Have you seen the commercials for dating services featuring middle-aged couples? In one, the attractive woman smiles and purrs, "I didn't know he'd be interested in a woman my age." Then the male contentedly hugs her and states that he wanted someone who was his contemporary, that understood him.
Three ladies of my acquaintance were told by their husbands something quite different when they were all in their late forties, "I'm getting a divorce; I've met someone new; we're in love." All three had been married over twenty years. Two had teenage children; one had no children. One woman knew her marriage was in trouble. The others had no clue whatsoever that anything was wrong. The three women all had well-paying jobs their entire adult lives. All the new wives were in their early twenties. So, essentially, the three women had been cast aside for a newer version.
All three of the ladies were very sad, actually devastated by the sudden news from the men they loved. With help from family, friends, and churches, they recovered and went on to be happy.
Here's the outcomes of the husbands and their not-so-new-anymore wives after twenty more years. Jackie hadn't seen her husband for years until a family reunion. She reported, "He looked the same old Ben that he was before, only kind of worn, tired, and sad. I was very pleased to see the little wife. She was FAT!" Jackie goes to the gym regularly to preserve her strength and her figure. She never remarried but agrees, "If the opportunity presented itself, I might be open."
Jessica saw Raymond and the not-so-new-anymore wife at a wedding. She reports, "Raymond was always kind of sickly and might have thought that the new wife could take better care of him than I could. She was sicker than he was and had a very hard time getting around." Jessica never remarried and is the picture of health and still lives in the same fine house as when she and Raymond were married.
Madeline has not seen Tony at all. He and the not-so-new-anymore wife never go to any family functions. She thinks, "He probably moved out west." Madeline also never remarried but has gone on to earn several advanced degrees with the divorce settlement.
It's truly tragic, in the great majority of cases, that divorce is so easy to obtain. Most couples, when they exchange marriage vows plan on being married "Till death do us part." It takes more than young love to accomplish this, I'm sure you'll agree.
Lord, you made Marriage a Sacrament, a covenant, not just a legal agreement. Please help all married couples, in this anti-family atmosphere, to honor their commitment and try their very best!
Monday, June 30, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Choices
When you hear the word, "choice," what's the first thing that comes to mind? "PRO-choice?" - the cry of those who want to "control" their own bodies by killing another little body, the unborn babies within. Why didn't they "control" their own bodies and choose not to conceive the children?
This is concerning a different kind of choice, the choice some parents give their children over which church to attend (as if all religions were equal and generic!). These parents don't bring their children to church, if they go themselves but let everyone know how 'fair' and 'modern' and 'progressive' they are by such lack of parenting.
Let's get really close to reality here: if children are NOT REGULARLY brought to church or temple WITH their parents, most of them will NEVER go to ANY church or temple, NEVER! Is this what you want?? There is no other way! Our children may or may not follow in our footsteps, but if we don't walk, there won't be any footsteps! If our faith is not important enough to bring our children, they won't care at all about any faith life.
1. Church is NOT entertainment. We are there to worship God, our creator.
2. Children will behave in church if we EXPECT them to behave after engaging in kind but firm discipline for all their young lives.
3. Yes, it may seem awkward to 'church shop,' try to find a church at which you feel welcome. Keep searching. Pray for a clear choice. You will find your home!
4. Do you think that you won't go to church because you hate to dress up and/or don't have 'fine' clothes? That's not at all what it's about! There's a delightful couple that sits in front of me on Sundays, sometimes bring in their motorcycle helmets and put them on the seats. So what! It's not a fashion show! (Although after church today some of us friends were saying that we wish the young people wouldn't come in shorts.)
4. One very important reason for regular church attendance is WITNESS. We help each other in our faith lives if we are in this together. We make friends. We help them if they need it. They help us if we need it. Faith sharing and praying together is immensely benefiting to all involved.
5. Research has proven over and over again that those who regularly attend church are psychologically healthier and happier. Church matters! Dare we question God's plan?
6. We will be held accountable by God by 100% of our CHOICES!
A friend's father was regularly brought to church by his parents until he was 14 years old. Then he was the oh-so-typical adolescent rebel. He whined that he didn't want to go to church. It was old-fashioned and boring! His parents didn't have the guts (pardon my no-nonsense candor, some things should never be glazed over!) to tell him, "we think it's very important. You need to come with us." So now he only attends church for family and friends' weddings and baptisms. It's a sure bet (and probably will happen soon, judging by the recklessness with which he ignores his doctor's advice) he won't miss his own funeral in church!!
I'm no stranger to adolescent rebels. One daughter who won't be named, you know who you are!, told me, "I'm not a Catholic, I'll never be a Catholic, I won't go to church now or ever." I looked her in the eyes and declared, "You WILL go to church with the rest of us. You may not ever go to church when you're grown-up but you will know what you reject!" Several others chose to be Sunday school teachers. I won't say all of my adult children go to church regularly but I'm not accountable now - they are! In my heart, I know I tried my best!
I've met so many folks who painfully regret giving their children the choice whether or not they want to come to church. I've never met a single person who regretted bringing their child to church!
What about YOU? When the time comes, wouldn't you rather be recognized as being someone who often came to God's house or someone to whom God says, "Hey, who are you?"
Lord, these were my Sunday Thoughts. I wish every single person could be a member of my wonderful church! I wish every single member of our large parish could attend the same service! I wish we could have a big lunch every Sunday and stay there all day! Anyway, thank You for letting me to come visit you!
This is concerning a different kind of choice, the choice some parents give their children over which church to attend (as if all religions were equal and generic!). These parents don't bring their children to church, if they go themselves but let everyone know how 'fair' and 'modern' and 'progressive' they are by such lack of parenting.
Let's get really close to reality here: if children are NOT REGULARLY brought to church or temple WITH their parents, most of them will NEVER go to ANY church or temple, NEVER! Is this what you want?? There is no other way! Our children may or may not follow in our footsteps, but if we don't walk, there won't be any footsteps! If our faith is not important enough to bring our children, they won't care at all about any faith life.
1. Church is NOT entertainment. We are there to worship God, our creator.
2. Children will behave in church if we EXPECT them to behave after engaging in kind but firm discipline for all their young lives.
3. Yes, it may seem awkward to 'church shop,' try to find a church at which you feel welcome. Keep searching. Pray for a clear choice. You will find your home!
4. Do you think that you won't go to church because you hate to dress up and/or don't have 'fine' clothes? That's not at all what it's about! There's a delightful couple that sits in front of me on Sundays, sometimes bring in their motorcycle helmets and put them on the seats. So what! It's not a fashion show! (Although after church today some of us friends were saying that we wish the young people wouldn't come in shorts.)
4. One very important reason for regular church attendance is WITNESS. We help each other in our faith lives if we are in this together. We make friends. We help them if they need it. They help us if we need it. Faith sharing and praying together is immensely benefiting to all involved.
5. Research has proven over and over again that those who regularly attend church are psychologically healthier and happier. Church matters! Dare we question God's plan?
6. We will be held accountable by God by 100% of our CHOICES!
A friend's father was regularly brought to church by his parents until he was 14 years old. Then he was the oh-so-typical adolescent rebel. He whined that he didn't want to go to church. It was old-fashioned and boring! His parents didn't have the guts (pardon my no-nonsense candor, some things should never be glazed over!) to tell him, "we think it's very important. You need to come with us." So now he only attends church for family and friends' weddings and baptisms. It's a sure bet (and probably will happen soon, judging by the recklessness with which he ignores his doctor's advice) he won't miss his own funeral in church!!
I'm no stranger to adolescent rebels. One daughter who won't be named, you know who you are!, told me, "I'm not a Catholic, I'll never be a Catholic, I won't go to church now or ever." I looked her in the eyes and declared, "You WILL go to church with the rest of us. You may not ever go to church when you're grown-up but you will know what you reject!" Several others chose to be Sunday school teachers. I won't say all of my adult children go to church regularly but I'm not accountable now - they are! In my heart, I know I tried my best!
I've met so many folks who painfully regret giving their children the choice whether or not they want to come to church. I've never met a single person who regretted bringing their child to church!
What about YOU? When the time comes, wouldn't you rather be recognized as being someone who often came to God's house or someone to whom God says, "Hey, who are you?"
Lord, these were my Sunday Thoughts. I wish every single person could be a member of my wonderful church! I wish every single member of our large parish could attend the same service! I wish we could have a big lunch every Sunday and stay there all day! Anyway, thank You for letting me to come visit you!
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Healing Words
After the blog, "Sticks and Stones" on June 19, 2014, mentioned how words and also the way you say them, can hurt others, I thought I'd mention a few healing words.
1. "I Love You" must be the most exciting and healing of all expressions! Many find it extremely hard to say. Some folks claim that "my wife (or my husband or my child) knows I love her. I don't need to say it." Wrong! I think it would be difficult to say these words too often, if said sincerely.
2. "I'm sorry." Again, some folks find it very hard to admit they were wrong about anything. If you are one of the folks and need to express that you really are sorry about what you've done, practice saying this out loud to yourself. Then say it to the person you offended. "I'm sorry" works miracles!
3. "You were right." Wow! Most of us could count the number of times we've heard this on the fingers of one hand! Be big enough to give credit where it is due.
4. "Let me help you." These are wonderful words to hear if we actually could use a helping hand.
5. "I appreciate that very much." Another expression seldom heard.
6. "It's OK." This is a small token which may mean a lot to a hurting person.
7. "Thank you!" Always appropriate if a kindness has been extended or a gift given.
It is said that kind words are repeated over and over in our thoughts, once we hear them. Imagine the warm feelings that result from any of these words! What other "Healing Words" can you share with us?
Lord God, I love you. You were right. I'm sorry I offended you. Thank you for everything!
1. "I Love You" must be the most exciting and healing of all expressions! Many find it extremely hard to say. Some folks claim that "my wife (or my husband or my child) knows I love her. I don't need to say it." Wrong! I think it would be difficult to say these words too often, if said sincerely.
2. "I'm sorry." Again, some folks find it very hard to admit they were wrong about anything. If you are one of the folks and need to express that you really are sorry about what you've done, practice saying this out loud to yourself. Then say it to the person you offended. "I'm sorry" works miracles!
3. "You were right." Wow! Most of us could count the number of times we've heard this on the fingers of one hand! Be big enough to give credit where it is due.
4. "Let me help you." These are wonderful words to hear if we actually could use a helping hand.
5. "I appreciate that very much." Another expression seldom heard.
6. "It's OK." This is a small token which may mean a lot to a hurting person.
7. "Thank you!" Always appropriate if a kindness has been extended or a gift given.
It is said that kind words are repeated over and over in our thoughts, once we hear them. Imagine the warm feelings that result from any of these words! What other "Healing Words" can you share with us?
Lord God, I love you. You were right. I'm sorry I offended you. Thank you for everything!
Friday, June 27, 2014
Gift from the Skies
As I went out to retrieve the morning newspaper today, I noticed how dry and gray my lawn looked. "I really don't want to start watering the grass already," I sighed, "it gets so expensive."
In the middle of the afternoon, my prayers were amply answered by an unusually heavy rainfall. It just fell out of the clouds! At least there was no thunder and even patches of blue skies were visible.
Something beautiful happened, something new in my cul-de-sac. Five neighbor children, ages approximately 6 to 8, ran outside and started playing, enjoying the downpour. Someone brought a bat and someone else brought a bright yellow tennis ball and they made their own rules. Mostly, though, they just relished in getting totally wet, even kicking off their flip-flops. As the road became slightly flooded, they giggled, squeaked, and behaved like - children!
I remember my would-be-farmer Daddy saying that rain was better for yards and plants then just 'city water' because the rain had 'minerals.' Lots of minerals today!
It was kind of noisy, grabbed my attention, so I just turned my kitchen chair around to watch the show and put up my feet on the windowsill (for the first time). I sipped a cup of coffee and then went back to the cupboard for 2 graham crackers. Why not!
Several birds leaped around in the puddle gathered in the low part of the patio. The big drops made circles in the puddles. It was kind of pretty.
I guess God cleaned the world today! When we were scared of thunder and lightning, my mom would tell my brothers and me that "the angels are bowling up in heaven" and that's what I told my children. Our street had ditches lining both sides of the sidewalk-less, curb-less road, and the rain would quickly collect every time it came. In the summers, ALL of the children, the many children on the street, would automatically put on their bathing suits and run up and down the street in the ditches.
The sun chased away the clouds and the deluge stopped as suddenly as it had started!
Praise you, Lord, for the rain and praise you, Lord, for the children!
In the middle of the afternoon, my prayers were amply answered by an unusually heavy rainfall. It just fell out of the clouds! At least there was no thunder and even patches of blue skies were visible.
Something beautiful happened, something new in my cul-de-sac. Five neighbor children, ages approximately 6 to 8, ran outside and started playing, enjoying the downpour. Someone brought a bat and someone else brought a bright yellow tennis ball and they made their own rules. Mostly, though, they just relished in getting totally wet, even kicking off their flip-flops. As the road became slightly flooded, they giggled, squeaked, and behaved like - children!
I remember my would-be-farmer Daddy saying that rain was better for yards and plants then just 'city water' because the rain had 'minerals.' Lots of minerals today!
It was kind of noisy, grabbed my attention, so I just turned my kitchen chair around to watch the show and put up my feet on the windowsill (for the first time). I sipped a cup of coffee and then went back to the cupboard for 2 graham crackers. Why not!
Several birds leaped around in the puddle gathered in the low part of the patio. The big drops made circles in the puddles. It was kind of pretty.
I guess God cleaned the world today! When we were scared of thunder and lightning, my mom would tell my brothers and me that "the angels are bowling up in heaven" and that's what I told my children. Our street had ditches lining both sides of the sidewalk-less, curb-less road, and the rain would quickly collect every time it came. In the summers, ALL of the children, the many children on the street, would automatically put on their bathing suits and run up and down the street in the ditches.
The sun chased away the clouds and the deluge stopped as suddenly as it had started!
