Dumpers

Many folks are "selective" dumpers, venting all their poisonous thoughts on their victims.  They rant, curse, accuse, lie, blame, invent new ways of verbal abuse.  These dumpers may include the boss who is hated by all employees because of his or her "venting" habits.  Nothing is ever done well enough for these dumpers.  Yet, they don't dump on their bosses! 

The "victim" or "victims" must be vulnerable people.  If someone has the power to fire you, you are vulnerable.  If someone has the power the leave your marriage and you have no way to earn an income and perhaps take care of your children, you are vulnerable.

Dumpers are nothing more than BULLIES!  They are really little people inside, with ZERO self-confidence.  They appear to themselves to be 'big,' but that is a delusion.  If you have to prop yourself up by ripping apart another, you are a very small person, small in heart and totally uncaring about the effects you have on others.

Very sensitive persons seem to attract bullies and abuse.  I think that there are two kinds of people: either you are relatively happy and spread happiness or you are a nasty louse who is miserable and determined to make the rest of the world miserable.  I don't think there are 'neutral' people.

But, if you are sensitive, even super-sensitive to others' insults, you need to know that the nasty louse sends out bad vibes in every direction.  You must not allow yourself to be hurt.  OR, if you are hurt by a bully, never show that you are hurt.  If you do, the bully will jump in with both feet for the kill! The bully will never leave you alone, and insult you just for the sheer sport of it.  This is cruel but it is a reality.

The sensitive person also needs to know that if you're new to a job or a school, there are always jerks who will test you.  Be prepared, be firm, don't show that you're hurt.  Act like "a duck who lets the rain just fall down its feathers!"

If the bully gets no satisfaction from seeing you hurt, the bully will give up, pure and simple!

For most of my working life, I worked for small companies.  There were a few 'rotten apples' in the employee mix but if there are not very many bosses, you don't have much recourse to help.

The time I worked for a very large hospital was my happiest.  I had a positively horrible boss who regularly vented on me.  One time I ran into another person in the elevator who mentioned that the evil boss was on her way and had just finished 'ripping him apart.'  I knew that whatever she said would be evil, false, and just served to make her tiny, nasty, stone heart feel somewhat better.  So, when she came, I respectfully listened, let her vent, as she always did, with no hurt feelings on my part, and actually a little bit of boredom.  I guess she picked up on the boredom part and gave up after a while.

One time, I asked her to have Easter weekend off.  I had previously checked with my colleagues and they agreed to cover for me.  Madame Evil told me, "You take off all holidays, I don't know who I would get to substitute, no, you can't have the weekend off."  I thought about it for a couple of days and decided to go over her head, to HER BOSS.  I would recommend being very, very selective about doing this, only as a last resort for something that is very important to you.

I told the Big Boss what had happened and stated, "I didn't know that Easter weekend was an official holiday. My co-workers said they were fine with me taking off the weekend."  The boss's boss was very nice.  She firmly told me, "You go ahead and take off Easter weekend.  Don't worry about it."

Funny thing, after that incident, my boss never once vented on me again.

If there are people who consistently 'dump' on you and they are your 'equals,' you can, 1) avoid them, or, 2) a strategy I prefer, if they begin 'dumping,' interrupt them, tell them nicely and at great length, about your problems.  And we ALL have problems!  I promise you, they'll give up their dumping!  Don't forget: dumpers need audiences, the more, the better!

One of my co-workers at one job positively hated one of the younger ladies.  The older person was nasty to her at every opportunity.  The 'victim' tried to ignore it but finally had enough and went to the Human Resources department.  She had a legitimate complaint.  The nasty dumper almost got fired several different times for "harassment."  Going to Human Resources, also, should be a selective last resort.  If you do so, know that you need to write down dates and times, what was said, and who were witnesses.  Do not submit to terrible, repeated humiliation!

Dear Lord, You told us to "Pray for your enemies."  That is very, very hard!  But if we pray for our enemy, we see that person differently, the same as we are, equally as vulnerable.  Help us be strong, firm, and loving!