The Winner?

Situation:  Frank loved to play games, all kinds of card games and board games.  As the oldest of four boys, he grew up as the substitute for his parents' bridge club.  Right after college Frank married his high school sweetheart, Ada.  Early on, Frank and Ada bought a Scrabble game and he taught her how to play.  The two of them had great fun - but Frank always won.  Ada was no dummy and caught on quickly.  It was the two-letter, obscure words she had to learn to fill in the little spaces that was the most challenging aspect.

Frank prided himself on keeping statistics.  He loved numbers and kept track of everything.  He knew exactly where every penny he ever earned was spent, since he was twelve years old and had his first job caddying at a local golf course.  Naturally, Frank knew the dates and scores of every single Scrabble game he and Ada had ever played. He kept a dictionary on the table to check whether the words Ada made were actual words in the dictionary.  "Looking back," Ada mentioned, "I never thought of checking to see whether all the words Frank made were real words.  I just accepted them."

Ada enjoyed playing Scrabble with Frank and she always tried her best.  After several years of Frank winning, Ada won a game!  She was so pleased with herself!  She not only won but she had the highest score ever in any game with Frank: over 500 points!!  She had drawn a "Q" and made a triple-to-triple word, "quagmire."

She knew it was mostly the luck of drawing particular letters.  Yet Frank was not happy for Ada.  He was devastated!  How could Ada beat him?  He didn't understand it at all.  After that, he refused to play Scrabble with Ada.  She didn't understand why he was so picky.

Lessons learned:  Anything in this life, anything, can be taken to extremes!  Over the years of marriage, Ada would come to know Frank very well and realize that even in the world of Perfectionists, Frank was the worst!  He was obsessed with everything, EVERYTHING, he did being 100% perfect.  Frank thought HE was PERFECT!

The underwear in his chest of drawers had to be folded perfectly and stacked perfectly.  Ada did the laundry and Frank had to re-fold everything before he put it in his drawers.  Perfect statistics of all sports games - and he WAS obsessed with watching ALL sports games on TV - anything that used a ball - were kept on stacks and stacks of papers.  Then Frank would make 'predictions' about which team would win.  He was really mad when the team he carefully chose would lose!

One thing that was good and useful in Frank's obsession with being perfect: he kept perfect track of every penny spent.  Since he was too nervous to have anything except an 'entry level' job, this really stretched their money and enabled the family to survive financially.  Frank always did the income taxes every year.  On the other hand, Ada and the children had to ask Frank for money if they needed it.  His first answer was always, "No!"  He was extremely stingy in every way.

Outcome:  As Ada and I were looking back on her life, Ada expressed, "You know, I came to pity Frank.  It was so hard for him to maintain the facade of the Perfect Man but he actually believed it.  I also came to the knowledge that PITY is NO substitute for LOVE!  I still could have stayed with him, stayed in a loveless marriage, for the children. But he couldn't tolerate that me and the children not only were not perfect, but that we didn't care about being perfect.  He was very mean, abusive, if you get right down to it, and I knew I shouldn't and wouldn't tolerate this.  I left Frank."

Our Take-away:  Try to prevent being in a close relationship with someone who is clearly a perfectionist in all things.  It practically can't be done; frustration will be the inevitable result, perhaps depression, in addition.
Some young people seem to be drawn to others having difficulties whether it be financial or in making friends or having a chronic illness.  It needs to be said again, PITY is NO substitute for LOVE!  You cannot base a marriage, a life, or perhaps even a friendship on pity.  Yes, you can be sad for other's misfortune; you can help out.  But a relationship must be a two-way affair!  Both must care for and respect each other, and be mentally healthy persons.

Lord God, you are the only Perfect One.  We will try our best in whatever we do in life and know that it's all right.  Guide us to have wisdom in choosing our friends and spouses.  Please guide us to know your great, perfect love for us, and help us spread love to all we encounter!