Praise you, Lord, for the rain and praise you, Lord, for the children!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Blue Cats
Thousands of years ago, God in heaven gathered a particular group of people, the Israelites, to be His special people. He gave them the Ten Commandments to guide their behavior. He loved them and brought them out of slavery in Egypt and gave them the Promised Land. All He expected in return from them was allegiance to His Commandments.
The First Commandment is: "I am the Lord, Your God, do not have strange gods before me." Yet time and time again, the chosen people followed the practices of the pagans around them and made gods out of gold and worshiped them. They were particularly fond of making Golden Calves. They repeatedly tried God's patience with these "idols."
Many of us in Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A., have our own brand of idol, a big Blue Cat, that we worship. We spend lots of time talking about the University of Kentucky basketball team, the Wildcats. We watch all their games on TV or go to watch in person. For much of the year, everything Coach Cal or any team member does is a topic of conversation among all of us. We love our 'Cats!'
You can imagine the number of people who have whole rooms in their homes FULL of anything that has a blue and white Kentucky Wildcats symbol on it. There are a few homes in town with exteriors obviously modeled after the blue and white colors. I'm not knocking this - indeed, the coach of the Lady Wildcats, Matthew Mitchell, spoke at my church's Women's Guild; I wore my blue U.K. Cats sweater, naturally, and I asked him to sign it with a permanent marker.
Most Lexington residents and many around Kentucky and even the U.S.A. get really, REALLY excited watching the U.K. basketball team, especially when they're winning, which they frequently do. Several years ago, I was working at a local hospital when the Cats were playing the University of Louisville Cardinals basketball team. This was a critical game! My male colleague was from Michigan and he asked, "What's all the fuss about? This is just a ball game." I set him straight, explained to him how it was around here, "Look, this game is NOT just between two basketball teams. It's between the Cats and me and the Cardinals and my Louisville relatives for bragging rights for the whole next year!" I think he understood then why the game was on in all of the patients' rooms and why we snatched looks at the game when we passed their rooms or went in them.
The U.K. Cats won that game! The whole city celebrated. We were worried that the game was so important and the team put so much of themselves into winning it that the NCAA tournament would be less important to them and they'd lose it. That was the year they went on to win the tournament.
It's amazing to me that when I was visiting in Hilton Head Island the past two years, in February, and wore my big U.K. sweat jacket, so many people came up to me on the beach and cheered for the Cats!
Yet, I try to keep a proper perspective on all the 'Blue Madness,' we have around central Kentucky. I'm thinking of a 'test' to see if what a person worships is God or if it is something else. I suggest that we count the number of religious images around our homes and the number of 'team' images. The one with the greater number probably is what we think is most important.
And, yes, there are folks who in reality substitute an athletic team(s) or computer games or shopping addiction or even a person and devote so much time to it that they are worshiping an IDOL, a god substitute. Let's just call it what it is!
IDOL worship is not good! Our God in Heaven, our creator, the one who loves us more than any person could, deserves our worship and our witness.
Lord God, we want to make You Number One in our lives. We want to return a part of that love You have for us!
The First Commandment is: "I am the Lord, Your God, do not have strange gods before me." Yet time and time again, the chosen people followed the practices of the pagans around them and made gods out of gold and worshiped them. They were particularly fond of making Golden Calves. They repeatedly tried God's patience with these "idols."
Many of us in Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A., have our own brand of idol, a big Blue Cat, that we worship. We spend lots of time talking about the University of Kentucky basketball team, the Wildcats. We watch all their games on TV or go to watch in person. For much of the year, everything Coach Cal or any team member does is a topic of conversation among all of us. We love our 'Cats!'
You can imagine the number of people who have whole rooms in their homes FULL of anything that has a blue and white Kentucky Wildcats symbol on it. There are a few homes in town with exteriors obviously modeled after the blue and white colors. I'm not knocking this - indeed, the coach of the Lady Wildcats, Matthew Mitchell, spoke at my church's Women's Guild; I wore my blue U.K. Cats sweater, naturally, and I asked him to sign it with a permanent marker.
Most Lexington residents and many around Kentucky and even the U.S.A. get really, REALLY excited watching the U.K. basketball team, especially when they're winning, which they frequently do. Several years ago, I was working at a local hospital when the Cats were playing the University of Louisville Cardinals basketball team. This was a critical game! My male colleague was from Michigan and he asked, "What's all the fuss about? This is just a ball game." I set him straight, explained to him how it was around here, "Look, this game is NOT just between two basketball teams. It's between the Cats and me and the Cardinals and my Louisville relatives for bragging rights for the whole next year!" I think he understood then why the game was on in all of the patients' rooms and why we snatched looks at the game when we passed their rooms or went in them.
The U.K. Cats won that game! The whole city celebrated. We were worried that the game was so important and the team put so much of themselves into winning it that the NCAA tournament would be less important to them and they'd lose it. That was the year they went on to win the tournament.
It's amazing to me that when I was visiting in Hilton Head Island the past two years, in February, and wore my big U.K. sweat jacket, so many people came up to me on the beach and cheered for the Cats!
Yet, I try to keep a proper perspective on all the 'Blue Madness,' we have around central Kentucky. I'm thinking of a 'test' to see if what a person worships is God or if it is something else. I suggest that we count the number of religious images around our homes and the number of 'team' images. The one with the greater number probably is what we think is most important.
And, yes, there are folks who in reality substitute an athletic team(s) or computer games or shopping addiction or even a person and devote so much time to it that they are worshiping an IDOL, a god substitute. Let's just call it what it is!
IDOL worship is not good! Our God in Heaven, our creator, the one who loves us more than any person could, deserves our worship and our witness.
Lord God, we want to make You Number One in our lives. We want to return a part of that love You have for us!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
He's Got a Ticket to Ride!
This morning I attended a most excellent conference on "Marriage" given by a prominent local female attorney, Lavinia Spirito, and a prominent local female physician, Dr. Nancy Mullen. There was much food for thought in defense of traditional marriage of one man to one woman. I would like to share every word said with you, but that is not possible in such a small item as a blog. (Plus, I would need to ask permission!)
Then I heard the late Karen Carpenter sing a Beatle's song, "Ticket to Ride," and I knew I should share a few key points about the current practice of Cohabitation by unmarried couples. First, the words to part of the song, to refresh your memories.
Then I heard the late Karen Carpenter sing a Beatle's song, "Ticket to Ride," and I knew I should share a few key points about the current practice of Cohabitation by unmarried couples. First, the words to part of the song, to refresh your memories.
Ticket to Ride
I think I'm gonna be sad
I think it's today, yeah,
The boy that's drivin' me mad is goin' away.
He's got a ticket to ride . . .
But he don't care.
He said that livin' with me
Is bringin' him down, yeah,
For he would never be free
When I was around. . .
He's got a ticket to ride. . .
But he don't care.
I don't know why he's ridin' so high
He oughta think twice
He oughta do right by me.
Before he gets to saying goodbye
He oughta think twice
He oughta do right by me. . .
The Beatles probably didn't have cohabitation in mind (who knows?) when they did this song but the words remind us: cohabitation is nothing more than both people USING each other ONLY FOR PLEASURE; and then, when one wants to be FREE, he or she leaves. Today's young people say, "What's wrong, everybody's doing it?" Yet when one person can leave a relationship at any moment, it cries loudly that there is NO caring present!
Another reason given for suddenly and prematurely moving in together includes "I want to see what I'm getting before I commit to marriage." The facts are that the divorce rate is 60% higher for couples that have co-habited before marriage. There is a trend in cohabiting women having an increasing higher number of turnovers in 'lovers.' The result is increasing domestic violence. The greatest danger to a young girl is violence from her mother's live-in boyfriend. Another fact is that with each subsequent boyfriend, a woman sets her expectations lower in the 'quality' or 'character' of a man she'll live with. Mrs. Spirito declared what we know to be true, "Women have the most to lose!"
All understanding leaves me on the several occasions I've heard when parents have let their adult (or once, teenage!) daughter bring her boyfriend home to live in their home! What happened to the old maxim, "You need to be able to support yourself first before you even think of supporting the two of you?" Why support a bum!! Would you let your daughter be 'used' in your own home? Risk the bum giving her one or more STDs? People I've known who have done this explained, "Well, she'll do it anyway. This way she'll be safe." Really?
Bottom line: we parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends of the family need to have great relationships with all our young people. We need to discuss with them all the 'cons' against cohabitation. There are no arguments in favor of this heinous practice!
Lord, we know we are in challenging times where many would totally obliterate all moral constraints! Help us always follow your tried-and-true commandments - always the best 'practice!' And let us never give up on our young people!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Three Blessings!
While I was away on my vacation, daughter #2, Carole, kindly came over and watered my flowers and tomato plants on the days it didn't rain. They were doing very well when I returned yesterday! Today, I picked two of the cherry tomatoes! They were the first I harvested.
Then I looked up in my own mimosa tree and noticed the bright pink puffs had started blooming! It is so spectacular when fully blooming. It will bloom for another month.
 |
| My favorite Mimosa Tree, blooming two years ago. |
Father Gino begins our tour of Christ the King Cathedral in the center aisle. From left are Harriet, Linda, Leone, and Rosemary with Father Gino.
The beautiful Holy Spirit window is above the Bapistry Pool.
The new large Baptistry Pool.
The Cathedral was dedicated in 1966.
The new Altar area with Tabernacle and all the new pipes for the new organ.
Double doors to our new Adoration Chapel.
Father Gino explains the differences among the three Holy Oils.
Father also shows us the O'Neil Center, the parish office building, including his office, above. We get to meet Carson, his very well-behaved dog.
The Fine Friends: (left) Rosemary, Jan/me, Linda, Leone, and Harriet at the First Watch restaurant, Lexington, Kentucky, 6/24/14.
The last blessing of this great day: a bountiful rain to refresh our dry-looking lawns!
Praise you, Lord, for all the blessings of today and always!
Monday, June 23, 2014
Would You Help?
Last week two elderly folks of my acquaintance were involved in a terrible car wreck. The husband suffered broken bones and is in serious condition. The wife got badly bruised and is in guarded condition. Due to their previous fragile condition, they may not survive. Of course, they are hospitalized.
What happened in the wreck? The husband was driving and ran into another car. He does not remember doing this. The entire family - their children, grandchildren, and close friends - agree that neither of them should EVER DRIVE AGAIN. They also agree that "Dad will fight us. So will Mom. They want to go where they want, when they want to."
This issue may be The Primary Issue between the generations. Why do old folks so fear loss of independence?
Meet Lucy Yocum (her real name). A former nun, Lucy had left her order during her forties and lived in a trailer by herself. I met her when she was in her eighties. Before that, I had seen her going everywhere in our small town on her three-wheeled bicycle, in all kinds of weather. My family called her "Super Granny." Come to find out, Lucy went to my church.
When Lucy was in her early nineties, my friend, Joyce, who lived close to Lucy, asked me if I would alternate with her in taking Lucy to Mass every other week. I was very happy to do so. Most weeks, I would stay and chat for a while after I had driven her home.
Time went on and Lucy passed away at age 95. This was a real success story. Lucy lived a long life and received help when it was offered, and died peacefully in her sleep.
My dear Dad, Reuben, was a horrible driver, absolutely a danger to humanity. The last time he and Mom visited us in our town of Danville, Kentucky, we (dad, mom, my two youngest daughters and myself) were riding with Dad driving a rented car. Two blocks into the ride, I advised Dad, who was going too fast, "Dad, there's a stop sign!" He stopped. A little bit farther, "Dad, you're on the wrong side of the road!" He then drove on the right side. Yet a little bit farther, Dad looked in the back seat and snapped, "You're all quiet. What's the matter? Are you all saying your Hail Marys?" We didn't have far to go that time.
Another time, my youngest three daughters and I were visiting Dad and Mom on the east coast. We rode one time with Dad and it scared us all. I promised my daughters, "You will NEVER have to ride with Grandpa again." And I kept the promise.
I asked my Mom, "Why don't you take away Dad's (car) keys? One of these days, he's going to kill somebody and maybe himself and you. Do you want that on your conscience?" Mom was a mild, mellow person who never raised her voice at me. She became furious and shot at me, "Do you mean you want ME to drive him everywhere?" I told her, "Yes." Mom was angry and snarled, "You will no longer be my friend if you want me to do that." As the visit was almost over, we left it at that. The girls and I left the next day.
Years before, when they lived on the west coast, I was chatting with Dad on the phone. "The insurance company told me if I had one more wreck, they'd take away my insurance," he informed. Then, I had to ask, "Dad, what happened?" "Oh, I just rear-ended two cars on the same day," he blithely stated. I could go on with his driving mishaps.
Oh, just one more report: Mom, Dad, and I were driving on a California road when I visited them by myself. He was doing fairly well that day. The car needed gas and we were stopped, ready to turn left on a two-lane road. Traffic was heavy; we waited and waited. Finally, Dad stepped on the gas hard, screeched in front of a driver who had to slam on his brakes and lean on the horn. We almost were wiped out! Dad calmly pulled into the gas station beside the pump. Mom and I were too terrified to say a word. Dad got out of the car and shut his door. Together, Mom and I let out deep sighs of relief!
"Mom, he almost got us killed. He must have used up two guardian angels back there," I whispered. "Heck, he's already used up about twenty-nine guardian angels!" Mom replied.
Was this a success story because he never killed anyone? No! He should have not been permitted to endanger the rest of us.
I know older folks hate to be dependent on others to go to church, to their doctor's, to the grocery, etc. But, you know what: many people feel it is a privilege to help others. In every case I know, these older folks have worked very hard their whole lives and have been the helpers. But they don't want anyone to help them when they need it! I say, give others the good feeling, the rare feeling, of being able to help you if you need help!! The elderly couple first mentioned above have many family members who would be pleased to help them go anywhere.
If you're blessed to have one or both of your parents still living, it might be good to have a conversation about driving before one becomes a danger! You may save lives!! And then please have guts enough to take the keys away when one is an obvious hazard.
