Abandonment by a Friend

Situation:  My first major direct, personal, sleazy, lying hurt came from Alicia, a child-care center owner,  (Remember, no real names, just real situations!)  Alicia and I met at an elementary school P.T.A. meeting where our children, the same ages, attended.  We had a lot in common and would get together frequently one summer as our daughters played.

With the end of summer approaching and the start of school coming up, I had to make a decision for after-school care.  Now I knew Alicia owned a day care center but I had been taking my older children to another center I particularly liked.  I decided to stay with the old familiar center and told Alicia.  She said not a word.

Several months later, my newest baby was due.  I asked Alicia if she would stay with the children to allow my husband to visit me one evening in the hospital.  She readily agreed.  The time came, we had a new baby girl!  Later that evening, I was waiting for my husband.  Several hours passed by and he called: Alicia never showed up and her phone was not being answered.  No visit that night! I was worried that something happened to Alicia and called her the next week.  She tried hard to find the words but muttered that her husband was out-of-town, she had to pick him up from the airport in another town.  No apology.  No plausible explanation.  Months later I found out this was not true.  Alicia had deliberately hurt me!  My friend!

Lessons learned:  There's always time for a quick phone call or text message in an emergency.  Be very careful if there are clear conflicts between what is expected from you and what you want to do.  This doesn't mean we have to go against what we know is best, especially when our families are involved.  It means we have to communicate our intentions and even our reasons to our friends.  It should have been a 'red flag', a warning to me when Alicia accepted this major decision from me directly against her center without a word.

The outcome:  Alicia and I never again met as friends.  When the owner of my preferred child-care center retired two years later, I had another decision.  Should I consider Alicia's center or another?  I decided to go with Alicia's center.  Although I certainly could not trust her as a friend, I knew she ran a good center.  She actually was shocked I would do this but accepted my child and treated her very well.  On that level, things worked well.