Situation: Jeremy and Mindy had been married many years, having both adult and teen children. Jeremy had cruelly verbally abused Mindy the whole time. At one point, Mindy was at the point of suicide. But a child's birthday was coming up soon. So she waited. Then the Christmas holidays were approaching. And she waited. After the first of the year, Mindy thought she might as well see if counseling would help.
There was an amazing transformation! She finally felt that her destiny was in her hands! She was so excited, she couldn't sleep. She snuck out of bed, went to another room, opened the curtains, and just noticed how beautiful the stars were. It took years from that night to get strong enough for action, but Mindy did it. She decided to see a lawyer and divorce Jeremy.
Lessons learned: There is always a way out of a bad life. But the person needs to reach out and get help. Domestic Violence should never be tolerated. But Mindy thought that because she seemed to be, at least early on, the only victim, she could 'take it' and the family would not be split up. She learned that she had her limit.
When Mindy told Jeremy that she had seen a lawyer and the court date was ---, he smoothly whined, "Can you forgive me?" Mindy thought, then replied, "Yes, I forgive you. But I can never forget. I see you and I see PAIN."
Outcome: It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, but Mindy divorced Jeremy. The whole family is happier, even Jeremy, but he would never admit it. He bores everyone with the same story and no one believes him, "I know that we'll get married again someday. I still love her." Mindy says, "I know he is NOT CAPABLE of LOVE."
Our own take on this: The one thing Mindy did not know was the effect of the children witnessing the abuse. This was training the boys to be abusers, and the girls to be victims. She says, "If I had it to do over again, I'd have left him the day after we were married."
Note: please read this blog, Sunday, August 3, 2013: "Very, very important recommendation!" for what I consider the 'Bible' of knowledge of abusers and how to deal with them.
It sounds like Jeremy is suffering from delusions. I hope Mindy is careful with any contact she has with Jeremy. I also hope that Mindy does not blame herself for not leaving Jeremy earlier. After all, hindsight is 20/20. And besides, it is entirely possible that at least one of the girls saw how her mother was used as a doormat and refused to ever endure the same treatment. :) Although, in general, I agree with your assessment that the children did receive some negative "training" from the experience. Finally, I hope Mindy realizes that how her children are to this very day is a part of God's plan, which is very good, indeed.
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