Bone Man, Cut Man & Spot Man

While we were growing up, my three brothers had a proclivity for clusters of injuries.  One of them broke bones and he was the Bone Man.  One time he had the misfortune of just having healed from a broken collar bone.  We had gone to visit cousins and they started scuffling.  His cousin fell on him and broke his other collar bone!

Another brother seemed to get lots of cuts.  He still bears the blue scar on his forearm of his fall on a rusty can in the yard when he was 3 years old and mother poured tincture of iodine in it to disinfect it.  Another time he was riding his bike down a newly graveled hill, slid, fell off the bike and slid down the hill on his forearms - nasty!  Cut Man came home and was worried about losing his "precious blood!"

Poor little Spot Man was the boy who came down with chicken pox right before Easter and sorrowfully watched the rest of us hunt eggs from the living room window!  He also got measles at a most inopportune time. (Now you know that none of us are 'spring chickens' - we pre-date such vaccines!)

I think that children must have rubber bones because they usually don't get hurt seriously.  At least I didn't have to contend with what my grandmother dealt with. Mother said that, "Every once in a while we would hear this 'thump' and 'moan' and we'd know: Robert fell off the roof again!"  This was not too bad unless Robert fell into the basement stairs area which was concrete.

Boys will be boys and boys should be boys, running and biking around, playing with their friends, etc.  The minor injuries will follow.  I spent my share of time in the local emergency room, getting the girls stitched up.  The boys seemed to have more non-emergency injuries and went to the doctor's office.

In every family, there seems to be ONE child who gets in trouble more than the others, is more outspoken or 'sassy.'  Looking back, I can see that one of my brothers was the family scapegoat.  Yes, he deserved to get in trouble for his (minor) aggravations, but sometimes, if the fault was unknown, he got blamed.  This was not fair to him.

"Scapegoat" is an interesting word, having origins in the Bible, Book of Leviticus, Chapter 16: 20-22. "When he has completed the atonement rite for the sanctuary, the meeting tent and the altar, Aaron (the high priest) shall bring forward the live goat.  Laying both hands on its head, he shall confess over it all the sinful faults and transgressions of the Israelites, and so put them on the goat's head.  He shall then have it led into the desert by an attendant. Since the goat is to carry off their inequities  to an isolated region, it must be sent away into the desert."

Looking back, I can also see that one of my children was the Family Scapegoat.  How tragic!  I wish I had been aware of this.  Check out your own family, if you have growing-up age children.  You wouldn't want one of them unfairly blamed.

Lord, we pray, it is hard in the middle of the family whirlwind of activities to straighten out children's squabbles and easy to blame the kid that's always getting into trouble.  Help us avoid blaming those who don't deserve it.  We try hard to be fair!  Let your justice be our model.

Chewing Furniture!

Situation:  Some years ago I had a neighbor couple who were childless after 17 years of marriage.  Veronica had mentioned, once, "Larry and I had really hoped to have a family but I guess it wasn't meant to be."  They both had good blue-collar jobs and a beautifully decorated home.  They took nice vacations and always had new cars.

Fast-forward two more years.  All of a sudden, Veronica was pregnant!  Larry was absolute thrilled!  Veronica was horrified.  "Why, oh why, me?" she whined, "I had my life all planned out.  Now this!"

The blessed event turned out to be a darling boy.  Larry was even more ecstatic.  Veronica came to appreciate all the attention from others admiring her new baby and was generally pleased with the little guy, pleased, that is, until he started crawling.  One fine summer day we saw Veronica come screaming out of their house, running toward Larry who was working in the yard.  "Larry, Larry, Larry, your son has chewed the leg on my dining room table!  It's ruined!  Everything is ruined!"

Larry smiled and calmly looked up at her and said, "Don't worry.  I can refinish the table legs later.  Don't get mad at the baby.  He's just teething."

Lessons learned:  Those who have sex should never be surprised at a pregnancy, even with all the conception control products used faithfully, even if either of the couple thinks he or she is infertile.  There's always a 'failure' rate (it's a 'success,' as far as the baby is concerned!).  One should 1) consider if the anticipated sexual 'partner' would make a good mother or father and 2) am I ready for the responsibility of a child?  If sex is casual, face it, both people are truly using each other for pleasure, total irresponsibility!

How many adults have you known who said that they were "oopsies" or "surprises" to their parents? Indeed, I think half of us would be missing if there were no surprise pregnancies!  So what?  Every child is a blessing.  The older the parents, in most cases, the more the child is treasured.

Outcome:  After that outburst, Veronica seemed to settle into motherhood and came to enjoy the young fellow.  But it was Larry that pushed him around the neighborhood every day in good weather.

Lord, sometimes it takes us a longer time and more heartaches before we learn the lessons we need to learn.  Thank you for being patient with us!  And thank you for each and every one of our precious children.  Help us be examples of love and patience to each other!

Bernie's Tears

This happened many years ago, before your average person knew there was counseling available for those in troubled marriages.  Bernie's daughter, Ava, related this to me over coffee one day.  It so happened that her mom and dad were having serious marital difficulties and had separated (not legally).  Bernie had lost his job, looked for another one for nearly a year and found one in a distant city.  Bernie moved - by himself; his wife Julie, refused to move with him, "The children were born here and we've lived here and all my family is here and I won't move."

With having to pay for a one-room apartment for himself, send the rest of his salary to Julia for her and the children, Bernie couldn't afford to fly back and forth.  So, he drove to visit the children, every month or so, on a weekend.  Julie let him sleep on the couch.

One day Ava overheard her grandmother and mother talking in the next room.  "I know he's having an affair with his landlady," Grandma boasted.  Her mother didn't say a word.

As Bernie was saying good-bye one Sunday afternoon at the front door, Ava saw that tears were streaming down his face. She felt so bad for him but didn't know what to say.  Later she wished that she had hugged him but they just said "good-bye," Bernie turned and left.

Several years later, Julie decided to sell the house and move her and the children back with Bernie in the new city.  It was difficult, at first, for everyone, but in time Julie and Bernie developed an enviable closeness and continued their life together "until death do you part."

Ava wondered what had changed her mother's mind all those years ago.  Did her dad finally give an ultimatum, "Either you move back with me or we will divorce?"

I wonder what would have happened if counseling existed back then as it does today: would the marriage have collapsed even earlier?  Ten years ago, even five years ago, I would have highly recommended individual or family counseling.  Now I won't!  The American Psychological Association has become a political organization, changing its core "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" to reflect the strong anti-life and anti-family lobbies in the United States.  Many psychological practitioners will tell those suffering, in need of their services, "I'm not here to cure your marriage.  I will help you."  Some even go so far as to add, "I don't care about your marriage."

Be very careful, if you need counseling for a shaky marriage.  Seek out a counselor experienced with couples. There are many ministers and priests trained in counseling.  These would be your best bet.  If there was love to start with, wouldn't it be worth it for everyone involved to try to recapture this love?

Dear Lord, marriages and families are battled against in our 2014 American culture.  They are assaulted on every side and the only support seems to be in our churches.  We pray to you to help extinguish the "me, first" culture and promote family togetherness, love, and marriage.  Thank you!

Little Sunday Luxuries

If you have always enjoyed a regular Monday through Friday life with a normal weekend of Saturday and Sunday, count your blessings!  In addition, if you've never worked a regular night shift, you're doubly blessed!

I'm still in the "honeymoon" stage of my retirement last June from 20 years of nursing.  I know I'm doing way too much, things that I've never been able to do before.  I know that I go way too many places that I never was able to go before. Last year, I was away from home for 8 weeks, this year it will be 12 weeks if I don't add any other trips! Thank God for Sunday, especially Sundays at home!

Nursing was a very good career, especially considering I didn't start nursing school till much later than usual. But nearly every nurse has to work some weekends.  We were told in nursing school, "You WILL start out on night shift," and they were right.  But as a 'older' woman, I needed a job that needed me, one that had flexible shift hours and schedules. Honestly, nursing pays much better than most other salaried jobs a woman can find, but, nurses pay the price: I sincerely feel that every nurse does double the work that one hard-working human could be expected to accomplish!  The 'higher-ups' are always adding more tasks and NEVER taking anything away. Nurses 'nurse' the computer more than 50% of their time, with all the documentation requirements, but would rather spend most of their time nursing their patients.

Starting out as a nurse, I worked every other weekend for 13 years.  The last 7 years, I took the "Weekend Position" because it eliminated mandatory on-call hours.  Before I was a nurse, from 1981 to 1994, I was a church organist.  Hence, I worked every weekend those years also.  Now I totally relish Sundays with no work, no rush, and no sore fatigue.

