In our day-to-day living, we never purposely think about the times we automatically say, "No," or "Yes." It's just our habits. Some of us have a problem saying, "No" to anything and, consequently, find ourselves much too busy and fatigued. I had this problem years ago. I figured that, if I was not scheduled at a particular thing, I should agree to do this or that worthy volunteer project. It was hard to keep up with all my commitments. I found out, the hard way, time does not equal energy! At one point, I actually had to write "NO!!" on a piece of paper and tape it to my phone.
Finding out that the P.T.A. at my children's elementary school was spending money - which I had worked hard to help raise - on worthless projects, I was finally cured of my inability to say "No." Why should I waste my time! All kinds of leaders concoct all kinds of projects, some of which are, frankly, stupid.
If I blog on the same topic several times, I like to number the blog entries. I also like to look back and see what I've written on previous blogs in a series. I had to look a long time on this one. "Saying "NO!" #1: The First Time" was written clear back on January 11th of this year.
Saying "NO!" is sometimes a tricky business, especially if someone has said "NO!" to us. One of the worst times happens if someone we dearly loves wants to leave us - permanently. This could be a lover or a spouse. Once in a while the offended party will resort to the desperate attempt to keep the lover or spouse and say, "If you leave, I'll kill myself!" What a horrible, manipulative, evil threat! It is BLACKMAIL, pure and simple!
What's in the mind of a person making such a threat? Maybe they're thinking they'll never have another lover, that they're so worthless and ugly, no one else could possibly love them. Maybe they've made grand and glorious plans for the future and see nothing but misery if they're alone. They are, in effect, inflexible and unstable.
Can you imagine what could kill any love you have for someone faster than the statement, "If you leave, I'll kill myself?" What should you do? Now, you HAVE TO LEAVE. There is NO RETURN to any of the good parts of the relationship.
"If you leave, I'll kill myself!" is no expression of a great, powerful love. It is the statement that this person is incredibly NEEDY. He or she is nothing by themselves, and must have another to reaffirm them, constantly. This is smothering another person. It has nothing to do with the wholesome feelings of love.
The person doing the leaving is usually caught off guard when told this. They may be momentarily paralyzed. They are a good enough person to worry, "What if she (or he) actually follows through with this threat?" They don't, of course, want to feel responsible for someone's death. Yet, even more than previously, they cannot stay in the relationship.
The 'leaving' person needs to immediately tell others about their former lover or spouse's threat, to immediately get them to counseling. With others present, hopefully with counselor(s) present, they need to make it perfectly clear that their decision is permanent and irrevocable. It would be very wrong to give the rejected person the slightest particle of hope for a return to being together. It would certainly prolong his or her pain. Day? Night? Weekend? This cannot wait! If all the counselors are not available, take the person making the threat immediately to a hospital emergency room.
This situation is rare, I think, but it helps to know what you would do if every emergency.
Dear Lord, in sorting out the ONE you want us to love, for life, we ask you to lead us, guide us, and give us the strength to do what we must in difficult circumstances. Thank You!
FYI: Tomorrow I'm going on another BIG trip! Check out my travel blog, www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, starting today with "Hard Freeze at Home, Heading South Again!"
No comments:
Post a Comment