Today's travel blog, www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com, told of my trip to visit relatives with my daughter, Marie. She will soon serve as a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. That led to me thinking what qualities in a spouse will make a lasting marriage a probability instead of a possibility.
So far, this blog has explored the following topics as contributing to lasting marriages:
Spouse Quality, #1: Integrity, "Finders Keepers," 11/30/13.
#2: Kindness, "The Outsider," 12-2-13.
#3: Generosity, "The Stingiest Man," 12-3-13.
#4: Cleanliness, 4-17-14.
The topic Work Ethic was previously addressed in this blog on 9-10-13, "Baggage #1: Work Ethic." What is important in a marriage as far as "Work Ethic" is concerned, is the amount of time each spouse plans on working outside the home and inside the home. A marriage will be more satisfying if both the spouses agree on this.
The reality in America is that, with rare exceptions, the husband works outside the home to earn a living for the family. Historically, men always earned more money than women, even for the same job. There is still a gap in this earning power. In 2014 America, 74% of women work outside the home. This percentage has remained stable for the past 25 years.
Some folks think that all able-bodied women should work outside the home, and, moreoever, all women should want to work outside the home. So, then, why do 26% of American women choose to stay home and not get a paying job outside the home? The chief reasons are the increasing cost of child care and that the Family Medical Leave Act for paid medical leave after childbirth only covers 58% of families.
Personally, I feel that nearly ALL women would be better off and the families would be better off, IF THE WOMEN TOOK FULL-TIME CARE OF CHILDREN AND HOME. But I don't want to debate or explore the pros and cons of this issue today. I just would like to emphasize it is very important for spouses to agree on how much time each spends on working outside and inside the home.
Why, precisely, is this not only important but urgent? Because each spouse must feel important in the other's eyes, important enough that both spouses want to spend time with each other. If one spouse is always working either outside the home or inside the home, it makes the other person feel neglected. Sure, they may be times when, due to economic needs, one or both spouses cannot accomplish this, but they need to know: I really love to spend time with you. I will spend more time with you when I can.
I've seen it happen over and over again that, for years, one spouse feels like he or she is doing 'most' of the work for the family, that the other person is 'lazy.' This arrangement will not work forever! There needs to be and will be, sooner or later, balance in the relationship. The working spouse will deeply resent the lazy person or the selfish person. Divorces will happen due to one person working, perhaps both inside and outside the home, and the other one not doing his or her share of the work. This does not create a healthy, loving family!
"Work ethic" is complicated. Some folks love to be taken care of and others like to be the caretakers. This may work for a time but usually doesn't forever. Both parties need to be grown-ups and do their fair share.
How can you predict if a person you're dating will work too much or too little after marriage? It's safe to go by the old adage, "Past Performance Predicts Future Performance." If your future mate works hard at a job, keeps his or her home fairly neat, and knows how to relax, it's a pretty good bet this will continue after marriage. The marriage licenses ought to have a provision, "No slobs need to apply! No selfish people need to apply!"
Dear Lord, we crave happy marriages! Sometimes we need to examine ourselves to determine if we work too much or too little, if we spend time with the ones we love. Help us to unselfishly love. Help us to willingly do our share of the family work.
No comments:
Post a Comment