Situation: Erika complained endlessly to her co-workers about her husband, Marlon. We all liked Erika but really didn't have time to listen to her long list of complaints. We wondered if her husband ever did anything to her satisfaction. Erika always had a sad look on her face, was rather quiet with the patients on our nursing unit, never engaging them in much small talk as she worked with them.
The rest of us thought we should be responsible nurses and privately ask Erika if Marlon ever abused her in any way. She said, "No, Marlon is just so incompetent, lazy, and generally boring that it really aggravates me." At least, we knew what her problem was. Marlon also worked in the hospital and was well-liked by most people. We felt sorry for him!
Erika also complained about her health, her mother-in-law, her children, the bosses, the weather, having to do extra at home for holidays, in short, anything and everything. We never once heard a positive statement from her. I think she could have made mud out of sunshine!
Sometimes we would try to say something cheery to Erika but ultimately gave up. I don't think she was depressed, I just feel she was a person with a negative outlook on life. I believe this person would have sucked the very life out of all of us except that: we were really busy and we usually ignored the woman.
Lessons learned: A "Game" is a way of behaving that is predictable and has a payoff for the person playing it. In Erika's case, her payoff was that we never asked her to do anything extra to help because she was so sour.
Outcome: Erika transferred to another unit before the end of the year. No one really missed her, sad to say. After she was gone, someone realized, "We never gave her a going-away party the way we usually do." Guess it never occurred to us. Then we lost track of her.
Dear Lord, deliver us from sour people. Help us treat them nicely, even if we don't want to do so!
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