Kelly's brother, Sam, was a different sort of man, very easy-going, and committed the sin, directly against Kelly, or so he thought, of keeping whiskey in his house. Sam even went so far as to permit his wife to make beer! This was much too much for Kelly to bear. Their father and mother, when they were alive, were both alcoholics, and Kelly, being the oldest child, knew how devastating their addiction had been to the family. Kelly decided years ago: no one should have a drop of alcohol in his house. Kelly didn't understand why his brother was so stupid. Kelly never wanted to see Sam again.
Being the man of his house, Kelly had strict control of all decisions, I mean, ALL DECISIONS. Where the family went, what the family bought, especially what TV shows the family watched, Kelly knew what was best. This worked in his young family for several years because his wife really didn't care much about TV. She agreed that too much TV was bad for preschoolers, sort of thought that restricting them to one hour of TV per day was a bit severe, but went along with Kelly. She wondered that Kelly could watch so much TV in his spare time, every sport known to humanity, and all the late-late shows.
One time, Kelly got mad at his wife, Jane, when he found out that the vanilla extract Jane used to make cake and cookies actually contained alcohol. Jane got mad, too, at Kelly's stupidity. "Kelly, the alcohol evaporates when it's heated! I won't stop using vanilla! This is ridiculous!" Kelly lost that argument, for the first time, in the family.
The mellow and long-suffering Jane was getting tired of Kelly's tyranny. She had to practically beg for money from him for the slightest thing she needed. But that was a different matter. She was tired of having to give in to Kelly for all decisions. She complained, "Kelly, you make every decision. That's not right. I ought to be able to decide a few things." Kelly told her, sarcastically, "OK, if that's the way you want it, you decide which pictures we'll get printed." Kelly took a lot of photos of the family. Jane made the decision - once.
It just took too much energy for her to face the mountain of Kelly's anger. Jane thought to herself, "Kelly thinks he's God, that he knows everything. That couldn't be true. God really knows everything. Funny thing is, God and Kelly know two different things! I think that Kelly would control our thoughts, if he could!"
Lessons learned: It's not right for one individual to attempt to control anyone else. In a marriage, there has to be a partnership, based on mutual respect. One person is not the 'boss' of the other. It is also not right for one person to allow the other person to control the family.
The children of alcoholic parents, even when only one parent is an alcoholic, always seem to have their own problems. They may be over-responsible = controlling, or they may be substance abusers themselves. Before you commit to a relationship with a child from an alcoholic family, learn how the person acts. Can you live with this forever?
Outcome: When the kids got older, sometimes they wanted to watch other TV shows than the one hour allotted of PBS-TV shows. Once, when they had surreptitiously turned on another show, their dad came home and they didn't notice. He positively ripped them apart verbally. Eventually, Jane gathered the strength to leave Kelly. He never, ever understood why, thought she was just an evil woman who wanted a big career.
Sam and his wife definitely were not alcoholics. They enjoyed a drink or two with their friends every couple of months.
One by one, Kelly never saw any of his friends. And he never wondered why.
Dear Lord, there are all kinds of people in this world, some friendly and easy-going, others nasty and mean, with everyone else having a little bit of both behaviors. Please help us act kindly and with strength, for love of You!
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