Although there is a certain amount of good in us all, most people basically either create happiness or destroy happiness in everyone they meet. I have come to believe that, as adults, we choose whether we will be a "sour" person or a "pleasant person." I also believe that we can change our outlook on life, even though it is not done easily, if we choose to.
This blog entry concerns recognizing negative people and protecting yourself from getting hurt by them. In addition, let's explore why you need to distance yourself from these human sharks, these "foul-weather friends."
One of the hardest and trickiest part of establishing relationships is recognizing those who will unabashedly seek to hurt us. First, we need to understand, there is NO EXCUSE for DELIBERATELY hurting another person! It doesn't matter if your mother never loved you. It doesn't matter if you grew up in poverty. It doesn't matter if your head hurts or your stomach hurts today. It doesn't matter if you are too ugly or too pretty. You have no right to purposely hurt anyone else!
While some folks are so thoroughly nasty and negative that nearly everyone avoids them, most negative people put on a good front of 'niceness' in the beginning of relationships. I think they may be able to turn on and off their charm whenever they choose. It is only when you know them for a few weeks or months that the insults will start coming. First, they will proclaim their judgments against all the 'horrible' people in their lives: relatives, co-workers, bosses, political figures. They have quite a long list of those they hate. Then, if they are not opposed or challenged, the hooks and barbs and 'put-downs' may come your way. Believe that you NEVER deserve to be insulted! Do not permit it!
We can choose what we say to others but we can not stop them from what they say. However, we choose what will hurt us! This may be hard to understand, but consider: if you felt 'hurt' by everything negative in your life, you wouldn't even get out of bed, ever. You must know yourself so well, believe deeply that you are doing the best you can do, and you are a very good person.
As a child, I was fortunate to be able to talk to my mom and grandmother on most of the occasions when another child said something nasty to me. Every single time, mom or grandma would simply say, "Consider the source." In other words, anyone who tries to hurt me is not worth my feeling sad at all. This was like a vaccination against insults! You, too, can make yourself virtually un-insultable!
Even if you are a very sensitive person, you can strengthen yourself to be insult-proof. The first step is TO PRETEND YOU ARE NOT HURT AT ALL if someone tries to put you down. Give yourself messages that you do not deserve to be insulted, that the person is just plain mean. Before you know it, you will not feel hurt!
Why do some people appear to insult the whole world? They are such miserable creatures that they think they feel less miserable if that can crush someone else. Now isn't that sad, tragic, and disgusting?! Never give them the satisfaction in seeing you are hurt! Never, ever shed tears!
Yes, I have shed tears, plenty of tears, stupid tears. The only people who can 'get to me' and insult me are those who I deeply love and who I think love me. Being insulted by one you love hurts horribly! Once I read, "there is no human being worthy of your tears. The only thing worth your tears are your SINS!" Another thing I learned the hard way was that if a person you love deliberately hurts you, that diminishes your love a little bit. If it continues, Love is snuffed out. This is another tragedy.
The reality of life is that sometimes we must tolerate negative people in our lives - but not forever! If the negative person is a boss, and I've had my share of what my little children would call "witches with a 'b' ", do your best to change jobs as you really can't confront someone who controls your paychecks. If the sour, evil person is a spouse, it's not easy to decide 'when' to leave, even if you decide you must leave. Just be sure you talk to someone who understands and can help you. Again, if you are so put down terribly and often, read my recommendation in this blog, Saturday, August 3, 2013, "Very, very important recommendation": Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, written by Lundy Bancroft. You don't want to allow your children to learn how to abuse and how to be a victim.
Life is too short to waste with unhappiness! God truly loves us and truly wants us to be happy! I pray you have much JOY in your life! Choose JOY!
If you have questions or something to add to this, please comment. You can do so anonymously.
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