Most domination of one country or tribe by another was achieved by pure physical strength: the more strong guys or devices which could kill another you possessed, the more land you could take by brute force. Those who are so overtaken pay a heavy price. They may have to or choose to leave their country and be refugees in a foreign land. If they stay or have to stay in their own land, they may be made slaves of the strong masters, in one way or another.
In our relationships, there are also principles of strength and weakness: the raw bully will get his or her way over the person who gives in. In my working life, I had a few bosses who fit the label, "Bully." You've met the type: knows everything worth knowing, certainly even knows more than even their bosses, makes their own rules, hires and fires without impunity, comes and goes as they please, is feared and hated by all except a select few rewarded for their spying, looks at everyone trying to discover the slightest wrong action yet tells many large and small lies themselves.
What about our personal relationships? If we've ever been dominated by a bully father or mother, by a husband or wife, by a brother or sister, or by one of our 'friends,' we know the pain of having to constantly appease the bully. Perhaps we've been forced into this relationship unknowingly or been taken advantage of. The weaker person may have chosen to give in a little and then the bully took all.
How does the Bully attain this lofty position of getting everything desired? Pure intimidation! "You don't do this and I'll do this to you!!" It may be spoken or unspoken. Why does the Bully engage in bully behavior? Pure evil and meanness, probably, but deep inside, the bully is terrified of the other person leaving.
In my own family, my dear mother, Adlen, had lessons in how to be a wimp. Heavily dominated by Grandma, Mom did everything Grandma ever demanded. Looking back, I see that Dad, me, and my three brothers paid a price for this but we didn't know it when we were young. Finally, Mom made the choice to stay with Dad and us and we moved away. I don't know how my mother gathered the strength - probably only because she loved us and Grandma also - but she did. Our dad gently encouraged her to know that she could make choices. In time, they enjoyed a wonderful, 'equal' marriage, in which both of them were respected and fulfilled. There are more family dynamics involved in this situation, but it would take a book to explore it!
It requires more thought, more kindness and love to maintain an equal relationship, one where both individuals listen to the other and both express their desires. This is truly an "interdependent relationship." It is more work than the bullying-submitting victim relationship, but it is pure joy to be part of such a friendship!
Lord, we know in our hearts whether we are a 'bully' type person or whether we're a 'pushover.' Help us, we pray, to be strong but not domineering, especially when it comes to every other person in our lives. Help us also to encourage the gentler, weaker people to stand up for themselves, for we know that you, Oh Mighty One, stand by us all!
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