A recent episode of PBS's "Downton Abbey" showed the wealthy American dowager visiting the Abbey family and being pursued by an elderly titled but poor English gentleman. Being a woman of the world, she saw through his scheme and, in the end, told him she had no intention of marrying again but was 'amused' by his attention.
Situation: Grace and Eddy were married five years and had a four-year-old daughter. Grace had dearly loved Eddy when they were married but he killed every shred of that love by continuing to do drugs and hang around with his friends nearly every night. When they married, Grace assumed that Eddy would settle down to his job as a manager and family life. In slightly over a year, Eddy was fired and settled down to a life of drugs with his friends.
Where did Eddy get the money to quit work and pay for all the drugs: his parents. They were wealthy and gave him everything he asked for, no questions asked. Eddy never appeared 'stoned' in front of his mom and dad. They felt sorry for him, that 'because of the economy,' Eddy couldn't get a job.
Grace tried every way to help Eddy, suggested they go to counseling together, thought of going to the police and reporting his friends but didn't. Finally, Grace decided to stay in the marriage because sooner or later, Eddy's parents would die and Eddy would inherit a good-sized fortune. After two more years, Grace was so upset by the useless Eddy, how in addition to his hardly ever being home, when he was home, he was nasty to her and their daughter. Grace divorced Eddy. There was a lengthy court battle because Eddy's parents wanted Eddy to have custody of his daughter. It was concluded when Grace told Eddy's parents about the drug use and that she would go to the police if they didn't stop and let her have full custody of her daughter.
Lessons learned: First, if you want to assume anything about a person you're dating, assume that he or she will continue all behaviors after marriage. Could you tolerate that? Next, if a person you're dating has any degree of a drug problem or alcoholism, run, run, run the other way fast! Those people are poison to you! They can be extremely manipulative! Don't fall for a lie, "All I need is a good woman to settle me down" or "All I need is someone to love me."
What about money? Is it worth it to wait 10 - 20 - 40 years for the possibility of inheriting someone's money? Many wealthy folks lost their fortunes due to poor management or reckless spending over the years? What if you waited and never got anything? Are you willing to gamble on that? The old folks used to say, "Marry for money and you'll earn it."
You decide: Is marrying or staying married for money a good way to live?
Dear Lord in heaven, when we have life-changing decisions in our relationships, help us see the reality of all our options. We thank you for your never-failing help!
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