Situation: I knew Greg when he was young. He kept track of every single penny he had ever earned, since age 12, an admirable quality, I thought. He had one girlfriend, Kelley, whom he married. Before they were married, he appeared to be generous and gave quite nice presents for all the holidays. Yet, as she later mentioned, with sadness, that stopped soon after marriage. He gave gifts but they were practical and cheap, not really gifts, if you consider that a gift is to make the person happier, not to address issues between you. Kelley said that one Christmas he didn't get her anything. The problem wasn't lack of money, ever.
Kelley said that she, a stay-at-home mom for many years, had to ask Greg for money for every necessity. He always said, "No," the first time. Then after she asked again, he might or might not give her just what was needed. He said he gave to church and charities but, looking back, she doesn't think he did.
Greg kept tight control of the checkbook. Kelley never once knew how much he earned. One time he told her to stop their daughter's music lessons, "We don't have the money." She thought about how much money he must be sinking into his various 'collections' and kept up the lessons.
Always busy with his own interests, Greg never once went with Kelley to a party or dance or civic affair or even a movie that he was not personally interested in. Kelley came to feel, if they went out to dinner and a movie (of his choosing), that they weren't going out together, she was just accompanying him to what he liked to do.
Since Greg was never available to sit down and talk after dinner, Kelley developed her own interests and friends. Greg despised that! She should be home with the children! He hated when she went ahead and went out with friends once or twice a month and he actually had to put the children to bed. He was very stingy with his time.
Once Kelley went back to work, she wanted to talk with Greg about how they should spend their money and how they should save it. All he said was, "I want it all."
Kelley noticed that while he spent money on his collections, he wouldn't spend anything on clothes for himself. He always dressed about twenty years behind the times and she said sometimes she was embarrassed to be seen with him. He was also stingy with himself. Kelley said he was stingy with his body, but we won't explore that.
There should be invented a new term for a man so stingy with his money, his time, and his very self: Core Stinginess. This is just the opposite of the quality you'd like, generosity, in someone who was your friend or spouse.
Lessons Learned: How could you discover "Core Stinginess" in a person with whom you may like a deeper relationship? I think people try to cover up their faults very well, but time always tells. If you're with a person long enough, they will get familiar enough with you they show their true selves. If you're in a rush, you WILL REGRET it! The old folks used to say, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure."
Outcome: The Core Stinginess was only one of many issues but his attitude about her earnings opened Kelley's eyes. She put her earnings in her own bank account. She left him.
Our Take-Away: Since we were born into this world with zero, nada, nothing, and we certainly will leave this world with nothing, that should give us pause to consider: every thing we have, every thing we are, was given to us by God. God gives us, or permits us to use while we are here, exactly what we need to accomplish what he wants us to accomplish. But, God is extremely generous! If we live with the idea of, "God will provide," he will never, ever disappoint us!
In the Bible is written, "Ask and you shall receive." That applies to everything. We should never hesitate to ask for what we need for ourselves and what others need. God loves us all SO MUCH!
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