Two families who lived far apart from each other recently had identical challenges. This involved family e-mail accounts, innocent e-mails from members of the opposite sex which were grossly misinterpreted. What it came down to were the two wives receiving e-mails from men who were friends of the families. The husbands 'jumped the gun' and nastily accused the wives of having affairs that they were not having.
Family #1: Bruce, who was himself a man of incredible bad temper, so bad he pounded holes in many walls at home, once breaking his own arm, accused Cherry of having an affair after he saw an e-mail she received. Cherry told him it was ridiculous, that the man was half her age, and that Bruce was crazy.
Family #2: Jim, at heart a kind and gentle man, saw one of Marta's e-mails from another man in which he 'may have been' propositioning her. Jim was furious and told Marta, "you've probably been having affairs behind my back the whole time we've been married." This was extremely hurtful to Marta, who loved him dearly, had never had an affair, and was equally disturbed by the e-mail.
Outcome, Family #1: Bruce further compounded the terrible situation by spreading lies on Facebook about Cherry. This pushed Cherry over the edge; she didn't want their children hurt and teased. She immediately filed for divorce. Bruce very nicely countered that "I really didn't mean it, can you come snuggle with me?" Cherry was anxious to end her marriage of violence and went through with the divorce. Bruce fought her horribly in court, trying to use the children against her. Bruce was re-married within the month.
Outcome, Family #2: Jim and Marta talked out the giant misunderstanding. Marta, who had already been in counseling for their problems, suggested Jim also go to the counselor of his choice, to find out why he may be so ready to accuse her of affairs she never had, perhaps revealing a basic insecurity. Jim readily agreed. Jim and Marta are closer than ever. Their children did not know of the threat and difficulty.
Lessons to be learned: There must be basic TRUST between spouses, indeed, between friends. Without TRUST, you have NO relationship - don't ever kid yourself! See the reality. Never, ever, think that trust must be earned. Either a person is able to trust you, or not. Either you are a trusting person, or not. Spouses must give each other the FIRST OPPORTUNITY to clear up misunderstandings.
Lord God, we trust you love us deeply and have the very best in mind for us. Help us trust each other implicitly.
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