There were two of them, a girl and a boy, from widely separated large urban areas of the United States, and they didn't know each other. They had something quite different in common, something different from all the other children they knew: they lived in a basement. And they came to hate it.
The girl was Amy. She was one of the "middle" children of a large family. Her father didn't believe in having any debt, not even for a car or for a house. When she was six years old, her father had saved enough money to buy a small lot and build a basement for the house they would someday have. The family lived in the basement. It was strange to have a house in the neighborhood that was not really a house, just a basement with a tar covering, but that's where the family lived. It was better than living in the basement of her grandparents' house.
The family lived in a part of the country that had a lot of snow in the winter. Most of the years, snow would cover the basement from October till May. Amy thought that they just lived underground, like a mole.
Amy would never bring a friend home, she was much too embarrassed. She soon decided that it was better to not have friends than to have them know where she lived. She grew to adulthood in the basement. She especially hated the little windows close to the ceiling where not much light would come into the dark rooms.
She was only 19 years old when she married a nice older man. She never had to live in a basement again. It was when her own children were small that Amy's father had saved enough to build the rest of his house. He never came to visit Amy and her family but Amy's mother visited them several times. Amy was my friend and I think she forgave her father for making her friendless in her growing-up years. She made her house the center of the neighborhood, a place where all her children's friends were welcome.
Bobby also lived in a basement but his history involved his parents getting divorced when he was a preschooler. Their dad never gave them any money. His mother worked hard as a waitress and the only thing she could afford for her three boys was a small basement apartment. The boys also were supremely embarrassed about where they lived. They also never brought anyone home to play.
Once Bobby's brother, Paul, brought home a high school girlfriend to visit. Paul waited till his landlady, who lived in the house upstairs, was gone. He brought the girl only to the upstairs and she thought that was where he lived.
Bobby was one of my high school boyfriends for a couple of months. He took me to meet his mother in the basement apartment once. I felt so sorry for him. It was so dark and so shabby. His mother looked so tiny and sickly. It's a small world. I found out much later that he married a girl from my school and was a quite successful businessman who died before he was fifty.
Amy is now also deceased. With the modern building codes, I doubt whether a situation like Amy's family living in a basement for many years could happen - fortunately! In Bobby's situation, the child support enforcement seems to be more effective; with more money, they could have lived in a more suitable house or apartment.
There are many other children who are so hurt by their family situations that they are afraid to bring anyone home with them. Many of my psychiatric patients had one or both parents who were alcoholics. The tragedy of this is immense. In this 21st century, there is a new threat: one or both of the parents could be drug addicts.
Everyone deserves a wonderful childhood. It is hard - but not impossible - to climb out of the pain of a difficult childhood. The wounds may heal but the scars remain.
We never know what burdens another may have endured; we never know what burdens another may be carrying now. Perhaps we need to be more gentle with one another.
Lord in heaven, we know that all the hard times we endure and all the good times we enjoy are meant to help us grow in wisdom so eventually we see that you are the Supreme Good who never changes, always loves us! Help us create a world where each and every one of your children and adults are cherished and nourished.
No comments:
Post a Comment