During my last day at work at the hospital, I felt God was telling me, "Yes, you are definitely right to quit now."  I had a new emergency before the previous one was completed and ran all day while pushing heavy machines on the long trip to the emergency room.  The patients were sicker than ever.  I gladly pass on to another hearty soul the thrill (?) of watching the heart monitor while praying, "God, don't let this patient die now!"

What are the wonderful luxuries I enjoy on Sundays?  I am able to fully celebrate the Lord's Day by church attendance with family.  We usually go out to lunch somewhere but sometimes have supper at home.  This is my treasure, my highlight of the week!  I love the noisy, packed church, the rousing singing, the preacher's sermons, seeing friends, and meeting new folks. I'm always amazed that no matter how many times I hear a particular Bible passage, there is always something new, something I never picked up on before.

Saved for Sunday are small luxuries such as drinking expensive coffee I usually wouldn't; today I had Gevalia Cappuchino.  And I try to remember to put out the expensive, good-smelling liquid soap from Bath & Body Works; today it was Vanilla.  I love to read and propped up my feet for most of the afternoon, read, fell asleep, and read some more - pure luxury!

Meanwhile, I feel my resting body getting stronger and my mind clearing for the tasks of this coming week.  I can plan and prioritize.  Pulling weeds in the yard will definitely be Priority One, before they overtake the house! It's also time to get some tomato plants and flowers and put them out.  And on and on. . .

When my children were growing up, we always had a special Sunday dinner with a tablecloth and cloth napkins.  Do you do anything special on Sundays?

Lord, our Wise Lord, you rested on Sunday and gave us a fine example.  Help us enjoy Your Day, each and every week, and make it special!

Daddy Tried

Being a successful career Army man, my Dad was very disciplined and wanted us children, me and my three brothers, to be disciplined as well.  He thought that our rooms should be neat, which, of course, they should, clothes should be hung up and beds should be made, each and every day.   Well, maybe the beds would be made and maybe not because we knew that if we didn't, MOM would do it for us.  Now, she was a kind-hearted dear and didn't realize that, if she did that, we wouldn't.  This was all fine. We threw our clothes in the closets, mom mostly made the beds and daddy was happy.  There was no 'flak' from daddy.

Then, I got married and, oh my gosh, I had to do my own cleaning!  If mother had known how hard it would be for me, just to get started on cleaning, she would have never done it for me; she would have just let it go and let happen what would have happened: daddy would have got mad and I would have had to clean up my room myself.

I decided that I just couldn't look at a nasty, messy home.  I started making the bed.  Oh, it was SO hard!  But it didn't take too many months for me to get in the habit of doing it without even thinking about it.

So: did I instill these habits into my own children?  Well, I tried!  Most of them were fairly neat but, for several, it's been really hard for them to get the message to make their beds and keep their rooms clean.  In the end, that's a little thing but it's important because it gives them a bit of discipline which is what they need for self-discipline.  That's the goal!  Everyone needs to be able to make themselves do what they need to do, in order to have a successful, happy life.

What do you want to do in life?  Odds are, it's going to require some kind of schooling beyond high school.  That takes SELF-discipline. I see a lot of parents, mostly mothers, standing over the children, each and every day, directing their homework, word by word.  It's a handy collaboration between teacher and parent to make sure the work is finished.  If you're lucky doing that, the child might pick up the habit of self-discipline and take over the responsibility for homework.  Then again, if you are the one who directs them, when they leave, they might not pick up the responsibility.  Are you willing to take the chance?

In effect, self-discipline gives us so many choices!  We know that we CAN and WILL do what we CHOOSE to do!  That is very, very freeing!

It's easy to instill this discipline in children if you start when they're very young with small jobs around the house.  I see so many mothers just picking up after the children, because it's easier, cleaning up their rooms for them, doing everything, expecting nothing. Then when they graduate from high school, the young adults play the "I'm getting a job" game, looking and looking, never finding anything which agrees with them.  Some may return to school and some may not (hardly any will work to pay for education themselves!).  Please, never get yourself in that situation!  (And, let their homework be their homework!

Dear Lord, remind us that the reason you want us to help our children grow up to take responsibility is that they make the decision to choose you to be Lord of their lives, so they can live with you (as WE want to!) forever after!  It's not easy to make our children do what they need to, or even for us to do what is best; we need your loving help, please!

Waiting for Prince Charming

Almost half of Americans are unmarried, and every year, the number of marriages decline.  "Out of 102 million unmarried Americans over age 18 in 2011, 62 % have never been married."  (U.S. Census statistics).  While many of these folks are co-habitting, an increasing trend, many are living alone.  There are plenty of other reasons but I would like to propose: in trying to avoid divorce, we have set our standards too high, many women are waiting for the 'perfect' man, and many men no longer need women because sex is available so freely.

Remember the story of "Cinderella" our mothers all read to us?  The handsome Prince appeared on a white horse, swept her up into his arms, and rescued her from the wicked stepmother.  And they lived happily ever after.  This is not real life. I wish we didn't read "Cinderella" to our young daughters!  The 'Princesses,' thanks to Disney, have greatly multiplied, along with costumes, DVDs, dolls, etc.  Many little girls live in a culture of fantasy and princesses.  When they grow up, they date and date, rejecting all men.  Most are ordinary, some are weird, a few are dangerous, but they reject them all.  And they are rejected also by the men, the 'playboys.'

Let's celebrate 'ordinariness,' the solid guys and gals, the workers, the church-goers, the voters, the ones who would not stand out as beautiful or handsome but are attractive.  Let's encourage our young ones to give up searching for someone with no quirks or minor aggravations, as if they were perfect themselves.  Let's turn off the TV and movie world of princesses and princes who must be worshiped and celebrate the ordinary moms and dads who have such a fulfilling life taking care of family.

There's a great book every parent of pre-teens, teens, and other unmarried persons should buy, read, hand to them and then discuss with them.  It might change their lives and actually lead to a good marriage.  It is "Women have all the Power: Too Bad They Don't Know It! - Secrets Every Man's Daughter Should Know" by Michael J. Lockwood, Berkley Books, New York, 2008.  It was written by a man to his daughters, with love.  In it he gives multiple reasons why they should never have sex before marriage.  It will open every ones eyes.  The young men will also see how stupid it is to live the life of an immature 'user' of women.

Lord, life seems more complicated for our young now.  Help us encourage the proper values and mature habits that will lead them to have good marriages and families, in your plans.  Help us love them even more than we do now, as an example!

Student Love

Situation: Adam was a 21-year-old single guy working his way through college.  In the office next to him there was Tracey, a divorced grandmother in her fifties.  One afternoon she was pushing two awkward metal carts of supplies down the hall.  They were noisy; Adam came out to see what was making all the racket and they met.  They seemed to have lots in common and quickly developed a friendship.  While they wouldn't go out of their way to see each other, there were plenty of opportunities for conversation.

Tracey thought Adam was a fine young man, and would have loved to have him as a son.  Adam had deeper feelings for Tracey, feelings he was not sure were appropriate.  He had no idea how old she was and had not discussed these feelings with anyone.

Adam surprised Tracey one afternoon and told her, "I just can't handle this.  I wish we could.  This is not what I want for my life.  I hope you understand.  I will get a transfer."  And he did.  Tracey had no idea that Adam was considering a romantic relationship but that last time when he spoke to her and looked at her, she knew.  She was flattered that he would think of her like that but was sorry that he was upset about leaving.  Tracey could think of nothing else to say but "Good luck, Adam, I know you will do well."

Lessons learned:  Sometimes it's hard to discover when a friendship crosses the line and evolves into a romantic relationship.  Also, there are people that genuinely mistake a caring friendship for romance.  At the extreme end, there are folks that perceive any small amount of attention, such as a smile, means true love; these are the ones that turn into stalkers.

We can not at all predict our romantic feelings.  There's just a unique, attractive, comfortable knowledge that a particular person is wonderful.  When we recognize these emotions, we would be wise to evaluate what might happen if we decided to continue these feelings and possibly let the special person know how we feel.  This is risky business!  Adam was wise beyond his years.  He had hope for (I presume) an orderly life of finishing his education, finding a good job he liked, dating an attractive young woman and settling down to a pleasant family life with children.  He knew this would not be possible with an older woman.

This is not to say that some marriages between the very young with the much older don't work.  (I wouldn't be here today if my father's parents hadn't married when she was 18 and he was 49!)

Particularly troublesome is to discover you are 'in love' with a person married to another.  The wise person would never pursue these feelings and know that they will go away, in time.

Outcome: Tracey reports that she never again saw Adam.  She suspects he knew when and where his new job was the last time they talked.

Lord God, we know that feelings of love are beautiful and sometimes descend on us like a sudden rainstorm.  Help us decide, wisely, which feelings to pursue and deepen.  All our love comes from your love for us and we thank you!

