Do you remember the popular Nicholas Sparks' novel, "Message in a Bottle"? In it, the main character, a man who lives on the North Carolina coast in America, has given up on love and desperately puts a message in a bottle and throws it into the ocean. Months later, the bottle is picked up from the ocean at Cape Cod, Massachusetts, by a woman. Many complications intervene but ultimately they find love.
Some folks are like that bottle their whole lives. They let life happen to them, never having plans, hopes, perhaps even, desires. Psychologists call that an "external locus of control." In other words, drifting people are certain that nothing they do could improve their lives. How could they possibly be happy?
You'll no doubt agree that just because a young adult reaches the ages of 18 or 21, he or she is not necessarily mature. True maturity means that you accept personal responsibility for your actions. You cannot "blame" anyone except yourself for what happens in your life.
We are affected by many influences: our family upbringing (or lack of it), including where we lived, the resources available to us, the amount and quality of our education, our general health, even the political climate of the day. No matter what has happened to us before we are adults, WE ARE personally and individually RESPONSIBLE for the outcome of the rest of our lives!
It has occurred so many times in America, this wonderful land of the free: women and men from the direst poverty, the near total lack of education, or with the poorest health have risen to become giants of industry, entertainment, and other fields. The bottom line is: we can't BLAME anyone but OURSELVES if we don't reach a reasonable amount of success in life! We need to take ourselves where we are right now and go from there.
This involves first evaluating our personal situation at the moment. What kind of family situation do we have? Are we working? Is this a job or career we enjoy? How is our health? Could we improve? Where do we live? Is this a good choice? This won't take a great deal of thought on our parts.
If you're not happy with many aspects of your life at present, try this: Take a piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write: "Good Things in My Life," and on the other side, write: "Bad Things in My Life." Think about this and write your every situation and concern, no matter how trivial, in one of the columns.
Now, the first important part of this process of self-discovery: Take another piece of paper and mark a line down the middle. On the top of one side, write, "Things I Can Change," and on the other side, write: "Things I Can't Change." You will find that, except for your height, most things in your life YOU can eventually change, for the better.
Some things in your life that you would like to change may take years. So what! If you're unhappy in a low-paying job, you can get enough education to rise to a better job, even if it takes years of WORK and SACRIFICE! Are you 20-ish? 50-ish? 75-ish? Don't let your age ever, ever limit you! Go back to school if you want to, just for the fun of it, if you want to, even if you can only take one course at a time. Will it be worth it? You better believe it!! Not only will you learn new things, you will meet new people and feel lots better about yourself.
A certain family member of mine had never finished college. At the age of 47, she wanted to do that, but thought she was too old. After all, she hadn't been in school for more than 27 years. Somebody told her: well, in 2 or 3 years, you'll be the same age regardless of whether or not you go back to school. But you'll never know what could happen unless you don't try! Yes, it was very hard but she did it!
What if you're in an abusive marriage? Always remember that a true marriage relationship means that both people are trying their best. If you think you're doing all the work, you need to have a serious talk with your spouse. Don't let a bad situation brew. You may have decisions to make. Talk with people you trust. A bad situation doesn't need to remain the same!
Recently in the news was the capture by Somalian pirates of Captain Rich Phillips, an American cargo ship commander. A movie, "Captain Phillips," shows what happened. This is also a reality of life: bad things happen to us, periodically, things that are out of our control. We can get an abscessed tooth. We can lose a job, a family member to death, all sorts of losses. But we have to deal with these 'pirates' of our lives as best we can.
Some folks believe that God causes bad things to happen to us. I think that God loves us so much he gives us freedom of choice - but if things don't turn out right, we have to live with the consequences of our own bad choices and also the results of others' bad choices.
If you believe that you can affect the outcome of your life, psychologists would say you have "an internal locus of control." This is a very important topic that affects every aspects of our lives. We will explore more about this in future "If I Had Only Known" blogs. For now, decide whether or not you truly believe what you decide and what you do can affect, for the better, your life.
BTW (by the way), the book, "Message in a Bottle," was also made into a movie. I high recommend it and the movie, "Captain Phillips," as great entertainment.
Lord of us all, help us to truly take responsibility for our choices, help us choose the best - what you want us to do. Please help us also accept the consequences of our choices. Help us work WITH the others in our lives to choose well.
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