In The Interim

After the LOSS, there is a period of recovery.  There is no way to predict how long a person needs to rest, regroup, and feel good enough to get back to full engagement with others after a divorce, death of spouse, major job firing or retiring, child or parent's death, or other traumatic life events.

Situation:  Gary's wife died after battling ovarian cancer for several years.  Gary was mid-forties, tall and good-looking plus was very successful in his business.  He had three teen-age boys.  On the same day as his wife's funeral, Gary met Karen, an attractive, thirty-ish young professional, divorced with no children.

Gary wanted to start dating immediately.  He told Karen, "I just feel like I've turned over the last page of a chapter in my life.  Karen wasn't so sure.  She didn't want to be the "Interim Woman."  Sometimes, it seems, when a person starts dating too soon, the new man or woman actually REMINDS the suffering one of their loss after a while and is 'dumped' before the end of the first year.

Meanwhile, word of Gary's wife's death got out.  Single women they had known, even so long ago as high school and college, sent notes of condolence, offers of help, and food.  That was all very nice but several came from distant cities and called Gary from the airport with directives like, "I've come to help you with the boys, come and pick me up at the airport."  Gary politely declined all offers.

Karen really liked Gary and gently let him know that she would be open to seeing him in a limited way, a couple of times a week.  I ran into Gary after about five more months.  (I saw Karen frequently.). Gary was befuddled, "She won't even talk about marriage.  We're old enough.  She says it would be good to wait a year.  What can I do?"  I answered him, "I guess you'll just have to wait a few more months.  Just give her a little more time."

Fast forward six more months.  Gary called me, "I think it's been long enough.  I've bought a ring.  How can I ask her to marry me?"  I wasn't about to plan a man' s proposal! I countered with, "I don't know, Gary, but do something spectacular!  Women like to be wowed!"

Before long, there was a community event in an auditorium.  Gary and Karen were sitting a few rows in front of me.  I forgot what the event was, but I didn't forget that when it was over, and we all were starting to leave, a very large banner dropped from the ceiling, "Will you marry me, Karen?"

Everyone who saw the banner grinned.  Karen was ecstatic!  She turned to Gary and said, "Yes, yes, yes!"  Their wedding took place the following month.  The next year Karen had a child, a beautiful daughter.

Perhaps those going through losses should keep this couple in mind, and not jump into new, serious relationships too quickly.

Lord God, give us patience, particularly with ourselves, we ask You today.

Please note: pardon my fatigue yesterday!  I guess after sharing the driving of almost a thousand miles, it's OK to be tired!  I wrote this blog on my travel blog website (www.rockingthruworld.blogspot.com) and that one on this website.  Sorry!