Our Lord, we pray, it is hard to admit there will come a time we need to rely on others. Please help us gracefully agree to be dependent on those who love us enough to help us when we need help. For now, make sure we don't forget to help all those who need our help!
What happened in the wreck? The husband was driving and ran into another car. He does not remember doing this. The entire family - their children, grandchildren, and close friends - agree that neither of them should EVER DRIVE AGAIN. They also agree that "Dad will fight us. So will Mom. They want to go where they want, when they want to."
This issue may be The Primary Issue between the generations. Why do old folks so fear loss of independence?
Meet Lucy Yocum (her real name). A former nun, Lucy had left her order during her forties and lived in a trailer by herself. I met her when she was in her eighties. Before that, I had seen her going everywhere in our small town on her three-wheeled bicycle, in all kinds of weather. My family called her "Super Granny." Come to find out, Lucy went to my church.
When Lucy was in her early nineties, my friend, Joyce, who lived close to Lucy, asked me if I would alternate with her in taking Lucy to Mass every other week. I was very happy to do so. Most weeks, I would stay and chat for a while after I had driven her home.
Time went on and Lucy passed away at age 95. This was a real success story. Lucy lived a long life and received help when it was offered, and died peacefully in her sleep.
My dear Dad, Reuben, was a horrible driver, absolutely a danger to humanity. The last time he and Mom visited us in our town of Danville, Kentucky, we (dad, mom, my two youngest daughters and myself) were riding with Dad driving a rented car. Two blocks into the ride, I advised Dad, who was going too fast, "Dad, there's a stop sign!" He stopped. A little bit farther, "Dad, you're on the wrong side of the road!" He then drove on the right side. Yet a little bit farther, Dad looked in the back seat and snapped, "You're all quiet. What's the matter? Are you all saying your Hail Marys?" We didn't have far to go that time.
Another time, my youngest three daughters and I were visiting Dad and Mom on the east coast. We rode one time with Dad and it scared us all. I promised my daughters, "You will NEVER have to ride with Grandpa again." And I kept the promise.
I asked my Mom, "Why don't you take away Dad's (car) keys? One of these days, he's going to kill somebody and maybe himself and you. Do you want that on your conscience?" Mom was a mild, mellow person who never raised her voice at me. She became furious and shot at me, "Do you mean you want ME to drive him everywhere?" I told her, "Yes." Mom was angry and snarled, "You will no longer be my friend if you want me to do that." As the visit was almost over, we left it at that. The girls and I left the next day.
Years before, when they lived on the west coast, I was chatting with Dad on the phone. "The insurance company told me if I had one more wreck, they'd take away my insurance," he informed. Then, I had to ask, "Dad, what happened?" "Oh, I just rear-ended two cars on the same day," he blithely stated. I could go on with his driving mishaps.
Oh, just one more report: Mom, Dad, and I were driving on a California road when I visited them by myself. He was doing fairly well that day. The car needed gas and we were stopped, ready to turn left on a two-lane road. Traffic was heavy; we waited and waited. Finally, Dad stepped on the gas hard, screeched in front of a driver who had to slam on his brakes and lean on the horn. We almost were wiped out! Dad calmly pulled into the gas station beside the pump. Mom and I were too terrified to say a word. Dad got out of the car and shut his door. Together, Mom and I let out deep sighs of relief!
"Mom, he almost got us killed. He must have used up two guardian angels back there," I whispered. "Heck, he's already used up about twenty-nine guardian angels!" Mom replied.
Was this a success story because he never killed anyone? No! He should have not been permitted to endanger the rest of us.
I know older folks hate to be dependent on others to go to church, to their doctor's, to the grocery, etc. But, you know what: many people feel it is a privilege to help others. In every case I know, these older folks have worked very hard their whole lives and have been the helpers. But they don't want anyone to help them when they need it! I say, give others the good feeling, the rare feeling, of being able to help you if you need help!! The elderly couple first mentioned above have many family members who would be pleased to help them go anywhere.
If you're blessed to have one or both of your parents still living, it might be good to have a conversation about driving before one becomes a danger! You may save lives!! And then please have guts enough to take the keys away when one is an obvious hazard.
Our Lord, we pray, it is hard to admit there will come a time we need to rely on others. Please help us gracefully agree to be dependent on those who love us enough to help us when we need help. For now, make sure we don't forget to help all those who need our help!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Of Families!
Please note: this was written two months ago and saved as a draft for the time I was too tired to write a 'fresh' blog entry. That is now! My daughter #4, Theresa and I have driven 9 hours from Sanibel Island, Florida, and are staying overnight here in Atlanta, Georgia, so I figure today qualifies!
All those who predict the end of the traditional family - mom, dad, and children - should have been in my church for Easter Mass yesterday! It was such a joyful celebration with so many families packed into the church that there was an overflow auditorium set up! Of course, there were a few single people who came by themselves but they seemed to soon be incorporated into other groups. We all know that this tremendous church attendance happens on the major Christian feasts, Christmas and Easter, and also when tragic events such as 9/11 happen. This is OK! God is thrilled to have anyone come worship him when they can.
It has taken me several years of prayer and thought to reach the conclusion that, in order to protect children, we must promote and protect the traditional family of husband, wife, and children, LEGALLY. The Law is very important to our lives, it is a code of behavior for us all which will be enforced. If a belief or behavior in incorporated into our system of laws, that shows that the majority of us approve it. The United States of America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. If we water this down, try to be one religion-which-fits-all we'll end up with one country-which-won't-fit any!
That's what is happening in our country. In order that ALL points of view are respected, we're ending up with children being demoted, devalued, made last in lives of hedonism and SELF-WORSHIP!
My Sunday thought today is simply that it would help us all if we made sure we were registered to vote, carefully considered the pro-family views of each candidate, then VOTED!
Dear God in heaven, on this, Your Day, please remind us that we need to value traditional families and protect them!
All those who predict the end of the traditional family - mom, dad, and children - should have been in my church for Easter Mass yesterday! It was such a joyful celebration with so many families packed into the church that there was an overflow auditorium set up! Of course, there were a few single people who came by themselves but they seemed to soon be incorporated into other groups. We all know that this tremendous church attendance happens on the major Christian feasts, Christmas and Easter, and also when tragic events such as 9/11 happen. This is OK! God is thrilled to have anyone come worship him when they can.
It has taken me several years of prayer and thought to reach the conclusion that, in order to protect children, we must promote and protect the traditional family of husband, wife, and children, LEGALLY. The Law is very important to our lives, it is a code of behavior for us all which will be enforced. If a belief or behavior in incorporated into our system of laws, that shows that the majority of us approve it. The United States of America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. If we water this down, try to be one religion-which-fits-all we'll end up with one country-which-won't-fit any!
That's what is happening in our country. In order that ALL points of view are respected, we're ending up with children being demoted, devalued, made last in lives of hedonism and SELF-WORSHIP!
My Sunday thought today is simply that it would help us all if we made sure we were registered to vote, carefully considered the pro-family views of each candidate, then VOTED!
Dear God in heaven, on this, Your Day, please remind us that we need to value traditional families and protect them!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Grains of Sand
During this last week at the beach, my thoughts have wandered to basic, ordinary elements: sand, water, clouds. Sometimes a relationship can be like grains of sand in your shoes. At first, you notice something small that is bothering you. But if you let the aggravation continue, it may morph into a pointed rock that cuts you with every step!
Since all of us are not perfectly mature, reasonable, and loving people at every moment of every day, we have to expect that certain habits of others will bother us. To be sure, try as we might, some of our habits will bother those with whom we are the closest.
SO: which stupid, childish, nasty habits of others will we ignore and which will we try to mention to our friend or spouse? First, this is a very delicate matter! If we find some long-standing behavior in another that is absolutely intolerable, we need to plan how and when to discuss things. Directly attacking a person for life-long behavior is unlikely to have the effect we want, namely, that the behavior is immediately stopped. A quiet time to talk over important concerns is optimal.
Secondly, we must contemplate our OPTIONS. There are always a number of options for any situation. If we're ever stuck and can't think of several different ways to solve a problem, we need to talk with someone we trust.
Let's consider the spouse who is either loose with money, spending much too freely on what we consider frivolous items or one who 'forgets' to write down checks written in a joint account resulting in an overdrawn account, perhaps with penalties from the bank.
The wise use of money/income is very important, critical in a marriage! Disaster results if one spouse decides to be or is allowed to be irresponsible.
Although the following option worked for my dear departed grandparents, I would not recommend it: Grandpa gave all of his pay directly to Grandma. She gave him only change for trolley fare to work. Grandma 'stretched' this to meet all necessities and then some. This was clearly necessary in their drastic times of the Great Depression of the 1930s. But then, perhaps in families today in which a spouse has lost a job or been laid off, it might be a good option.
Another way to solve the problem of a spouse who, in reality, is spending irresponsibly, might be separate bank accounts. I have seen two couples literally end up in bankruptcy because of over-spending for years by wives that was not curbed. In another family, the wife is currently the breadwinner and the husband tends to overspend for his 'toys.' She has wisely told him to return some wildly extravagantly items.
Please keep in mind that IT TAKES TWO GROWN-UPS FOR A MARRIAGE TO WORK, LONG-TERM! Grown-ups can reasonably discuss issues that bother them without either attacking or feeling attacked if delicate matters must be addressed.
You men might bring up common practices of your wives that are bothersome, that we women need to work on ending. There is one habit of many husbands that is universally mildly peevish: dropping dirty clothes and wet bathroom towels everywhere. One wife said that early in their marriage, she point-blank told her husband, "Well, I guess your mother never taught you how to pick up after yourself!" This was uncharacteristically sarcastic of her and, I guess, shocked the man into being neat.
One option is always choosing to ignore the offending behavior, you know, don't sweat the small stuff! Only you can decide whether that thing in your shoe is a grain of sand or a boulder!
Dear God, we want to be kind and loving but sometimes need to not be enabling destructive behaviors in those who are important to us. Please give us courage and the right words to say when we need to discuss important issues! We thank you!
Since all of us are not perfectly mature, reasonable, and loving people at every moment of every day, we have to expect that certain habits of others will bother us. To be sure, try as we might, some of our habits will bother those with whom we are the closest.
SO: which stupid, childish, nasty habits of others will we ignore and which will we try to mention to our friend or spouse? First, this is a very delicate matter! If we find some long-standing behavior in another that is absolutely intolerable, we need to plan how and when to discuss things. Directly attacking a person for life-long behavior is unlikely to have the effect we want, namely, that the behavior is immediately stopped. A quiet time to talk over important concerns is optimal.
Secondly, we must contemplate our OPTIONS. There are always a number of options for any situation. If we're ever stuck and can't think of several different ways to solve a problem, we need to talk with someone we trust.
Let's consider the spouse who is either loose with money, spending much too freely on what we consider frivolous items or one who 'forgets' to write down checks written in a joint account resulting in an overdrawn account, perhaps with penalties from the bank.
The wise use of money/income is very important, critical in a marriage! Disaster results if one spouse decides to be or is allowed to be irresponsible.
Although the following option worked for my dear departed grandparents, I would not recommend it: Grandpa gave all of his pay directly to Grandma. She gave him only change for trolley fare to work. Grandma 'stretched' this to meet all necessities and then some. This was clearly necessary in their drastic times of the Great Depression of the 1930s. But then, perhaps in families today in which a spouse has lost a job or been laid off, it might be a good option.
Another way to solve the problem of a spouse who, in reality, is spending irresponsibly, might be separate bank accounts. I have seen two couples literally end up in bankruptcy because of over-spending for years by wives that was not curbed. In another family, the wife is currently the breadwinner and the husband tends to overspend for his 'toys.' She has wisely told him to return some wildly extravagantly items.
Please keep in mind that IT TAKES TWO GROWN-UPS FOR A MARRIAGE TO WORK, LONG-TERM! Grown-ups can reasonably discuss issues that bother them without either attacking or feeling attacked if delicate matters must be addressed.
You men might bring up common practices of your wives that are bothersome, that we women need to work on ending. There is one habit of many husbands that is universally mildly peevish: dropping dirty clothes and wet bathroom towels everywhere. One wife said that early in their marriage, she point-blank told her husband, "Well, I guess your mother never taught you how to pick up after yourself!" This was uncharacteristically sarcastic of her and, I guess, shocked the man into being neat.
One option is always choosing to ignore the offending behavior, you know, don't sweat the small stuff! Only you can decide whether that thing in your shoe is a grain of sand or a boulder!
Dear God, we want to be kind and loving but sometimes need to not be enabling destructive behaviors in those who are important to us. Please give us courage and the right words to say when we need to discuss important issues! We thank you!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Games, #4: TOO Busy!
A GAME is a series of predictable behaviors that lead to predictable, usually dysfunctional outcomes, in which at least two people participate. In plain language, a game is a way of acting that will get the player what he or she wants that is not a happy ending for the others involved.
There is a fine line between working hard so my family can survive and working hard because it feels good to be on lots of committees even though all are "good" causes or being over-involved in kids' or adults' sports teams. I surely can't point fingers on this one because there have been more than a few times I've found myself in this situation.
The game is that a leader of a worthy group concocts a new plan that will raise money or increase participation in the group. The leader asks someone to do the work. It's for a really good cause, right? How can you say, "no?"
Saying "yes" to helping raise money for my children's school P. T. A. group kept me way too busy for a couple of years! Then I took a long, hard look at where the money was going: NOT to directly help any of the children but to give the teachers 'discretionary' money, to spend as they saw fit. Keep in mind this was not in a poor district. The teachers were all well-supplied. I got off the "committee treadmill" when I realized how much time it sucked away from spending time with my own children who were my primary responsibility (and also my primary JOY!).
Yes, many of us are too soft-hearted and find it difficult to say "NO!" To unreasonable requests. At one time, I had to tape a piece of paper with "NO!" on it on my telephone. Those were the days when there was only one phone in the house and it was connected to the wall.
