In divorce cases, whether or not the Mother of any Children involved is capable of caring for them does not really matter much, in the courts. If the Mother wants the Children, she usually gets them. You know and I know that many mothers want the children only for any monetary child support she will get. Other mothers want them only to keep them from their ex-husbands. I'm not saying all ex-husbands/fathers are all angels, either. Many say they want the children only to get back at the ex-wife.
Some courts appoint an advocate for the children. Wonderful! They should be priority #1! What this usually ends up in is "Joint Custody," for better or worse.
Recently I saw a TV discussion of "Why Divorce is so prevalent & so many families are breaking up." The conclusion was that, in contrast to former times, when a couple's Marriage was primary in their lives, today, children rule! They are the center of the family, now they even make many of the decisions.
I've seen it happen so many times: "What do you want for dinner, honey?" Every toy or gadget a child wants is given. Homework is done with the child and sometimes for the child. This also is in contrast to behavior in former times when the child's dinner choices involved eating what was served or starving. Presents were given only on a child's birthday and on Christmas. The homework was totally the child's.
For years I thought that maybe the modern parents (who listen to so-called 'authorities') were right, maybe the children would turn out better than they did. Now I know that's wrong. The children of the past were very much good citizens and and turned out to be good parents. Their self-esteem wasn't pumped up by being the center of their parents' universe. Their self-esteem came from achievement, pure and simple, after they were grown-up.
Recent research shows that today's children have extremely high self-esteem BUT - they can't do much of anything for themselves in any area - school, home, relationships. Shouldn't we see what has worked and DO IT!!!
What I started out to say today, and digressed (sorry!) was that Wives and husbands just need to grow up! Try your very best in your marriage! If worse comes to worse, and you divorce, DO NOT SEEK REVENGE, USING THE CHILDREN!!
Once on Behavioral Medicine I had a male patient with severe depression. He hadn't seen his children since he was divorced. His ex-wife would not permit it. This, to me, was extremely nasty, and not in the children's best interest. He said that he has been right on time with all the child support payments since the divorce. We counseled him to get a lawyer, go back to court, that he deserved to see his children regularly and they deserved to see him. This seemed to lift his spirits considerably!
Lord, Lord, when will we learn!! 1) Take our time getting to know a person to whom we intend to marry and have a family, 2) Watch out for temptations in our marriage and 3) Pray for Your help!!
No comments:
Post a Comment