Two Rich Families' Responses

Situation #1:  Irene & Phil were married over twenty years. At the time I met them, they had three teenagers.  Phil was a successful businessman, Irene stayed at home.  One of Phil's employees embezzled a large sum of cash; it was the domino that toppled Phil's business and he had to declare bankruptcy.  Irene couldn't stand it that they would have to start over financially after all those years.  She asked her wealthy parents if she and the children could live with them, in a distant state. Next, Irene divorced Phil and quickly moved out before the bank took their house.  Phil didn't put up a fight; he was already beaten.  But he cried at the thought of not being able to see his children.

Situation #2: Sue and Daniel had been married even longer, with several of their children grown with families of their own.  Daniel had always been abusive to Sue starting immediately after they were married.  Sue discovered that even she, finally, had limits, and also filed for divorce from Daniel. Sue got a job but felt overwhelmed with taking care of the remaining children, also teenagers.  She asked her parents if she and the children could live with them, also in a distant state.  Daniel fought the divorce in every way he could, even refusing to pay child support.

Lessons learned:  Perhaps the true test of family closeness is what happens if one of the members asks for help, particularly financial help.  Some parents of adults give so much help they create dependency.  Others wouldn't spare a dime.  And most are somewhere on the spectrum in between those extremes.  It's impossible to say what each set of parents should have done but here's what actually happened.

Situation #1:  Irene's parents never thought Phil was a good provider even though, at one time, he was a millionaire.  They had been sending Irene extra money on the side for her entire marriage.  "Oh yes, come now, Irene, we'd love to have you and the kids live with us.  You don't need him."  All Phil had left was an old, beat-up car and an attic apartment he negotiated with the bank to use for three years while he tried to get a job.

Situation #2: Sue's parents were happy to see her finally take some initiative to divorce Daniel; they always thought he was a jerk.  But they couldn't stand the thought of noisy children living in their quiet (extremely large) house.  They told Sue, "Sorry, we just don't have room."  It was difficult, but Sue managed financially after the court had child support taken out of Daniel's wages.

Outcome: Daniel eventually remarried, happily.  None of the other three involved has remarried - yet.

What's your opinion about how the parents involved handled these crises?

Lord, sometimes divorce happens, no matter how hard one of the couple tries to prevent it.  Sometimes the whole family is better off without an abusive parent.  Please give us the wisdom to deal with divorce when it happens in our families!  Help us be kind and loving but never enabling.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

I spoke German as a pre-schooler.  Dad was in the Army in Bremen and Bremerhaven, Germany, and mom, my two brothers and I lived there with him during

his two-year assignment.  Mom said we learned "low German" from the maids.  Then we moved back to the States and I hardly ever heard German again.

In college (the first time), I studied French and Spanish - at the same time.  If I had stayed in college any longer, I probably would have majored in languages.  I read later that a child exposed to any foreign language will develop a facility for learning a second language.

As of last night, I'm mentally jumping up and down for joy!  Last night I found out, through ancestry.com, that my great-great grandfather was actually born in Bavaria, Germany!  My grandmother had told us that our family came from "The Black Forest of Germany" and this proves she was right!   Jump, jump, jump!

My brother, Don, and I were thinking about a trip to Germany in 2015.  Hopefully by then, I will have more specific information as to from what towns or villages the relatives originated.

I've decided: I need to learn how to speak German again!  There is a languages school somewhere in the United States that, in a period of six to eight weeks, will give a person near-native fluency in a particular language.  Trouble is, it's for missionaries, Peace Corps volunteers, and foreign diplomats.  I don't fit into those categories!  There's also an expensive program of computer discs.  I heard that they're very good for speaking a language but I want to know how to read German also.  The best option would be to find a course in town; so, I'll start looking!

www.ancestry.com cannot be highly enough recommended by me!  It not only has billions of records, it helps you trace your family tree and gives lots of hints to follow.  The very first hint and document I printed from the website's "New York Passenger Lists, 1820-1957" was a copy of the ship's register when our family returned from Bremerhaven, Germany to  New York, N.Y. on the "USAT Henry Gibbons."  This is interesting: my mother had listed under luggage, "5 suitcases, 1 hatbox, 1 valpak and 1 make up box."  Under the children were "none."

Last night I also printed out a photograph of my great-grandfather's grave marker but, as of yet, I don't know in which cemetery he was buried.  I have his death certificate (from 1905), but the information is very faint.  More challenges!

My beloved Cuckoo Clock, bought at the German Pavilion in Disney's EPCOT 2 years ago.  Perhaps I can go to Germany next year and find lots more!!

Lord, thank you for our families, our parents and our siblings, our spouses and our children!  For better or worse, we love them all, like you love us!

The Other Side of Yesterday

Yesterday was Easter, the High Holy Day of Christianity, April 20th, 2014.  In my church, there were so many in attendance that an overflow auditorium was set up with closed-circuit TV to accommodate those who couldn't squeeze into the church pews and didn't want to or couldn't stand around the back or in the aisles.  Those who would like to think that God and the traditional family - husband, wife, and children - is dead or declining should have seen us all!

Yet in the State of Colorado, there was an alternate celebration, that of legalizing marijuana.  The news (before yesterday, I was too busy with family yesterday to watch TV news) reported that "four-twenty" was a police code dealing with illegal marijuana use.  So now in Colorado adults can buy and use what was formerly considered 'dangerous' enough to be illegal.

To me it is disgusting that so many people will readily admit - some of them even boasting - that they 'used' marijuana, or "pot" when they were teens or college age.  Why reveal that you didn't mind risking criminal consequences?  And former presidents admitting (boasting?) this!  How downgrading!!  How can we respect a person who has no respect for himself?

There is a large contingent who 'believes' that marijuana is harmless, it only makes a person 'a little bit' 'high,' that there's no truth in the statement that 'pot' is a gateway drug. As a former psychiatric nurse who dealt with hundreds of legal and illegal substance abusers, addicts, I tell you: they are WRONG!  Yes, there are some people who use marijuana nearly their whole lives and don't 'graduate' to more dangerous drugs, but, for most, marijuana is the first drug used to get 'high.'  Then they seek to get even higher and use more dangerous drugs.

Speaking of church, several weeks ago, one of our priests asked us to pray for heroin addicts.  It seems that, during that one week alone, FIVE families in our church told of a newly-discovered heroin addict in their families.  We all know how tragic and devastating this is!  And, of course, we pray for them, and all other addicts.

One former patient of mine, a heroin addict, tested 'positive' for Hepatitis-B, a virus which can ultimately destroy your liver and your life.  I wanted to discover the source of this.  He said that he and several buddies were on the banks of the Ohio River 'shooting up.'  They had no water in which to dissolve their powdered heroin.  They took water from the nearest source: The Ohio River!  The pain and waste of lives: it makes me feel like weeping!

What can we do besides pray for all addicts to get help and have normal lives?  We can make sure those we give legislative power over us know our wishes for legalizing mind-altering drugs, and all other issues important to us!

Dear Lord in Heaven, what a complicated society we have!  How can we raise our families in a wholesome climate with all those who don't care about consequences?  Lead us, guide us, comfort us, we ask you today!

Rechargeable Batteries

It was great when rechargeable batteries were invented!  It seems a lot cheaper to recharge than to just keep buying new ones.  We humans need to recharge also.  We can't keep going and going without rest, going on forever without a break, "burning the candle at both ends," as the old folks used to say.

Having goals is good, working hard is good, but we all need to relax and regroup.  What happens if we don't take time for this?  We may get really grumpy, we may get depressed, and our immune system will decline thereby making us more vulnerable to catch passing germs.

I've got an idea that most of us are way, way overscheduled, and so are our children.  But what should we do?  It's hard to say, "No!"  But we must!  Years ago, I actually had to write "No!" on a piece of paper and put it on my phone (the land line you had to go to instead of carrying it around with you! - remember the long, squiggly cords?).  It helped.

Besides our regular commitments, there are so many interesting events in our cities and so many fun places to explore. We have to make choices.  I had a subscription to a series of concerts with my youngest daughter when she was at home.  We totally enjoyed it. But now I love the freedom of choosing just several a year and really relishing them.

In high school choir, we learned to sing all of Handel's Messiah.  It was very challenging and quite exhilarating to sing.  I hadn't attended a performance of The Messiah for many years until about two Christmases ago.  The singers were outstanding and put their hearts into it.  It was so beautiful, it was almost physically pleasurable to my ears!  Tears came to my eyes.  So I've vowed to space out my concerts, attend fewer, and enjoy them more.  Being immersed in all this music certainly recharges my outlook.

I love when the local schools have a 'snow day.'  Most meetings in town are cancelled.  It gives us a 'breather' to just stay home.  I understand that everyone doesn't feel this way.  When I worked at a paying job, we were told, as far as snow days, "NO excuses.  Be here or you won't get paid and you can't take a vacation day."  I was a nurse - we had to show up.  Mothers with children at home have to get out all the snow gear so their kids can play outside.  Mine never wanted to come in.  But I would make them hot chocolate and they came in for that.

