The Invisible Uncle

Situation:  My grandma, Marie, and her sister, my Aunt Hon, had a younger brother.  Lawrence was "the black sheep" of the family.  Lawrence was an alcoholic.  All I ever heard them say about their brother was put-downs: "Lawrence doesn't work."  "Lawrence just drinks."  "I don't know why Lil (grandpa's sister) bothers to feed him.  He just goes back and drinks."  Obviously, Lawrence was a total embarrassment to the family.

Lawrence was not welcome at family events and Lawrence never came.  I don't know what would have happened if he had showed up for anything.  I never once saw Lawrence in my life.  I figure he must have died before my grandma or aunt, but I never heard about it.

Lessons learned:  As an adult, I've known plenty of reformed alcoholics, those who had a problem, went to A.A., and quit drinking for good.  I've known a few who wouldn't admit they were alcoholics.  As a nurse, I helped detox many of them.  And most of those returned again and again.

I've also heard forever that "alcoholism is a disease."  I know that there is a genetic component to this, an inherited gene that 'predisposes' a person to alcoholism.  Then there are professionals that theorize alcoholism (or any substance-abuse problem, for that matter) is strictly a behavioral disorder, a coping mechanism.

I checked the U.S. Census data: Lawrence was born in 1895, so he was not the younger brother, he was the older brother!  I'm sure that in his lifetime, there was no such thing as psychological counseling for ordinary folks.  So Lawrence suffered!  Lawrence never married, at least it was never mentioned. 

When I was growing up, dad would give me a small shot of straight whiskey for a cough or sore throat.  It tasted like liquid fire!  I don't know how anyone could come to love this!  I prefer a small amount of wine, myself, maybe a couple of times a year, for special occasions.

What have I learned in all this?  Perhaps we should be compassionate about all those in our families who don't quite fit in.  Maybe they're doing the best they can do.  I pray to God that Lawrence, my invisible great uncle, is at peace now.