Another time I was way too overworked and over-committed was the two months before I retired last year. There were projects at the hospital and professional nursing group that I needed to see to their conclusions before I left. I didn't feel it would be fair to leave with any 'loose ends.'
There are way too many folks - and even children - who are much too over-committed. They have no time to think and rest if every waking moment is scheduled. How can you get off this autobahn that just keeps speeding faster? Remember First Lady, Nancy Reagan's "War on drugs?" JUST SAY "NO!"
Oh, Lord, please give us the wisdom to agree to work well with fewer 'good causes' and not let our lives descend into the pit of being TOO BUSY! We need time for thought, rest, and, of course, PRAYER!
There is a fine line between working hard so my family can survive and working hard because it feels good to be on lots of committees even though all are "good" causes or being over-involved in kids' or adults' sports teams. I surely can't point fingers on this one because there have been more than a few times I've found myself in this situation.
The game is that a leader of a worthy group concocts a new plan that will raise money or increase participation in the group. The leader asks someone to do the work. It's for a really good cause, right? How can you say, "no?"
Saying "yes" to helping raise money for my children's school P. T. A. group kept me way too busy for a couple of years! Then I took a long, hard look at where the money was going: NOT to directly help any of the children but to give the teachers 'discretionary' money, to spend as they saw fit. Keep in mind this was not in a poor district. The teachers were all well-supplied. I got off the "committee treadmill" when I realized how much time it sucked away from spending time with my own children who were my primary responsibility (and also my primary JOY!).
Yes, many of us are too soft-hearted and find it difficult to say "NO!" To unreasonable requests. At one time, I had to tape a piece of paper with "NO!" on it on my telephone. Those were the days when there was only one phone in the house and it was connected to the wall.
Another time I was way too overworked and over-committed was the two months before I retired last year. There were projects at the hospital and professional nursing group that I needed to see to their conclusions before I left. I didn't feel it would be fair to leave with any 'loose ends.'
There are way too many folks - and even children - who are much too over-committed. They have no time to think and rest if every waking moment is scheduled. How can you get off this autobahn that just keeps speeding faster? Remember First Lady, Nancy Reagan's "War on drugs?" JUST SAY "NO!"
Oh, Lord, please give us the wisdom to agree to work well with fewer 'good causes' and not let our lives descend into the pit of being TOO BUSY! We need time for thought, rest, and, of course, PRAYER!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Sticks and Stones
WHO are the most trusted professionals? Overwhelmingly, since the surveys have been tabulated, it is NURSES. Why is that? I, personally, feel it is because we nurses are taught to be such good communicators.
When I enrolled in nursing school in 1990, I thought I would need to choose a subject in which to minor. I was laughed at! I was informed, "You won't have time to minor in anything else. Besides, there is a built-in minor in COMMUNICATION. They were correct: various communication topics were part of nearly every course.
What I'm thinking about today is how we connect with others using gestures, tone of voice, and facial expressions. The meaning of what we want to say may be totally changed by HOW we say it.
A long time ago, I was trying to teach my children that despite the little childhood rhyme, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!", that words can hurt terribly. I took our youngest, only several months old at the time, lovingly into my arms. I smiled and repeated over and over, as sweetly as I could, "You are the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The baby smiled back at me and didn't stop smiling. The words I said were useless, unnecessary. The older ones seemed very impressed.
Let's face it: some folks just don't know how to communicate with others. They act as if the words they say convey 100% of the meaning they intend. Not much could be farther from the truth! The primary way we communicate is through BODY LANGUAGE. Yes, our body posture is important, our eye contact, or lack of it, is important, and our tone of voice is important. But MOST important is the SINCERITY of our voice.
Do we sound sarcastic? Sarcasm is nothing more than thinly veiled HATE! Do we sound arrogant? Do we, in our heart of hearts, really feel we are better than the rest of humanity? Do we feel that we know more than everyone else (at least everything worth knowing)? Do we sound like we really don't believe the other person? Despite the words we use, are we telling LIES?
All this KILLS communication! It is like doubling up your fist and hitting someone as hard as you can! It is a supreme insult! It is extremely hurtful.
We can all, for the rest of our lives, improve the way we connect with others in our lives. Do we want to be LOVING? Then perhaps we can watch ourselves, and the effect we have on others, more carefully.
Dear Lord, you know how hard it is for us to break habits, particularly if they're bad habits. But we really, really want to be caring and loving. Teach us, we ask you today, to be the first one to reach out, the first one to forgive, like You did.
When I enrolled in nursing school in 1990, I thought I would need to choose a subject in which to minor. I was laughed at! I was informed, "You won't have time to minor in anything else. Besides, there is a built-in minor in COMMUNICATION. They were correct: various communication topics were part of nearly every course.
What I'm thinking about today is how we connect with others using gestures, tone of voice, and facial expressions. The meaning of what we want to say may be totally changed by HOW we say it.
A long time ago, I was trying to teach my children that despite the little childhood rhyme, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!", that words can hurt terribly. I took our youngest, only several months old at the time, lovingly into my arms. I smiled and repeated over and over, as sweetly as I could, "You are the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The baby smiled back at me and didn't stop smiling. The words I said were useless, unnecessary. The older ones seemed very impressed.
Let's face it: some folks just don't know how to communicate with others. They act as if the words they say convey 100% of the meaning they intend. Not much could be farther from the truth! The primary way we communicate is through BODY LANGUAGE. Yes, our body posture is important, our eye contact, or lack of it, is important, and our tone of voice is important. But MOST important is the SINCERITY of our voice.
Do we sound sarcastic? Sarcasm is nothing more than thinly veiled HATE! Do we sound arrogant? Do we, in our heart of hearts, really feel we are better than the rest of humanity? Do we feel that we know more than everyone else (at least everything worth knowing)? Do we sound like we really don't believe the other person? Despite the words we use, are we telling LIES?
All this KILLS communication! It is like doubling up your fist and hitting someone as hard as you can! It is a supreme insult! It is extremely hurtful.
We can all, for the rest of our lives, improve the way we connect with others in our lives. Do we want to be LOVING? Then perhaps we can watch ourselves, and the effect we have on others, more carefully.
Dear Lord, you know how hard it is for us to break habits, particularly if they're bad habits. But we really, really want to be caring and loving. Teach us, we ask you today, to be the first one to reach out, the first one to forgive, like You did.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Shunning
Yesterday, I received an e-mail from an old college girlfriend, Tracey. I hadn't heard from her in a very long time. It brought to mind a conversation she and I had many years ago. This took place in the 1970's, when The Feminist movement was at its loudest, most militant height. Tracey and I were/are Catholics. Catholics believe it is wrong to directly murder unborn babies by abortion. At that time, at least, feminists wholeheartedly promoted killing babies by abortion for their own supposed 'freedom.' Yet, Tracey was a feminist. She asked me, "Well, I guess you won't want to speak to me any more, now that you know I'm a feminist, right?" I didn't even have to think. I responded, "Tracey, if two friends such as you and I can't talk together, there is no hope for world peace!"
Yet there are many who would totally cut off contact with another who had beliefs opposing their own beliefs. This is called "shunning." It is done, in part, to prevent 'contamination' of a community's beliefs. The Mormon and old Shaker churches practice this, and also some of the fundamentalist Christian groups.
Perhaps you have seen a TV or movie drama: "You are no longer my son (or daughter). I never want to see you again."
My Catholic friend, Pauline, mentioned, "Why is it that Catholics always welcome you with smiles and open arms if you convert to be a Catholic, but if you convert from a Catholic to another religion, they SHUN you?" I told Pauline, "I don't know, that doesn't make sense." Her family turned her away, but that is the only instance I've ever heard of this happening in my many years of being a Catholic. Pauline explained, "I just thought it would be good for the children if me and my husband were the same religion."
Being shunned, especially by those you love must be very painful. To me, shunning just seems like old-fashioned HATE! And, we can't forget, hate always harms the one doing the hating more than the one being hated!
Our Dear Lord, You never shunned anyone, not even the worst sinners or even horribly disfigured lepers. Please help us become equally loving and accepting to all we meet!
Yet there are many who would totally cut off contact with another who had beliefs opposing their own beliefs. This is called "shunning." It is done, in part, to prevent 'contamination' of a community's beliefs. The Mormon and old Shaker churches practice this, and also some of the fundamentalist Christian groups.
Perhaps you have seen a TV or movie drama: "You are no longer my son (or daughter). I never want to see you again."
My Catholic friend, Pauline, mentioned, "Why is it that Catholics always welcome you with smiles and open arms if you convert to be a Catholic, but if you convert from a Catholic to another religion, they SHUN you?" I told Pauline, "I don't know, that doesn't make sense." Her family turned her away, but that is the only instance I've ever heard of this happening in my many years of being a Catholic. Pauline explained, "I just thought it would be good for the children if me and my husband were the same religion."
Being shunned, especially by those you love must be very painful. To me, shunning just seems like old-fashioned HATE! And, we can't forget, hate always harms the one doing the hating more than the one being hated!
Our Dear Lord, You never shunned anyone, not even the worst sinners or even horribly disfigured lepers. Please help us become equally loving and accepting to all we meet!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Needing a Man
In the fifties and earlier, we could pretty much assume that a women's identity was tied to her husband. Nearly all married women - and nearly all men and women were married back then - were homemakers, except in the dire circumstance that the husband became disabled. Women prided themselves that they could 'stretch' their husbands' incomes to get what the family needed. Since time for humans began, women needed men TO SURVIVE.
In our era, that is no longer the situation: most women in America, at least, can virtually have the life they choose and work for, without benefit of a man. Yet there are still some women who must always have a man in their lives - not necessarily a man they love, but ANY MAN - just to keep themselves from being lonely.
These women have serial marriages or serial co-habits. And, to be sure, there are also plenty of men in this lifestyle. Why must they unthinkingly, unfailingly do this? I propose that they have NEVER MET THEMSELVES! They have grown up with NO SILENCE in their lives, none at all! They must always have music or TV or some 'noise' or else they start getting anxious. They never have had the opportunity to THINK! It is most sad, even pitiful, that they have no depth to their personalities. Perhaps we could call these individuals, "surface people." What do you think? Does this make sense?
It has happened so many times, a person gets divorced and remarried (or starts yet another co-habit) within the same year. Last fall, I met a man who divorced after a long marriage and was remarried within the SAME MONTH! Is he happy now? I'm not certain, but he was very lonely in a small apartment and even bought a dog to try to ease the quiet.
What could you do if you find yourself alone, perhaps for the first time you remember? Please, please, take the time to get to know yourself well! Make some quiet time for yourself every day. Get to know what you like to do and what you don't like. Take stock of your talents. What are your possible goals in life? What would you most like to do? How can you accomplish this? Make lists. You won't regret this soul-searching! It might change your life!
In time you may meet someone with whom you would love to spend the rest of your life. But you need to become friends first.
Dear Lord, help us learn to take our time in developing our most important relationships. Please help us relax and enjoy life!
In our era, that is no longer the situation: most women in America, at least, can virtually have the life they choose and work for, without benefit of a man. Yet there are still some women who must always have a man in their lives - not necessarily a man they love, but ANY MAN - just to keep themselves from being lonely.
These women have serial marriages or serial co-habits. And, to be sure, there are also plenty of men in this lifestyle. Why must they unthinkingly, unfailingly do this? I propose that they have NEVER MET THEMSELVES! They have grown up with NO SILENCE in their lives, none at all! They must always have music or TV or some 'noise' or else they start getting anxious. They never have had the opportunity to THINK! It is most sad, even pitiful, that they have no depth to their personalities. Perhaps we could call these individuals, "surface people." What do you think? Does this make sense?
It has happened so many times, a person gets divorced and remarried (or starts yet another co-habit) within the same year. Last fall, I met a man who divorced after a long marriage and was remarried within the SAME MONTH! Is he happy now? I'm not certain, but he was very lonely in a small apartment and even bought a dog to try to ease the quiet.
What could you do if you find yourself alone, perhaps for the first time you remember? Please, please, take the time to get to know yourself well! Make some quiet time for yourself every day. Get to know what you like to do and what you don't like. Take stock of your talents. What are your possible goals in life? What would you most like to do? How can you accomplish this? Make lists. You won't regret this soul-searching! It might change your life!
In time you may meet someone with whom you would love to spend the rest of your life. But you need to become friends first.
Dear Lord, help us learn to take our time in developing our most important relationships. Please help us relax and enjoy life!
Monday, June 16, 2014
In The Interim
After the LOSS, there is a period of recovery. There is no way to predict how long a person needs to rest, regroup, and feel good enough to get back to full engagement with others after a divorce, death of spouse, major job firing or retiring, child or parent's death, or other traumatic life events.
Situation: Gary's wife died after battling ovarian cancer for several years. Gary was mid-forties, tall and good-looking plus was very successful in his business. He had three teen-age boys. On the same day as his wife's funeral, Gary met Karen, an attractive, thirty-ish young professional, divorced with no children.
Gary wanted to start dating immediately. He told Karen, "I just feel like I've turned over the last page of a chapter in my life. Karen wasn't so sure. She didn't want to be the "Interim Woman." Sometimes, it seems, when a person starts dating too soon, the new man or woman actually REMINDS the suffering one of their loss after a while and is 'dumped' before the end of the first year.
Meanwhile, word of Gary's wife's death got out. Single women they had known, even so long ago as high school and college, sent notes of condolence, offers of help, and food. That was all very nice but several came from distant cities and called Gary from the airport with directives like, "I've come to help you with the boys, come and pick me up at the airport." Gary politely declined all offers.
Karen really liked Gary and gently let him know that she would be open to seeing him in a limited way, a couple of times a week. I ran into Gary after about five more months. (I saw Karen frequently.). Gary was befuddled, "She won't even talk about marriage. We're old enough. She says it would be good to wait a year. What can I do?" I answered him, "I guess you'll just have to wait a few more months. Just give her a little more time."
