Would You Help?

Last week two elderly folks of my acquaintance were involved in a terrible car wreck.  The husband suffered broken bones and is in serious condition.  The wife got badly bruised and is in guarded condition.  Due to their previous fragile condition, they may not survive.  Of course, they are hospitalized.

What happened in the wreck?  The husband was driving and ran into another car.  He does not remember doing this.  The entire family - their children, grandchildren, and close friends - agree that neither of them should EVER DRIVE AGAIN.  They also agree that "Dad will fight us.  So will Mom.  They want to go where they want, when they want to."

This issue may be The Primary Issue between the generations.  Why do old folks so fear loss of independence?

Meet Lucy Yocum (her real name).  A former nun, Lucy had left her order during her forties and lived in a trailer by herself.  I met her when she was in her eighties.  Before that, I had seen her going everywhere in our small town on her three-wheeled bicycle, in all kinds of weather.  My family called her "Super Granny."  Come to find out, Lucy went to my church.

When Lucy was in her early nineties, my friend, Joyce, who lived close to Lucy, asked me if I would alternate with her in taking Lucy to Mass every other week.  I was very happy to do so.  Most weeks, I would stay and chat for a while after I had driven her home.

Time went on and Lucy passed away at age 95.  This was a real success story.  Lucy lived a long life and received help when it was offered, and died peacefully in her sleep.

My dear Dad, Reuben, was a horrible driver, absolutely a danger to humanity.  The last time he and Mom visited us in our town of Danville, Kentucky, we (dad, mom, my two youngest daughters and myself) were riding with Dad driving a rented car.  Two blocks into the ride, I advised Dad, who was going too fast, "Dad, there's a stop sign!"  He stopped.  A little bit farther, "Dad, you're on the wrong side of the road!"  He then drove on the right side.  Yet a little bit farther, Dad looked in the back seat and snapped, "You're all quiet. What's the matter?  Are you all saying your Hail Marys?"  We didn't have far to go that time.

Another time, my youngest three daughters and I were visiting Dad and Mom on the east coast.  We rode one time with Dad and it scared us all.  I promised my daughters, "You will NEVER have to ride with Grandpa again."  And I kept the promise.

I asked my Mom, "Why don't you take away Dad's (car) keys? One of these days, he's going to kill somebody and maybe himself and you.  Do you want that on your conscience?"  Mom was a mild, mellow person who never raised her voice at me.  She became furious and shot at me, "Do you mean you want ME to drive him everywhere?"  I told her, "Yes."  Mom was angry and snarled, "You will no longer be my friend if you want me to do that."  As the visit was almost over, we left it at that.  The girls and I left the next day.

Years before, when they lived on the west coast, I was chatting with Dad on the phone.  "The insurance company told me if I had one more wreck, they'd take away my insurance," he informed.  Then, I had to ask, "Dad, what happened?"  "Oh, I just rear-ended two cars on the same day," he blithely stated.  I could go on with his driving mishaps.

Oh, just one more report: Mom, Dad, and I were driving on a California road when I visited them by myself.  He was doing fairly well that day.  The car needed gas and we were stopped, ready to turn left on a two-lane road.  Traffic was heavy; we waited and waited.  Finally, Dad stepped on the gas hard, screeched in front of a driver who had to slam on his brakes and lean on the horn.  We almost were wiped out!  Dad calmly pulled into the gas station beside the pump.  Mom and I were too terrified to say a word.  Dad got out of the car and shut his door.  Together, Mom and I let out deep sighs of relief!

"Mom, he almost got us killed.  He must have used up two guardian angels back there," I whispered.  "Heck, he's already used up about twenty-nine guardian angels!" Mom replied.

Was this a success story because he never killed anyone?  No!  He should have not been permitted to endanger the rest of us.

I know older folks hate to be dependent on others to go to church, to their doctor's, to the grocery, etc.  But, you know what: many people feel it is a privilege to help others.  In every case I know,  these older folks have worked very hard their whole lives and have been the helpers.  But they don't want anyone to help them when they need it!  I say, give others the good feeling, the rare feeling, of being able to help you if you need help!!  The elderly couple first mentioned above have many family members who would be pleased to help them go anywhere.

If you're blessed to have one or both of your parents still living, it might be good to have a conversation about driving before one becomes a danger!  You may save lives!!  And then please have guts enough to take the keys away when one is an obvious hazard.

Our Lord, we pray, it is hard to admit there will come a time we need to rely on others.  Please help us gracefully agree to be dependent on those who love us enough to help us when we need help.  For now, make sure we don't forget to help all those who need our help!