Student Love

Situation: Adam was a 21-year-old single guy working his way through college.  In the office next to him there was Tracey, a divorced grandmother in her fifties.  One afternoon she was pushing two awkward metal carts of supplies down the hall.  They were noisy; Adam came out to see what was making all the racket and they met.  They seemed to have lots in common and quickly developed a friendship.  While they wouldn't go out of their way to see each other, there were plenty of opportunities for conversation.

Tracey thought Adam was a fine young man, and would have loved to have him as a son.  Adam had deeper feelings for Tracey, feelings he was not sure were appropriate.  He had no idea how old she was and had not discussed these feelings with anyone.

Adam surprised Tracey one afternoon and told her, "I just can't handle this.  I wish we could.  This is not what I want for my life.  I hope you understand.  I will get a transfer."  And he did.  Tracey had no idea that Adam was considering a romantic relationship but that last time when he spoke to her and looked at her, she knew.  She was flattered that he would think of her like that but was sorry that he was upset about leaving.  Tracey could think of nothing else to say but "Good luck, Adam, I know you will do well."

Lessons learned:  Sometimes it's hard to discover when a friendship crosses the line and evolves into a romantic relationship.  Also, there are people that genuinely mistake a caring friendship for romance.  At the extreme end, there are folks that perceive any small amount of attention, such as a smile, means true love; these are the ones that turn into stalkers.

We can not at all predict our romantic feelings.  There's just a unique, attractive, comfortable knowledge that a particular person is wonderful.  When we recognize these emotions, we would be wise to evaluate what might happen if we decided to continue these feelings and possibly let the special person know how we feel.  This is risky business!  Adam was wise beyond his years.  He had hope for (I presume) an orderly life of finishing his education, finding a good job he liked, dating an attractive young woman and settling down to a pleasant family life with children.  He knew this would not be possible with an older woman.

This is not to say that some marriages between the very young with the much older don't work.  (I wouldn't be here today if my father's parents hadn't married when she was 18 and he was 49!)

Particularly troublesome is to discover you are 'in love' with a person married to another.  The wise person would never pursue these feelings and know that they will go away, in time.

Outcome: Tracey reports that she never again saw Adam.  She suspects he knew when and where his new job was the last time they talked.

Lord God, we know that feelings of love are beautiful and sometimes descend on us like a sudden rainstorm.  Help us decide, wisely, which feelings to pursue and deepen.  All our love comes from your love for us and we thank you!