It seems I have so many friends who, sooner or later, mention that they are children of alcoholics. Sometimes a friend will mention that her husband or former husband was an alcoholic. Some of the husbands have recovered, others are still drinking.
At a funeral one time, I found out that my friend blamed her mother for her father's death. "Every night, when he came home from work, mother would have a cocktail ready and hand it to him." Sometimes both parents are alcoholics and both don't admit it. We all know that alcoholism wreaks havoc and intense pain in a family.
I don't know all the family dynamics because, other than the alcoholic great uncle, Lawrence, whom I never met, there were no alcohol problems in my family. (To read about Lawrence, please see this blog, November 23, 2013, "The Invisible Uncle.") But I do know that children of alcoholics can be unrelenting perfectionists, both with themselves and others. There are never satisfied with themselves or anyone else. No one is ever good enough for them. They insist they are always, "right." They are never happy! They are so critical, they will suck the life and very soul out of you - if you let them!
The word, "enabler," is very important in a family with an alcoholic member or child of an alcoholic. Family members need to carefully examine themselves to see if they, unwittingly, "enable" the alcoholic or child of an alcoholic to continue dysfunctional behavior, not only the perfectionism, but all dysfunctional behaviors.
Although I've never joined an Al-Anon group, I'm told it is extremely helpful. Please don't let either an alcoholic or child of an alcoholic ruin your life and the lives of your children!
Dear Lord, You changed the water into wine. You told us to offer bread and wine, Your very body and blood, in Your memory. You taught us moderation. Help us to model this in every aspect of our lives. And please, give us the strength to deal with any substance-abuse problems in our families!
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