You never know just who among your family or friends is living a life of quiet, cold desperation. You never know who is just hanging on to life by one fingernail. It takes an enormous amount of energy to maintain the 'front' that you have a lovely, happy family when you really don't. You hope against hope that things will improve. You'll do absolutely anything short of pulling out your last eyelash to make things better. Somehow, nothing helps.
Some people think they can put up with a life of coldness or outright abuse forever. Why do people stay in a job or in a marriage when the outlook is horrible? Everyone, yes, everyone has their limits to what amount of pain they can tolerate! They don't think they have a limit and suddenly it is reached and they bail out one way or another. Their family and friends support them and wonder, "What took you so long?"
Mary Angela was such a woman living a life so cold, she felt she was living in a cold, quiet, dark, rock-hard tomb. Mary Angela had been with Kelsey for eighteen years and they had been married for thirteen years. In the early years, the couple had been madly in love and simply had to do everything together. They went out with other couples, went to parties, had parties in their home, went shopping together, took vacations together, and had fun. Both Mary Angela and Kelsey worked but found time to be a couple.
Without knowing what happened, Mary Angela realized that Kelsey no longer wanted to go out with her. He wanted to stay home, watch TV or work on his stamp collection. When she lost her only pregnancy prematurely, Mary Angela recalled that Kelsey was no support whatsoever. She wistfully looked back, "All I needed was maybe a hug around the shoulders and some expression of sorrow. But I got nothing."
Kelsey wanted to move far away to another city for a better job. Mary Angela felt it was her duty to move with him. Now life was worse for Mary Angela because she had no friends or job in the new city. And Kelsey was colder than ever, not nasty, just distant. Mary Angela knew the move was a big mistake. Yet she quickly got a good job and started to make new friends.
The big decision to leave Kelsey was not easy but Mary Angela could not picture herself living in the tomb for much longer. Kelsey didn't protest at all when Mary Angela told him that she had 'filed,' he just said, "OK."
What causes certain people to 'shut down' emotionally? Or could it be that they were just pretending to be 'connected' for a while? See this blog on Sept. 18, 2013, "Two Married Single Men," for a similar situation. Spouses of these 'cold' people may stay with the marriage or they may leave. Both situations are sad.
Lord God, we pray, help us to be present, really in touch, with those we care about. Help us notice if they are in pain and comfort them. Give us the words to say. And if we're in a hopeless situation, please send us to those who would help us choose our best option. We thank you and we praise you!
No comments:
Post a Comment