Holding On?

You've undoubtedly heard of a person or two who hasn't talked to their friend or relative for many years over an incident that happened maybe ten or twenty or more years ago.  There are some folks who go to their graves without forgiving an injury.  Why are they holding on so tenaciously??

Not forgiving someone is like letting that person hurt you over and over again.  Every time you think of them, you are hurt.  Hating someone hurts the hater far more than it hurts the hated one.  Every time the hater chooses to hate, his or her heart shrivels up a little more until finally it disappears.  Maybe that's why folks hold on so long.

Sure, we all are disappointed and disgusted by others' behavior at times.  Sure, we are offended.  Hopefully, we can find it in our hearts to forgive.  Some pain inflicted on us takes a long time to heal.  But we will never, never heal if we don't forgive.  Some times forgiveness takes years.  That's OK, just as long as we're honest with ourselves. We may think, "I'd really like to forgive, I know that eventually I will forgive, but right now, I just can't."  Keep trying!

On the other hand, there are those who make it very difficult to forgive.  They won't get a clue that they are offensive.  Family members avoid them.  They have few or no friends.  Yet they keep spouting off their hurtful opinions, judging others harshly and sincerely wondering why people won't talk with them.  I don't know of what could help them; they seem to be 'blockheads,' thinking they know-it-all.

There are some individuals who are so tender-hearted they are very easily offended.  They almost look for or expect an insult.  These dear people need to toughen up!  Most of us are too busy (and too kind!) to purposely wound someone's feelings!  Don't feel hurt when none was intended!

What about the person who is horribly hurt by another but doesn't let the other person know?  He or she just suffers in silence, perhaps avoiding the one who hurt them, perhaps even talking badly behind their backs.  This really is rather underhanded, isn't it?  Man up, or woman up, gently bring up the incident resulting in hurt feelings.  I'd be willing to guess that it was a giant misunderstanding that led to the hurt.  Give the other person a chance to explain!

Then there are the people hurt who seek REVENGE! - they will show the person who hurt them how much they can be hurt!  This is another matter!  The revengeful person is as bad or worse than the person who hurt them in the first place.  There are so many people who are especially full of revenge during divorces. They will do anything to get even.  I admit, it's tempting, but don't go there!  You will surely regret it.  Treating evil with evil makes you feel even worse.

Sometimes we need to take stock: is there any hurt or grudge we're holding on to that would be better dealt with so we can be happier?

Dear Lord, You are our best example!  You prayed, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do."  If You can forgive, so can we!