Fast forward six more months. Gary called me, "I think it's been long enough. I've bought a ring. How can I ask her to marry me?" I wasn't about to plan a man' s proposal! I countered with, "I don't know, Gary, but do something spectacular! Women like to be wowed!"
Before long, there was a community event in an auditorium. Gary and Karen were sitting a few rows in front of me. I forgot what the event was, but I didn't forget that when it was over, and we all were starting to leave, a very large banner dropped from the ceiling, "Will you marry me, Karen?"
Everyone who saw the banner grinned. Karen was ecstatic! She turned to Gary and said, "Yes, yes, yes!" Their wedding took place the following month. The next year Karen had a child, a beautiful daughter.
Perhaps those going through losses should keep this couple in mind, and not jump into new, serious relationships too quickly.
Lord God, give us patience, particularly with ourselves, we ask You today.
Please note: pardon my fatigue yesterday! I guess after sharing the driving of almost a thousand miles, it's OK to be tired! I wrote this blog on my travel blog website (www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com) and that one on this website. Sorry!
Situation: Gary's wife died after battling ovarian cancer for several years. Gary was mid-forties, tall and good-looking plus was very successful in his business. He had three teen-age boys. On the same day as his wife's funeral, Gary met Karen, an attractive, thirty-ish young professional, divorced with no children.
Gary wanted to start dating immediately. He told Karen, "I just feel like I've turned over the last page of a chapter in my life. Karen wasn't so sure. She didn't want to be the "Interim Woman." Sometimes, it seems, when a person starts dating too soon, the new man or woman actually REMINDS the suffering one of their loss after a while and is 'dumped' before the end of the first year.
Meanwhile, word of Gary's wife's death got out. Single women they had known, even so long ago as high school and college, sent notes of condolence, offers of help, and food. That was all very nice but several came from distant cities and called Gary from the airport with directives like, "I've come to help you with the boys, come and pick me up at the airport." Gary politely declined all offers.
Karen really liked Gary and gently let him know that she would be open to seeing him in a limited way, a couple of times a week. I ran into Gary after about five more months. (I saw Karen frequently.). Gary was befuddled, "She won't even talk about marriage. We're old enough. She says it would be good to wait a year. What can I do?" I answered him, "I guess you'll just have to wait a few more months. Just give her a little more time."
Fast forward six more months. Gary called me, "I think it's been long enough. I've bought a ring. How can I ask her to marry me?" I wasn't about to plan a man' s proposal! I countered with, "I don't know, Gary, but do something spectacular! Women like to be wowed!"
Before long, there was a community event in an auditorium. Gary and Karen were sitting a few rows in front of me. I forgot what the event was, but I didn't forget that when it was over, and we all were starting to leave, a very large banner dropped from the ceiling, "Will you marry me, Karen?"
Everyone who saw the banner grinned. Karen was ecstatic! She turned to Gary and said, "Yes, yes, yes!" Their wedding took place the following month. The next year Karen had a child, a beautiful daughter.
Perhaps those going through losses should keep this couple in mind, and not jump into new, serious relationships too quickly.
Lord God, give us patience, particularly with ourselves, we ask You today.
Please note: pardon my fatigue yesterday! I guess after sharing the driving of almost a thousand miles, it's OK to be tired! I wrote this blog on my travel blog website (www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com) and that one on this website. Sorry!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
A New World!
This morning, Theresa and I sought out a church, of course, because it's Sunday, The Lord's day. We drove south on I-75 to Gainesville, Florida. The service was extremely inspirational, especially since there was a special speaker and blessings for the fathers.
We pushed on, still due south on I-75, until at 4:40 p.m., we reached our long-awaited destination, SANIBEL ISLAND, FLORIDA! Our suite at Casa Ybel resort faces the ocean on the Gulf side. After unloading the car and parking, we had to walk the beach. It is even better than we have been told: there are so many shells on the beach that in most places, it looks like it has been paved with shells of all sizes!
For a long time after we returned to our new 'home,' we sat on the lanai and just watched and listened to the whisper of the waves. It is quite relaxing!
I hope to figure out the technology new to me to be able to share some of the many photos I took yesterday and today. The island is beyond 'beautiful!'
Praise You and thank You, Lord, for our safe journey today!
We pushed on, still due south on I-75, until at 4:40 p.m., we reached our long-awaited destination, SANIBEL ISLAND, FLORIDA! Our suite at Casa Ybel resort faces the ocean on the Gulf side. After unloading the car and parking, we had to walk the beach. It is even better than we have been told: there are so many shells on the beach that in most places, it looks like it has been paved with shells of all sizes!
For a long time after we returned to our new 'home,' we sat on the lanai and just watched and listened to the whisper of the waves. It is quite relaxing!
I hope to figure out the technology new to me to be able to share some of the many photos I took yesterday and today. The island is beyond 'beautiful!'
Praise You and thank You, Lord, for our safe journey today!
In Praise of Father
I was blessed with the best father a person could have. Reuben was loving, kind, strong, hard-working, stable, fun - I could go on and on. Dad was a career Army man, retired when I was 14, then worked for Civil Service. The only place the family ever went was Germany although Dad traveled the whole world from China to Alaska, throughout America and Europe.
Once, when I was 8, Dad thought I did something major wrong (I actually didn't!) and he calmly told me, "Janice, I'm going to have to spank you. This is going to hurt me more than it'll hurt you." I remember thinking to myself, "No, it won't, old man!" He laid me over his lap then whapped me on the bottom three times with a hairbrush. Mainly, my pride was hurt.
Dad never screamed at me. We never had differences of opinion.
After I grew up, went to college for two years, and was married for a couple of years, I came to recognize that my parents were prejudiced. I was determined to convert Dad to the TRUTH that all people are created equal.
So, Dad and I had long disagreements. We never got mad but Mother thought we were. After several years of these friendly arguments, I could see that I hadn't changed Dad's opinions one whit and that he probably would never change. So I never mentioned it again.
Dad's ambition in life was to become a "Gentleman Farmer." In my early years, he raised a fine garden of flowers and vegetables plus raised baby chickens to adults for our table in a small coop. That was the last time he had anything to do with yard work except cut grass till his mid- eighties. He was not a farmer but Reuben definitely was a gentleman!
Mom and Dad were married for 61 years when she died in 2002. What a wonderful example of a loving marriage they were to me and my three brothers! I know that they had great difficulties in the war years and then around the time I graduated from high school. But they managed to work it out.
Dad fell and broke a hip the next year after Mom died. We realized that he was deep into dementia -
Mom had covered for him for years! Then he died at age 89. I was not ready! I still miss him but know I am incredibly blessed particularly to have had him for so many years.
Dear Father in Heaven, every human deserves both a loving mother and a loving father. Please inspire every mother and father to be the best we can be, full of love, for the results are so lasting!
Once, when I was 8, Dad thought I did something major wrong (I actually didn't!) and he calmly told me, "Janice, I'm going to have to spank you. This is going to hurt me more than it'll hurt you." I remember thinking to myself, "No, it won't, old man!" He laid me over his lap then whapped me on the bottom three times with a hairbrush. Mainly, my pride was hurt.
Dad never screamed at me. We never had differences of opinion.
After I grew up, went to college for two years, and was married for a couple of years, I came to recognize that my parents were prejudiced. I was determined to convert Dad to the TRUTH that all people are created equal.
So, Dad and I had long disagreements. We never got mad but Mother thought we were. After several years of these friendly arguments, I could see that I hadn't changed Dad's opinions one whit and that he probably would never change. So I never mentioned it again.
Dad's ambition in life was to become a "Gentleman Farmer." In my early years, he raised a fine garden of flowers and vegetables plus raised baby chickens to adults for our table in a small coop. That was the last time he had anything to do with yard work except cut grass till his mid- eighties. He was not a farmer but Reuben definitely was a gentleman!
Mom and Dad were married for 61 years when she died in 2002. What a wonderful example of a loving marriage they were to me and my three brothers! I know that they had great difficulties in the war years and then around the time I graduated from high school. But they managed to work it out.
Dad fell and broke a hip the next year after Mom died. We realized that he was deep into dementia -
Mom had covered for him for years! Then he died at age 89. I was not ready! I still miss him but know I am incredibly blessed particularly to have had him for so many years.
Dear Father in Heaven, every human deserves both a loving mother and a loving father. Please inspire every mother and father to be the best we can be, full of love, for the results are so lasting!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Shut Out!
Jodie was a young mother, busy with her children most of the time, as are all parents. She enjoyed a quite active, fun, fulfilling life. There was one 'hole' in her life: she sorely craved more 'just-the-two-of-us' time with her husband, Patrick, whom she dearly loved.
One day, when it was quiet, Jodie told Patrick, "Hon, I wish you and I could go somewhere together, just you and me. We haven't gone out in so long. We don't even have to spend any money. We could just take a walk or something. What do you think?
Patrick thought for half a minute. "No. Why? I don't see the point. No."
This response made Jodie sad. But it didn't devastate her because she knew in her heart that Patrick had withdrawn from their marriage years ago. This was her last attempt to try and have a life with him.
Jodie considered her options, prayerfully. She wanted to do the right thing. Living in a loveless marriage was what she would do, for as long as she could manage it. Sadly, she discovered that his coldness was part of a worse picture of abuse of both her and the children. Eventually, she left Patrick. Truly, the entire family was then better off.
Lord, we pray that we will learn how to spot those who are incapable of love before we tie up our lives with them!
One day, when it was quiet, Jodie told Patrick, "Hon, I wish you and I could go somewhere together, just you and me. We haven't gone out in so long. We don't even have to spend any money. We could just take a walk or something. What do you think?
Patrick thought for half a minute. "No. Why? I don't see the point. No."
This response made Jodie sad. But it didn't devastate her because she knew in her heart that Patrick had withdrawn from their marriage years ago. This was her last attempt to try and have a life with him.
Jodie considered her options, prayerfully. She wanted to do the right thing. Living in a loveless marriage was what she would do, for as long as she could manage it. Sadly, she discovered that his coldness was part of a worse picture of abuse of both her and the children. Eventually, she left Patrick. Truly, the entire family was then better off.
Lord, we pray that we will learn how to spot those who are incapable of love before we tie up our lives with them!
Friday, June 13, 2014
Buddymoon!
Have you heard the latest trend in "Honeymoons?" It's "Buddymoons!" In our new world, the home of sex is now and by-the-way-what's-your-name culture, honeymoons are getting as rare as a black swan!
Whereas 'honeymoons' were formerly the first opportunity a newly married man and wife had to be alone, experience the pleasures of marriage, get to know each other in a new way, and take a nice trip, 'buddymoons' are just another trip after a co-habiting couple decides to get married. The idea of buddymoons is that, if you bring your family and/or friends, they can share the expense and you can have a much more expensive trip.
Heck, it's practical - why not go to Tahiti instead of Virginia Beach? Too bad, though, these couples of the hook-ups and serial co-habits never get to experience the raw excitement of "the first time" when everyone approves and they know it's 'right.' Oh, well - I guess you have to give up a lot to be in touch with the times.
What are your thoughts on 'buddymoons?'
Dear Lord, I should have known - few things are sacred these days! But in my heart, I know You, Lord, are changeless, loving, and sacred. Thank You for being stable, loving, and always there for me. I pray that everyone will come to know this!
Whereas 'honeymoons' were formerly the first opportunity a newly married man and wife had to be alone, experience the pleasures of marriage, get to know each other in a new way, and take a nice trip, 'buddymoons' are just another trip after a co-habiting couple decides to get married. The idea of buddymoons is that, if you bring your family and/or friends, they can share the expense and you can have a much more expensive trip.
Heck, it's practical - why not go to Tahiti instead of Virginia Beach? Too bad, though, these couples of the hook-ups and serial co-habits never get to experience the raw excitement of "the first time" when everyone approves and they know it's 'right.' Oh, well - I guess you have to give up a lot to be in touch with the times.
What are your thoughts on 'buddymoons?'
Dear Lord, I should have known - few things are sacred these days! But in my heart, I know You, Lord, are changeless, loving, and sacred. Thank You for being stable, loving, and always there for me. I pray that everyone will come to know this!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
SO Full of Himself!
A middle-aged (40-ish) male named Jason was in a heated argument with his live-in girlfriend, Sammy. One whose whole head turned pink when he got angry, Jason was almost "as red as a tomato," Sammy reported. "I suppose I might be too much of a pushover," she said, "Jason expects me to work hard both at my job and at home while he does nothing. I means NOTHING! All I wanted was for him to bring his snacky dishes from the family room to the kitchen so I could wash them. Is that too much to ask?"
Sammy just decided to keep the peace, get the dishes herself, and bring them to the kitchen. No big deal. But Jason was mad and didn't stop. He hollered at her, she was lazy, messy, and a terrible mother. That did it for Sammy. "Criticize anything you want about me but don't tell me I'm a bad mother. I try really hard to be a mother," she countered. They both had children from previous marriages. Jason didn't want Sammy's children around at all. Yet he expected that Sammy would accompany him to all his children's sports games.
Sammy vowed to herself that this time he did it, he was toast, she would leave him - for good - for the last time - at her earliest convenience. Jason finished it off with a screaming loud statement, "Any woman in town would be proud to have me!"
Finally, Sammy saw Jason for what he is: a lazy, unloving, poor-excuse-for-a-man person that was just using her for sex. And he has a totally inflated sense of his own worth! He was kind of good-looking, at least he had all his hair, he took good care of his body, lifting weights and all, worked at a nondescript job, but he was mean clear through!
Sammy also mentioned that she was really sorry she spent so much money on him over the 4 years they had been together. "I'd be a rich woman today if it wasn't for that," she realized, "well, not rich but a lot better off than I am now. I'll never get it back." The only thing I could console her with was, "Well, some lessons you learn are expensive."
Never wanting to be an "I-told-you-so" type person because I think it's hurtful and Sammy was hurting enough already, I just reminded myself of how when Sammy jumped into the relationship and left him for the first time, I told her, "You know what, I just hated seeing you tied up with him, wasting your time when you could be looking for someone really nice."
