Returning Adult Children

Situation:  Skip, a teenage relative of my friend, John, asked if he could come live with him.  Skip had been a drug addict off and on, just like his father was, and had no means of support.  John agreed, on one condition: Skip could not do any kind of drugs as long as he lived in John's home.

John supported Skip and eventually allowed Skip's young girlfriend to move in with them.  Skip worked at trying to get his high school G.E.D. diploma online.  But it was not to be a long-term relationship.  John found out that Skip started doing drugs again and told Skip he would have to live elsewhere.

Many of my friends, over the years, have had their adult children return to live in their homes for months or years.  Usually, this is a successful arrangement.  The young adults are responsible, have jobs, and are able to save money for a car or house down payment.

My retired friend, Julia, bought a house with her daughter and son-in-law.  Julia very happily takes care of the two pre-schoolers while their parents work.

I've heard of other families in which the outcome is tragic.  Camille told me that her sister was mentally ill and "conned my mother out of every penny she had."  Gary reported that "my son lived with us several different times but managed to get in trouble with the law every time.  Two months ago, I kicked him out and told him never to come back.  He not only got in legal trouble again, he was extremely nasty and disrespectful to his mom and me.  No more!"

Over the years, four of my children have come back to live with me in different years.  It's always crowded, especially if they had a spouse and child.  We seemed compatible but they usually never stayed for more than a few months.

My mother and grandmother repeatedly lectured me during my growing-up years, "You make your bed; you lie in it."  I'll admit that a time or two, I would have liked to move back into mom and dad's gigantic house.  But as long as I survived financially, I never asked.  I think times have changed.  The job market is so tenuous, many, many adults are moving back with relatives these days.  I never turned anyone away.  However, I can see where there needs to be various conditions to this open-hearted attitude.  What's your feeling about children returning to live with you?

Lord God, we pray, help us be wise in our relationships with those adults who are our offspring.