How many talk shows have you watched with trained counselors telling you how to conduct your relationships? Everyone wants to be loved, wants someone - maybe everyone - to love them. Everyone wants to love someone with varying degrees of self-giving. Yet, HOW we love someone is not necessarily the way the one we love wants to be loved.
Dr. Gregory Popcak proposes that we all don't give love - or receive love - in the same way. Some people need visual signs of being loved, some show their love in visual ways. These include giving greeting cards, presents, paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. Others need to hear about love, or show their love by words, "I love you," "You are wonderful," "I'm so proud of you," etc. And there are those who need to be touched or who show their love by touching/cuddling/foot or back rubs, and other tactile signs.
If two people share the same "loving style," it's easy. What if you and your spouse, or even a parent and child, have differing loving styles? The result may be that one or both parties do not feel loved.
Dr. Popcak recommends that couples actually can shed light on their relationship by making lists, separately, "I feel loved when . . ." They then can share the lists. A loving response would be to try to give love the way the other person feels loved. This may require, he advises, getting out of your comfort zone. But it is a very loving, self-giving gesture and is sure to be very much appreciated!
For more information about Dr. Popcak, visit www.exceptionalmarriages.com.
Lord God, we can learn! Help us use that new knowledge to enhance our relationships and be more loving!
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