Today, April 15th, I woke up to snow!  We don't usually have snows this late.  I had different concerns: would the snow kill all the blooming tulips and daffodils?  Would it bother all the pretty tree blossoms?

How do you recharge?

Lord God, if you can rest after creating the universe, so can we, we who are so busy in our own little universe!  Don't let us forget - especially on your day, Sunday!

Happy, Happy Easter today!

Two Lonely Dogs

Situation:  There is a neighbor who is divorced and lives with his girlfriend.  He also "won" the family home in the settlement so he has kept it so his children can stay with him every other weekend.  Other than that, he never is there.  But the two family dogs are there, outside, all the time.  They have one of those electronic fences that the dogs are supposed to not cross due to devices in their collars that shock them mildly.  Only problem is, "Sam," the neighbor, doesn't maintain it properly and sometimes the dogs - and they are both big, full-grown labs - run free and terrorize the neighbors.

Several of his close neighbors have talked to Sam, with no results.  They know the dogs are lonely.  Sometimes they feed them if the dogs appear hungry.  Now what kind of lawsuits do you think would be filed if those dogs hurt someone when they were loose?  Clearly, the dogs are neglected and ignored.

We also know of several children who are ignored due to both parents have high-powered careers for which they are rarely home.  I pray that their 'nannies' love them!  It is very hard for children to grow up happy, healthy, and optimistic if their parents are hardly ever home.  I don't buy the modern idea of spending "quality time" with your child.  You just need to spend a lot of time, period.

Lord, today, we just pray that we all will treasure the children, all our friends and relatives, yes, and even the dogs in our lives!  Lead us to the right priorities in our lives, please; we know that children are with us for such a short time - then they're on their own.

Happy Easter!

What Troy Wanted

Situation:  He was one of the housekeeping staff on our hospital floor and we saw him frequently.  His name was Troy and he always had housekeeping 'paraphernalia' with him, you know, mop, bucket, spare toilet tissue, sprays, trash bins, etc.  This particular day, Troy just swaggered in our main door by himself and presented himself at our front counter.  He looked us all over (mind you, most of us nurses could be his grandmother!) and announced, "Ah'm lookin' for a sugar mama!"  We could hardly believe our ears!  He looked serious, but we certainly would not take this seriously!  There was a dead silence.  Then one nurse from the side answered, "Well, just keep on lookin'!"  Situation over.  Troy turned around, with dignity, and left us.

There are plenty of variations on this theme.  Women are called 'Gold Diggers' or hunting for a 'Sugar Daddy.'  Occasionally we would hear of an unmatched couple, really well-off financially guy marrying a good-looking, much younger woman, and, once in a great while, a rich woman marrying a good looking, younger guy.

Lessons learned:  Grandma cautioned, "Marry for money and you'll earn it!"  In other words, you may enjoy it at first, but if you don't marry for love, you will ultimately bitterly regret it.

Outcome of Troy:  He was just a lonely guy.  His wife had just delivered their third child.  He never cheated on her.  Guess he just felt like being dramatic, for once!  No one ever mentioned it to Troy or anyone else.

Lord, help us treasure the most important quality in friends and mates: Love!  Help us nurture it and protect it!  Help our love for you overflow to all we know!

Spouse Quality, #4: Cleanliness

It's a fact of life that when a bunch of women get together (I'm assuming that men also do this), sometimes conversations will focus on the deficiencies of their husbands.  One of the complaints' "biggies"  is Levels of Cleanliness.  It would seem that 99% of men were never taught by their mothers how to pick up their dirty laundry and wet towels!

How do the wives handle this?  Let the laundry lie on the floor and accumulate?  Hardly ever!  Most women are too neat to be able to tolerate this; they pick it up themselves.  I've heard, "Well, he has so many good qualities, I can overlook this.  I don't mind."  Some also relate, "I'm tired, too, and I deeply resent having to pick up after a grown man."

Once in a great while, one of the wives will praise her husband who pitches in to help with housekeeping.  What a gem that man is!  And how very much he will be appreciated in every way possible!!

In spite of laundry messiness, most men have personal cleanliness.  That is, with the exception of a man we'll call "Harry."  His wife, Ellen, found it hard to believe, that after they married, "Harry takes a shower once a week, summer or winter, whether he works in the yard, which he does nine or ten months a year, or not.  If he gets sweaty and dirty, which he frequently does, he will just towel off.  His showers don't last long.  Nothing I said ever mattered.  Once a week, Saturday night, that's it for Harry.  It didn't take long for intimacy with Harry to be a real problem for me.  Then I realized: even the car smelled like Harry.  It was too much!  Our marriage ended in divorce, but his lack of cleanliness was the least of our problems."

Word to the wise to those considering a person to marry: division of housework is something that must be discussed before the permanent commitment to marriage!  Don't ever assume that because a person you're dating is always clean and well-groomed, he or she will keep their living space neat.  You have to see for yourself where they live!  Don't forget: the person you're dating looks the best you'll ever see him or her!  Date them long enough so that they'll trust you so much you'll come close to seeing the 'real' person!

Dear Lord, the big universe you created is quite orderly.  Help us keep cleanliness and order in our part of the world!

Red Persistence

This is a continuation of  "The Dumb Cardinal," Monday, April 7, 2014, on this blog.  After a few days of the bright red male cardinal flying into my family room window, he went away and was replaced by a dull red female cardinal who has been up to the same antics.  I don't know whether he just tweeted, "Ladies, first," and left, or she bullied him away, or what happened.  Today, both cardinals are flying into the window!

Thump!  Thump!  Thump, thump!  How can I help but notice!  I admire their persistence!  They've never given up, except for the one day it snowed here this past week.

The annual Boston Marathon takes place April 21st.  All of the thousands of runners certainly are 'persistent' in their training.  Despite bad weather, fatigue, boredom, perhaps minor injuries, they all have run and run.  For some, the goal is just to finish.  Others are in the race to win!

What about us?  What is our ultimate goal in life?  I thought of this today while singing at church for a funeral.  It was the fourth funeral for which I've sung with the Resurrection Choir this week!  There was one other I missed due to a previous commitment.

The obvious, easy choice for our ultimate goal is, of course, TO REACH HEAVEN!  This means that the highest level of persistence we must have is in our spiritual lives.  We must follow God's laws - learn what they are, keep them, obey them, love them, believe in them - till the very end of our 'race,' when we die.

Talking about funerals and death should not be a 'morbid' topic.  We will be more alive after death than we are now.  We will live forever!  We will never hurt or be sick.  We will be eternally happy if we train correctly. We will be united with God and all the rest of our loved ones, or in eternal pain, worse than the worst we have ever endured, in hell.  This choice is truly easy!  Let's plan now to be persistent in our pursuit of heaven!

Back to the cardinals: I have been persistent in my desire to photograph the moment when a cardinal actually hits my window.  I've aimed my trusty Nikon at the window multiple times and never can capture the moment.  But I'm not giving up!  I, too, can be persistent!

Here she is, right after flying into the window, she lights on a nearby tree branch!

Dear Lord in Heaven, help us be strong and holy in our persistence to get to heaven to meet you some day!  Help us order our lives with your approval.  We love you and we thank you for everything!

Dilatory!

As a high school student, I had to have a recommendation from the principal for something - I don't even remember what it was.  Sister F. solemnly handed me an envelope and I took it home.  It was sealed and I was not to open it but was to hand it to whoever it involved.  When I got home, I showed it to my mom.  We were looking at the envelope and three words from the recommendation showed through, "Janice is dilatory."  My mom inquired, "What is 'dilatory?'  I had never heard of the word.  We looked it up in the dictionary, "Dilatory: delaying, tardy, slow."

I remember being very insulted.  I didn't think of myself as 'delaying.'  I never, ever, ever was tardy and I certainly wasn't slow! Besides, how did Sister F. know?  I never once had her for a teacher.

Another instance has stayed with me for over 20 years, an opinion from one of my lead nursing instructors.  I also consider it a nasty insult.  I was a very conscientious, very hard-working student.  Mrs. A. was ripping me up because another instructor thought one assignment was deficient and I was trying to counter it.  She coldly and sarcastically told me, "You'll never pass boards!"  Guess what: I did pass boards and will forever remain proud of my nursing career!

While the 'insults' stung me at the time, very severely, it did not change my opinion of myself.  I knew what I wanted (graduation and licensure), knew what it would take to get there, and was willing and able to do it!

What brought this to mind was a recent conversation I had with a young person planning her future.  She dreamed of being a physician or a researcher, then added, "But I could never do that.  You have to study some boring things.  If I ever have to study boring things, I just stop.  I can't do it.  If it's something I'm interested in, I can do well.  But I have to like it. I really didn't do well in school."

