The Challenge: This is a serious quest to spare everyone I encounter the wrenching PAIN of tragic, twisted relationships. But the bonus is learning how to find the wonderful, solid and reliable, interesting people who will truly CARE about you! Many years ago while in the middle of my worst relationship ever, I found the answer to what had been nagging at me: how could I have avoided all this pain? Had I known what to look for in a friendship, in a marriage, I would have ran the other way fast!
A bit of background: I'm on the edge of retiring from my favorite nursing job. Thirteen years ago when I was between jobs, I started writing a book for my children and grandchildren. Now I want to finish it and I need your help. Over my life many friends have come and gone and I've kept the best. I've worked as a psychiatric nurse and counseled patients. I've studied many books on understanding people and gone to workshops. Then I created a new approach to sorting out compatible people from those who crush others and I want to share it. I've conversed with many folks about their failed relationships and learned what works, what doesn't, who to avoid, contacts to nourish.
In this blog, let's together examine our failed connections, the ones filled with loneliness and pain, either emotional or physical or both. Let's find out what were the warning signs we ignored and learn what to avoid in the future. Let's look forward to a future of love and fulfillment!
One important guideline to start our exploring: we can't hurt anyone by giving real names or other identification when presenting our difficult relationships. We don't want real people reading this, recognizing themselves and being hurt. Since we're searching for happiness, those good feelings won't be built by squashing others!
I have been dating my boyfriend who is 40 for 4 years. within the past year his family stopped talking to me for no reason at all. We are not even engaged. These people are horrible and causing problems in our relationship. I know to ignore them, I try. The hard part is that he still associates with them. No matter what he does bad my family still cordial to him. Help!!
ReplyDeletePlease go to the latest blog entry on Tuesday, November 5, 2013, "Marrying the Family #2" for a detailed reply to your question. I seriously hope and pray this helps you!
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog, and I must say I'm impressed with how prolific and insightful you are. You approach each situation with utmost care, offer open and not overly opinionated advice. You view things in a unique and inspiring perspective. I look forward to reading more in the future as I have time to do so.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to mention my own situation briefly. I've been in what I thought was a good relationship for over a decade. I'm married and we have a child. Things have always been kinda crazy, at times like the worst roller coaster you wish you could get off but knew would never end. Even when we were dating. At one point we had "broken up" for a short period of time, and yet still managed to get back together. Why, neither of us knows, not even to this day. Loneliness? Desperation? It's uncertain, but it's become a huge regret for both of us.
Now, after some very revealing things became known within the past several months, he wants to throw it all away. At first it seemed a wise decision, we were planning on being cautious, approaching things as adults and falling back on friendship to carry us through the turmoil and make things as peaceful as possible. Lets be honest. Divorce is not peaceful.
Last month he put up an online dating profile...before we had even started filing paperwork. He claims he did this to avoid the eventual loneliness he knew he would have once we were finally separated and needed "closure". (By that I'm guessing he means another bed-mate?) He now has a "girlfriend" whom he met barely two weeks ago. They're constantly talking whenever he isn't working, have gone on a date and are even planning the next one. Hes become brutally aggressive, borderline violent towards me (but thankfully not towards our child) I'm becoming a shell of the person I once was, and am so numb at this moment. I hardly recognize myself anymore.
How are we supposed to last through this final process in that "peaceful" manner we once sought out? Why did we bother staying together this long if we clearly weren't meant to be? I was raised in a somewhat old fashioned manner in that you find that special someone and that's it - thick and thin, you make it work. All I ever wanted was the cliche quaint house with the white picket fence and happy children running around and a man who I loved -- who loved me! no matter what. I know that things will work out eventually...but I'm so confused right now. Crushed in every way possible. What should I have done differently? How can I prevent this kind of heart break in the future and protect myself, and my child from predators like my husband? I realize this is a lot to ask...and quite possibly, there is no answer except that only time will tell. Regardless. While I am feeling stable at the moment, I'm uncertain how long I can maintain my composure.
Please go to the latest blog entry on Wednesday, November 6, 2013, "Jumping Ship" for a reply. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile! You WILL get through this!
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