Surely, even the most casual and untimely marriages are entered into with some sense of permanence. No one can assess motivation in others to "hang in there" when times get even slightly tough, and perhaps not even in themselves. So, marriages flounder and fail. Divorce is always a tragedy for the husband and wife involved, any children or family they may have, and the whole of our society. It is not supposed to happen.
Here are the facts of divorce in America: 50% of first marriages fail, 67% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages fail to endure. Given those grim statistics, it is still a wonder so many couples try again.
One reason second and subsequent marriages fail is that folks marry "on the rebound," too soon after their divorce (and even after being widowed). There must be time to assess what went wrong and learn from those mistakes. Please read this blog, August 31, 2013, "On the Rebound," for a story of a successful couple (still married) who waited a full year to marry the second time. They are still going strong!
No matter what their ages, many couples marry too young, before really knowing themselves. What do I want out of life? What are the things I really like to do and - what do I know I think is boring. This is very important. Some folks marry, whether they know it or not, to avoid facing themselves.
Everyone must like themselves, and believe that they are doing the best they can in their present circumstances.
Another primary reason second and subsequent marriages fail centers around children. Having children together is an incredible bond between husband and wife. Sometimes couples stay together just for the sake of the children. If they are even halfway compatible, this is a good reason.
If both husband and wife each have their own children, it is extremely difficult to have a blended family. In one family I've known for many years, the wife decided she had to leave her husband and young children "to find herself." (I don't know if she ever did!) The husband, Jim, took good care of the children for several years. Then he met Irene, a widowed lady with her own children, close to the ages of Jim's children. Jim and Irene married, after nearly two years of dating. All of the children were very happy they did so. The children are grown now and Jim and Irene are happier than ever in their marriage. This does not always work out.
I've known several young women with children who were interested in marrying the second time. They carefully considered the "father" potential of the men and decided it would be better to keep looking. One reported that her fiance (at the time) seemed to be tied to both his ex-wife and his mother.
Even men and women with grown children may experience "child" problems. The couple has to decide whether or not they can make the marriage relationship primary. If they can, they will not allow any force to separate them. Of course, one reason older children oppose mom or dad marrying is they think their inheritance may be gone or diminished. Pity that they would sacrifice their parent's happiness for the money they may or may not get!
The more happy and failed marriages I see, the more I feel there is one factor in promoting happy, lasting relationships: shared religion. If the couple can pray together, they will not be as selfish as they would be if they only focus on themselves. It is not easy to give all of yourself to another and know that your mate is trying to do the same. Yet, marriages which have been blessed by God (in church) will be helped tremendously by God. It is a mystery to me why more couples don't at least try this.
Second marriages could be happy, second marriages could be lasting. If you're facing this, be wise!
Lord, we know the marriage and family relationship is the most difficult but also the most potentially fulfilling relationship that we may be privileged to experience. Please help all married couples, help them give totally to each other and to their children, if they are so blessed, in Your name!
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