This morning I happened onto a TV talk from a Sociologist talking about how children succeed in life, how they come to get good education and jobs, and have lasting marriages and children. The best chance in life for children is the family in which both mom and dad are married to each other. This was new to me: children in either families in which the wife or husband is not their biological parent OR families in which the woman and man are co-habiting, fare the same AS CHILDREN WITH SINGLE MOMS. Those children end up with less education, more unemployment, fewer jobs with lower pay, may go to jail before they're 30, and will tend to get divorced IF they get married.
Lord in Heaven, we always have so much and so many people to pray for! Besides the usual family, friends, sick ones, today we would like to ask for you to protect children and families. Keep them together, help us promote healthy families any way we can. As always, we thank you for everything!
Sammy just decided to keep the peace, get the dishes herself, and bring them to the kitchen. No big deal. But Jason was mad and didn't stop. He hollered at her, she was lazy, messy, and a terrible mother. That did it for Sammy. "Criticize anything you want about me but don't tell me I'm a bad mother. I try really hard to be a mother," she countered. They both had children from previous marriages. Jason didn't want Sammy's children around at all. Yet he expected that Sammy would accompany him to all his children's sports games.
Sammy vowed to herself that this time he did it, he was toast, she would leave him - for good - for the last time - at her earliest convenience. Jason finished it off with a screaming loud statement, "Any woman in town would be proud to have me!"
Finally, Sammy saw Jason for what he is: a lazy, unloving, poor-excuse-for-a-man person that was just using her for sex. And he has a totally inflated sense of his own worth! He was kind of good-looking, at least he had all his hair, he took good care of his body, lifting weights and all, worked at a nondescript job, but he was mean clear through!
Sammy also mentioned that she was really sorry she spent so much money on him over the 4 years they had been together. "I'd be a rich woman today if it wasn't for that," she realized, "well, not rich but a lot better off than I am now. I'll never get it back." The only thing I could console her with was, "Well, some lessons you learn are expensive."
Never wanting to be an "I-told-you-so" type person because I think it's hurtful and Sammy was hurting enough already, I just reminded myself of how when Sammy jumped into the relationship and left him for the first time, I told her, "You know what, I just hated seeing you tied up with him, wasting your time when you could be looking for someone really nice."
This morning I happened onto a TV talk from a Sociologist talking about how children succeed in life, how they come to get good education and jobs, and have lasting marriages and children. The best chance in life for children is the family in which both mom and dad are married to each other. This was new to me: children in either families in which the wife or husband is not their biological parent OR families in which the woman and man are co-habiting, fare the same AS CHILDREN WITH SINGLE MOMS. Those children end up with less education, more unemployment, fewer jobs with lower pay, may go to jail before they're 30, and will tend to get divorced IF they get married.
Lord in Heaven, we always have so much and so many people to pray for! Besides the usual family, friends, sick ones, today we would like to ask for you to protect children and families. Keep them together, help us promote healthy families any way we can. As always, we thank you for everything!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Who's Your Back-up?
In the world of work, it is critical to have effective plans for every type of emergencies that may happen. This only works if all staff have been educated, drills occur, and local fire, police, and other services have participated. As much as we dreaded our "Annual Competencies" in all the health care settings where I worked, they were useful to remind us of what we had to do. I found that every year there was something new.
In my first job at a nursing home/rehab facility, I was the staff educator. One morning, we had meetings for each and every staff member for Fire Safety. I wanted to emphasize the seriousness of paying attention and knowing exactly what to do for a suspected or actual fire. I borrowed a body bag from the local coroner's office. I stuffed it with rags to look like a body was in it. One person actually was fearful and asked me, "Is there a real person in there?" I told the staff, "This could be YOU or me or one of our residents here or one of your family members if you don't know what to do if there's a fire!"
In the afternoon, the local fire department was kind enough to come to the facility's large parking lot, set a small fire in a big metal drum, and let each and every staff person use a fire extinguisher to put it out. (We had exactly 100 residents and over 100 staff!) You need to know that immediately in back of this parking lot was a large cow pasture - I doubt if this would be possible in a city setting.
The very NEXT DAY, I kid you not, there was a small fire in the kitchen! A young woman immediately grabbed a fire extinguisher and put it out! Of course, the fire department was called to investigate and make sure the fire was totally out. No one got hurt and there was only minor damage. The young lady thanked me for "making her learn" how to put out the fire. She had never before touched a fire extinguisher.
If you have a child or children in a sports or school activities, you know all about back-up carpooling! Some of my children loved for me to chauffeur them and their friends around town. Once in a great while, I had other plans. I told them to get a ride with one of their friends. Oh, no, they didn't want to do that! So I told them, "I've driven your friends around, I'm sure their mom or dad wouldn't mind if you came along this time.
The point is, for nearly everything we're involved in, we need someone to substitute if we can't work or drive someone around or do a specific activity. This is useful! Think about your life. . . do you have a person you trust to back you up in everything?
Lord God, you guide us, you lead us, you support us, you really are our ultimate 'back-up' person. You give us the courage to ask others to help us out as we are willing to help them. Thank You!
In my first job at a nursing home/rehab facility, I was the staff educator. One morning, we had meetings for each and every staff member for Fire Safety. I wanted to emphasize the seriousness of paying attention and knowing exactly what to do for a suspected or actual fire. I borrowed a body bag from the local coroner's office. I stuffed it with rags to look like a body was in it. One person actually was fearful and asked me, "Is there a real person in there?" I told the staff, "This could be YOU or me or one of our residents here or one of your family members if you don't know what to do if there's a fire!"
In the afternoon, the local fire department was kind enough to come to the facility's large parking lot, set a small fire in a big metal drum, and let each and every staff person use a fire extinguisher to put it out. (We had exactly 100 residents and over 100 staff!) You need to know that immediately in back of this parking lot was a large cow pasture - I doubt if this would be possible in a city setting.
The very NEXT DAY, I kid you not, there was a small fire in the kitchen! A young woman immediately grabbed a fire extinguisher and put it out! Of course, the fire department was called to investigate and make sure the fire was totally out. No one got hurt and there was only minor damage. The young lady thanked me for "making her learn" how to put out the fire. She had never before touched a fire extinguisher.
If you have a child or children in a sports or school activities, you know all about back-up carpooling! Some of my children loved for me to chauffeur them and their friends around town. Once in a great while, I had other plans. I told them to get a ride with one of their friends. Oh, no, they didn't want to do that! So I told them, "I've driven your friends around, I'm sure their mom or dad wouldn't mind if you came along this time.
The point is, for nearly everything we're involved in, we need someone to substitute if we can't work or drive someone around or do a specific activity. This is useful! Think about your life. . . do you have a person you trust to back you up in everything?
Lord God, you guide us, you lead us, you support us, you really are our ultimate 'back-up' person. You give us the courage to ask others to help us out as we are willing to help them. Thank You!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Negotiating Compatibility, #1: Sleep!
Falling asleep only when the TV is on is the reality of life for many folks these days. This is the way they have lived for years, either their parents or they have trained themselves and it would be very hard to change. Some people must have a light on in their room to fall asleep. Others must have complete darkness. Many have a 'noise box' that imitates the ocean or something soothing to help them fall asleep. Far too many use chemical means, e.g., a sleeping pill, to fall asleep.
All this is fine if you live alone but what if you're planning on getting married? "Sleep Practices" is another one of those conversations you would be wise to have before the wedding and honeymoon. Is trying to figure out if you are compatible in this area and others a valid reason to 'live together' - cohabit - (the old folks would call it 'shacking up' or 'playing house')? NO, NEVER!! If love is there, a couple can work out the details! (In the book on relationships I'm currently working on, one chapter is titled, "10,000 Reasons to Save Sex For Marriage.")
My good friend, Juliette, needs perfect quiet to fall asleep. Her husband must have the TV on to fall asleep. How did they negotiate this? Juliette dearly loves him; she relaxes in bed till her husband falls asleep. Then she gets up and turns off the TV. This has worked out well. In other areas, he has done what she has needed.
Some who prefer darkness wear 'sleep masks' to block out their spouses' need for some light. In other couples' life, there's the "I need the window open at all times" vs. "I will catch cold if it's open." There are other differences. It's amazing how, in former times, many people slept in the same bed; they were happy to not be on the floor. If they did it, couples now can work it out!
Lord, we need rest and sleep to refresh ourselves for the day's work ahead. Help us develop wisdom and kindness when we need to sleep with another for both our benefits. We want to always share our love, the love we have received from you!
All this is fine if you live alone but what if you're planning on getting married? "Sleep Practices" is another one of those conversations you would be wise to have before the wedding and honeymoon. Is trying to figure out if you are compatible in this area and others a valid reason to 'live together' - cohabit - (the old folks would call it 'shacking up' or 'playing house')? NO, NEVER!! If love is there, a couple can work out the details! (In the book on relationships I'm currently working on, one chapter is titled, "10,000 Reasons to Save Sex For Marriage.")
My good friend, Juliette, needs perfect quiet to fall asleep. Her husband must have the TV on to fall asleep. How did they negotiate this? Juliette dearly loves him; she relaxes in bed till her husband falls asleep. Then she gets up and turns off the TV. This has worked out well. In other areas, he has done what she has needed.
Some who prefer darkness wear 'sleep masks' to block out their spouses' need for some light. In other couples' life, there's the "I need the window open at all times" vs. "I will catch cold if it's open." There are other differences. It's amazing how, in former times, many people slept in the same bed; they were happy to not be on the floor. If they did it, couples now can work it out!
Lord, we need rest and sleep to refresh ourselves for the day's work ahead. Help us develop wisdom and kindness when we need to sleep with another for both our benefits. We want to always share our love, the love we have received from you!
Monday, June 9, 2014
The New Poison
For several years there were multiple, daily, obviously pornographic links to websites in my 'junkmail.' Not wishing to be disgusted or offended, I deleted them all. I just noticed that for several months now, I haven't been bothered by this.
Recently two speakers I've heard have mentioned disturbing, tragic, sickening facts about how widespread internet pornography is currently. Plus, today I did a slight amount of research myself about this problem.
#1. Internet Pornography earns 69% of money on pay-for-view sites.
#2. A google search on the website "Huffington Post" today revealed: "The Internet is for porn. We all know that, but until now we may not have realized to what extent porn dominated the Internet. According to this infographic by new porn website ---------, porn takes up a huge percentage of Internet bandwidth. In fact, 30% of all data transferred across the Internet is porn. . . one of the larger video porn sites, streams six times the bandwidth as Hulu."
#3. Youth, both male and female, find internet pornography more intoxicating than heroin!
#4. 70% of all men & 30% of all women view internet pornography regularly.
#5. Estimated monthly usage, in millions, by popular websites: Amazon.com: 110m, Twitter: 160m,
all porn sites: 450m.
#6. 2/3rd of HR professionals have found porn on employees' computers.
When I was working, we were advised to remember to shut down all the computers so housekeeping staff wouldn't use them for porn and we would be shocked in the morning when we returned. We heard of one employee who actually saw his boss with porn on his computer. In orientation, the employee heard a Human Resources rep say that employees who saw anything wrong going on should inform their boss. So the faithful (and naive) employee reported this to his boss's boss. We knew exactly what would happen: it didn't take long for his boss to find a lame excuse to fire him.
At the University of Montreal, a professor, Dr. Simon Lajeunesse, wanted to do research on pornography use by men in their twenties. He first had to find a control group of men who had never used pornography. He could not find one man!
First, I find it sad, actually pathetic, that so many need this self-stimulation to satisfy themselves. A person who heavily engages in viewing pornography obviously has given up on finding and nurturing a real, wholesome relationship that would be healthy and ultimately very fulfilling. What a pity!
Some of those who are addicted to internet pornography (and I don't use the word, 'addicted' lightly) are married. They spend hours and hours on this to the exclusion of time they could be spending with their families. This distances spouses and no doubt contributes to divorces.
Secondly, all these images exploit (chiefly) young women. It is demeaning to be used just for your body. No normal person seeks this. We all want to be loved for who we are!
I really don't want to explore the extent of child pornography. I just don't have the heart. It is illegal, fortunately, at this point. But it is just a short step away. There are those who want children to have the legal 'right' to engage in all sexual activities that adults do (and to have all laws protecting children from adults struck down). We need to not let this slip by us!
If you have minor children, I hope you monitor their internet use, including on their phones. Of course, they won't like it! So what? You wouldn't let them eat garbage or poison, would you? Stomachs can be pumped but brains can't! Stand up and be a Real Parent! It undoubtedly also would help this problem if we would be examples of modesty in dress and language (and behavior, of course).
Lord God, we each are only ONE person. This problem is so big that we feel overwhelmed and ineffective. But we are ONE person. If we act according to your plans, for good and right causes, that helps promote right behaviors in others. Please help us all, we pray, stand up and be strong when we need to stand up and be strong!! We need to do this not only for ourselves, but for our Young Ones and for you, Lord!
Recently two speakers I've heard have mentioned disturbing, tragic, sickening facts about how widespread internet pornography is currently. Plus, today I did a slight amount of research myself about this problem.
#1. Internet Pornography earns 69% of money on pay-for-view sites.
#2. A google search on the website "Huffington Post" today revealed: "The Internet is for porn. We all know that, but until now we may not have realized to what extent porn dominated the Internet. According to this infographic by new porn website ---------, porn takes up a huge percentage of Internet bandwidth. In fact, 30% of all data transferred across the Internet is porn. . . one of the larger video porn sites, streams six times the bandwidth as Hulu."
#3. Youth, both male and female, find internet pornography more intoxicating than heroin!
#4. 70% of all men & 30% of all women view internet pornography regularly.
#5. Estimated monthly usage, in millions, by popular websites: Amazon.com: 110m, Twitter: 160m,
all porn sites: 450m.