When she was finished, I told her, "You're really limiting yourself by saying 'can't.'  You have the intelligence to do anything that you want to do.  Most of what people gain is by 95% sheer hard work and the rest by being smart enough.  People that work hard usually get what they want, sooner or later."  I hope she thinks some more about what she wants to do.  She is young, beautiful, talented, and better off financially than most.  She wouldn't have to work in school.

Those who evaluate us have a heavy responsibility to be fair.  I'm certain no one ever thinks we're as high-performing as we think we are, but we're not as bad as our bosses think we are, either!  I know no one wants to give a perfect evaluation because - how could you improve next year - but, please, be fair!

Let's encourage each other to try our best, try new things, if we fail, try something different! God has blessed us all with many gifts.  Let's help the young folks discover their talents and develop them.  Let's be cheerleaders!

The Chalked-Up Pavement

Several weeks after I moved into my current home in September of 2007, I fell and broke my right foot.  Although I was off work for two months, I really spent the rest of the winter somewhat in pain with mild depression.  On one of the last warm, sunny, beautiful days of that Fall season, I looked out my second-story front window and beheld a wondrous sight in the large, circular cul-de-sac where I live.  The neighborhood children had taken colored chalk and drawn pictures all over the entire pavement!  It was so lovely!  I don't even remember one specific drawing but I remember thinking, "Yes, I'm going to like it here."  And I still do.

A neighborhood without children would be so lifeless and dead!  I can't imagine a world without little ones here and there.  All the other homes on the cul-de-sac and my neighbors on the street connecting it have children of various ages.  Sometimes the families pile into their SUVs, everyone carrying sports or picnic equipment.  Sometimes there's a basketball game on a driveway.  Many days the younger ones will ride their bikes in circles in front of the houses or on the sidewalks.  There's always a watchful parent or two or three, sitting in a lawn chair.

There's a difference between the children now and those in Danville, Kentucky, the small town where my children grew up.  Back then, all the kids nearly lived outside in the summers.  There was no air conditioning in the houses - just big fans - so it was cooler out-of-doors.  A large bunch would just take turns in the various yards.  Now, the children come out when it is cooler in the spring or in the evenings in summer.  It's fun just to watch them.

My house has a steep driveway and a hill in the front yard which the children like to use.  Good!

What about you?  Do you like to see children around your neighborhood?  I saw a newspaper article today about couples who were childless, by choice. How sad!  There are so many couples who are unable to have their own babies.  We should spread around those who don't or can't want the babies to those who would like them!

With folks living well into their 80s or 90s these days, there's so much time to "do your own thing."  Children are exciting, challenging, never boring, cute, needy, fun, sometimes demanding, but always fulfilling.  Take the challenge and go with it!

Lord, help me understand these changing times.  Help me see the positive and the good.  Help children be appreciated for what they are, your gifts to the world! 

The "H" Word

It's not what you think.  The "H" word is "Holy."  This seems to be a word and concept totally shunned and missing everywhere in our lives.  When is the last time you heard the word, 'holy,' anywhere spoken?

We strive to be successful, wise, sophisticated, accepting, street-smart, ethical, energetic, friendly, appreciated, poised, respected, diplomatic, mature, worthy of honor, and on and on.  But 'holy?'  Give me a break.  I'm NOT holy!!

Well, why not?  Is it that we feel we're not good enough, that we're so bad we could never be holy?  Is it too much trouble to even think of being holy?  Is 'holiness' a state only reached by a few grumpy saints?  OR: are we afraid there might be much about our lives we might have to change in order to try to be holy?!

If we go to church at all, ever, we're used to singing "Holy, Holy, Holy!"  That's OK.  That's easy.  We're with a bunch of people all singing.  But saying 'holy?'  I don't even remember the preachers preaching about holiness.

Just for fun, why don't we try acclimating ourselves to saying the word, 'holy.'  Say it out loud, 'holy.'  Say it out loud a couple of times, 'holy, holy.'  That didn't hurt!  Now say out loud, 'I want to be holy!'

It's not hard to decide to be holy.  Holiness is a decision, merely the state of wanting to do good in all things.  That, sometimes, will be very hard. Like anything else, the more we practice holiness, the easier it will become.  Holiness leads us to want to pray, communicate with our God in Heaven.  He is always there, helping us, loving us, every minute of our existence.  He knew us before we were conceived in our mother's womb, has 'counted every hair on our heads.'  God wants us to love him, as he loves us.  This is what holiness is.  We can do it!  We can give thanks for everything and everyone that touches us.  We can ask for help in the great things and small things of our lives.  We can praise God, who is all-worthy of our praise and adoration.  This is also what holiness is.

Today, Sunday, the Lord's Day for Christians, may be a special time for us to relax, think about holiness, and immerse ourselves in it.

Lord, you have given us everything we ever have had, everyone who has ever helped us, our every talent.  We thank you and we love you, as you have loved us!  Help us want to be holy!

Reasons to Marry, #7: To Please Our Parents

Situation:  Simone is an attractive single woman, age 36, successful at her office job but not in management, by choice.  Vance is 43, also considered good-looking, a very successful corporate attorney.  Neither has ever co-habitted but both have frequent dates.  Simone was engaged twice, decided to end both relationships, the first due to his alcoholism, and the second due to his workaholicism.  Vance has never been engaged to marry.  Simone and Vance have been dating, happily, for sixteen months.

Simone's mother has been pressuring her for over ten years to marry and "make me some grandchildren. All my friends have grandchildren.  What can I talk about?  Are you going to be an Old Maid?  What did I do wrong?  Are you gay?"  Vance has no such problems with his parents.  They divorced years ago and neither re-married.  They know that Vance was a 'late bloomer' when he started dating and will just wait and see what happens in his life.

Simone really likes Vance - as a good friend.  She just never felt the unmistakable fireworks with Vance that accompanied her falling in love with the men to whom she was previously engaged.  Vance thinks Simone is very special, not like all the other women he's dated, and is seriously thinking about popping the Big Question soon.

Simone is quite aware that Vance feels more serious about their relationship than she does.  She's so tired of her mother's questions and criticism, Simone is considering just pretending she's madly in love with Vance because he's such a really, really nice guy, just to shut up her mother.  What the heck!  They could have a child or two, then they could divorce.  Would that be so bad!

Lessons learned:  As we know, there are many reasons people marry.  Marriage is such a beautiful, lifelong commitment, how could anyone possibly marry without love?  Love is the 'glue' that holds a marriage together in the good times and in the bad times.  After the first flush of romance turns into a pleasant, rock-solid state of quiet happiness, true love deepens even more!  Why not wait for this!

It would be a true betrayal of friendship if Simone went ahead and 'tricked' Vance into thinking she really loved him enough to marry him.  And marrying to have children with divorce in mind?  What pain will be inflicted on Vance, the children, even Simone!

Outcome:  Vance actually did ask Simone to marry him.  She turned him down so gently he is very proud to have her for a friend.  They see each other from time to time but don't consider it dating.  Simone is trying to find the words to confront her mother and tell her to back off.  But then, she wants to be respectful, you know, "Honor thy father and thy mother."  So she'll just answer her mother's whining with, "People are marrying later these years, mother."

Lord, we love happy marriages but there don't seem to be very many of them!  Help all the married folks try very hard to unreservedly love their spouses.  Also help those considering a person for marriage to discover if the love between them is strong enough to be genuine and lasting.  Especially help us all refrain from pressuring another to marry!  We love you as you love us!

Wonder-full Discovery Today!

Today was the best day of Spring so far, to work in the yard, cleaning up dead leaves and fallen tree branches.  With the outdoor temperature in the low 60s, an overcast sky and slight breeze, I was able to start early and get in two solid hours outside.  I planted clumps of daisies and hostas generously donated from my gardener friend, Margaret.  We both sang at a church funeral yesterday and she invited me to lunch at a barbecue restaurant, then afterwards asked if I could use some daisies, "This is the perfect time to plant them," she advised,  "I've got way too many."

My cleaning and planting resulting in a full yard materials recycle bin, I sat down on the patio, drank a diet Dr. Pepper, enjoyed the backyard, and saw all the other areas that needed my attention.  Mentally, I made a list - a very long list.  Then I strolled around the entire yard, front and back, and noted that my labor of the entire seven years I've lived in this house are finally paying off.  Most flower beds with the green leaves popping up, the shrubs, and the trees are doing very well.  The yellow daffodils and newly opened red tulips are just beautiful!

First daffodils in my yard, taken several days ago.

The red tulips are opening!  A hard rain chased me inside earlier today, so this was taken from my second-story bedroom window through a tree!

My delightful discovery: a bird nest with mama bird and two half-grown babies, right outside my dining room window!  

