Situation: Simone is an attractive single woman, age 36, successful at her office job but not in management, by choice. Vance is 43, also considered good-looking, a very successful corporate attorney. Neither has ever co-habitted but both have frequent dates. Simone was engaged twice, decided to end both relationships, the first due to his alcoholism, and the second due to his workaholicism. Vance has never been engaged to marry. Simone and Vance have been dating, happily, for sixteen months.
Simone's mother has been pressuring her for over ten years to marry and "make me some grandchildren. All my friends have grandchildren. What can I talk about? Are you going to be an Old Maid? What did I do wrong? Are you gay?" Vance has no such problems with his parents. They divorced years ago and neither re-married. They know that Vance was a 'late bloomer' when he started dating and will just wait and see what happens in his life.
Simone really likes Vance - as a good friend. She just never felt the unmistakable fireworks with Vance that accompanied her falling in love with the men to whom she was previously engaged. Vance thinks Simone is very special, not like all the other women he's dated, and is seriously thinking about popping the Big Question soon.
Simone is quite aware that Vance feels more serious about their relationship than she does. She's so tired of her mother's questions and criticism, Simone is considering just pretending she's madly in love with Vance because he's such a really, really nice guy, just to shut up her mother. What the heck! They could have a child or two, then they could divorce. Would that be so bad!
Lessons learned: As we know, there are many reasons people marry. Marriage is such a beautiful, lifelong commitment, how could anyone possibly marry without love? Love is the 'glue' that holds a marriage together in the good times and in the bad times. After the first flush of romance turns into a pleasant, rock-solid state of quiet happiness, true love deepens even more! Why not wait for this!
It would be a true betrayal of friendship if Simone went ahead and 'tricked' Vance into thinking she really loved him enough to marry him. And marrying to have children with divorce in mind? What pain will be inflicted on Vance, the children, even Simone!
Outcome: Vance actually did ask Simone to marry him. She turned him down so gently he is very proud to have her for a friend. They see each other from time to time but don't consider it dating. Simone is trying to find the words to confront her mother and tell her to back off. But then, she wants to be respectful, you know, "Honor thy father and thy mother." So she'll just answer her mother's whining with, "People are marrying later these years, mother."
Lord, we love happy marriages but there don't seem to be very many of them! Help all the married folks try very hard to unreservedly love their spouses. Also help those considering a person for marriage to discover if the love between them is strong enough to be genuine and lasting. Especially help us all refrain from pressuring another to marry! We love you as you love us!
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