Games, #3: The Sick Card

Game: a way of behaving that is predictable and has a payoff for the person playing it.

Probably most of us have known the classic hypochondriac: the person who is always having surgery or recovering from surgery, the person with vague symptoms who has tried for years to get disability payments and finally gets them.  These are the people who then go out and buy new cars, the people with 'back problems' who help their friends move every time they're needed, the ones whom we suspect are healthier than we are.

One time I had a neighbor who walked fine inside his home but put on his leg brace when he went outside "In case someone from the Welfare Office was spying."  On our hospital nursing unit, we had several patients who wanted (or demanded) cab vouchers to go home because they couldn't climb up on a bus.  We'd ask them, "How'd you get here?"  If they said, "I took the bus," the social worker wouldn't give them the cab voucher.

Jack missed every single family gathering for many years because he didn't "feel well enough to come," according to his long-suffering wife, Emily.  Funny thing was that Emily got cancer, it turned out to be inoperable, and she died several months later.  At her funeral, Jack looked very well, strong actually, and cried how much he missed her.  What was Jack's payoff?  The disability check.  He has had no more surgeries since the payments started.

Jenny is a young woman who is learning to play the 'sick card.'  In her late twenties, she hasn't worked for 3 1/2 years.  How does she live?  She sponges off relatives who feel sorry for her.  And she pretends to be depressed. Various family members have paid for many medical tests and many different kinds of medicines which Jenny never takes because she doesn't like the way they make her feel.  Her payoff: she gets to sit around and play computer games all day, every day.

Lance was a different sort of sick person.  He actually has asthma but has never fully followed the doctor's instructions. He hasn't worked in nearly fifteen years.  If asked why he doesn't work, Lance says, "I have asthma."  Now how many folks do you know that work, even are world-class athletes, with asthma?  The inhalers these days are wonderfully effective.  Lance's relatives also take pity on him.  Lance's payoff: people wait on him hand and foot because he 'might have an attack.'

In "Behavioral Influences in Healthcare," a nursing psychology class, we were taught about the 'sick role.'  A usually healthy person gets sick.  He or she is expected to 1) do what the doctor says, 2) rest, then 3) get back to normal and take over usual responsibilities.  Problems begin when the sick person likes being relieved of his/her responsibilities and decides to prolong time off by manipulating someone else.  This is very hard on the person doing double-duty.

To really play a 'game,' it takes two people, minimum, the 'sick' person, and the 'rescuer.'  This is really a strange game!  Sometimes the sick person decides it would be better just to get up and work.  But the rescuer likes being important and telling the sick person what to do.  The newly recovered person needs to stand up and say, "I appreciate your doing all the house cleaning or balancing the checkbook or shopping (or whatever), now I'm able so I'll be doing it again.

Every one of us has had to take time off to recover from an illness.  Then we improve and get back to Life without another thought.  If you feel you are being 'played' by a person using the 'sick card,' get the perspective of several other persons.  You may need to confront the player and set ground rules: "Your doctor says you are fully recovered. As of -----, I'll no longer be bringing you groceries."  You may be doing the person a big favor by encouraging (or by insisting on) independence.

Other Games explored in this blog were Game #1: "Job Seeking," February 10, 2014, and Game #2, "Poor Little Me," March 11, 2014.

Lord, we pray, please give us compassion for all those who are sick, and please help them fully recover!