Last year I watched the nest daily, from the time the male and female bird started building the nest.  This year, I had my dining room curtains closed all winter and didn't even know there was a nest.  This is a real blessing!  Note to self: refill the bird feeders soon.  I kept the finch feeder going all winter and it's almost empty also.

What about you?  Are you enjoying our Spring so far this year?  My street is lined with bradford pear trees on both sides of the road.  They've just started blooming, an event I've been awaiting.  Maybe one more day and they'll be in their full glory, looking like clouds of popcorn on a stick.  It is truly wonderful to see nature waking up after such a cold, icy, bleak winter.  All over the city and countryside, the grass is bright Irish kelly green again and the trees are budding  in colors of green, pink, lilac, and white. I think my heart is waking up, too, full of energy and joy.  I want to visit with all my family and friends, and chat on the phone with the ones not nearby.

Lord, you were wise to give us a rest in the winter and give us a glorious awakening to your gorgeous nature in the Spring!  I've often thought of moving to the sea shore, to a place where there was one season, summer, but today I resolve to stay where You have planted me!  Please give us all the awareness of your love for nature and we, your children, today, Lord!  And help us spread that love and joy to all we know!

Misperception, For sure!

My dear dad, Reuben, was a wise, patient man.  I was a quiet, goody-goody girl but my three younger brothers were, well, they were boys!  This incident involved me. One day I was in the bathroom taking care of business.  There was a brand new roll of toilet tissue hanging.  It would not unroll, at all.  I kept twirling it on the holder, round and round it went, I scratched at it as it was turning but it still wouldn't unroll.  I guess my dad, who was downstairs, couldn't stand it any more.  He hollered up the stairs at me, "Whatsa matter, Janice, you gonna unroll the whole thing?"

Dad must have heard the thumpa-thumpa sound of the rotating tissue roll.  I couldn't think of a thing to say, so I said nothing.  Everything was quiet.  So I just silently tore off what was needed.

Remembering this made me wonder how many other 'misperceptions' there are in our lives, things that appear one way but, in reality, are something different entirely.  Concerning relationships, we would do well to avoid all appearances of evil, all events that anyone may misinterpret.

In my church music days, I was naive and accepted rides to practice at church when both of us were married - to other people.  Neither of us ever thought that we were doing anything wrong.  But, after the fact, someone told me, "everyone thought you were having an affair."  Big Shock!  I would have and did thereafter, go out of my way to make sure no one could possibly think that.  Besides possibly hurting our spouses, an affair would have been an offense against God.

There have been plenty of men I knew that were seen (by me) at restaurants having lunch with their secretaries. Was it innocent?  Only God knows!  I'd bet that they all really wouldn't have wanted their wives and children to know.  The 'secretaries' were always much younger and really pretty.  One time in our small town, it actually did lead to a breakup of a marriage.

A recent temptation in this area is 'Facebook' friends.  One spouse starts out innocently (?) starting a friendship on line with a person of the opposite sex.  Somehow it blossoms into romance and they meet in person.  Marriages have ended because of this.  Everyone needs to realize: no marriage is perfect; if you think yours should be, you're a fool!  Work at making it better (it's also a lot cheaper than divorce!).

Dear Lord, one of the wise sayings in Your Book, the Bible, tells us to avoid the appearances of evil.  Lead us to explore more of the wisdom of Your Bible, your guide for our lives.  We really want to do what you tell us is best!

Dreaming. . .

Recently I had occasion, for a church group, to do a "Life Review."  This started with where I was born, who were in my family of origin, where we lived, what kind of church and spiritual experience I had as a child, and what happened to me for the rest of my life.  This was, indeed, soul-searching!  Really, I like to look forward, not backwards, and try to forget the hard times but remember the good things.  So, being honest with myself wasn't exactly a bed of roses!

The ladies in my group are of varying ages, from early twenties clear to eighties.  We are quite open and compatible, and also love each other as sisters.  Our life histories vary wildly.  But we have one major factor in common: we love our God, our church, and seek to grow in love and service.

When I was growing up, even though I was myself a child, I was fascinated with small children.  They were so cute!  I loved to see parents pushing their children in strollers.  After I turned 13 years old, a neighbor asked me to babysit her children, all four of them.  That surprised me because I was only maybe 4 years older than their oldest.  I came to love babysitting and did quite a bit of it right until the time I married at age 20.  Looking back, what I wanted most in life was to have a large family, 10 children, to be exact.  I had no idea everything that would entail, but I thought it would be grand.  There were so many large families, 10, 13 children - and they just seemed happier to me.

How was I to know that this exact wish would be fulfilled!  My husband told me that it was his wish also to have a large family.  It was not easy.  But it seemed that we were both very healthy, the children were healthy, and his job was extremely stable - he has worked at the same job for 51 years now.

We lived in a small town, very, very good to raise children in a small town!  But enough about me.  If you have the inclination, do your own review, 'dreaming' about your past.  Sure, there are many experiences we would just as well have skipped, but if we learned, it helped us.  One thing I learned from this Life Review: I've survived a lot, could not necessarily have predicted where I am now, but am content to know I've done the best with what I have, worked nearly as hard as I could have, and loved as many as I could.  Not bad for an old 'back-woods' Kentucky girl!

Dear Lord, thank you that there are many things in the recesses of our minds that don't bother us much any more and that we look forward to serving you and everyone you have us encounter in the time on this earth that we have left!

The Forgotten Gesture?

In all the rush and busyness of our times, striving to "have it all" and "be all that we can be," there's a missing ingredient of life that has been cast away: gentleness.  We simply don't have time to touch the soft cheek of our child, follow with our eyes a raindrop making its way down our windowpane, or even notice how soft and springy is a real wool sweater.  From the first intrusive blare of the premature alarm clock in the morning, we act like a herd of sheep trying to escape from a packed compound, pushing, bleating "get outa my way."

So what's the point of it all?  Where are we heading?  Is this all there is to life, exhausting ourselves everyday, for what?

The same comment from several Europeans last year during my pilgrimage to Israel and Rome has kept me ruminating about this: "You Americans are always so busy."  I think they're right!  We're too busy!

Now, do we really need the latest, newest (and, the most expensive) of EVERYTHING?  Don't we know plenty of folks who must have the latest phone (even the poor folks have this, somehow!)?  We seem to want the very newest car we can afford.  After a few years, we are dissatisfied with how "out of date" our home decor looks.  And clothes!: we not only need the latest fashions, we need lots of them!  This all takes somebody working more hours to get more money to pay for our indulgences.

It wasn't always like this.  "Dated" used to be a word reserved only for the very wealthy who enjoyed things for a moment, then discarded them.  These 'things' also seemed to include people.  "Does it work?" used to be the criteria for whether anything was of value to the rest of us ordinary folks.

I include myself among those guilty as charged for being too busy.  Although I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest was in second grade, I was gradually drawn into the web of 'worthy volunteerism.'  Looking back, I gave my time far too easily - all for school, church, or community.  One time, I looked back on my calendar and discovered that I actually had, in a year's time, two half-hour periods that were not committed!

What might we try to slow down our lives so we can enjoy this life we have created, by the grace of God?  I propose that we need fewer things. When I was working (up until last June when I retired from nursing, happily), I looked at my ordinary formica kitchen counter top.  It is so "dated," I thought.  A nice granite counter top would be so beautiful, I knew.  Maybe if I worked extra shifts for a few months, I could afford this, I planned.  What could I cut out to be able to do this?  Plenty - but I didn't want to change my mix of work, family, and church.  And my 'old' counter top is quite functional, and not actually bad-looking either.

Another modern time-soaker is television.  Why must we watch all the popular TV shows?  OK, I'm also guilty of "Downton Abbey" addiction, but am seriously trying to just choose several shows to watch, and not just 'watch TV.'  This has freed up so much time.

Hardly any of my friends and family would consider me an aggressive driver, but in my heart-of-hearts, I really am one.  I am trying to consciously let the driver next to me get out of the starting gate first, when the traffic light turns green, and am trying to let one or two of those who need to 'merge,' get in front of me.  That's also slowing me down somewhat.  It's also probably much safer for me and for the world!

Another way to free up more time in our busy lives is to get our activities and things more well organized.  It would certainly be nice to have the leisure to shop for our dinner daily, walking to the market, take our time preparing it, and then in enjoying it.  The reality is that it's cheaper and more efficient to make at least a weekly list of meals, shop once, and do our other errands on as few car trips as possible.  With the price of gas, this is cheaper, not to mention easier on our nerves in traffic!

My daughter #7, Marie, has taught me and her sisters how to organize our homes.  Despite a very busy life herself, Marie has everything in her house neat and in place.  Indeed, she enjoys helping others with their 'clutter,' and may have a business for that when she graduates from college.  A good rule is, if you can do it, "storage at point of use."  Another help is having closets and cabinets neatly stacked and labeled.  This way, you know exactly where everything is and don't have to waste time searching.  (Note to self: alphabetize my spices.)

