My mother, Adeline, was given a beautiful Lane hope chest by her parents when she was sixteen years old. For the young people who have never heard of a 'hope chest,' here's what it is: a large wooden chest, lined with cedar inside, into which a young unmarried woman would store things, especially linens, in preparation for her marriage. Mother's had a fancy inlaid wood pattern. When I was growing up, mother stored our woolen blankets in it, in the hot summertime. Cedar would kill the moths that might try to eat up the wool. Mother told me that she would get me a hope chest someday, but when I was sixteen, we both had forgotten about it. No young person I know has a hope chest. They're not even advertised anymore. "Lane" was a company that made furniture of very good quality.
Fast forward to the year 2010. My mother passed away in 2002, then dad followed in 2003. When my brothers and I were dividing their possessions, I noticed there was no hope chest but I never thought about it again. Then in 2010, my dear brother, Steve, died after a valiant two-year battle with leukemia. After his funeral in Wisconsin, my sister-in-law, Pam, asked me, "Do you want your mother's hope chest?" What a pleasant surprise! "Oh, yes," I happily answered. Pam and Steve took the chest along with other furniture when mom and dad had one of their yard sales. It was stored in a shed, fairly dusty, but in good shape. We cleaned it off but could not open it as the lock was jammed. It fit neatly across the back seat of my car, upside down.
The chest sat unopened for several weeks. Then I accidentally pushed the lock forward and it opened immediately! Nothing was inside except several packets of potpourri and folded napkins. The outside of the chest was fairly well scratched but cleaned up nicely with furniture polish. The inside looked brand new! I am very pleased that this reminder of my parents, a chest now 78 years old, sits at the end of my bed. What do I keep in it? My linens!
My understanding of colonial times was that a young woman could not just go and buy what she would need for marriage, even if the family could afford to do so. She would get fabric and embroider her initials (monogram) on the sheets and pillowcases she made. This would serve her for many years.
What about young women today? Or the young men? Is there any preparation for marriage? I don't know of one young person that has a hope chest. At least there is still the practice of giving bridal showers before the wedding. And there are the couples that co-habit before marriage and really don't need anything to set up housekeeping. (They miss so much by doing this - we'll address this in a future blog.)
How then, should a young person prepare for marriage? Perhaps the most important would be to develop those qualities that would promote a happy, lengthy marriage: self-discipline, honesty, flexibility, generosity, caring, religious practices, wise spending habits, patience, a good work ethic, and the usual how to cook and clean house.
I heard a conversation among several college students. "What would be the best major for a young woman to give her the best background to raise children?" "Home Economics." "Elementary Education." "Nursing." Nothing was decided. It certainly takes a broad education to raise children!
My church has extensive marriage preparation for engaged couples.. The couple can attend a series of meetings or go for one weekend of lectures and conferences. It is yet to be determined if this has any effect on the divorce rate, but surely, it might help some couples.
One thing is sure: with a 50% divorce rate in the United States, something must change! We need to do more to promote the family!! Instead, in our quest for 'freedom of choice' and 'rights' for every group, we are ripping apart every semblance of family life. I don't have the answers. I just want to do my part to promote healthy relationships.
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