Situation #1: Lucille and Pierce were married with one teenage daughter, Julia, whom they dearly loved. Julia was a good student, had many friends, and enjoyed lots of after-school activities. One afternoon, Lucille was driving Julia to her tennis lessons. Lucille got distracted and the car went over the edge of a hill and turned over. Neither were wearing seat belts. Lucille got bruised quite a bit but Julia died of her injuries. Of course, both parents were crushed by Julia's death. But Pierce blamed Lucille for Julia's death. He immediately divorced her, with hatred. Lucille was depressed for many years about Julia's death.
Situation #2: Amanda and Jerry had an apparently happy marriage even though they never had the children both wanted. Amanda's whole family loved Jerry, especially her father, Charlie. Jerry never had a father in his house while growing up and considered Jerry his 'real' father. In time, Charlie developed Alzheimer's Disease. Eventually Charlie got to the point where his physical condition was rapidly deteriorating. Amanda and her family got together and decided that Charlie had previously said he "didn't want to be hooked up to a bunch of tubes," that they would respect his wishes instead of letting the doctors hook Charlie up to dialysis, insert a feeding tube into his abdomen, and have him wear oxygen tubing at all times. Charlie died within several weeks. Jerry was inconsolable! "How could you just let him go like that?" He accused Amanda of not caring about her father. Then he told Amanda, "I just can't stand it. I'm leaving you." And he did.
Lessons learned: Any death in a family, especially either an unexpected death or a young person's death, is extremely disruptive and tragic. People grieve in different ways. Yet there are those that must blame. I don't think we can predict how anyone, even ourselves, will grieve. It is not easy. Yet the couple who tries to understand and cope together will grow stronger in their relationship.
Outcome #1: Pierce never gave Lucille a chance. She developed cancer and died several years later. I went to the funeral. Pierce acted like the loving husband. I felt like socking him for all Lucille's suffering but restrained myself!
Outcome #2: After a year of living by himself and sending Amanda 'hate' e-mails plus intimidating her through stalking, Jerry told her, "I'd like to talk with you. I promise to be nice." After several more months, Jerry asked to return to their marriage and apologized, "I'm really sorry about hurting you." Their marriage is still intact and they are happy once again.
Don't you just love happy endings!
Lord God, you give life and you take life, all in your plans. We pray we will return to you and all our other relatives and friends who have preceded us in death. Help us realize that after we die, we will be more ALIVE then we ever were on earth!!
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