The Silent Treatment

Situation:  Suzanne and Win were a young, mid-twenties married couple doing fairly well financially, seemingly very much in love.  When they had disagreements, Suzanne usually gave in to Win - it was easier that way because he had a bad temper.  Over the years Suzanne tried to be reasonable with the things that were very important to her, family and church.  She did what she felt what she had to do, namely, communicate with her family and attend important church functions.  Then Win just totally ignored Suzanne.  For days, he wouldn't talk to her or even look at her.  It was not a happy home.

Sometimes Suzanne had no idea why Win ignored her.  At first, she begged him to tell her what was bothering him. He wouldn't respond.  After several years of this, Suzanne decided she would just do what she wanted and put up with him.  Yet there was a coldness between them that was slowly killing any affection they had for each other.

Lessons learned:  Communication in relationships must be open and honest.  This couple let both the bad temper/give in style and the silent treatment style go on for too long and get out-of-hand.  The time to find out what style of communication you spouse will use is before marriage.  Discuss those hard issues!  If you assume too much without truly finding out how your fiance feels or acts, you may be very unpleasantly surprised later.

If you're dealing with a spouse who won't talk to you, your marriage is in trouble!  Try to go to couples' classes or counseling.  It's like every other problem in life: if you sweep it under the rug, the pile of 'dirt' will grow.  Tackle it early, while there's still love.  If not, the love will diminish, perhaps to the point of vanishing. Then, you will have a giant problem.

Outcome:  Win refused all forms of counseling or education.  Suzanne got tired of the coldness and left Win.  It was a very nasty divorce.  They both spent a pile of money on lawyers because Win fought Suzanne on every minor point.

Our take-away:  It can't be said enough times: take your time in getting to know someone, especially a person you are dating. Talk, talk, talk!  If you jump in bed with someone before getting a commitment (getting married), you both are immature, you both are using the other person, and, I promise you, meaningful communication will virtually stop!  You deserve the best: someone who will love you for yourself, a mature person who will talk with you about anything, without fear that either of you will over-react or shut down silently.  Love takes GUTS!  Oh, God of Hope and Love, we pray that you will guide us to wholesome, satisfying relationships!