There are many ways we can all help promote positive, not "twisted" relationships, and family values. We don't have to look far!
One important value is the permanence of marriage. While there may be a few couples in whom one or both of them think, before marriage, "Well, if it doesn't work out the way I expect, I'll get divorced," probably most couples getting married truly feel, "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part, etc." If there is talk between a couple of a pre-nuptial financial agreement, this signals that at least one of them is ready to bail out if the going gets tough.
Yet there is conflict is every marriage, sooner or later. It must be dealt with honestly and lovingly. There can be no accusations, no bringing up of past hurts or failed expectations. But, most of all, it is disastrous to even mention the dreaded "D" word, divorce! This changes the whole relationship. Every husband and wife would do well to never, ever say the word in a heated argument.
IF one person brings up the topic of divorce, the other would do well do defuse the situation and get clarification. "I really never want to even think of us not being married. I love you! Are you serious? Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't love you with my whole heart! Please never, never say "divorce" to me. We can always work out our problems."
Young couples in their first marriage could not know the devastating results of divorce on themselves, their children, and even on the community. They may think that all their problems would be solved if they got divorced and could find someone more "compatible." What they actually are looking for is a person who will let them continue to be an adolescent who wants someone to worship himself or herself and give in on everything. This 'ain't' gonna happen! Sooner or later (but not in all cases), the person will have to grow up and realize the necessity of giving of themselves, not needing to "win" arguments. Divorce doesn't solve personal immaturity problems: divorce creates other problems!
A couple seriously considering divorcing should also consider: what if my spouse has a girlfriend or boyfriend? Would I trust them with my children? What if my spouse remarries and the children have to spend weekends with someone I disapprove of or positively despise? What if my spouse withholds child support? What bills would I choose not to pay in order to buy groceries? What if my spouse reneges on an agreement to care for the children when I work? Could I get a sitter at the last moment? Questions, questions! The list of problems for divorced couples seems to be infinite! Avoid it before the process begins!
Engaged couples would be wise to contemplate the words of St. Paul in the Bible, 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13: "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." Married couples would be wise to also contemplate these words. Was there ever a more beautiful definition of love?
Dear Lord, we know there are and have been many enduring marriages, those that last "till death do us part." We ask You to give husbands and wives the love and the courage to get through the difficult times so they can enjoy the wonderful times!
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