Situation: Veronica was a young mother with several cute pre-schoolers. She was quite pleased with her life. Her children were her delight, she had plenty of neighborhood and church girl friends, she loved crafts and gardening. She also was getting to be a pretty good cook and baker. She was happy and mellow.
The only dark cloud in her life was her husband, Wayne. When he came home from work he was always angry and critical. Nothing she did was ever good enough for Wayne. He told her, "Why are you always so happy? Life is not like that. There's so much evil in the world. When are you going to take off your rose-colored glasses and see reality?" That hurt her feelings, but Veronica dismissed it, thinking, he works so hard for us, he's bound to be grumpy at times.
Years went on. The children were in grade school, middle school, then high school. Veronica tried to look on the brighter side of life. When Wayne was angry at the children, she told them, "Daddy's just having a bad day." If she wanted Wayne to go with her to a school affair or visiting her family, he always refused. And Veronica made more excuses, "He's just tired and can't come."
Finally, all her making excuses for Wayne to everyone made her see him as he really was: an insensitive, selfish jerk. Now she saw the reality Wayne was talking about. She stopped making excuses for Wayne. She was relieved. No longer would she sweep the dirt and dust of his reality under the rug of her excuses!! He wanted her to see reality? Now she did! He was shocked beyond belief!
Lessons learned: Veronica wondered why she just didn't confront Wayne at first, when he started complaining. Didn't he want the children to have a pleasant life? Yes, some people had horrible lives but they chose this life. This was reality for her. Would Wayne have changed and left his troubles at work instead of taking it out on Veronica and the children? Doubtful.
It would be hard to recognize this pattern before the commitment of marriage unless you gave your relationship the test of time. When someone gets really familiar, they tend to be themselves. Are they critical? Nervous? Give it more time and see if the jerk emerges from under the mask of dating politeness.
Outcome: Once Veronica saw the reality of Wayne's nastiness, her love for him vanished. She put up with him until the children were old enough, then left him. Now her reality is very, very happy!
Veronica had prayed for many years for God to do something to change Wayne. When this did not happen, she felt God telling her, "Do something yourself." And, she did! Sometimes we are slow to realize God working in our lives, that He love us and wants us to be happy.
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