Prisons

Many years ago I volunteered at a local prison with my church group.  There was a small but nice chapel inside the compound.  We would have a Mass - I helped with the music - and then Bible study.  I was shocked on several counts.  First, the guys seemed very ordinary and friendly, not anything sinister or suspicious.

The second surprise was that the security was much more extensive that I ever could have imagined.  I had seen on TV and in movies the chain-link fences topped with coils of barbed wire.  But I had no idea of how many doors one would have to pass through!  And before you could enter one, the door you just passed through had to close - electronically.  You also had to show your driver's license at each point of entry; it was kept at the final destination, to be returned to you when you left.  You could take nothing with you except the I.D. and one key, to your car.

There was no hope for these prisoners getting out of this prison - unless they were released by authorities.  But this prison was one only of bars and fences and guard towers.  They were free to think as they pleased.

There are other prisons equally difficult to leave.  None of them have the customary bars/fences/guards, etc. Some of these prisons may be self-made, some may be a product of up-bringing or experiences.  It's my assessment that most of them are self-maintained by the adult.

There is the Prison of Prejudice: the inmate creates impenetrable walls between himself/herself and the particular category of people he thinks are less worthy. What a sad prison!  Even if your parents hated people of a different race or religion or political affiliation, surely you've met the exception who was a decent human being?  Stop, think for yourself!  Give everyone a chance to know you; escape the Prejudice Prison.

Another Prison is one of self-hatred.  It's rare to encounter such a person but they are to be pitied.  They hold all they know to such high standards (perfection) that no one is worthy.  The sad thing is that they also hold themselves to even higher standards, perfection, and they never, ever can achieve this.  Therefore, they dislike (hate?) themselves.  How could one escape the Perfection Prison?  By purposely 'messing up,' in small things. Start with how you fold or stack your laundry.  Purposely be a little bit messy.  Think of all the time you'll save!  Go from there.  God loves you; you are worthy of loving and forgiving yourself.  Then be easier on the rest of the world!  You CAN escape the Perfection Prison, if you want to!

The prison of self-indulgence has new depths in the more 'civilized' part of our world. So many of us aspire to 'have it all! - and NOW!  That's why so many Americans individually are deep in credit card troubles as is our government (that's ourselves!!).  Unless you were brought up in the Depression of the 1930's, you probably do not know deep deprivation.  There was life before credit cards.  We had to LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS.  We can do it again!  Guess what: if, instead of buying whatever appeals to us and putting ourselves into debt, if we were to plan our purchases, choose more wisely, we would actually enjoy what we have even more!  

It's extremely stressful to have to juggle a lot of debt.  Let's promise ourselves to escape, even if it takes years of self-denial, the Prison of Self-Indulgence.

I just finished reading and studying a classic book of psychology first published in 1964, "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, M.D.  It's not an easy read, but it expanded my study of behavior.  Dr. Berne defined a game as "an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome."  In other words, the person playing a game with you has his or her own agenda, and it is NOT for your benefit.

The main reason people play games with us is to AVOID INTIMACY.  This is, unfortunately, very common.  Many people just won't allow anyone to get close to them in any way. Essentially, they have built a thick wall around them. So they are permanently in their own Prison of Fear.  All the love and kindness and even self-sacrifice of another person won't help them come out of this Prison of Fear.  They must choose to take down the walls.

In future blogs, we will explore the topic of intimacy in greater depth.  What is intimacy?  Why do we crave intimacy?  How do we know if we have achieved intimacy?  For now, let's think about ourselves; do we have any attitudes which shut out another?  God loves us has created us to be in relationships.  Let's do our best to help ourselves in this quest.