Gifts, Really?

Situation: Marcy was talking once about her gift-receiving problem.  She had fond memories of her husband, Howard, before they were married, giving her lovely, expensive gifts: jewelry, fur accessories, and candy.  Since they had been married, he gave her 100% practical gifts, for both her birthdays and for Christmas.  He was in the habit of sending her a card for every occasion, even the anniversary of their first date, before they were married.  The cards continued after marriage, only fewer of them.

Marcy had told Howard several times, she appreciated the heavy flannel pajamas, kitchen appliances, and other stuff she could use, but really would like something more personal, like he used to give her, even if it was inexpensive.  Howard continued to ignore her and gave her a blanket, diet cookbooks, and one, time, a man's heavy terrycloth robe.

Marcy knew it was 'the thought that counted,' and she didn't know why Howard ignored her.

Lessons learned:  The key word in this account is "ignore."  Surprises are fun, but if a 'practical' gift is specifically not wanted, why would someone continue to give them?  The answer was in Howard's other behavior.  One time, for one of their wedding anniversaries, Howard took Marcy out to dinner and a movie.  Marcy was feeling pretty good about this until Howard told her, "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the children."

Another lesson: Marcy felt that the diet cookbooks were given just as another way of nagging her to lose weight.  She knew she was overweight but just couldn't deal with it then.  This was really not a gift.

Outcome:  Several years later, the couple divorced.


Our take-away on this:  So many folks give the gifts that they themselves would like to have.  It takes a lot of thought to find out what the other person likes and give that, but it shows a lot of love it you try.