. In some ways, they seem part of the Sisterhood!
Sure, I can see many things I would have done differently just as I could point out my parents' mistakes (but never would to them - I know they tried their best!). But, on the whole, I'm content with the way our intertwined lives have turned out.
I haven't told anybody, and I would never suggest this, but I feel this is me, put on my tombstone, "She was never afraid to love." Praise you, Lord, for all the Loves in my life: the enduring ones as well as the fleeting ones!
In our family, there was a tremendous amount of activity, as you can imagine! Everybody did their own thing with the older ones helping out the younger ones, as needed. Mom and Dad directed everything. It was sort of like a continuous party - fun, but busy!
There was a "Jobs Chart," according to age level, so no one would be overburdened. When the teenagers got paying jobs, they were off the Jobs Chart. No one complained - except my neighbors' children. With only two or three children, they would have to do their share twice as often as my children and they did not like it!
Of immense benefit to everyone was that the younger children would learn so much from the older ones seemingly just by osmosis - absorption! The oldest two took my personal attention to potty train, for example, but the rest learned it way before I thought they were ready! It went that way with everything, it seemed. (Except driving!) (Make no mistake, they also taught each other things that would have been better not taught!)
We ate dinner together every single night. Looking back, it was miraculous that no one ever missed an activity of their choice due to conflicting needs for transportation.
We were all blessed with wonderful health, praise God! We only suffered from the usual colds and flu, and, at that time, chicken pox, two or three kids at the same time.
After about two days of witnessing the whirlwind of activity in our house, my brother asked me, "Jan, how can you divide your love among all those children?" I told him I would have to think about this.
Years later, I discovered the answer: love cannot be divided equally. You just give all your love to the one who needs it at the time! And, the more love you give, the more your love is multiplied! Somehow, there never was a time when more than one needed my total attention at the same time. They just sort of took turns.
With all the usual catfights among the children, I thought they'd grow up hating each other. But my wise neighbor, Pat, who came from a family of eight children, told me, "Oh, no! Fighting is natural. They'll be much closer when they're grown up. You'll see."
And I do. With a total of eight grown girls, I now see the value of the Sisterhood. They support each other, constantly text message, visit, pass down clothes, recipes, ways to lose weight, sharing in hard times, tears and also the good times, etc. The relationship between my two sons is different because they were eight years apart. In some ways, they seem part of the Sisterhood!
Sure, I can see many things I would have done differently just as I could point out my parents' mistakes (but never would to them - I know they tried their best!). But, on the whole, I'm content with the way our intertwined lives have turned out.
I haven't told anybody, and I would never suggest this, but I feel this is me, put on my tombstone, "She was never afraid to love." Praise you, Lord, for all the Loves in my life: the enduring ones as well as the fleeting ones!
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Digging Graves
Situation: Rayette was a middle-aged professional woman, married, with grown children, but apparently very, very unhappy. All the time she tried to get all of her other co-workers in trouble with the bosses. Rayette really was the fastest of all the workers, knew the job better than anyone, and took pride in doing more than everyone. In spite of her competence, she was what they call, "The rotten apple in the barrel."
Rayette personally was responsible for many people, both male and female, quitting her work group. There was no one who was up to her standards. After several years, people who heard of her would not even apply to work with her. She called nearly everyone, "lazy!"
Folks noticed that after Rayette finished her own work, she wouldn't help anyone else, she would go play on the computer. She would look for new clothes, new shoes, play games, pay her bills, balance her checkbook. Everyone tolerated her but really 'looked over their backs' while they were working with her. They felt she was looking for an excuse to report them to the boss and get them fired.
Over the years, several of her co-workers talked to various bosses about how terrible she treated some of their customers and how nasty she talked and acted toward them. Some of the customers complained about her. But still she worked on. Nothing changed. She acted like she was beyond reproach.
One day one of her co-workers found her asleep on the job, creating an extremely dangerous situation at work. After the situation was immediately corrected, Rayette was again reported to the boss. Rayette was furious: "Why didn't you wake me up and tell me? I would have taken care of it. Nobody should report a co-worker!"
Lessons learned: My dear grandmother, Marie, must have told me hundreds of times, "Dig a grave for some else and you'll fall in it yourself!" Trying to get people in trouble is no way to make friends! No one will trust you then! We need to help out whoever we can, behave courteously to everyone. I agree that the dangerous situation must be reported. But the day-to-day picking was not the right thing to do.
Outcome: No one knew what happened, but after a couple of months, Rayette was no longer working at the same place. We sort of lost track of her. I haven't heard of anyone who has talked with her.
Lord, sometimes it is very hard to co-exist with others. We all do things differently. Help us to figure out our strengths and our weaknesses and work together in our families and churches and at work. We know you love us; help us pass on that love!
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