My last suggestion is for busy parents: engage your children to help in every aspect of work around your home.  There are so many harried parents, usually the moms, doing everything herself, because it is easy, faster, and better done.  Do yourself a favor and give your children the benefit of contributing, give them jobs, according to their level.  You will be amazed at how much time you have, when this is in place!

Children ALL need to be allowed to develop a good work ethic. This cannot be overemphasized!!  Who will support them when we're gone? As soon as they're able, give them small, regular jobs.  Even a 3-year-old can help!  All of my children except one cooperated in this, easily.  That little one didn't want to even put knives, forks and spoons on the table for dinner.  She actually said, "NO!!"  So, I took her little hands and we set the table together until she was willing to do it by herself.  Today, she is an excellent mother and pretty good housekeeper.

If we could spare a few minutes per day for silence and prayer, to talk to God about what's on our minds, that, I promise you, helps to focus on what's the most important tasks.

What do you think: is 'over-busyness' a problem in our culture?  What suggestions do you have to improve how we live, to save time and energy?

Lord, one thing we can't forget is to TAKE the time to pray to you!  If YOU are the center of our lives, we will do the important things and not worry about the others.  We praise you and we thank you for everything, especially the love in our lives!!

The Dumb Cardinal

Please don't be thinking Cardinal = athletic ball team, or Cardinal = official of the Catholic church.  I'm talking, simply Cardinal = red bird!  There's a genuine, real, live male cardinal bird who has directly flown into a window glass in my home many times an hour during daytime for the past 4 days.  No kidding!  He starts from the backyard fence, flies into my family room window, then sits on the small dogwood tree nearby.  Then he starts all over again.

This is not the first time this has happened.  When I first moved into this house in the fall of 2007, I heard sounds on my dining room window.  I was a bit afraid, thinking someone might be trying to get in.  I listened to the sounds all morning, then decided to be brave and peek around the corner of the doorway to check it out.  How strange!  A cardinal flying into the window repeatedly!

I checked with a veterinarian I know who said that seems to be common behavior for cardinals.  They're not big enough to damage a window nor do they fly fast enough to hurt themselves.

This started me thinking about people who are so stubborn (and maybe afraid) for so many years we refer to them as "hitting their heads against a brick wall."  A person I have known for many years was in an impossibly horrible marriage.  She kept "hoping" and "praying" that the abusive husband would somehow morph into a decent human being.  It wasn't happening.  Finally, she decided that it hurt to keep bashing her head into the brick wall, so she would stop!  She gradually figured out for herself what she had to do to leave safely, with her children - and she accomplished it!

It took guts for one person to point out to her, "You know what you're doing?  You're bashing your head against a brick wall.  Nothing has changed nor will it change.  When are you going to decide to quit trying everything when nothing has helped?"

Do you know anyone who may be in that situation?  Do you love her or him enough to be courageous and point out the obvious?  Are you in an impossible situation?  Will you recognize that nothing has changed, will change or can change about your situation, and have the guts to do what you know you have to do?

Dear Lord, we all try to live happy lives.  But in some families or work places, hard-hearted spouses or bosses make life horrible for everyone around them.  We ask you to strengthen our resolve to not endure abuse or tolerate it when we see it.  Thank you for giving us love and courage!

Should Children Decide?

It's happened over and over again: a mom and dad aren't particularly religious, don't attend church regularly, if at all, or mom and dad are at loggerheads about their different religious sects, and either try to bring the children to both of their churches, or don't bring them to church at all.  The result is the same: these parents say, "Let the children decide on their own which religion they want when they're grown up."  And what is the usual outcome: "When they are adults, the great majority will choose the easy way out and HAVE NO RELIGIOUS BELIEFS WHATSOEVER!!

Perhaps when you're young, this won't matter at all to you, but, I promise you, the older you get, the more important it will be to you and it will weigh on your mind what you should have done with your precious children.  When several of my older children had left the nest for college or the Navy, my mom told me: "You had them fast, they will leave fast."  It was so true!  One day, your children are in diapers, then the next day, they're in school, then they're adults.

What are the benefits to your children if you bring them with you to church regularly while they're growing up?  Even if they never set a foot in your church or in any church, they will have a set of beliefs concerning God that will be available to them in times of need.  This benefit can not be understated!  You know how tough life can be!  Sometimes the only comfort a person has is knowing that God loves them and will guide them to a better life.

Other benefits of regular church attendance is the establishment of a support system.  This, also, cannot be overstated.  Church members love to help each other!  One thing: I've heard from so many different folks: I left this church because when my ----- died, no one offered condolences, etc.  Well, I wonder if those people let the church know about the death?  I doubt if ministers and priests have time to scour the newspapers to check if anyone related to their 'flock' passed away.

Another excuse given for lack of church attendance is "I never get anything out of the service."  What do you expect? To be dazzled and entertained?  To have pumped-up music to your liking?  Duh: the ultimate purpose of going to church is to worship God Almighty.  He gives us the whole week;  can't we give him at least an hour back?

Before you reject organized religion altogether, make sure you know what you are rejecting!  If you have not bothered to read about and study your religion since you were a teenager, you still probably have an adolescent faith!  We deserve a mature, adult faith!  I hope and pray you find a faith so engaging that its depths are limitless, that the love you experience is limitless, that you become so 'on fire' with your faith that you want to spread it to everyone you know - especially your children!

I've known several teens to refuse to attend church or go to Sunday school with their parents.  All were allowed to "make their own decision" except one.  He was told, "You may reject the church.  That is between you and God.  But, by golly, you WILL know what you're rejecting.  You have to come to church and Sunday school with us."  And he did.

Lord in Heaven, today is your day again.  I thank you for the privilege and honor of praying to you with my brothers and sisters in church today.  It's so wonderful to see many of the people I know and meet some new folks.  The best of all is hearing your Word!  Thank you for loving us!

Running From Pain

We all have ways to deal with the stress in our lives.  When bad things happen to us, whether expected or sudden, we may scream, overeat, not eat at all, have trouble getting to sleep or not be able to sleep, shop till our credit is blown, punch something, get lost in computer games, drive far and aggressively, drink alcohol in excess, take illegal drugs, pray, get mad at someone who doesn't deserve it, smoke more and more cigarettes or pot, quit a job or a marriage, indulge in too much sex, get a massage, increase your participation in your favorite athletic pursuit, talk with friends or a counselor, feel depressed and not want to get out of bed at all, etc.

Do you recognize yourself in any of this?  I've certainly used several of these coping methods over the years.  Generally, I've screamed the two times I've come home to several inches of water in my first floor.  Then I get over it, turn the water off and go from there.  For long-lasting stress, I inherited the quick and easy habit of overeating from my mom and grandma, although we've had success now and then in trying to deal with the source of stress instead of just eating to self-medicate.  I could spend my life on computer games, but, well, there was a job and the usual shopping, etc.  Besides, I gave up computer games for Lent.

Some of these methods are healthy; we know that some are not healthy.  If we realize what we are doing is not healthy, it's in our best long-term interests to resolve to quit.  Quitting a bad habit cold turkey while you get support from family or friends is a proven way to quit many harmful activities.

There seems to be a greater level of stress associated with living in America in 2014.  Perhaps the level of stress these days depends on how many hours of television news we assimilate every day or week.  The world is right in our faces - over and over again, the same tragedies - Ben Gazzi, tornadoes, shootings, bombings, stabbings, murders, over and over again.  The political situation couldn't be more polarized than it is today.  The many commercials in themselves are aggravating and stressful.

Certainly, we need very much to know what is going on in the world both far and local, but how much and how often?  I've known several people who got so depressed by watching local TV news night after night (one called it 'just the police news') that they turned the news off permanently and just read about it in the newspaper. (I like to mute most commercials!)

There's no solution for ridding ourselves of sources of stress but perhaps we can take life a little slower and easier.  Perhaps we can drive a little slower and not try to get back at those who try to cut us off or grab the parking place we've sharked out before we can.  Perhaps we can speak a little softer and more gently to all we meet, especially our families.  Perhaps we can try to lower everyone else's level of stress.  Maybe in doing that, we can all help each other cope.  And yes, I've taken a lifetime to learn that if we share our pain with those we love, they will support us in our own hard times.

Dear Lord, help us to GET A GRIP on what is stressing us!  Help us deal with what we can and tolerate what we can't affect.  Help us help each other.  While we're at it, we know that praying or talking with You, dear Lord, is perhaps the best and easiest and cheapest and healthiest way to deal with any and all stress!

