My mother-in-law, Sally, was a widow when I married, so she was the only Parent-in-law I had. We were great friends for years. The second summer after my wedding, I was in the weddings of my two best friends. I stayed at my grandmother's house in Louisville (Kentucky, U.S.A.) with my one-year-old baby girl for two weeks each time. During the days, I mostly went over to my mother-in-law's house to sew with her. We would pick the mint growing in her yard, put it in our iced tea, and pretend we were drunk!
I also learned from her how to cook practical things like her potato salad and meatloaf which I still cook.
Then I had a bunch of girls (8) and Sally didn't know what to do. With three boys, Sally couldn't relate to the girls at all. She openly favored my older son, would give him presents and give nothing to the girls. It apparently didn't bother the girls very much but I didn't appreciate the favoritism.
In her later years, before we knew she had dementia, Sally would visit and read her novels all day. May you rest in peace, my friend!
This is definitely not the case with most of my daughters and most of my friends! Mothers-in-law, it seems, most of them deserve their bad reputation. Two of my daughters' mothers-in-law made Cruella de Ville, the Disney villian, look like an Angel! Both of them didn't like my daughters and told their sons not to marry them. It went downhill from there. But both 'ladies' behaved at the weddings; we were worried they wouldn't! I think it 'bit' them, though, because both of their sons and my daughters severely limit their visits to them; this prohibits the mothers-in-law from enjoying the grandchildren they really want to enjoy. You can't have it both ways, ladies!
Several of my children's mothers-in-law are obnoxiously controlling to the point of rearranging their daughters-in-law's kitchen cabinets, giving them marriage advice and child-care advice, etc. This is extremely hurtful. The adult children, together with their children, had moved far, far away from these particular 'ladies.' Again, visits from their children and the sweet grandchildren they'd particularly like to see are rare. What a pity!
In my experience, I've never seen or heard of a nasty father-in-law; yet they let the 'battle-axes' hurt others and never say a word. Interesting.
What can we parents of adult children, especially if we are mothers-in-law, do if we judge that our children are doing the 'wrong' thing in regards to this or that? We should NEVER, EVER give advice unless it is asked of us, to our adult children! NEVER, EVER!! I'll be the first to admit that this is hard to accomplish. But, consider: we have raised our children the very best we knew how to raise them. Sure, they made mistakes, but so did we and do we. Unless someone is about ready to fall off a cliff, leave them alone! Love them, mightily. Pray for them, earnestly. But let them live their lives with their families.
If you're the younger person and your in-law(s) are coming to visit, be the mature adult, even if they're not, for the sake of your children. Believe me, when the children are grown, they will see the nastiness of the grandparents - or the wonderfulness, if it's there. This doesn't mean you have to stop parenting your children and let the in-laws run your lives. Be firm, be nice, smile. Treat the in-laws well - they won't be around forever. It would be nice for your children to have happy memories of them, even if they don't deserve it!!
Dear Lord, each and every one of us, particularly the children, deserve mature, loving, parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, mothers-in-law, and fathers-in-law. Help us be the best we can be, please, in whatever role we find ourselves!
FYI: for a few photos of my latest grandson, you're invited to check out my travel blog later, www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com. What an angel!
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