Situation: All during their dating and the first few years of their marriage, Franchesca and Tom had a sizzling hot, exciting relationship. They never had sex before marriage, that wasn't the 'sizzle,' but the unspoken knowledge that each really wanted to, contributed to the excitement. Together, they discovered new places to go, new things that would interest them together. After the babies came, all three of them, the fun changed into watching the new little people grow into precious children, all somehow different from them and each other, but unmistakably theirs.
The two young lovers found they were devoting most of their time and energy into their family and very little into their own couple relationship. Franchesca felt that she looked like a 'blob,' no longer took time to go to the gym and workout like she used to do. She didn't really want Tom to see her like that. For his part, Tom felt the pressure of needing more money for the children, house, his hobbies, etc., and tried to work more. The love was still there between Franchesca and Tom, but it seemed to be put on a shelf for more important things in life.
Lessons learned: Marriage licenses ought to come with a Quick-Start Manual: Installation, Trouble-shooting, Parts, etc! Marriage could grow into a wonderful, warm, closeness, an understanding of mutual goals, a true communion of hearts. But it won't happen unless both parties are committed to trying, loving, forgiving, working, giving space, both giving 100%! Friendships grow like this, also. Movement is the law of nature, the universe, and relationships. You can't tread water forever - you will sink or you must swim. If you're not growing, you will stagnate, deteriorate, and eventually die.
Face it, sometimes we all come to "Get A Grip!" time! We realize that something is our lives is not going the way we wanted, the way we envisioned. We may talk with another, we may pray, then we decide to Take Action! What will it take to get back on track? How long will it take? Will we need help?
Watching the children scuffle and play one day, Franchesca had her "Get A Grip!" moment. How did they sink so far into suburban boredom? She decided to make a list of what she could do: #1: Body Recall! Gym work-outs were too costly, she would buy an exercise video to get that body back into shape at home. #2: Cut down on restaurant food. Instead of driving through the take-out windows for dinner the days she picked up her daughter from dancing classes, she would plan ahead and have something waiting at home. They would save money. #3: Couple Time! Ask her mom or a nearby teenager to babysit while she and Tom went out, just for fun. #4: Talk it over with Tom: could he cut down on the expensive golfing? They could work together to stretch their income farther.
Outcome: This took place many years ago. The three children have all graduated from college and are creating their own paths in the world, in different parts of the country. Franchesca and Tom enjoy a beautiful union of spirits. As they pilot their new camper around to visit the 'kids,' they smile, laugh, plan new places to go and new things to do. Once they got on track, they never deviated.
Lord, we praise you for the examples of the wonderful long-married couples who have achieved a lifetime of togetherness! Help us in all our relationships, help us grow closer, especially to you!
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