#6. 2/3rd of HR professionals have found porn on employees' computers.
When I was working, we were advised to remember to shut down all the computers so housekeeping staff wouldn't use them for porn and we would be shocked in the morning when we returned. We heard of one employee who actually saw his boss with porn on his computer. In orientation, the employee heard a Human Resources rep say that employees who saw anything wrong going on should inform their boss. So the faithful (and naive) employee reported this to his boss's boss. We knew exactly what would happen: it didn't take long for his boss to find a lame excuse to fire him.
At the University of Montreal, a professor, Dr. Simon Lajeunesse, wanted to do research on pornography use by men in their twenties. He first had to find a control group of men who had never used pornography. He could not find one man!
First, I find it sad, actually pathetic, that so many need this self-stimulation to satisfy themselves. A person who heavily engages in viewing pornography obviously has given up on finding and nurturing a real, wholesome relationship that would be healthy and ultimately very fulfilling. What a pity!
Some of those who are addicted to internet pornography (and I don't use the word, 'addicted' lightly) are married. They spend hours and hours on this to the exclusion of time they could be spending with their families. This distances spouses and no doubt contributes to divorces.
Secondly, all these images exploit (chiefly) young women. It is demeaning to be used just for your body. No normal person seeks this. We all want to be loved for who we are!
I really don't want to explore the extent of child pornography. I just don't have the heart. It is illegal, fortunately, at this point. But it is just a short step away. There are those who want children to have the legal 'right' to engage in all sexual activities that adults do (and to have all laws protecting children from adults struck down). We need to not let this slip by us!
If you have minor children, I hope you monitor their internet use, including on their phones. Of course, they won't like it! So what? You wouldn't let them eat garbage or poison, would you? Stomachs can be pumped but brains can't! Stand up and be a Real Parent! It undoubtedly also would help this problem if we would be examples of modesty in dress and language (and behavior, of course).
Lord God, we each are only ONE person. This problem is so big that we feel overwhelmed and ineffective. But we are ONE person. If we act according to your plans, for good and right causes, that helps promote right behaviors in others. Please help us all, we pray, stand up and be strong when we need to stand up and be strong!! We need to do this not only for ourselves, but for our Young Ones and for you, Lord!
Sunday, June 8, 2014
The Quiet Voice
Some people sincerely would like to do what God wants them to do, His Will. But they keep asking, "How do I know what God wants?" These same folks are busy every minute of their lives and they have an enormous lot of media noise in their lives. Their hearts are in the right place but they're crowding God out.
God is not going to - beep! - send us a text message. God's not going to flash an e-mail - junkbox! God won't knock on our front doors nor will he stamp a letter and send by Post Office, First Class. You won't see a 30-second ad on TV, "God Says. . ." We won't get a courtesy telephone call reminding us that "God will call at 9 a.m. tomorrow, thank you."
God usually speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. Sometimes he speaks and we hear the words. Saints report that God appears to them with important messages. But at all these times, the person is quietly praying.
Most of us agree that God wants what is best for us in everything. Problem is, sometimes what we want is not best for us. Then we might get mad and think, "God never answers my prayers!"
Sometimes, in times of transitions, we ask God for direction in our lives. We quietly and earnestly pray, "What should I do now, God?" "Where should I go?" And we think God is not listening because we don't get an immediate answer. God is beyond time. GOD CREATED TIME. This is impossible for us to imagine. The Truth is, God had the answer for us before he even created us. God knows what is best for us. He knows that at times we need to be patient and wait for an answer to our prayers.
A personal testimony: In the year, 2000, my youngest daughter #8, Jeannie, and I, moved to the large city of Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A. from the small town of Danville, Kentucky. There I had enjoyed an extremely active life, being a part of church, school, and community groups. I thought I would naturally do the same here.
But I desired to know where to start, in which direction God wanted me to head - church? school? community? So I prayed. I listened, for months. I knew God would let me know when the time was right. I enjoyed a break, visiting local family, unpacking in the new house. Almost a year letter, I received a surprise answer in my heart: "Play with your grandchildren." So I did!
Several years later, Jeannie and I joined the Women's Guild at church, my first venture into a local 'group.' It was so fun! We'll never forget those years. Meanwhile, daughter #7, Marie, came to live with us and we had an even more interesting life! (Lucy, the crabby cat, had already been with us for years, adding to the household activity!)
What prompted these Sunday Thoughts today? Yesterday I participated in an all-day Women's Silent Retreat. Since I've been in this transition for months, learning to live by myself after having family (and cat) part of my life my whole life, I needed some really quiet time to just consider how I should proceed, what God thought was best. Having retired exactly one year ago, I want to make good use of my time and life. This was the perfect opportunity, so I registered promptly after I saw the ad in our church bulletin.
There was a group of approximately 25 women from churches in Lexington and the surrounding counties, plus the Retreat leaders. After the retreat began, we didn't talk to each other ALL DAY, even during lunch. The day was structured with talks by the leaders, prayer time, and time just to wander about the spacious grounds, enjoy the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the flowers, trees, and grass, meditate on what was said in the talks, time to talk with God but most especially, TIME TO LISTEN.
When our day was over, I told my BFF on the way to our cars, "This was better than a Vitamin B-12 shot!" I felt spiritually energized!
Lord God in Heaven and in my heart, thank You for the the perfect day, the beautiful experience of the Retreat yesterday, for the prayer time, for the new thoughts, for the leaders of the retreat who worked hard to give us a wonderful day! Help all of your women and men have the experience of communicating with You, talking with You and listening to You!
This thought from one of the speakers yesterday will be with me always: "Where God is, is Love. Where Love is, is God."
God is not going to - beep! - send us a text message. God's not going to flash an e-mail - junkbox! God won't knock on our front doors nor will he stamp a letter and send by Post Office, First Class. You won't see a 30-second ad on TV, "God Says. . ." We won't get a courtesy telephone call reminding us that "God will call at 9 a.m. tomorrow, thank you."
God usually speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. Sometimes he speaks and we hear the words. Saints report that God appears to them with important messages. But at all these times, the person is quietly praying.
Most of us agree that God wants what is best for us in everything. Problem is, sometimes what we want is not best for us. Then we might get mad and think, "God never answers my prayers!"
Sometimes, in times of transitions, we ask God for direction in our lives. We quietly and earnestly pray, "What should I do now, God?" "Where should I go?" And we think God is not listening because we don't get an immediate answer. God is beyond time. GOD CREATED TIME. This is impossible for us to imagine. The Truth is, God had the answer for us before he even created us. God knows what is best for us. He knows that at times we need to be patient and wait for an answer to our prayers.
A personal testimony: In the year, 2000, my youngest daughter #8, Jeannie, and I, moved to the large city of Lexington, Kentucky, U.S.A. from the small town of Danville, Kentucky. There I had enjoyed an extremely active life, being a part of church, school, and community groups. I thought I would naturally do the same here.
But I desired to know where to start, in which direction God wanted me to head - church? school? community? So I prayed. I listened, for months. I knew God would let me know when the time was right. I enjoyed a break, visiting local family, unpacking in the new house. Almost a year letter, I received a surprise answer in my heart: "Play with your grandchildren." So I did!
Several years later, Jeannie and I joined the Women's Guild at church, my first venture into a local 'group.' It was so fun! We'll never forget those years. Meanwhile, daughter #7, Marie, came to live with us and we had an even more interesting life! (Lucy, the crabby cat, had already been with us for years, adding to the household activity!)
What prompted these Sunday Thoughts today? Yesterday I participated in an all-day Women's Silent Retreat. Since I've been in this transition for months, learning to live by myself after having family (and cat) part of my life my whole life, I needed some really quiet time to just consider how I should proceed, what God thought was best. Having retired exactly one year ago, I want to make good use of my time and life. This was the perfect opportunity, so I registered promptly after I saw the ad in our church bulletin.
There was a group of approximately 25 women from churches in Lexington and the surrounding counties, plus the Retreat leaders. After the retreat began, we didn't talk to each other ALL DAY, even during lunch. The day was structured with talks by the leaders, prayer time, and time just to wander about the spacious grounds, enjoy the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the flowers, trees, and grass, meditate on what was said in the talks, time to talk with God but most especially, TIME TO LISTEN.
When our day was over, I told my BFF on the way to our cars, "This was better than a Vitamin B-12 shot!" I felt spiritually energized!
Lord God in Heaven and in my heart, thank You for the the perfect day, the beautiful experience of the Retreat yesterday, for the prayer time, for the new thoughts, for the leaders of the retreat who worked hard to give us a wonderful day! Help all of your women and men have the experience of communicating with You, talking with You and listening to You!
This thought from one of the speakers yesterday will be with me always: "Where God is, is Love. Where Love is, is God."
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Who Are the Joneses?
There are several Hoarders in my circle of acquaintance. They all save things no sane person would bother saving: old catalogs, newspapers and old magazines, scraps of paper with plans or statistics, every bill, every receipt, even ads received in the mail. It is really sick behavior. Periodically, you see a news story where someone is evicted with stacks and stacks of old newspapers in their house. Some hoarders run themselves or their families into debt or bankruptcy due to their habit of buying many of the same item. Some who live by themselves may not even throw out garbage.
Clarice is no ordinary hoarder. Like all hoarders, she saves everything but she is a wealthy woman and can afford to buy anything she wants. So Clarice has room after room stacked floor to ceiling with unopened boxes of items she bought from e-bay. Whenever one of her friends or relatives has anything new, Clarice must go out and buy the identical item. One of her relatives disclosed, "I try to hide things from her, I don't put anything new on Facebook, I'm tired of her copying everything. They used to call this behavior "keeping up with the Joneses."
Fortunately for us, this extreme Compulsive Behavior is not common. I only had one patient diagnosed with this in my psych nursing days.
I'm not sure hoarding habits can be prevented or cured. We just need to make sure the hoarder doesn't try to tap into our finances (identity theft)! To try to recognize this behavior before marrying into it, look for signs of anxiety, nervousness or extreme neatness.
Lord, in these days of fast and easy credit plus quick loans, some folks are tempted to buy and buy and buy. Save us personally from being tempted to live beyond our means and save us from having a family member sucked into this particular pit of misery! We pray that our families can live normal lives.
Clarice is no ordinary hoarder. Like all hoarders, she saves everything but she is a wealthy woman and can afford to buy anything she wants. So Clarice has room after room stacked floor to ceiling with unopened boxes of items she bought from e-bay. Whenever one of her friends or relatives has anything new, Clarice must go out and buy the identical item. One of her relatives disclosed, "I try to hide things from her, I don't put anything new on Facebook, I'm tired of her copying everything. They used to call this behavior "keeping up with the Joneses."
Fortunately for us, this extreme Compulsive Behavior is not common. I only had one patient diagnosed with this in my psych nursing days.
I'm not sure hoarding habits can be prevented or cured. We just need to make sure the hoarder doesn't try to tap into our finances (identity theft)! To try to recognize this behavior before marrying into it, look for signs of anxiety, nervousness or extreme neatness.
Lord, in these days of fast and easy credit plus quick loans, some folks are tempted to buy and buy and buy. Save us personally from being tempted to live beyond our means and save us from having a family member sucked into this particular pit of misery! We pray that our families can live normal lives.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Happy Summer Days!
Today is the last day of this school year for my Lexington, Kentucky grandchildren. I chatted with the youngest one on her way to school this morning and she was so happy! My Massachusetts grandson has several more weeks, but has a shorter summer break and longer breaks other times of the year. I forget when the Florida and New Jersey grandchildren are finished. And the youngest in Washington is too young for even pre-school yet.
This brings back very happy memories of when my own children were young and at home for the summer. For the first few weeks, life was heavenly! They went from one activity to another, gleefully. Their friends came to visit and they went to friends' homes. Barbie dolls were everywhere, inside, outside, in their apartments, and in the backyard wading pool. Once a week, we neighborhood mothers would take picnic lunches and our children to a different local park with a playground. Once a week, we piled into the car for a trip to the library to borrow the maximum number of books allowed for each child. (Usually there was a bit of last-minute drama trying to locate the last book to return!)
After about a month of bliss, the daily whining would begin: "What can I do, Mom?" I would make suggestions but heard, "What can I do, Mom?" about a hundred times a day, or so it seemed. Born out of desperation, I birthed two ideas that saved my sanity.
Idea #1: The Summer Fun Chart. I bought an ordinary white poster board, assembled markers and children around the kitchen table. We brainstormed and listed every activity they had ever done and those they wanted to do. We wrote "Summer Fun" at the top in big letters. There were plenty of categories: Arts & Crafts, Sports, Going Places, Books, Christmas, Church, Friends, Birthdays, Cooking, etc. For example, under "Christmas," listed were 1) make wish list looking through Christmas toy catalogs, 2) make Christmas presents, 3) make Christmas decorations. Under "Sports," listed would be 1) ride bicycle, 2) take a walk, 3) swimming in backyard (this was a daily fun time), 4) softball or football with neighbors. They loved "Arts & Crafts" the most, and I made sure we always had plenty of supplies, the watercolor paint and brushes, tons of crayons, chalk, paper of different kinds, pencils, coloring books, scissors, glue, idea books, etc. Most things on the chart were no cost or low cost.
After the first year of posting this in the summer, we would create a Summer Fun Chart several weeks before the end of school. Then they hit the ground running the first day.
This worked beautifully until August 1st. Invariably, every year around that time, the children had used up summer, were bored, and got crabby. They were saturated with fun! The fun chart was not consulted. Instead of asking mom, "What can I do?" They dared to whine, "Mom, I'm bored."
This new development sparked Idea #2: work! They were smart children and caught on very quickly. When they came to me and whined, "I'm bored. What can I do?", I got a sparkle in my eyes and told them, "I LOVE bored children! I have plenty of jobs to do. Go get a rag and scrub the fingerprints off the hall walls (or something else involving work)." Then they would retort, "Oh, no, I'm not bored!" and find something to occupy their time.
