Hooked: Forever?

Background:  One afternoon on our hospital's Psychiatric Unit, I facilitated group therapy for alcohol and drug addicts, all male, in various stages of detox.  The topic for discussion was "What I lost as a result of my addiction."  The first guy said, "Ah got 3 DUI's."  Next guy, "Ah got 5 DUIs."  The third guy cheerfully reported, "Ah got 27 DUIs!"  The other members of the group had similar 'losses.' Judging from the looks in their eyes, I surmised that they were popping off.  Then I thought, "They could've killed one of my children."  From that moment on,  I lost all sense of compassion for substance abusers and started looking for a different job.

Several months after I was hired, I realized our unit had cared for an uncounted number of alcoholics, abusers of many kinds of illegal and legal drugs, and teenagers who had experimented with hallucinogenic local field weeds.  But we never had a cocaine addict.  I asked the most experienced one of our psychiatrists, "Why not?"  He explained, "I won't admit them.  It's a waste of time.  They can't be cured."

Situations:  Several of my close friends were married for years to alcoholics.  One young friend lived with a series of drug addicts until she woke up and figured out they were ruining her reputation and her finances.  I cannot convey the depth of the misery they suffered.  Yet every one of them remembered, "I knew he was hooked before we got married.  I should have never married him.  I thought all he needed was love."

Lessons learned:  Never sugarcoat the reality that the one you love is hooked on alcohol, or drugs, or even computer games, or gambling.  I'm not sure I accept that alcoholism is a real 'disease' that a person can't control.  Even with treatment in a special facility and frequent AA meetings, the relapse rate is approximately 70%.  That's not cure!  I met a counselor in another hospital's behavioral unit that believed alcoholism was a 'coping mechanism.'  Don't saddle yourself with a life with an irresponsible mate!  Don't forget: the true addict is not capable of loving you, he/she just loves himself/herself and the substance.

Along with my fellow nurse colleagues, we agreed that we would never want to marry a substance abuser.  They kill their livers!  We refuse to be nurse-maids to guys with end-stage liver disease!  It is a horrible end.  Imagine if you are so sick and in pain but can't have pain-killers because it would kill you!

Outcomes:  All but one of the marriages of friends in which one partner was an alcoholic ended in divorce.  In the one that survived to this day, the husband abandoned the family off and on for years.  But somehow, he was always accepted back into the home.  This is really a poor chance for happiness!