Bernie's Tears

This happened many years ago, before your average person knew there was counseling available for those in troubled marriages.  Bernie's daughter, Ava, related this to me over coffee one day.  It so happened that her mom and dad were having serious marital difficulties and had separated (not legally).  Bernie had lost his job, looked for another one for nearly a year and found one in a distant city.  Bernie moved - by himself; his wife Julie, refused to move with him, "The children were born here and we've lived here and all my family is here and I won't move."

With having to pay for a one-room apartment for himself, send the rest of his salary to Julia for her and the children, Bernie couldn't afford to fly back and forth.  So, he drove to visit the children, every month or so, on a weekend.  Julie let him sleep on the couch.

One day Ava overheard her grandmother and mother talking in the next room.  "I know he's having an affair with his landlady," Grandma boasted.  Her mother didn't say a word.

As Bernie was saying good-bye one Sunday afternoon at the front door, Ava saw that tears were streaming down his face. She felt so bad for him but didn't know what to say.  Later she wished that she had hugged him but they just said "good-bye," Bernie turned and left.

Several years later, Julie decided to sell the house and move her and the children back with Bernie in the new city.  It was difficult, at first, for everyone, but in time Julie and Bernie developed an enviable closeness and continued their life together "until death do you part."

Ava wondered what had changed her mother's mind all those years ago.  Did her dad finally give an ultimatum, "Either you move back with me or we will divorce?"

I wonder what would have happened if counseling existed back then as it does today: would the marriage have collapsed even earlier?  Ten years ago, even five years ago, I would have highly recommended individual or family counseling.  Now I won't!  The American Psychological Association has become a political organization, changing its core "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" to reflect the strong anti-life and anti-family lobbies in the United States.  Many psychological practitioners will tell those suffering, in need of their services, "I'm not here to cure your marriage.  I will help you."  Some even go so far as to add, "I don't care about your marriage."

Be very careful, if you need counseling for a shaky marriage.  Seek out a counselor experienced with couples. There are many ministers and priests trained in counseling.  These would be your best bet.  If there was love to start with, wouldn't it be worth it for everyone involved to try to recapture this love?

Dear Lord, marriages and families are battled against in our 2014 American culture.  They are assaulted on every side and the only support seems to be in our churches.  We pray to you to help extinguish the "me, first" culture and promote family togetherness, love, and marriage.  Thank you!