Background: Now haven't we all known people who had to be in Total Charge of Everything, no doubt about it, they knew what was best for everyone on the planet. At one time, I had two in my acquaintance who acted as if each one was God. Not only did they believe that they knew everything, that their opinions and judgments were the best, they acted as though no one else's opinions were even worth considering. One of them would have controlled everyone's thoughts, if that were possible! I remember thinking, at the time, they both act like they're God. Funny thing is, they each have nearly opposite views on everything. I thought that God was supposed to know everything. There cannot be two gods!
Situation: This is about a long-married couple, Edna and Jim. I got to know them later in their years. Edna had a chronic illness for most of her life. We started talking about what medicines she was taking. Jim chimed in, pulled a list out of his wallet, and named each drug and its dosage. It was obvious Edna didn't even know what meds she was taking.
Fast forward several years: Jim, heretofore the picture of health, is diagnosed with and dies of cancer. Can you imagine the panic in Edna! She has never balanced a checkbook, she has never taken a car in to be serviced, and she has never paid a bill in her entire life.
One morning not very long after Jim's death, the electric power goes off in Edna's house. She calls the power company. They report, "There's a balance of over $400.00. This has not been paid for over 3 months. It is our policy to discontinue service." Edna asks, "I can't afford that, if I pay part of it, will you turn back on the power?" They agree, "Yes, we'll have it on before 5 o'clock today."
Can you imagine how hard life became for Edna?
Outcome: To pay bills, Edna lost their house. At this time, Edna seems to be taking life a day at a time, dealing with her loneliness.
Lessons learned: We'll never know whether, many years ago, Jim bullied his way into taking over both their lives or if Edna's illness lead her to acquiesce and give him total control. The facts are that each adult is responsible for his or her life and decisions. If you meet a person who must control everything and everybody, run the other way! Do not give another person the power over decisions you need to be making yourself. Married couples need to both know about their financial situation.
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