August was a quieter time. They started thinking about and looking forward to the start of school. And so did I! That Yellow School Bus couldn't come soon enough!
I highly recommend relationships with children, your own or a neighbors' or relative's child. They are so full of joy! It can't help but rub off on all but the most hopeless grinch! Give it a try. Put your whole heart into it. You will be rewarded beyond your fondest expectations!
Dear Lord, these days we hear so much about what problems children are, how costly they are to raise, it seems very discouraging. Help us promote what fun they are, how fulfilling it especially is to raise them to adulthood and watch them deal with their own problems and watch them blossom! Adult children really can be a Supreme Blessing!
This brings back very happy memories of when my own children were young and at home for the summer. For the first few weeks, life was heavenly! They went from one activity to another, gleefully. Their friends came to visit and they went to friends' homes. Barbie dolls were everywhere, inside, outside, in their apartments, and in the backyard wading pool. Once a week, we neighborhood mothers would take picnic lunches and our children to a different local park with a playground. Once a week, we piled into the car for a trip to the library to borrow the maximum number of books allowed for each child. (Usually there was a bit of last-minute drama trying to locate the last book to return!)
After about a month of bliss, the daily whining would begin: "What can I do, Mom?" I would make suggestions but heard, "What can I do, Mom?" about a hundred times a day, or so it seemed. Born out of desperation, I birthed two ideas that saved my sanity.
Idea #1: The Summer Fun Chart. I bought an ordinary white poster board, assembled markers and children around the kitchen table. We brainstormed and listed every activity they had ever done and those they wanted to do. We wrote "Summer Fun" at the top in big letters. There were plenty of categories: Arts & Crafts, Sports, Going Places, Books, Christmas, Church, Friends, Birthdays, Cooking, etc. For example, under "Christmas," listed were 1) make wish list looking through Christmas toy catalogs, 2) make Christmas presents, 3) make Christmas decorations. Under "Sports," listed would be 1) ride bicycle, 2) take a walk, 3) swimming in backyard (this was a daily fun time), 4) softball or football with neighbors. They loved "Arts & Crafts" the most, and I made sure we always had plenty of supplies, the watercolor paint and brushes, tons of crayons, chalk, paper of different kinds, pencils, coloring books, scissors, glue, idea books, etc. Most things on the chart were no cost or low cost.
After the first year of posting this in the summer, we would create a Summer Fun Chart several weeks before the end of school. Then they hit the ground running the first day.
This worked beautifully until August 1st. Invariably, every year around that time, the children had used up summer, were bored, and got crabby. They were saturated with fun! The fun chart was not consulted. Instead of asking mom, "What can I do?" They dared to whine, "Mom, I'm bored."
This new development sparked Idea #2: work! They were smart children and caught on very quickly. When they came to me and whined, "I'm bored. What can I do?", I got a sparkle in my eyes and told them, "I LOVE bored children! I have plenty of jobs to do. Go get a rag and scrub the fingerprints off the hall walls (or something else involving work)." Then they would retort, "Oh, no, I'm not bored!" and find something to occupy their time.
August was a quieter time. They started thinking about and looking forward to the start of school. And so did I! That Yellow School Bus couldn't come soon enough!
I highly recommend relationships with children, your own or a neighbors' or relative's child. They are so full of joy! It can't help but rub off on all but the most hopeless grinch! Give it a try. Put your whole heart into it. You will be rewarded beyond your fondest expectations!
Dear Lord, these days we hear so much about what problems children are, how costly they are to raise, it seems very discouraging. Help us promote what fun they are, how fulfilling it especially is to raise them to adulthood and watch them deal with their own problems and watch them blossom! Adult children really can be a Supreme Blessing!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Mud, #2: Sexual
Today I had a long, pleasant conversation with an old friend, Brice. The exchange wandered to our young adult offspring, and the difficulties some of them had growing up. Brice offered, "Our culture is so saturated with sex thrown at our young people everywhere, it's no wonder they have so many difficult choices." He added, "The assault is continuous, in all media. They have no time to think." Our modern 2014 American culture may be bright and shiny, but it disguises the mud, underneath, the filth that results from the "hook-up culture." And if you walk through mud, you will get dirty!
FYI: Wikipedia defines "a hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters focused on physical pleasure without necessarily including emotional bonding." This source gives the history, risks, and costs associated with the hookups so prevalent today in Western society. Particularly disturbing is the fact that internet pornography is very widespread and seems to be a driving force in this phenomenon.
As it is impossible to shield young people from bad influences, we have to talk, talk, talk to them! It is critical to maintain a solid, loving relationship with each and every one of our children. Even then, some will make disastrous choices they will regret.
My friend, Brice, sadly reported that one of his boys, Todd, ended up in jail. It took him years to overcome what led him there but, praise the Lord, he survived and is doing well. Then he told his dad about an encounter he had while in the jail cell. Todd was there with approximately twenty other men, all young men, except one. Todd was sitting on a cot. The older man came over and sat down beside him. He asked Todd, "Do you have a father and a mother who take care of you and love you?" Todd answered, "Yes." Then the guy counseled, "See those guys over there? I know every one of them. Most of them have only one parent. Some don't even have one. All of them were abused. Don't come back here." Brice feels like God sent his son an angel that day.
We see in the news horrific violence directed toward women by young men whose advances have been rejected. They think that every woman owes them sex. Judging by the provocative way most young women dress and act, they like to give that impression apparently.
If we don't happen to be in the hookup culture, should we just look the other way? I personally think we all have a responsibility to our society to promote marriage and the family in every way we can. Look up your local Birthright organization; they help mothers with problem pregnancies.
Another friend, Hannah, wanted to do something to help children. She volunteers at a nearby school tutoring a six-year-old having difficulty reading. Twice a week, she helps him for an hour. Hannah says, "I can't tell you how much this child has meant to me. He has taught me so much! I didn't expect that he would be totally trusting and so eager to learn. He's also very respectful and polite."
We don't have to look very far to put our talents to use!
Oh, Lord, it is distressing and almost overwhelming to watch TV ads or page through a magazine at the doctor's office, or go shopping and see the blatant sexual innuendos. Please help us keep our solid family values and do our best, even to go out of our way, to encourage others to reject the easy 'hookups' available. Help us be the people that improved our society instead of the ones that just turned our heads and thought, "Oh, well, I wouldn't do that."
FYI: Wikipedia defines "a hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters focused on physical pleasure without necessarily including emotional bonding." This source gives the history, risks, and costs associated with the hookups so prevalent today in Western society. Particularly disturbing is the fact that internet pornography is very widespread and seems to be a driving force in this phenomenon.
As it is impossible to shield young people from bad influences, we have to talk, talk, talk to them! It is critical to maintain a solid, loving relationship with each and every one of our children. Even then, some will make disastrous choices they will regret.
My friend, Brice, sadly reported that one of his boys, Todd, ended up in jail. It took him years to overcome what led him there but, praise the Lord, he survived and is doing well. Then he told his dad about an encounter he had while in the jail cell. Todd was there with approximately twenty other men, all young men, except one. Todd was sitting on a cot. The older man came over and sat down beside him. He asked Todd, "Do you have a father and a mother who take care of you and love you?" Todd answered, "Yes." Then the guy counseled, "See those guys over there? I know every one of them. Most of them have only one parent. Some don't even have one. All of them were abused. Don't come back here." Brice feels like God sent his son an angel that day.
We see in the news horrific violence directed toward women by young men whose advances have been rejected. They think that every woman owes them sex. Judging by the provocative way most young women dress and act, they like to give that impression apparently.
If we don't happen to be in the hookup culture, should we just look the other way? I personally think we all have a responsibility to our society to promote marriage and the family in every way we can. Look up your local Birthright organization; they help mothers with problem pregnancies.
Another friend, Hannah, wanted to do something to help children. She volunteers at a nearby school tutoring a six-year-old having difficulty reading. Twice a week, she helps him for an hour. Hannah says, "I can't tell you how much this child has meant to me. He has taught me so much! I didn't expect that he would be totally trusting and so eager to learn. He's also very respectful and polite."
We don't have to look very far to put our talents to use!
Oh, Lord, it is distressing and almost overwhelming to watch TV ads or page through a magazine at the doctor's office, or go shopping and see the blatant sexual innuendos. Please help us keep our solid family values and do our best, even to go out of our way, to encourage others to reject the easy 'hookups' available. Help us be the people that improved our society instead of the ones that just turned our heads and thought, "Oh, well, I wouldn't do that."
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Who Does Venting Benefit?
The absolute hands-down worst boss I had in my working life was Mary Lou. She would come up in my face and rip me apart verbally with lies. For a few months, I churned inside and just listened. There was no defense. I was determined to survive in the job and I'm glad I held my tongue. I found out that she 'vented' on all her employees at one time or another, for no reason. Then when she came at me, I didn't feel bad; I knew that whatever she said, had nothing whatsoever to do with me.
Mary Lou was definitely overworked in her job. That was no excuse for her bully behavior. Fortunately for us all, she didn't last as manager and moved far away. We never heard another word from her or about her.
Plenty of people think it's not only acceptable but healthy behavior to "let it all hang out," namely, to tell all of their 'bad' feelings, whatever is bothering them. This may make the person venting momentarily feel better, but what about those who listen? Now the listeners are left upset. And the frustrations that led to the 'venter' unloading bad feelings haven't dissipated.
I've known and witnessed many men and women who vent on their spouses or children. This seems to be so common that no one thinks another thing about it.
What we all need to learn to do is to EXPRESS OUR FEELINGS APPROPRIATELY; that includes both good and bad feelings. It is common that the angry bully-venter has very little capacity for showing love and kindness.
I have a confession: I was brought up to be a door-mat, a person taking everything, a person totally UNABLE TO EXPRESS ANGER. As a young adult, I couldn't even feel anger. It all seems strange now. After a few years and a few children, I realized that my family was taking advantage of me. They thought they could get away with anything (petty stuff, just aggravating) and good-ole-mom wouldn't do a thing. At once I knew what the real problem was: they had never seen me angry. And I thought that there are some things that should make a mother angry.
So I determined to appear angry when it was appropriate. At the next opportunity, I expressed my anger by screaming and slamming kitchen doors loudly. I let the offending parties know their behavior would not be tolerated. End of problem. In time, I learned to feel anger and express it appropriately.
The bottom line on feelings is that we really can't help our feelings. We CAN help how and when we express them! We choose what we wish to express.
Take anger, for example. There is no way any one person could express anger at every single petty or grand frustration in life. He or she would probably be angry 100% of their day. Yet they choose to be angry at particular situations. They may tell you, "You know how to push my buttons!" But no, it is the angry person who chooses when to express that anger. Does this make sense?
If you are a person who frequently gets vented on (by someone other than a boss who controls your paycheck!), you have the power to change things. Try this at the next chance you get: listen quietly, the way you always have, until the venter is finished. Then ask, "Do you realize how I feel when you accuse me of - - - -? This is not fair and I won't listen any more." Perhaps the venter never thought how hurtful he or she was. Then ask, " What exactly is your problem? Maybe we can talk about it."
Doing something new is definitely worth a try. Just remember, if you don't like the way your relationship is going, by changing yourself or your behavior, the relationship WILL change!
Handling/expressing our feelings is a major part of each and every relationship we have!
Dear Lord, we always have something new to learn about creating and maintaining good relationships. Help us pay attention, to others and to our own feelings. Please remind us that our goal is to have healthy, loving relationships.
Mary Lou was definitely overworked in her job. That was no excuse for her bully behavior. Fortunately for us all, she didn't last as manager and moved far away. We never heard another word from her or about her.
Plenty of people think it's not only acceptable but healthy behavior to "let it all hang out," namely, to tell all of their 'bad' feelings, whatever is bothering them. This may make the person venting momentarily feel better, but what about those who listen? Now the listeners are left upset. And the frustrations that led to the 'venter' unloading bad feelings haven't dissipated.
I've known and witnessed many men and women who vent on their spouses or children. This seems to be so common that no one thinks another thing about it.
What we all need to learn to do is to EXPRESS OUR FEELINGS APPROPRIATELY; that includes both good and bad feelings. It is common that the angry bully-venter has very little capacity for showing love and kindness.
I have a confession: I was brought up to be a door-mat, a person taking everything, a person totally UNABLE TO EXPRESS ANGER. As a young adult, I couldn't even feel anger. It all seems strange now. After a few years and a few children, I realized that my family was taking advantage of me. They thought they could get away with anything (petty stuff, just aggravating) and good-ole-mom wouldn't do a thing. At once I knew what the real problem was: they had never seen me angry. And I thought that there are some things that should make a mother angry.
So I determined to appear angry when it was appropriate. At the next opportunity, I expressed my anger by screaming and slamming kitchen doors loudly. I let the offending parties know their behavior would not be tolerated. End of problem. In time, I learned to feel anger and express it appropriately.
The bottom line on feelings is that we really can't help our feelings. We CAN help how and when we express them! We choose what we wish to express.
Take anger, for example. There is no way any one person could express anger at every single petty or grand frustration in life. He or she would probably be angry 100% of their day. Yet they choose to be angry at particular situations. They may tell you, "You know how to push my buttons!" But no, it is the angry person who chooses when to express that anger. Does this make sense?
If you are a person who frequently gets vented on (by someone other than a boss who controls your paycheck!), you have the power to change things. Try this at the next chance you get: listen quietly, the way you always have, until the venter is finished. Then ask, "Do you realize how I feel when you accuse me of - - - -? This is not fair and I won't listen any more." Perhaps the venter never thought how hurtful he or she was. Then ask, " What exactly is your problem? Maybe we can talk about it."
Doing something new is definitely worth a try. Just remember, if you don't like the way your relationship is going, by changing yourself or your behavior, the relationship WILL change!
Handling/expressing our feelings is a major part of each and every relationship we have!
Dear Lord, we always have something new to learn about creating and maintaining good relationships. Help us pay attention, to others and to our own feelings. Please remind us that our goal is to have healthy, loving relationships.
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