New Eyes

Situation:  Cassandra and Tommy, a married couple in their forties, had never dated anyone else and have been together since high school.  Neighbors and everyone else would say they have great marriage.  Tommy has a decent job, Cassandra stayed home with the children till they were in high school, then got a secretarial job which she likes.  They enjoy going to church together and bowl in a league together.

What's the problem, then?  Tommy has a lover on the side.  Evelyn and Tommy have worked together for years.  They are very discreet; few know about their overnight trips "for work" except the trusted several who work with them. Cassandra seems to be totally blind to the fact that Tommy is never interested in sex anymore.  And why should he be?  He's slightly overweight, just as Cassandra is. She doesn't find him attractive anymore and, obviously, Tommy doesn't find her attractive either.  She is so totally boring Tommy wonders why he ever married Cassandra in the first place.

There's another problem: Tommy told Evelyn he would never marry her, that his church opposes divorce, that it would be too expensive, and he doesn't want to embarrass the children. For years, Evelyn accepted this but now that she herself is pushing forty, she's pressuring Tommy to leave Cassandra and marry her.

Lessons learned:  Every relationship gets familiar over time.  But the wise couple will keep the spark of love burning.  It isn't easy, at times, and it does take two people to try together.  But the value of an intact, loving marriage 'till death do us part' is immense!

Just because you no longer find your spouse attractive doesn't mean that someone else won't!  Look at your spouse with new eyes.  What is it about her or him that attracted you in the first place?  Build on that feeling.  Be creative. Don't give up!

Outcome:  There are several options, which one will happen is anyone's guess.  1) Tommy gets tired of Evelyn pressuring him and decides to a) drop her and hope she will keep quiet (risky business), or b) throws caution to the wind, divorces Cassandra and marries Evelyn.  If Tommy told Cassandra about the affair, that he wanted a divorce, after she recovered from the shock, Cassandra may 1) choose to forgive him and seek counseling to make their marriage better, if he agreed, or 2) be glad to get rid of him, and 'take him to the cleaners' financially.

Should we have compassion for Evelyn?  I find it difficult. There are few benefits to being a 'mistress' of a married man for many years.  She's really tired of spending every holiday ALONE.  A cheater is a cheater is a cheater.  If Tommy cheated to be with Evelyn, odds are that he would also cheat on Evelyn.  Who wants someone's leftovers!!!  Besides, research says that in a cheating relationship, the real thrill is doing something nobody knows about, NOT being in love with the other person.

Our Take on This:  Let's try to not take any of our relationships for granted.  Don't let love die!  If it's not too late, pray to God to help you keep all your loves, no matter how small, alive!  God loves us, will never let us 'flounder' without options, we just have to ask Him for help!