Mama's Pink Tub

My dear parents, Adeline and Reuben, were increasingly financially successful in their life together.  It was sheer hard work and sacrifice, on their parts!  After dad retired, they lived on the west coast, then they moved to the east coast.  Every house they built was more beautiful and much larger than the last one.  Finally they downsized and moved to a small condo in a high-rise in Texas, where they died.  Today I'm remembering the grandest home on the east coast where mother had a pink tub.  It was not an ordinary tub, it was square, spacious, carnation pink, and jetted.

Once when I visited them, I asked mother if I could try out the pink tub.  She quickly stopped me with, "Oh, no!  Then I'd have to clean it!"  Well, what was I to say?  If I had been quick enough, I could've countered with, "No problem.  I'll clean it when I'm finished."  But I was a bit shocked and sad because I had never been in a tub with jets everywhere.  (I was permitted to use her shower.)

What are the 'pink tubs' in my life?  What do I have that is so valuable and precious to me that I won't share it with my loved ones? Probably my favorite thing in the whole world is my piano.  I bought it with my inheritance from dad.  It is a shiny black, baby grand piano.  I actually took a black marker and wrote on the blank wooden underside the date I bought it and that "It was bought to console myself after the death of my dear father."  (Mother had died first.)

So I debated with myself, "Should I let anyone else touch it besides me?"  "What about little grandchildren with gooey hands?"  What if they pound on it with toys and break some keys?"  It didn't take long to decide that I wanted to encourage them to play the piano so, if gooey hands touched the piano, I would just clean it.  But I'd watch them with toys!  Since then, I've been able to teach several of them - whoever was interested - how to play the piano.

Now I'll search to see if there are any other 'pink tubs' in my life.  What about you?  Are you withholding something that you could share?  What will we do?

Lord God, everything we possess, everything we achieve, is a gift from you.  Help us use each and every item and skill for your greater glory and to help everyone we encounter!  We love you!

The Strong and The Weak

Most domination of one country or tribe by another was achieved by pure physical strength: the more strong guys or devices which could kill another you possessed, the more land you could take by brute force. Those who are so overtaken pay a heavy price.  They may have to or choose to leave their country and be refugees in a foreign land. If they stay or have to stay in their own land, they may be made slaves of the strong masters, in one way or another.

 In our relationships, there are also principles of strength and weakness: the raw bully will get his or her way over the person who gives in.  In my working life, I had a few bosses who fit the label, "Bully."  You've met the type: knows everything worth knowing, certainly even knows more than even their bosses, makes their own rules,  hires and fires without impunity, comes and goes as they please, is feared and hated by all except a select few rewarded for their spying, looks at everyone trying to discover the slightest wrong action yet tells many large and small lies themselves.

What about our personal relationships?  If we've ever been dominated by a bully father or mother, by a husband or wife, by a brother or sister, or by one of our 'friends,' we know the pain of having to constantly appease the bully.  Perhaps we've been forced into this relationship unknowingly or been taken advantage of.   The weaker person may have chosen to give in a little and then the bully took all.

How does the Bully attain this lofty position of getting everything desired?  Pure intimidation!  "You don't do this and I'll do this to you!!"  It may be spoken or unspoken.  Why does the Bully engage in bully behavior?  Pure evil and meanness, probably, but deep inside, the bully is terrified of the other person leaving.

In my own family, my dear mother, Adlen, had lessons in how to be a wimp.  Heavily dominated by Grandma, Mom did everything Grandma ever demanded.  Looking back, I see that Dad, me, and my three brothers paid a price for this but we didn't know it when we were young.  Finally, Mom made the choice to stay with Dad and us and we moved away.  I don't know how my mother gathered the strength - probably only because she loved us and Grandma also - but she did.  Our dad gently encouraged her to know that she could make choices.  In time, they enjoyed a wonderful, 'equal' marriage, in which both of them were respected and fulfilled. There are more family dynamics involved in this situation, but it would take a book to explore it!

It requires more thought, more kindness and love to maintain an equal relationship, one where both individuals listen to the other and both express their desires. This is truly an "interdependent relationship."  It is more work than the bullying-submitting victim relationship, but it is pure joy to be part of such a friendship!

Lord, we know in our hearts whether we are a 'bully' type person or whether we're a 'pushover.'  Help us, we pray, to be strong but not domineering, especially when it comes to every other person in our lives.  Help us also to encourage the gentler, weaker people to stand up for themselves, for we know that you, Oh Mighty One, stand by us all!

Clouds in Our Lives

By and large, we create our own happiness or our own misery.  Yes, there are many things beyond our control that we have to deal with, but our attitude determines our happiness.

Some days, we have the luxury of feeling great and energetic; every event seems to go our way.  No one cuts us off in traffic.  The line is short at the grocery and the clerk is not a trainee.  No bills arrive in the mail.  Our family or friends don't call with even slightly bad news.  Wonderful!

But life is not perennially great.  There are the days we may wake up with a headache and everything goes downhill from there.  Nothing seems to go our way.  It's like there are angry black clouds over our heads which won't go away.

Usually, our days may be a mixture of nice and not-so-nice happenings.  We know there will be less desirable events.  We do our best to plan and prevent major adverse events but many things are going to hurt us.  Hopefully, the hurts won't be terrible and long-lasting.  We WILL have to deal with them all.

Our happiness and, at times, our very survival depends on our own personal outlook, our attitude: do we have HOPE that life will be good in our future?  Do we believe that, no matter what happens to us or our families, that GOD will bring GOOD out of it?  Or, do we sincerely believe that, no matter what we do, bad things are always going to happen?

Do you think that having hope, believing with all your heart, that even in the bad times, God is with us, sometimes 'carrying' us, and good times will return, is unrealistic or 'Pollyanna-ish' or even stupid?  Do people who see the good in everything bother you?  Perhaps you need to re-consider your attitude.  You may be depressed or you simply may have a pessimistic attitude.

Research has proven that those with optimistic attitudes feel better and live longer.  This is a bit cerebral, not so black-and-white, but something to consider when we have time: How optimistic am I?

Dear Lord, sometimes it is hard to know that YOU are in control of us all.  That is wonderful!  You are all-knowing and all-loving!  Even when others SIN against us, or when we are the victims of our own sins, you love us and help us if we just ask you.  Help us think of you in both the good times and in the bad times.  We know you love us!

Our Children Learning From Us

A bunch of us friends were sitting around the other day.  All had been married and divorced at least once, and several were in their second or third marriage.  We talked about what we would have done "if only we had known" before we married, in those which ended up in divorce.  No one would have married the spouse who turned out to be a louse!

What were common themes?  If a spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict, there's virtually no chance of a successful marriage.  I know of only one friend out of dozens who had married alcoholics, or whose spouses became alcoholics after marriage, who was still married to the one and only spouse.  Also, if one spouse cheats on another, there's virtually no chance of the marriage lasting much longer.  Again, I know only one friend out of dozens whose spouse cheated on them who is still married to the original spouse.  Those are very, very bad odds!

While you can't with 100% accuracy predict who will turn into substance abusers or cheaters after marriage, you can notice who drinks too much and who 'has a wandering eye' before marriage.  There is one thing we need to be emphasizing to our children: the best predictor of future behavior is PAST BEHAVIOR!!  Never think that because they see us in a bad marriage, see all the pain of any kind of abuse, that they will learn!  If we put up with abusive behaviors, the children WILL LEARN how to abuse and how to be a victim!  We have seen this over and over in our children's marriages and, sad to say, also in their divorces.

It is true that often girls marry someone like their fathers and boys marry women like their mothers.  That is why it is so critical that we outright tell them to never tolerate abuse and also that WE NEVER TOLERATE ABUSE!  Prevention is so very much easier than the cure.

It's a rare young person who will ask one or both of his or her parents, "What do you think of ----- (potential wife or husband)?"  Sorry to say, it is also rare that a mother or father will answer with wisdom.  Instead, the young marry too young without any guidance from us because we have not yet established a loving, adult relationship with them.

What should we do if an adult child is considering marrying or is living with someone we know is definitely "bad news?"  Most of us will, and have, remained silent. We don't want to alienate our child by pointing out the potential hazards of his or her 'choice.'  And we watch them enter into a predictably tragic liason with predictably tragic results, sometimes extending to their children.

What if we acted courageously and told them, "Look, I don't want to meddle in your business but I would like to comment on --- as a potential mate.  He (or she) has some good qualities (if that's true) but this one thing (substance abuse, lack of work ethic, etc.) may make life miserable for you, and any children you may have, in the future.  I love you and feel you deserve better." At least, it will give them something to think about.  At best, they will avoid the misery of having to divorce an abusive partner.  It would help us to pray before we begin!!

Lord, when it comes to our adult children, we know we have to be careful when we criticize.  Give us the raw guts to carefully and gently and rarely give good advice to our adult children. Thank you, O Wisdom of the Universe!